Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne vs. Shelton Benjamin & Mike Knox
Sydal is re-named and officially part of the ECW roster after last week’s thrashing from Shelton Benjamin. Unsure why they thought Hitler’s wife was a good influence but at least Dolph Ziggler doesn’t feel lonely anymore.
Knox pounds away on the fresh twink and Shelton thinks he can continue as he did last week but Bourne bounces off the ropes and takes him down with a spinning wheel kick. Kofi tags in and Shelton immediately tags out. Kofi lands the jumping five-punch and keeps Knox occupied with dropkicks. Shelton distracts Kofi so Knox can clothesline the accent out of the Jamaican Sensation. Now that Kofi is vulnerable, Shelton takes over and keeps him grounded because bad guy Shelton has been great these last few weeks. Knox tries but the power of the crowd helps him tag to Bourne (who is already getting decent pops) who immediately gets a huge frankensteiner on Knox. Mike hurls him outside anyway, so Shelton takes out Kofi while he’s looking the other way. Bourne then re-enters the ring via springboard dropkick and pins Knox while Shelton is dealing with Kofi and that looked GREAT so it’s getting put through the GIF-o-Matic.
Winners: The Jamaican And The Dude Who Smokes More Than A Jamaican (The action was fast-paced and athletic, Kofi’s weird kicks were over, Bourne looked like a million bucks, finish was wonderful. The Kofi vs. Shelton feud continues to be the highlight of this show.)
Armando hangs out backstage with errr Tiffany. Who the fuck is that? *googles* Oh this is her on-screen debut as Assistant General Manager to Teddy Long after graduating from FCW. She’d become Taryn Terrell in TNA but right know she says ”holla holla” for Teddy Long after he announces Finlay and adjusts his lamp (not a euphemism. At least I don’t think so.)
Kelly Kelly vs. Victoria
Kelly starts her pre-planned dance routine disguised as a wrestling sequence until Victoria has enough and throws her into the turnbuckles. Victoria gets a near-fall off an arm-drag which made me laugh. Kelly powers out of a chinlock and escapes after using the ropes to cartwheel. Victoria responds by immediately chinlocking her again. Kelly gets a headscissors out the corner and gets a two-count from a victory roll (executed properly, in fairness) before attempting to headscissor Victoria off the apron. Vic counters by simply pushing her off and Kelly is unable to continue.
Winner: Victoria (Kelly’s matches aren’t filled with mistakes anymore but you can almost literally see the strings above her head as she does the sequences she’s practised a dozen times beforehand before her opponent does stuff to her. Hell of a bump for her to end the match, even with Adamle calling the headscissors and attempt at an ankle lock.)
Finlay vs. Armando Estrada
Finlay’s inauspicious ECW on Sci-Fi debut, complete with Hornswoggle. Armando tries to attack Finlay before the bell and Fit proceeds to destroy him by asking him if he thinks wrestling’s fake while breaking his fingers in a bar while his mates watch before finishing with the Celtic Cross.
Teddy Long wants Armando to redeem himself so he books another match for him.
Colin Delaney vs. Armando Estrada
Winner: Colin Delaney
Teddy Long: ”Hey, third time’s a charm!”
Hornswoggle vs. Armando Estrada
Tadpool splash, pin.
Post-match, Hornswoggle and Finlay dance and Colin attempts to join in by wearing Horny’s hat. Finlay isn’t a fan of that so he twats Colin with his stick. Then leaves smiling because someone’s in pain.
(This felt very original ECW-y with a quick succession of silly matches ending with something meaningful. Well I guess it’s meaningful, Tazz yelled ”YA DON’T STEAL A LEPRECHAUN’S HAT” so it sounded serious.)
Mark Henry is in the ring and he challenges Big Show, who apparently said there’s only air keeping the two apart. Show shows up and Henry wants to be the first man to challenge him after his match against Kane at Night Of Champions. Show warns if he’s campaigning against an ass-whooping he’s going to get elected and Henry is blown away by that line so he leaves. Kane shows up (he heard ”elected” and got excited) to get ready for the main event and they pose-off in the aisle like Slaughter/Sheik.
Kane & CM Punk vs. John Morrison & The Miz (ECW Tag Titles)
As good as these matches have been, I’m hoping this finishes this half-feud half-filler given the influx of new talent. Morrison and Punk stare off as the kid-fuelled ”CM PUNK” chants kick in. Miz tags in to wear down Punk as he’s looking wonderfully prick-ish tonight with his faux-hawk and sparkly shorts. Miz gets sent outside via slingshot and Punk follows with a dive and that seems a good place to take a break. When we return, Kane is beating up Miz. Usually Miz would have his opponent in a rest-hold but I think if Kane sells for Miz for longer than five seconds, JBL un-retires and does a shoot run-in. Kane demolishes Miz as the crowd goes BANANA until he misses the Fall-Off-Top-Rope-Land-On-Feet-Then-Do-Clothesline. Morrison pounds away on Morrison as Tazz and Adamle discuss if ”bejesus” is a real word or not. Miz tags in to get offence on Kane and thus ruining my earlier point but Morrison tags back in to land a missile dropkick off the top. Kane has enough and back drops Miz which lets Punk get the hot tag. Adamle continues to call him ”CM” and it still sounds weird. I think Adamle can’t get make the difference between the music genre and this dude’s name so he’s going with ”CM” for safety. Quick powerslam on Morrison gets two but Miz breaks up a backslide. Miz takes out Kane on the apron so Morrison lands the Moonlight Drive to retain in a finish seen in many old wrestling games.
Winners and still ECW Tag Champions: John Morrison & The Miz (Decent match with a loud crowd that established Morrison & Miz are a better team than the World Champ and MITB holder which the show had forgotten about the past month or so. So yeah great fine, let’s move on with something else now thanks.)
Overall: Show is improving week after week, even with Kelly Kelly Even Her Name Has Been Repeated So She Doesn’t Fuck It Up. I’m looking forward to seeing which new wrestler will make his debut next week beating up Armando because I know it’s bringing fresh paint to the show and because it means we’re one show closer to Braden Walker.
That’s me done for another week. I’m All In so maybe I’ll do a live review of ECW on Sci-Fi when I’m Chicago, probably in a hallway with Wings in one hand and some scribbled notes saying ”MIKE KNOX ACTUALLY GOT GOOD BUT HE WAS NEVER A DRAW, JUST LIKE RIC FLAIR IN THE EARLY 90S” in the other.