ECW on Sci-Fi 04/28/2009 #151

We’re in MSG and the ring is set up in a weird position so the entranceway is slightly to the right making for an empty hard cam shot. This works nicely as a metaphor for ECW on Sci-Fi right now where they kind of know what they want and only get half of it.

New champion Christian is here to call this the greatest day of his career. MSG is like “are you sure?” Christian wants Swagger but Tommy Dreamer walks out to a surprisingly tepid reaction considering he’s a Yonkers lad. He wants to win the title before his contract expires in six months and has to pretend to cry for the crowd to realise they’re supposed to be chanting for “ECW” despite XPW having a better chance of running MSG. Christian suggests a match tonight and that brings out Swagger who decides no-one else will get a title shot before his PPV rematch at Judgement Day. Tiffany Somehow Still GM makes the title match tonight anyway while also saying Swagger will still get his title shot in a few weeks so whatever. Dreamer needed a Lodi to hold up signs that said “I was in ECW” and “Please Cheer.”

Tyson Kidd vs. Finlay

We get clips from the Hornswoggle & Finlay vs. Kidd & Natalya tag match from last week’s Superstars which involved Horny cheating and getting cheered like an overhead luggage Hogan. Everything Kidd does gets turned into a submission or a smirk until the adverts happen. When we return, Kidd is trying to snap Finlay’s knee in half with a fine set of submissions. Finlay manages to escape with a spin of his legs but Kidd immediately re-applies. Once erect, Finlay and Kidd exchange some lovely European moves that Fit hasn’t used in years before bouncing Kidd off his knee and hurting himself in the process. He takes a breather outside only to smother Kidd with the apron. Natalya distracts the ref while that’s happening allowing Kidd to twat Finlay straight in the knee to give him the win.

Winner: Tyson Kidd (I was wondering how they were going to continue to have Finlay the merciless bastard continue to be a kid’s favourite without Horny but with Kidd being a fanny and cheating he’ll be OK. Some lovely wrestling side salad here too.)

Kozlov shows up in full military gear like the Duke of Exeter chatting to The King of France. He speaks some foreign then leaves and it took me longer to double-check the Henry V reference.

New backstage interviewer Gregory Helms speaks to Evan Bourne who is so vanilla on the mic you could make ice cream out of promos. Paul Sister Fucker Burchill challenges him to a rematch next week and that’s it.

Christian vs. Tommy Dreamer (ECW Title)

We’re at the main event already? Was there a CM Punk vs. Buck Zumhofe match that got cut out? Feeling out process to begin, with both men going for their finishers early and you can almost hear the individual conversations in the crowd. Dreamer counters an over-the-top Irish-whip into the corner (oh fuck me what’s that called again I’m tired) into a powerslam for two as the match heats up juuuust as we go to break. When we’re back, Dreamer misses a charge into the corner as I want to point out the next PPV is sponsored by Terminator Salvation: The Game which may be the worst ever game to sponsor a PPV. The only other games I can think of right now are Final Fantasy X-2 and Glover so it’s not a huge field. Single arm DDT sets up a missile dropkick for two, crowd now popping for moves but aren’t getting behind anything else. Dreamer converts a top rope move into a Superplex and now the crowd is finally eating the Philly Poutine Steak. Christian tries a top rope nothing with Dreamer halting it and bouncing him around like a tennis ball in solitary confinement. Guerrero/Malenko pin-fall sequence doesn’t work as Dreamer is too round so the ref has to stop counting before he’s able to roll into the next pin and poor Christian looked like he was grappling with Katamari. DDT attempt is halted so Dreamer goes for the Tree of Woe but Swagger intercepts to end the match with some neat camera work:

Winner: Christian via DQ (Swagger continues to beat up both men and ends the show stood tall which was the only way this match was going to end and I’m guessing the crowd knew it which is why they were only popping for the big moves. Dreamer’s matches live and die based on the crowd response so although the action was ok it was as successful as Operation Barbarossa.)

Overall: Outside of Swagger vs. Christian, the show hasn’t found it’s feet since the draft and we keep getting episodes that are more Smackdown Pre-Show than ECW on Sci-Fi and the fans are treating them as such. Highlights were Kidd and Finlay’s submissions and these guys custom Jericho shirts.

I’ve been Maffew and unlike PAC I’ll be in Vegas for Starrcast II/Double Or Nothing so make sure to say HI and recommend good eating or I’ll end up getting a Stake & Shake and shitting my kidneys out again.