ECW On Sci-Fi #104 06/03/2008

But first, WWE One Night Stand 2008!

The Big Show vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. John Morrison vs. CM Punk vs. Tommy Dreamer (Singapore Cane Match)

Adamle hypes up Singapore Cane matches as being a regular part of ECW but only Sandman and Credible used them on a regular basis. If ECW did do a Cane On A Pole match, Heyman would have given a reason for it unlike here where it’s SCREW THE WRESTLERS, LOOK AT THE BREADSTICKS. Show knocks everyone down with ”his police horse head” which is in the Tazz commentary HOF. Show misses an elbow on Dreamer so everyone takes the opportunity to deliver finishers to Show to keep him down, then everybody grabs a singapore cane at the same time to do further damage to Show, who then no-sells them all until he gets sent outside. The whole match is hyped around the sticks and everyone just grabbed one and they didn’t do shit. Chavo and Punk brawl outside and Chavo accidentally hits Shawne Merriman stood at ringside. Punk is clearly a big (googles ”NFL”) San Diego Chargers fan as he lets Shawne get his revenge.

That moment will hopefully mean something to somebody. Show grabs the Steel steps to destroy Miz at ringside but Morrison canes his knee so Show plummets face-first onto the steps and even though that moment looked dopey, Show somehow managed to slice himself open.

”Steel steps ain’t got no remorse baby!” Dreamer plants Morrison with a cane-assisted release Pump Handle which the crowd loves. Punk tries a GTS on Dreamer (to mild boos) but it gets countered into a Texas Cloverleaf. Not a smart move as Morrison twats the wide open Tommy. Tower of Doom in the corner takes out everyone (including Dreamer who wanders into the pile of humanity) and Show wanders back into the match, clearly pissed and pissing blood. He goes nuts with the canes at ringside (there’s a bin filled with them by the announce tables, making the canes on a pole pointless) and takes out Morrison mid-dive to the outside and kills everyone in the ring. Dreamer isn’t fazed so Show choke slams him. Show smiles like a crazy person, waits for Dreamer to stand up and canes him right over the head for the pin.

Winner and Number One Contender: The Big Show (This was a big mess designed to be enjoyed with your brain switched off and keep Show over. Dreamer was far more over than Punk which isn’t a great sign but why would he not be after the last few months of nothing?)

06/03/2008

Backstage, Armando’s office is being taken down (including his barbed-wire cigar, why didn’t we see more of that?) and it’s revealed that Teddy Long is the new GM.

Tommy Dreamer vs. CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. Chavo Guerrero

We’re in LA (dunno where) and the winner of this gets Kane in the main event tonight. Moves everywhere to start as Adamle calls Miz’s partner ”Tommy Morrison” because he’s such a positive person. Hard to recap to begin as it’s a punchfest until Dreamer sends Morrison out the ring and follows with a plummeting splat off the apron. Chavo follows with a tope and Punk continues with a suicide dive (and scares the shit out of a kid in the front row). Morrison connects with the springboard kick but Dreamer stops the pin-fall to get Texas Cloverleaf. Dreamer is again wide-open (when will he learn) so Chavo delivers all Three of The Amigos (to big boos). While attempting the Frog Splash, Morrison tries a superplex but Punk knocks Morrison off while still being stuck in the ropes and on Chavo. Punk hits the Springboard Clothesline on Dreamer, Chavo delivers the Frog Splash he’d been waiting for on Dreamer, Punk lands the GTS on Chavo to win.

Winner: CM Punk (Messy start aside, the ending sequence was very well put together and these four-ways usually offer plenty of action in short spaces of time and this was no different. And Punk doesn’t look like a bitch!)

Teddy Long explains Armando can’t be both a wrestler AND a GM, isn’t not fiscally viable. Ha! Teddy offers him a match tonight against the US Champion Matt Hardy.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Matt Sydal

This is Sydal’s ECW on Sci-Fi debut as a jobber already in the ring so don’t get excited just yet. Kofi Kingston is commentating out of revenge for last week and he isn’t impressed with Shelton’s release Pump Handle Slam. Sydal gets a few shots in and surprisingly gets a quick running Frankensteiner and double knees off the top. Kofi: ”Who is dis mon?” Adamle starts talking about Sydal’s Japanese career in a surreal moment as Shelton press slams Sydal into a backbreaker. Shelton flungs Matt into the turnbuckles as a small ”Matt Sydal” chant breaks out. Sydal tries to make a comeback but Shelton drills him with a clothesline and flungs him outside like a bag of shit. Benjamin spots Kofi and gets pissy.

Sydal can’t make it back inside and Shelton wins via count-out. Soon as the bell rings, Kofi charges the Gold Standard but unlike last week, Shelton gets the upper hand when he sends Kofi shoulder-first into the ring steps. Shelton saunters away, grinning.

Winner: Shelton Benjamin (It’s a damn shame this feud was only on ECW on Sci-Fi with no PPV blow-off as it’s easily the best thing on the show thanks to the athleticism, heat and crowd reaction for Kofi. Sydal was bumping like it was a PWG show, no wonder he got signed.)

Armando Estrada vs. Matt Hardy

Smackdown’s U.S. Champion delivers his trademark moves and pins Estrada after a Twist of Fate.

Winner: Matt Hardy

Teddy Long wants to give Armando a shot at keeping his ECW Contract so he offers him one more match.

Armando Estrada vs. Colin Delaney

Colin gets a roll-up but Armando kicks out. Estrada looks to finish Colin with the Big Ass Reverse DDT but Colin rolls up him a second time to pin the evil former GM.

Winner: Colin Delaney (This all felt very rushed and forced as Armando was being a dick to Colin for weeks but instead of Delaney get revenge himself, he has to have Teddy Long help him. Crowd pop wasn’t anything special as a result.)

Armando begs for his job so Teddy decides to keep him as an active wrestler. Ron Simmons says DAMN despite there being no set-up for him. Apart from being in Doom.

RAW REBOUND: Million Dollar Mania continues and am I fuck recapping that.

Kane vs. CM Punk

Non-title Champ vs. MITB match. Punk and Kane go shot for shot until Kane sends Punk outside and slaps him around. Kane bends Punk over his back and the crowd ”ooos” but Punk immediately charges him afterwards. Kane big boots him and sends him outside again as we go to break. Punk escapes an Abominable Stretch and tries his own but Kane hip-tosses out of it. So far it’s been surprisingly competitive but you can heard the boos for Punk from the older males. Kane works over Punk’s back and locks in a Body Scissors in an unusual moment for Kane. Punk kicks out of it and gets a Sunset Flip for two, with Kane responding with a Diesel Kneeling Clothesline for two and a bigger ”ooooh!” from the crowd. Kane locks in another body scissors, Punk attempts to escape so Kane slams his leg into his face.

Kane thinks Punk is done and is taken by surprise when Punk kicks him in the noggin and assaults Kane with body punches. Kane shuts him up with a Big Boot but Punk recovers to nail the running knee in the corner three times…but Kane turns the Running Bulldog into a back suplex. That still doesn’t stop Punk who comes back with a bulldog off the second rope for two. Kane shrugs THAT off so he can get the sidewalk slam and Fall-Off-Top-Rope-To-Land-On-Feet-Then-Clothesline for two. Crowd is going banana. Punk blocks the chokeslam with another high kick but lands right into Kane’s hand after a Springboard Clotheline attempt but Punk counters to a GTS attempt…which Kane slithers out of to finally end the match with a chokeslam.

Winner: Kane (These two fuckers were feeling it. THIS is the CM Punk that worked so well a year ago, the Never Say Die Tattoo Guy who doesn’t care if you’re Bam Bigelow or Bam Neely he’ll still fight you tooth and nail. The boos for him were audible but lessened as the match got hotter and hotter as both men shrugged off each other’s offence. I loved this, Punk looked very believable wearing down Kane in the best competitive little man vs. big man match since Oberyn Martell vs. Gregor Clegane and lost nothing in defeat.)

Post-match Miz & Morrison attack Kane in a feud that I guess is still happening.

Overall: We’re finally entering the next chapter of ECW now the Backlash/Judgement Day/One Night Stand series is over and new plans can be made. Punk is back to being competitive and cool, Kofi and Shelton continue to lighten up the undercard and Teddy Long replaces Armando. We’re very close to the Draft and it’s just as well as the amount of comments and hits for these shows have plummeted because there’s been no reason to be interested in anything until now.

I’ve been Maffew, go watch Cultaholic and see how much I look like a blind man’s drawing of Ruby Riott.