The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground – S01E24
When we last off with these, back in 2018 (!!!)…
Since then the show has left Netflix Canada and then left whatever that Tubi channel is supposed to be, so I had to acquire the show by other means. And since it can’t possibly do worse than Mid-Atlantic, we might as well do a few more episodes while I wait for Wrestling Challenge to return to the WWE Network next month.
TONIGHT! It’s the finals of the Trios Championship, featuring a whole lot of people who are doing other stuff these days.
Meanwhile, Black Lotus (who was originally kidnapped and thrown in the trunk of a car in the debut episode) is locked in a warehouse somewhere and forced to fight a bunch of martial arts goons in shadow, but she’s apparently still not ready for whatever is needed by El Dragon Azteca.
Taped from the Aztec Temple
Your hosts are Matt Striker & Vampiro
Sexy Star v. Pentagon Jr.
Sexy Star is challenging Pentagon after standing up for ring announcer Melissa Santos, which seems like an incredibly stupid idea. She attacks Penta with a dropkick, but then tries some gymnastics and Penta just boots her in the gut. I have to say it’s a bit icky to hear the crowd cheering so vociferously for this guy beating on a woman. Penta misses a charge and Star gets a mule kick in the corner and yanks him out for two, but Penta basically winks to the camera because he’s just playing with her. So he boots her down again while Vampiro talks about how he had to go to therapy to escape the demons of the bad things he used to do to people, which of course is a big hint as to where the storyline was going. Penta backdrops Star to the apron, but she comes in from the top and triesa senton, which Penta catches and turns into a flapjack for two. Penta goes for the arm and she bails to escape, and then catches him with a tornado DDT for two. She dropkicks Penta to the floor and follows with a cannonball to the floor. Back in, Penta catches her with a powerbomb for two, and then turns a second powerbomb into a lungblower. But then Sexy gets her own lungblower and scores a giant upset at 7:08. Wasn’t expecting that finish. Once again, I don’t know why they kept having Sexy Star working with guys because it does not look believable and her timing is terrible. Pentagon is awesome enough to hold it together but it’s very noticeable how out of place Star looks even just running the ropes and doing simple like that. **
Meanwhile, Johnny Mundo is enjoying a workout, when Alberto El Patron interrupts and makes fun of Johnny’s inability to ever grab the brass ring. It makes sense that Alberto fit in so well with a promotion all about men beating up women.
Trios Championship finals: Texano, Cage & King Cuerno v. Son of Havoc, Ivelisse & Angelico v. Big Ryck, Killshot & The Mack
Two current NXT guys here, as Cuerno is currently Santos Escobar and Killshot is Swerve Scott. Not sure what happened to Big Ryck (former Intercontinental champion Ezekiel Jackson) after LU went underground for good, actually. Cage does an incredible double suplex on Angelico and Killshot at the same time, and then Texano & Cuerno double-team Angelico and Texano gets two after a powerbomb. Texano puts the boots to Killshot and Angelico in turn and Cuerno stomps Angelico down some more. Crazy that Cuerno seemed so huge in this promotion and then when he got to WWE he was suddenly a cruiserweight. Killshot fights back on Texano with a double knee, and everyone tags out as Willie Mack and Son of Havoc come in and both guys run wild. The Mack hits Texano with a top con hilo and Havoc also teases one, but he walks into a clothesline from Cage as a result. So then we get the Cage v. Ryck showdown and they slug it out, before Cage decides to go dive onto everyone on the floor. Everyone is brawling outside and Texano ends up in the crowd, where Daivari is in the front row and gets into a brawl with Texano. That results in Killshot throwing him back in the ring and pinning him with a double stomp at 8:30 to eliminate that team.
So we’re down to Ryck/Killshot/Mack v. Ivelisse/Havoc/Angelico, and the heels go to work on Angelico in the corner while Ivelisse limps around at ringside and Havoc is missing. Killshot gets a scissor kick to the back of the neck for two, and Ryck drops an elbow for two. Ryck with a delayed suplex into a flying elbow from Willie Mack, but Angelico fights them off until Killshot puts him down with a lungblower. Son of Havoc comes in, however, and walks into a Spanish Fly from Killshot. They head to the top and Havoc fights off a rana attempt, but Ivelisse tags herself in and then dives onto Ryck and Mack outside. That doesn’t work, so Havoc dives onto them all to put them down, while Angelico hits Killshot with a buckle bomb and pins him to win the Trios titles at 14:00. Some hot stuff but once Cage’s team was out there wasn’t much to it. *** This brings out a confused Dario Cueto, who didn’t actually expect the dysfunctional goofballs to win the belts. But then he points out that they haven’t actually won YET because there’s still one more match. And because he wants it SPICY, it’s no DQ.
Trios championship FINAL final: Ivelisse, Son of Havoc & Angelico v. The Crew (Bael, Cortez Castro & Mr. Cisco)
The Crew had last been seen a month earlier, sticking a lit cigar in Big Ryck’s eye to blind him. Castro is the only one I know, formerly Ricky Reyes in ROH. So the Crew beats on the babyfaces outside as they brawl to start, and then triple-teams Havoc with a series of corner dropkicks. Castro pounds on Ivelisse in the ring while the others go do crazy stuff in the crowd as they do a messy Attitude Era brawl. Havoc gets suplexed off the railing in an awkward botch, but recovers with a moonsault to the floor onto Bael. And then in the spot of the CENTURY, Angelico comes FLYING off the balcony, literally out of nowhere, diving onto Cisco & Castro all the way into the ring in a move so shocking that even Matt Striker sounds authentic when he suddenly yells HOLY SHIT in surprise. I can’t even do it justice, it was an incredible visual. And then Havoc and Angelico hit them with stereo moonsaults and get the pin to win the titles for real at 6:37. Match was nothing much but WHAT A FINISH. **1/2
The show was never at its best when it tried to rely on actual in-ring product instead of wacky soap opera, but this was pretty good. Hopefully I can at least finish off season 1 this time.