What the World Was Reading: WWF Magazine – August 2000

by Logan Scisco

The past two weeks we have spent time looking at
alternatives to WWF Magazine.  We return to WWF Magazine this week, looking at the August 2000 issue.  On the cover is someone who Triple H says is
a very unlikely candidate for the Hall of Fame:

Those who followed the product during the Attitude Era
remember that the WWF gradually tried to make Chyna sexier for viewers.  She started as a serious bodyguard in a role
unlike that of any other woman who came before her (or even since), but then
started wearing makeup and by 2000 the WWF was presenting her as more of a
physically gifted, attractive “diva.”
It should also be noted that our managing editor of the
magazine is no longer Kevin Kelly. 
Instead it is a woman named Laura Bryson.  By this point the magazine was a shell of its
former self, at least in my eyes, and the pay-per-view recaps will show that.
In the Letters to the Editor, Dan Hayes writes an angry
letter saying that Lita is not a potential legend since she is just attached to
Essa Rios and is not pursuing a singles title. 
Of course, that would change down the road and by the time this magazine
was on newsstands, Lita had ditched Rios and joined the Hardy Boyz.  A few fans write in how they are fans of
Jacqueline and how awesome she is.  And
Rich Coleman writes an angry letter saying that the WWF is in danger of
“turning soft” because babyfaces like Kane just walk off instead of fight.  It is probably a safe bet that Rich is no
longer a fan of the product today.
This month’s “Tales From the Turnbuckle” breaks down the
three greatest SummerSlam matches of all-time.
If you cannot see the list the selections are:  (1) Undertaker-Mankind from SummerSlam 1996,
(2) Test-Shane McMahon from SummerSlam 1999, and (3) Big Boss Man-Koko B. Ware
from SummerSlam 1988.  Yes, no Ultimate
Warrior-Rick Rude and no Bret Hart-Mr. Perfect. 
The company’s unwillingness to reference wrestlers who were still in WCW
killed this list since that meant no Bret, no Hulk Hogan, no Randy Savage, and
no Scott Hall.  Evidently, Big
Bossman-Koko was a historic bout because “the contrasting styles of these two
Superstars set the tone for many of the great SummerSlam matches that would
follow.”  So next time you enjoy your
favorite SummerSlam match, give proper credit to the Bossman and Koko.  Oh, and Frankie too!
Then we get an illustration of the haircuts available in
the WWF Barber Shop:
And this month’s magazine is pitching your ability to get
some WWF cards that are twenty-two carat gold. 
Enjoy seeing Billy Gunn in all his glory, trying to avoid submitting to
the Rock in a headlock!  Each card will
cost you $9.95 (plus 95 cents of shipping and handling).
The “Rookies and Legends” column is still going strong,
profiling Bull Buchanan.
Buchanan was initially brought in as a member of the
Truth Commission in 1997 before returning a few years later as a partner of the
Big Bossman.  He would then be part of
the Right to Censor and had a brief partnership with John Cena before eventually
departing the company.  The only
highlight of his run was jobbing to Crash Holly in an upset at the 2000 King of
the Ring.  He was also briefly a tag team
champion with the “Goodfather,” but tag team title runs become a blur for me
after 1999.
We are then treated to a list of five things we will
never find for auction from “SteviE-bay” (in reference to Stevie Richards):
By this point, the magazine had a “Face2Face” feature
that fills the part of the magazine formerly occupied by Vic Venom’s “The Bite”
in the mid-1990s.  It is a debate column
where Aaron Williams and Laura take opposite stands on an issue.  The issue this month is Vince McMahon.
Aaron rips McMahon for cheating and becoming an “impotent
person.”  The comment about Vince having
an Ivy League education is something that I do not think is actually true, as
Linda earned her degree from East Carolina University and Vince was around her
at the time.  Laura defends Vince as “in
tune to the reality of the world we live in,” something that could not be said
of the booking of the company now.  She
also refers to Vince as an American hero, thereby explaining Stephanie’s 9/11
reference on Smackdown! in 2001.
It seems that every issue of WWF Magazine that I have reviewed so far, except for the June 1995
edition, had a piece about Chyna.  This
one is no different, as she gets attention in an article called “Power Behind
the Throne.”
I guess this is tied in with the “Chyna’s Secret” heading
on the magazine, but the story does not really talk about a secret.  It recaps her partnerships with D-Generation
X, Kane, and Eddie Guerrero.  Evidently
she also had an alliance with the Kat sometime in the Attitude Era, but I do
not recall that at all.  In light of
Triple H’s podcast, one thing stands out: 
“We [Triple H and Chyna] went our own ways, but that does not rule out
our paths crossing again.”  It definitely
seems like Triple H had put the kibosh on any plans to have their paths cross at
a future Hall of Fame ceremony.  Still,
though, why tell readers you are going to talk about “Chyna’s Secret” and then
just write an article that merely reiterates what we have heard about Chyna in
magazine pieces in the years up to this point: 
she has worked with lots of great superstars and knows their strengths
and weaknesses.
Remember the “Got Milk?” campaign?  Steve Austin is here to remind us!
A career retrospective piece is then provided for the
Undertaker
In recapping the Undertaker’s big foes, Jimmy Snuka is
even added to the list.  Poor Jimmy is
portrayed just like Kamala, the Giant Gonzalez, and Yokozuna:  he wanted to bury the Undertaker’s soul and
“erase his very being.”  And here I
thought that all Snuka wanted to do was win a WrestleMania match in Los
Angeles!  This is a pretty blah piece,
just telling educated fans everything they already know about the
Undertaker.  And this piece does not even
talk about the Undertaker’s new biker persona!
The late Crash Holly gets profiled in this issue as well,
as writer Mike Fazioli calls him “the king of Hardcore.”
Crash is best known for defending the Hardcore title on a
24/7 basis, which led to him being called the “Houdini of Hardcore.”  If you ever try to look at the history of
that title it will make your head hurt as the 24/7 rule led to about three to
four title changes on every house show. 
We are informed that Crash’s toughness comes from his cousin Hardcore
Holly, who used to beat him up when he would get angry.  After all, look what Bob did to Matt
Cappotelli on Tough Enough!
We then get our customary, somewhat uncomfortable profile
of Roots Genoa that we are bound to come across in a WWF Magazine of this time period
It highlights how Benoit has his sights set on becoming
WWF champion even though there are concerns by the WWF promotion and marketing
teams that he might do something big since he is not as charismatic as other
superstars.  The article even draws a parallel
about how competing in the WWF is more difficult than the past since Benoit
cannot be like a wrestler “in the old days who could coast defeating perennial
losers in easy televised matches” between big bouts.  Our big eerie line from this well-written
piece by Keith Elliot Greenberg:  “Most
likely, their [the WWF’s] efforts to convert him into a cut-out media darling
will be unsuccessful…”
We get a listing of the toughest ten superstars in the
WWF.  The list is purely kayfabed as
there is no mention of Steve Blackman on this list.
Kurt Angle is criminally underrated, but he is given his
ranking because he is not intimidating enough. 
Tazz has to be in the top three due to his gimmick.
This month’s interview piece is with Terri, who was going
by the nick name of “She-Devil” around this time.
She makes clear that she likes to be independent,
although it is okay for men to buy her things. 
She also says that she has no interest in pursuing a singles title and
that she considers Bubba Ray a “bully” for putting her through a table.  I am concerned that she says Jerry Lawler is
her “kind of guy,” though.  Dustin should
have submitted this as evidence in the divorce proceedings for custody!
And when I talked about the pay-per-view recaps getting
smaller and smaller, I meant it.  Look
what we have been reduced to in the 2000s:
How can you adequately recap a match in less than three
sentences?  This is really egregious for
the Iron Man Match between Triple H and the Rock, which gets less than a
paragraph.
Remember to drink your milk!
And we close the magazine with a Stevie Richards column
entitled “Gettin’ Heat.”
In this column, Richards traditionally made cracks at a
WWF superstar.  This month, though, he
attacks himself for stealing other wrestlers personas when he came into the
company.  He says that he wishes he
sought out Shawn Michaels for advice and he writes him a letter asking for
guidance.  I will bet that Michaels never
answered it.

Of all the magazines that have been covered by this
column this was the worst.  The only
redeeming column was Greenberg’s on Benoit with the rest constituting very
boring, dry reads.  The magazine lost a
lot of its creativity without Russo or Kelly at the helm.  Next week we will move forward two years and
recap the April 2002 issue of WWF
Magazine
, which features the New World Order on the cover. 

What the World Was Reading: WWF Magazine – December 1999

by Logan Scisco

Since this week’s magazine selection is from December
1999 it would be remiss for the staff of WWF
Magazine
to ignore Christmas.  Sure enough,
we get a holiday-type cover featuring the self-proclaimed, undisputed champion
of Christmas Mick Foley:

 And Mick has kept the Christmas gig going, doing promo
spots with his daughter Noelle last month on WWE television.  He was a better salesman than anyone else the
WWE could have trotted out there, although I continue to insist that if they
want the Network subscriptions to rise that they need to call Don West.
The 1999 Christmas season featured one WWF product I just
had to have:  WrestleMania 2000 for the
Nintendo 64.  I was really excited for
the WWF to go to THQ since the company did great work on the WCW games.  It was one of my favorite games to play,
especially because it was the first to feature a create-a-wrestler mode.  I remember taking Brian Christopher through
the career mode (and why I made that selection I have no idea).  Unfortunately, I lent it to a friend in
middle school and they never returned it.
Since Vince Russo went off to World Championship
Wrestling, the magazine was handed over to Kevin Kelly.  As a result, he answers the letters to the
editor.  Since we are not in 1995 land,
there are no funny illustrations or awful lists provided by fans.  Many of the letters tie back to the October
1999 issue of the magazine we reviewed two weeks ago.  A fan named Thomas Brennan blasts the fan who
questioned Prince Albert’s education credentials, while Miguel Balseca
completely buys into Vince McMahon’s vision of the product by calling Christian
a member of the “sports-entertainment world.” 
A fan called “TakersLady,” using Web TV (remember that product?) frets
that the Undertaker is facing a career-ending injury, which Kelly denies.  The Undertaker did have a bad groin injury in
late 1999, but it was not career-ending. 
Still, it is interesting that people were talking about the Undertaker’s
health FIFTEEN years ago!  They actually
let a fan write in how the newly-debuted Dudley Boys dominated the ECW tag team
ranks, and of course, since we are in 1999 it would be remiss without a fan –
in this case one named Justin Struthers – talking about Debra and her “puppies.”  He begs that she needs to “let them run free.”
Speaking of Jarrett, he was also on his way to WCW.  Before he got there, though, his last gimmick
was beating up female wrestlers and celebrities and putting them in the
figure-four. 
 All of this culminated in Jarrett eventually dropping the
Intercontinental title to Chyna.  The
quick piece says that female superstars aligning against Jarrett is a “new version
of women’s liberation with a distinctly hardcore edge.”  It warns that Jarrett will soon face the
wrath of all of these women, but I guess that is why he fled down South.
And when I talked about how we did not have any more
lists, I was wrong.  This week we have a
top five for ways that “Sexual Chocolate” Mark Henry can curb his
appetite.  I did find number one
humorous.
 Our “Rookies to Legends” this week misses the mark once
again as it covers Miss Kitty, the last wife that Jerry Lawler had:
 In storyline terms, Miss Kitty debuted courtesy of Jeff
Jarrett, who made her a personal assistant to Debra.  She soon made Debra’s life difficult and
started to drive her and Jarrett apart. 
The piece tries to say that Kitty has bigger ambitions and if that
included exposing herself on WWF pay-per-view then it was correct.  However, the soon-to-be-named Kat never made
a lasting contribution to the WWF that could be considered “legendary.”
This month’s guest writer of “the Bite” is Howard Finkel,
who in late 1999 was rocking a bitter announcer gimmick where he made a habit
of chewing out Tony Chimmel and Lillian Garcia.
 The piece starts with the Fink asking some rhetorical
questions such as “Why have I been around so long?  Why am I still here?”  You know, the same questions that Vince
McMahon has probably been asking himself when it comes to Finkel for
years.  He complains about not being used
more, while saying that he has high hopes for Chris Jericho, which is why he is
sporting a Jericho-style wig in the piece.
WWF Magazine
REALLY liked Chyna in 1999, as evidenced by its next feature piece on how she
has been a big factor in the WWF. 
Remember that she and Triple H were subject of another piece two months
prior to this.
The article describes that Chyna’s success is due to a
difficult childhood, which shaped her into becoming a great athlete and
student.  After all, she does have a
double major in Spanish and Literature from the University of Tampa.  Her fluency in Spanish is why the company used
her in some skits with Los Boricuas in 1997 and 1998.  The classic understatement in the article is
that despite being “quintessential professionals…there have been rumors that
[her partnership with Triple H] is nearing an end.”  Sadly, it hypes her career as only getting
better, saying that she is “a history maker, a trendsetter, a one of a kind,”
but 1999 would be the peak of Chyna’s career. 
After having a feud with Chris Jericho over the Intercontinental title
she was slowly scaled away from the main title picture and by 2001 she was
wrestling women, which was a step down for her.
In a curious ad, you can get some of the first WWF DVDs, “Hell
Yeah:  Stone Cold’s Saga Continues” or
WrestleMania XV.  The price for each is $24.95,
but that is sort of laughable considering that WrestleMania XV gives you ninety
minutes of more content, as well as voiceovers of the big matches.
 A piece titled “At the Crossroads” breaks down what is in
the future for X-Pac, who was in the midst of a heel turn against his tag team
partner Kane.  As such, the article
emphasizes that X-Pac wants to be his own man and fight his own battles,
belying a Napoleon-like complex X-Pac has carried because of his size relative
to other WWF superstars.  That is one of
the good uses of the magazine, as it gave you some additional logic behind
angles and face/heel turns, even if some of them ended up being ridiculous.
 We also hear that X-Pac was the first person to “guide
Kane to his own heart and give him the courage to realize his human potential.”  So next time anyone wants to criticize Kane
as a corporate stooge you can blame X-Pac. 
Instead of X-Pac eventually turning on Kane, I would have enjoyed seeing
Kane in a DX green outfit like the picture shows below because that would have
been really different and cool, at least for one show:
 Next, Bill Banks talks about the newly-debuted Chris Jericho’s
desire to go after Steve Austin.
 Banks takes some shots at WCW, saying that Austin and Jericho
were denied similar opportunities to shine down South and that this slight made
both men more aggressive in their pursuit for glory and titles.  It even bashes Austin’s initial “Ringmaster”
gimmick from when he debuted in 1996. 
Really, this piece is well-written and does a nice job hyping a
potential Austin-Jericho showdown.  It
treats both men as athletes and wrestling as an actual sport, something the
company would be better off doing today. 
Unfortunately, a showdown between the two would have to wait until late
2000 because Jericho was quickly diverted into the Intercontinental title
picture while Austin went out with an injury.
And since this is the December issue, the WWF makes sure
we know what hot items you can buy for the holiday season.  Ho ho ho indeed!
 Most of the big items are for Steve Austin and the Rock
as you can see here
Then we get our more “crude” items of the Attitude Era on
another page.  Who really wants that Road
Dogg stuffed animal?  If you do, it will
cost you $20.  And that Debra poster will
cost you another $10.  I wonder if some
kid bought the “Show Me Your Puppies!” t-shirt (for $25) and was told to take
it off by school administrators. 
Seriously, $25 for that shirt?
 And you can also get yourself some WWF cologne for
$14.99.  I do not think this item was
selling well as it is the only one in the catalog that is marked down from its
initial sale price (which was $19.99 a unit). 
I still remember Bobby Heenan cracking jokes about WCW cologne on Nitro.  The WWF Attitude bag is cool, but I know very
little about the WWF fielding a racing team in 1999.  Evidently, if you want the racing jacket
pictured here you will be out $44.
An oddly titled article called “The Devil’s Bathtub” is
up next, which provides a comparison between Michael Hayes and Paul Bearer.
 You see, both men used to be best friends on the Gulf of
Mexico and broke into the business as volunteers.  Both men had been abandoned by their
managerial charges by late 1999, so the magazine teases at a possible alliance.  The magazine was also trying to recognize
more wrestling history by this point as it brings up Hayes’s run with the
Freebirds.  Unfortunately, it does not
tell us who Bearer and Hayes might want to bring into their stable if they
unified forces.  It does let us know that
the Fabulous Freebirds and the Undertaker “were supreme entertainers,” though.
I had forgotten about this product, which I never
actually saw anywhere.  I never had any
friends who bought it, so did anyone on the Blog every play around with this
toy?
Magazine writer Laura (no last name given) provides her “Attitude
Award” for 1999 and selects Kane and Stephanie McMahon!  If you are not a fan of Stephanie, you really
will not like this piece as Laura notes that “Since her debut in the ring,
Stephanie McMahon’s presence has been compelling” and that she cares little for
money and more about her ideals than money. 
Kane wins because he stood up for his friend X-Pac and overcame Vince McMahon
and Chyna tormenting him throughout the year. 
So basically, the “Attitude Award” is who faced lots of adversity and
overcame the odds.  Today, John Cena
would win that award every year!
Kevin Kelly then says that he was amazed that 1999
featured great in-ring performances by Vince and Shane McMahon.  Yeah, those criticisms of 1999 revolving
around the McMahons too much appear very
warranted now.  Best part is, it would
get worse for WrestleMania 2000 when there would be a McMahon in every corner!  So Kelly gives his “Attitude Award” to both
of the male McMahons.
And when it comes to Bill Banks he selects Jeff Jarrett,
which is pretty humorous considering Jarrett’s departure from the company.  Banks claims Jarrett has gone a long way
since his country music gimmick, but his selection seems to be based more on
personal factors as Jarrett dealt with the loss of Owen Hart and helped his
wife fight her battle against breast cancer.
We get the results from the Unforgiven pay-per-view,
featuring the infamous “Kennel from Hell” match.
That is probably one of those cases where the awful recap of the matches was
okay.  One of the pictures from the
Six-Pack Challenge match is probably sitting about Triple H’s office in Titan
Towers:
The “Private Eye” segment provides some pictures of the
MTV Video Music Awards.  So much for
kayfabe in this one:
“The Informer” tells us that D-Lo Brown and Mark Henry
started having problems when Henry had his wallet fall into the lap of D-Lo’s fiancé
on a flight back from England.  D-Lo
thought Henry was making moves on his woman and his fiancée thought the same,
thereby triggering a long series of tensions between the two.  We are told the Steve Austin-Undertaker
rivalry went onto the National Hot Rod Association (NHRA) circuit as they each
had their own Funny Cars, with the Undertaker’s car winning.  And evidently, Al Snow is very upset about
the jokes Mankind made about him in Have
a Nice Day
!
This issue had tons
of advertisements in it, much more than previous issues.  I am not sure if that was because there were
not as many columns to write or if that is something that I might see more of
in the 2000 magazines.  However, it did
get a little tiring flipping through four or five ads before the next story.  Maybe with Russo gone that is a good thing
for the magazine, as this one had less ridiculousness in the stories, which
offered a more serious portrayal of the superstars and various angles.

Next time, we will move away from WWF Magazine and over to an early 1999 edition of WOW Magazine, put together by Bill Apter
as a “smart fan” alternative to other kayfabe wrestling publications.  It will cover the results of Backlash 1999, chronicle
the independent circuit, and provide some great photographs of wrestlers and
valets during the period.

What the World Was Reading: WWF Magazine Review – October 1999

This new column to the blog will provide a review of a
different sort of wrestling:  that found
on the pages of various wrestling magazines in the late 1990s and early 2000s.
Between 1995 and 2002 I was a subscriber to WWF
Magazine
and supplemented that subscription by purchasing a few Apter
magazines when I had some extra cash. 
After heading off to college, I tossed these magazines into a box and
have not opened it in nearly a decade.  I
thought it might be interesting to randomly draw out a magazine a week and
critique it for the Blog of Doom.  The
visuals, stories, advertisements, and general ridiculousness of wrestling
magazines during this period will hopefully provide the Blog with a series of
fun discussions in the weeks and months ahead.

This column will normally appear on the weekends, but since I will be away this weekend and could not upload it, I figured that I would just post it today.

The first magazine drawn is the October 1999 issue of WWF Magazine.  This was during the time when Vince Russo was
still editing the publication and this was one of his last projects for the
company.  Our cover wrestler for this month
was Hardcore Holly, in the midst of his Super Heavyweight gimmick:
This cover was pretty unique because it is the only one
that I can recall that actually folds out for another page.  This may also be the only time that Viscera
was ever on the cover of the magazine. 
The magazine concept is also flawed in real life, as Kane is actually
about 6’7”, as is the Undertaker, and the Big Show is really about 6’10.”  This cover makes it seem like all three men
are 7’ and over.  I am not sure of
Viscera’s legit height.  Obsessed with
Wrestling tells me he’s 6’6”, but he’s destroying that barrier on the cover.
The letters to the editor section is what leads off the
magazine and, as can be expected, it is full of laughs.  First, Jessie Bowman of Lebanon Junction,
Kentucky demands that Mick Foley get his own section in the magazine and that
she is just going to renew her subscription just to see more!  “Steve” from Minneapolis complains about
Billy Gunn’s attitude, but not his push, so he is barking up the wrong
tree.  Lauren Danek, location unknown, is
mad because the magazine did not feature Val Venis and the Godfather as future
tag team champions in its August issue. 
One fan, a guy named Dann Cunningham, challenges an August article that claimed
that Prince Albert – the future Tensai – has a Bachelor’s degree.  WWF
Magazine
does its own form of a burn by picturing Albert with his diploma:
Albert proceeds to let Mr. Cunningham know that his
“picture speaks louder than words” and reminds him that “If you can grab it,
pierce it!”  Wiser words have never been
spoken.  A female fan criticizes an
August article about women in business since the article implied that women need
to use their sexuality to get ahead.  The
response given is that Debra uses sexual charms to her advantage and “If your
boss-to-be [in an interview] screams ‘We want PUPPIES!’ – you know that Debra
got to him first!”  Seriously?  What boss does that in an interview?  Probably this guy:
By the way, how much was WWF Magazine during this time? 
Well, according to a subscription card that I still had in the magazine,
you could get two years of it for $35 and one year for $19.97.
One of my favorite parts of the magazine was the “Rookies
to Legends” section, which usually broke down a new act.  Very few of the acts profiled became legends,
such as our profiled stars this month: 
The Mean Street Posse.
You know, Shane McMahon’s buddies from the “mean streets”
of Greenwich – Rodney, Pete Gas, and Joey Abs. 
The article tells us that they helped Shane McMahon beat down punks in
the streets and in the classroom.  It
then chronicles their federation exploits and you can clearly tell this was
during the Russo era as they were kicked out of the company after losing to Pat
Patterson and Gerald Brisco and yet e-emerged when Shane took control of the
company “for a short time.”  These guys
never quite lived up to the hype, as they were supposed to bring their “money,
power, and brute force” to bear in the WWF.
During this time, WWF
Magazine
was also rotating Vic Venom’s “The Bite” column out to a guest
superstar.  Venom was Vince Russo’s alter
ego and was his impression of Dave Meltzer within the pages of the
magazine.  Our guest this month is
Stephanie McMahon, who recounts her troubled relationship with Shane.  She tells us of Shane ripping up her stuffed
animals – one of which was a stuffed giant pink animal named Big Dog – how he
called her a slut when she wore makeup at school, and how he sent the Mean
Street Posse after her when she went to a party.  Unfortunately, we do not get any stories of
Shane mixing it up with Randy Savage. 
But beyond that, we get a photograph that you will not be seeing on the
WWE Network anytime soon!
As Scott conducts the David Crockett Memorial Tag Team
Tournament, the next major piece is fitting as we get a profile of the
Undertaker-Big Show tag team.  Their
name?  The Brothers Grim.  Yes, that is the name writer Bill Banks
assigns to this team.  At least they are
better than the Grimm Twins, the repackaged Blu Twins that graced our screen in 1996!
We are informed that Kane is a target of the so-called
Brothers Grim because “he cost the Big Show his destiny as the 1999 King of the
Ring.”  So before Alberto del Rio was
proclaiming his long last search of destiny, reminiscent of Ponce de Leon’s
quest for the Fountain of Youth, the Big Show was complaining about his.  It predicts that the Undertaker will
eventually turn on Big Show to become WWF champion yet again, a puzzling
conclusion when the Big Show had already turned three times in 1999 up to this
point.  Of course, Mr. Banks hedges his
bets by saying that Big Show may one day challenge the Undertaker for the title,
a match that would have sent posters here running for the ticket offices
immediately!
One of our feature articles this month is on Chyna’s
relationship with Triple H.  This
magazine is the gift that keeps on giving. 
This article will probably never see the light of day out of Titan
Towers ever again as it blatantly states that “Without her [Chyna’s] support
Triple H might have failed in his bid to earn a top spot in the business.”  According to Banks, the Chyna-Triple H
relationship is much like another political power couple:
Great parallel, that is if Bill, after he cheated on
Hillary, tossed her to the curb and Hillary went into the adult film
industry.  On second thought, let’s not
think about that.  More hilarity ensues
in the article as it questions whether Triple H could “swallow his pride” and
give Chyna credit for helping him win the title.  Even more, it asks “If Triple H were to
monopolize the spotlight and keep all the glory for himself, how would his female
counterpart react?”  Shoot comments…
We even get a photograph of Teddy Long, serving as a
referee at the time, pleading in vain with Shane McMahon to book a tag team
match!
Does anyone remember these toys?  I never owned one of these because I did not
get the appeal.  Who wants action figures
that sweat?  Maybe Vince will reintroduce
this idea based on Big E’s alleged sweating problem:
The next piece, entitled “The Christian Spirit,”
describes Christian’s career with the Brood up to this point.  It heralds Christian as the spiritual force
behind the group, while Edge is the intellectual and Gangrel is the physical.  It says his spirituality reflects a higher
being who does not have a name and posits that he might heal the recent rift
between Edge and Gangrel that split the Brood apart.  However, it says that his negotiating
position might be compromised because – get this – Christian has become a sex
symbol and Gangrel is jealous!  The piece
becomes quasi-homoerotic in stating that “There is nothing sexier, more
desirous, more compellingly delicious than a man of mystery.”
Or one could say that nothing is sexier than this month’s
pin up calendar.  I remember my mother prohibiting
these in the house:
The feature piece of the month is about “Big Shot”
Hardcore Holly’s cult following among WWF fans, especially those of the
Internet variety.  You see, these fans
have been campaigning for him on wwf.com, but this is awful because it is
forcing Holly to take unnecessary risks! 
Everything in this magazine has some kind of parallel, so this one says
that he is going to end up like Napoleon at Waterloo, who was too confident in
his abilities and lost everything. 
Shockingly, they even reference Holly’s prior gimmick as a stock car
driver.  Holly also had a
quasi-partnership with the Big Show during this period that I do not remember
very much.  This is the most rationally
written piece yet in the article, probably because it came from Kevin Kelly.  And who knew these articles could be
educational?  Waterloo?
Next, we get the results from Fully Loaded 1999.  WWF
Magazine
was always late with the pay-per-view results, typically by two
months, so you have a magazine from October giving a summary of events that
took place from a pay-per-view that is a distant memory by this point.  The pay-per-view recaps used to be my favorite
feature, but over time the writing staff put little effort into talking about
the play-by-play of a match.  For
example:
Back in 1995, the magazine would have given a page of
coverage for each of these matches. 
Instead, we get a mere two paragraphs about the Edge-Jeff Jarrett
Intercontinental title match and the “Acolytes Rules Match” between the Hardy
Boyz, the reigning champions at the time, and Michael Hayes and the Acolytes.
This month’s “Private Eye” feature, which followed a WWF
superstar outside of the ring, covers Steve Austin’s weekends with the Philadelphia
Phillies and New York Mets.  Austin threw
out the first pitch in a Subway Series Game between the Yankees and the Mets in
July.  Evidently, Austin was a good luck
charm as three teams he threw the opening pitch for that year – the Phillies,
Mets, and Royals – all won their respective home games.  The article credits Austin with giving some
pointers to Mets pinch hitter Matt Franco, who drove in the winning run in a
“dramatic” 9-8 victory.
My other favorite column was always “The Informer,” which
provided gossip, rumors, and legitimate backstage news about the company.  This month’s section includes Paul Bearer in
makeup and a wig, a legitimately horrifying sight:
The article blasts Internet fans for saying that Billy
Gunn was not main event material after winning the King of the Ring.  It promises that Gunn will prove “BEYOND A
SHADOW OF A DOUBT that he is a main event man.” 
Sadly, this is where the lag time between the magazine and reality
worked against the Informer, as Gunn had been promptly and soundly dispatched
by the Rock when this issue hit newsstands. 
And why is Paul Bearer in a wig? 
Well, evidently the Godfather taught he and Prince Albert all about
being a ho and how “pimpin’ ain’t easy!”
The magazine ends with fans writing their favorite
superstars and asking them questions. 
Road Dogg says that his toughest opponent is an attorney, because you
see he and X-Pac were in an angle in the summer of 1999 where they fought
Chyna, Triple H, and Billy Gunn over the rights to the D-Generation X
name.  A feud about trademarks!  The Rock makes fun of a fan named Terrence
before telling him that he will not waste his time disclosing where he buys his
clothes because Terrence cannot afford them. 
The Rock recommends that Terrence “Stick to the Fruit of the Looms and
work your way up…!”  And lastly,
Christian rebuffs a fan request to divulge his idea of a perfect woman with a
bunch of cryptic language that makes little sense.  For example, he says that in his “world
‘love’ and ‘hate’ are both four-letter words that cause pain…They only serve to
feed the inner demons that consume [him].” 
Deep stuff.

And so ends the October 1999 issue of WWF magazine.  The next magazine drawn from the box is the
first issue I ever owned:  the June 1995
edition of WWF magazine.  Inside are the
recap of WrestleMania XI, the reunited partnership of Diesel and Shawn
Michaels, and some whacky 1995 goodness!