Smackdown
Date: August 19, 2004
Location: Copps Coliseum, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
The Canadian adventure continues as JBL is still Smackdown World Champion and likely in line to continue feuding with the Undertaker. I’m sure you’re as thrilled as I am. Other than that Kurt Angle pinned Eddie Guerrero in a match that should set up a third match to settle things for good, though you never know with them. Let’s get to it.
12/23/08 is the annual Best Of show that’s all recap and video packages so I’m fucking that off and skipping to the last show of 2008 instead.
We get a cold open with The Dirt Sheet, with both men debating the positives of abs vs. eating cheeseburgers. Various wrestlers get insulted with Morrison mocking Cena’s acting abilities (woah there, Boone) before comparing Hornswoggle to an animal. This brings out both Finlay & Horny (Miz: ”down boy, down!”) resulting in both guys/freaks getting beat up by Morrison & Miz until…The Boogeyman makes the save. You have to try really hard to make a Miz & Morrison match unappealing but By Jove Holmes, you’ve done it.
Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry
This feels like an apology for the previous segment. Loud-arse chants for Matt who throws his awesome punches to no effect on Mark who headbutts Matt down. Matt won’t stay down so Henry has to keep pummelling him. A press slam doesn’t stop him so Tony Atlas has to distract Matt so Mark can connect with a Banzai Drop. When we return from break, the commentators are silent for a minute as we get the second week of production fuck-ups. Maybe Gavin Spears is moonlighting. Mark squeezes Matt which only increases the cheers. Mark attempts to skidmark Hardy across the ropes but he scurries away, sadly resulting in Hardy getting sling-shotted instead. Mark misses a sit-out splash enabling Matt to hit his second-rope elbows off the top and get a Side Effect for two. Matt takes out Tony on the apron leaving him clear to hit the Twist of Fate…except Swagger runs in and gives Matt a Doctor Bomb for the DQ.
Winner via DQ: Matt Hardy (An abbreviated version of their usual match, working as a side-dish to the Swagger main course. Was good while it lasted though due to the sheer amount of love Matt brings with him.)
Promo package for Kizarny, who spends the entire time hanging out with sideshow freaks and speaking in carnie.
This was annoying after thirty seconds so no wonder they dumped him quicker than Eric Escobar.
Paul Burchill vs. DJ Gabriel
Oh wonderful, we go from one award-winning gimmick to another as we get the debut of Incest Paul and Katie Lea. They’d dump it after a while but not after some arm-rubbing and DO YA GET IT YET looking-at-the-camera levels of implication. Burchill does his best to wrestle wearing a sneer but looks more like he’s just been told he’s going from pirate to sister-fucker.
I don’t remember Burchill being bad last time they allowed him on TV but he’s regressed to Mike Knox-levels of clothesline-stomp-chinlock and the only noise the crowd makes is chanting BORING. Another clothesline followed by another rest-hold and you’d think Burchill was the newbie here rather than DJ. Another chinlock from Paul who is moving around like he’s got two peg-legs until DJ hits a complicated slam, Paul recovers and rolls-up Dead Gimmick’s Chest for the awkward win.
Winner: DJ Gabriel (Paul bombed harder than Cutthroat Island.)
Finlay & The Boogeyman vs. John Morrison & The Miz (No DQ)
Fit slaps Miz around while JBL watches happily in the back, wearing a hat and nothing else. Miz & Morrison are double-teamed by Finlay & Horny, taking Earthquake splashes and then a clothesline by Boogey. Miz goes the other side of the ring but Boogey’s hand holds him in place from under the ring while Horny dives with his tiny tope.
It’s a testament to Miz & Morrison’s talent that they can sell for Hornswoggle and still be taken seriously as wrestlers. Finlay gets dumped on the apron and takes various double-teams from the Slammy Award winners as Boogey earns his money and drools on the apron. Boogey eventually clotheslines both Miz & Morrison but goes back on the apron and when Finlay tries a comeback, Morrison rolls him up for the three. Oh.
Winners: John Morrison & The Miz (No idea what the ending was about, it looked set up for Finlay to turn on Boogeyman for being shit but instead he dances with some kids to end the show and Finlay points at the camera and laughs at you for watching wrestling in December.)
Overall: This time of the year is for family and Muppet’s Christmas Carol so it’s your own damn fault for expecting something good on the brand featuring Boogeyman, Kizarny, incest and Main Event Hornswoggle. Happy new year and fuck you too.
I’ve been Maffew and I’ll be doing 2009, don’t worry. Follow me on Twitter and watch me on Cultaholic. Please.
Oh also I finally watched Botch Club so you can find out my thoughts by clicking here.
The Royal Rumble event has always been about more than just the Rumble itself, with some real gems to be found on quite a few of the undercards. Because there have been so many Rumble events, I decided to split the Non-Rumble matches into three different segments, 1988-1998, 1999-2008 and 2009-2018.
As always, these are just my own personal picks. This isn’t supposed to be some sort of objective list or anything. If I leave out a match that you think warrants inclusion, then please feel free to put it down in the comments section below. As with previous lists, I’ll be listing the matches in chronological order.
So without further to do, let’s get to it!
Read moreSix of the Best – WWE Royal Rumble 2009-2018 – Non-Rumble Matches
Monday Night Raw
Date: August 16, 2004
Location: Labatt Center, London, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
Summerslam has come and gone, meaning Randy Orton is the new Raw World Champion. That’s quite the spot for someone as young as he is but it’s WAY past the time that we need a new top heel. The few seconds it took me to write that out are about as much time as I believe Orton will get to enjoy this before HHH, fresh off his mammoth, colossal win over Eugene, decides it’s his show again. Let’s get to it.
NXT UK
Date: January 16, 2019
Location: Empress Ballroom, Blackpool, England
Commentators: Vic Joseph, Nigel McGuinness
So despite not being on the schedule, this show is airing tonight because there’s always one more episode than what you might actually want. This seems to be the standard dark matches from Takeover show and hopefully it’s more like Takeover than the regular TV show. Let’s get to it.
The Royal Rumble event has always been about more than just the Rumble itself, with some real gems to be found on quite a few of the undercards. Because there have been so many Rumble events, I decided to split the Non-Rumble matches into three different segments, 1988-1998, 1999-2008 and 2009-2018.
As always, these are just my own personal picks. This isn’t supposed to be some sort of objective list or anything. If I leave out a match that you think warrants inclusion, then please feel free to put it down in the comments section below. As with previous lists, I’ll be listing the matches in chronological order.
So without further to do, let’s get to it!
Read moreSix of the Best – WWF/E Royal Rumble 1999-2008 Non-Rumble Matches
Smackdown
Date: January 15, 2019
Location: Legacy Arena, Birmingham, Alabama
Commentators: Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
We’re getting rather close to the Rumble and that means it’s time to hammer home some final details before the pay per view. While I can’t imagine anything as big as last night’s change on Raw, there’s always the chance of something big happening. We also have Andrade Cien Almas vs. Rey Mysterio set for tonight, which should be fun. Let’s get to it.
Monday Night Raw
Date: January 14, 2019
Location: FedExForum, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Renee Young, Corey Graves
We’re getting closer and closer to the Royal Rumble and as long as we don’t have anything like last week’s Braun Strowman vs. Brock Lesnar fiasco, I should be fine. The problem is Strowman might not be fine, as his recovery from elbow surgery isn’t done yet, meaning he might not be able to compete at the pay per view. Let’s get to it.
I took in the Smackdown house show on Sunday night at Rupp Arena in Lexington, Kentucky. As tends to be the case, a lot of the arena was empty but given the six of the place (with a seating capacity of 23,500), even an only somewhat full arena is a rather nice turnout. A few more fans came in after the show started so it could have been worse. Let’s get to it.
Jeff Hardy finally won the big one at Armageddon during the best singles run of his career so brother Matt is out here to talk about happy they’re both champions at the same time. He doesn’t mention Kozlov so I guess that one-week feud is over. Chavo Guerrero interrupts as Vickie wants revenge for a Hardy taking Edge’s belt so Teddy Long walks out dressed as an elf to make this match officially serious.
Summerslam 2004
Date: August 15, 2004
Location: Air Canada Centre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 17,640
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
It’s the second biggest show of the year and that could go multiple ways. Smackdown has been getting better as of late but it’s still not very good. Raw has had its moments, but with the second biggest match from the red show being HHH vs. Eugene, they’re working underneath a pretty low ceiling. Let’s get to it.
Smackdown
Date: August 12, 2004
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
It’s the go home show for Summerslam and things are mostly set for the pay per view. The big story (if you can call it that) coming out of last week’s show is Orlando Jordan joining forces with JBL, meaning it’s probably time for Jordan to die at Undertaker’s hands. Other than that we’ll be in for some last minute pushes towards the pay per view. Let’s get to it.
Monday Night Raw
Date: August 9, 2004
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
It’s the go home Raw for Summerslam and the big developments from last week saw Randy Orton pinning Chris Benoit in a six man, plus the long awaited HHH vs. Eugene match being announced. That doesn’t leave a lot to be done this week, but maybe they can put something good enough together. Let’s get to it.
Smackdown
Date: January 8, 2019
Location: Jacksonville Veterans Memorial Auditorium, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
We’re getting closer to the Royal Rumble and that means a few more matches need to be announced. One of those is the Smackdown Women’s Title match, which will be set tonight. This week will see Charlotte, Carmella and Becky Lynch facing off in a triple threat match with the winner getting the shot at Asuka later this month. Let’s get to it.
Monday Night Raw
Date: January 7, 2019
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young
It’s the first show of the year and WWE has stacked the card. In this case we have the return of John Cena, the return of Brock Lesnar, the return of Braun Strowman, the return of Hulk Hogan and the return of the Tag Team Title match from Christmas Eve with the Revival challenging Chad Gable and Bobby Roode, this time in a lumberjack match. Oh and getting ready for the Rumble in case you didn’t have enough to pick from. Let’s get to it.
We start with Tommy Dreamer talking about how much ECW means to him and how he’s put fifteen years of his life into this and all the other things he tells the cashier at Wallmart he sees wearing a John Cena shirt underneath their work gear. Out of nowhere, Kozlov (of all people) gives Dreamer the Iron Curtain and challenges Matt Hardy tonight. He leaves via the crowd so Jack Swagger saunters out to give Dreamer the Doctor Bomb because he’s the ALL AMERICAN AMERICAN.
Smackdown
Date: August 5, 2004
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
We’re getting close to Summerslam and the big story around here is over the US Title with Booker T. winning the title in an eight way match last week. John Cena isn’t happy though and is still coming for Booker and the title, which you have to imagine will take place at Summerslam. Oh and Kurt Angle and Eddie Guerrero still hate each other. Let’s get to it.
Monday Night Raw
Date: August 2, 2004
Location: SBC Arena, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
We’re getting very close to Summerslam and that means things are starting to pick up. Last week saw Eugene cost HHH the World Title and I’m sure we’ll need to hear about HHH’s quest for vengeance, because this show is about HHH and no one else. That includes World Champion Chris Benoit, who will be defending against Randy Orton at the pay per view. Let’s get to it.
I’ll be cutting the non-Rumble matches up into three separate time periods over the next few weeks (There’s been so many great matches at the Rumble event itself that it seems unreasonable to cram six matches into 30 years’ worth of shows) but for now I’ll list what I believe to be the six best Royal Rumble matches ever.
As always, these are just my own personal picks. This isn’t supposed to be some sort of objective list or anything. If I leave out a match that you think warrants inclusion, then please feel free to put it down in the comments section below. As with previous lists, I’ll be listing the matches in chronological order.
So without further to do, let’s get to it!
Smackdown
Date: January 1, 2019
Location: PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton
It’s the first show of the year and we’re taped again, though for the last time here. The big story this week is the return of John Cena, who is making one of his regular stops here in between movies. It’s not clear what he’s going to be doing but there could be some interesting interactions with some of the people on the roster. Let’s get to it.
Monday Night Raw
Date: December 31, 2018
Location: Little Caesars Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young
We’re taped this week for the second time in a row, which has to be the first time in at least several years, assuming two of the UK shows didn’t take place back to back at some point. The big deal tonight is a cage match between Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre, because that was a story that needed to go on for the better part of nine months, assuming it ends tonight. Let’s get to it.
We’re in Washington, DC and Swagger finally has his chest pounds!
Smackdown
Date: July 29, 2004
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
Things are picking up around here and that’s a good thing. Last week Vince McMahon reinstated Kurt Angle as a wrestler after Angle went nuts and fired a bunch of people. That set up Eddie Guerrero vs. Angle at Summerslam, but there’s a lot of stuff to get through tonight first. Tonight we have two title matches with the Cruiserweight and Tag Team Titles on the line. Let’s get to it.
Monday Night Raw
Date: July 26, 2004
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
Now you might not believe this, but it’s a HHH night as he gets another (yes another) World Title shot, this time in a sixty minute Iron Man Match. Normally I would say that this has to be it for HHH’s time near the title but you know that’s not going to be the case. Other than that I’m sure we’re in for a night full of the Diva Search girls because they dominated last week’s show. Let’s get to it.
Smackdown
Date: December 25, 2018
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton
Now this one could be interesting as we have a taped show airing on Christmas night. The big main event is Shinsuke Nakamura defending the United States Title against Rusev in a match that has been teased for a few weeks now. Other than that it’s going to be fallout from the McMahon’s announcement last week. Let’s get to it.