The SmarK Rant for WWE Wrestlemania XXVIII

The SmarK Rant for WWE Wrestlemania XXVIII Live from Miami, FL Your hosts are Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler Opening match, World title: Daniel Bryan v. Sheamus Well we knew that one of the World titles would be opening the show. Kind of a heel reaction for Sheamus for some reason. And then he hits Bryan with the Brogue Kick and pins him to win the title at 0:15. What the FUCK? The crowd is not terribly pleased about that. I was looking forward to seeing that match. Why even bother having it on the show? Unless they think that this was Bryan’s Honky Tonk Man moment where the heel finally gets his comeuppance, but people LIKE Bryan. Meanwhile, Team Johnny and their dorky t-shirts rally around Johnny Ace, in his Col Robert Parker suit. Kane v. Randy Orton Orton hammers away in the corner, but Kane EMBRACES THE HATE and fires back. Orton stomps him down and tries the draping DDT, but Kane drops him on the top rope and boots him down to take over. Seated dropkick gets two. Chinlock, but Orton slugs out until Kane boots him down for two. Sideslam gets two and Kane goes back to the chinlock. Orton with a neckbreaker for two and the crowd is dead silent. Can’t blame them. Delayed suplex gets two. And it’s ANOTHER chinlock. They couldn’t have made this one the 15 second win by the babyface? Orton flips out of the chinlock and gets the backbreaker, and the powerslam. Draping DDT (which Cole calls a bulldog, faceplant and DDT in succession) sets up the RKO, but Kane counters with a boot for two. Kane to the top, but Orton catches him with a dropkick coming down. Kane dodges the punt and chokeslams him for two. Kane gets upset and pounds away in the corner, but Orton dropkicks the knee and they fight to the top. Kane brings him down with a chokeslam and pins him at 11:00. Seriously? What is the point of Kane going over here? So that we’re gonna have to watch this shitty match AGAIN, but with stipulations? I mean, I’m no Randy Orton booster, but he’s been doing WAY too many jobs. This was slow and plodding and just never got going, and Randy didn’t even get to do the RKO so you KNOW they have to have a million rematches until he does. *1/2 And Kane has been on a rampage of sucky matches since his return. EMBRACE THE CRAP! Meanwhile, Santino and Mick Foley help plug the Deadliest Catch and eat crab. Shouldn’t Santino be getting ready for his match? Intercontinental title: Cody Rhodes v. Big Show Cody runs away to start and tries a dive, but Show catches him and tosses him back in. Show pounds away and gives him a stinkface in the corner, but Cody dropkicks the knee and elbows him down for two. Cody goes to work on the knee, but Show swats him down and makes the comeback. Cody goes up to escape and Show sends him to the floor, but Cody comes back in with the disaster kick. Another one is countered with a badly timed spear, and Show knocks him out and pins him at 5:18 to win the title. Another nothing match. ** Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos v. Beth Phoenix & Eve Kelly gets a rana on Eve for two, but a handspring elbow hits knee. Eve goes up and Kelly brings her down, giving us a double stinkface from the babyfaces. Maria’s makeup actually rubs off on Maria’s white pants, which prompts my wife to exclaim “What the hell is that on her ass?” and thus I have to stop and explain the mechanics of the stinkface to someone who doesn’t watch wrestling. That whole conversation is much more interesting than the match, as Maria plays celebrity-in-peril through a series of bearhugs by the heels, but Maria kicks Eve out of the ring to block the rumpshaking moonsault. Yeah, I can’t believe what I’m forced to type some days either. Kelly gets the hot tag and does her spinning headscissors on Beth, into a somersault senton for two. Huh. Beth comes back with the Glam Slam, but Kelly reverses it into a bulldog. Maria tags in again despite her injuries, and Beth collides with Eve and gets pinned at 6:50. Best match of the show thus far. Not really a compliment to the show, but whatever. **1/4 Hell In A Cell: Undertaker v. HHH Rather subdued entrance for COOHHH tonight, although the cell gets its own entrance music. Seriously. I’m surprised Undertaker’s new Mohawk didn’t get its own entrance, too. By the way, despite the pictures circulating before the show that made it look like a big black cage or something, it’s just the standard mesh cell. JR joins us for commentary, thank god. They throw hands in the corner and head to the floor, and HHH meets the stairs as Michael Cole brings up Jimmy Snuka as the first victim of the streak. Well, since he brought it up, how can I not mention that Snuka has a daughter named Tamina Snuka? They slug it out on the floor as the announcers keep talking about how it’s the END OF AN ERA, an era that we’ll never return to. What are they talking about? Anyway, back in the ring, Taker works the arm and goes old school. Back to the floor, and the stairs get pulled apart, leading to the guillotine on the apron by UT. HHH responds with a DDT and rams Undertaker into the stairs a few times, but can’t get a Pedigree on them, as Taker backdrops him off. HHH comes back with a spinebuster onto the stairs, and THAT had to hurt. He stupidly comes in blind, though, and Taker catches him in the gogoplata again. HHH quickly counters out with a slam for two. And now the chairs get involved, as HHH pummels him with one and runs him into the stairs. HHH lays in another beating with the chair, just destroying the back until even Shawn is offended. The crowd gets pretty uncomfortable as HHH just keeps pounding him with the chair, but of course Undertaker won’t quit. Finally HHH covers and gets two. More from the chair and Undertaker still won’t stay down, so HHH retrieves his trusty sledgehammer while he tells Shawn to stop the match or else. Undertaker won’t quit, so HHH levels him with the hammer for two. He goes to BASH UNDERTAKER’S SKULL IN, but Shawn finally grabs it from Hunter to save. Shawn is once again tempted to ring the bell, but Undertaker grabs him and puts him out with the gogoplata to prevent it. Well that’s one way. HHH breaks it up with the sledgehammer, but Undertaker kicks him in the nuts and locks in the gogoplata. HHH grabs the hammer like last year, but Taker chokes him out completely with Shawn Michaels also out cold. This brings Charles Robinson running out like a madman, because Shawn is ONE OF HIS PEOPLE now, and the chokeslam gets two. It’s ingrained into referees to run down whenever another striped shirt is in jeopardy. Taker takes out his problems on Robinson, chokeslamming him, but Shawn superkicks Undertaker, and KICK WHAM PEDIGREE gets two. THE SECRET PLAN! What an awesome near fall. The crowd agrees and chants about how awesome it is. HHH gets rid of Shawn again, but Undertaker sits up and he’s FUCKING PISSED. He beats the shit out of HHH and hits Snake Eyes and the big boot and legdrop, but the tombstone only gets two. Also an awesome near-fall. Shawn is nearly rocking in the corner like an emotional wreck. You have to love that. They slug it out from the mat and just keep firing away, but HHH gets another Pedigree for two. Undertaker recovers first while HHH crawls for the hammer, but Undertaker gets the chair. And steps on the hammer. Uh oh. HHH gets MAULED by the chair until Shawn finally steps in as the voice of reason, but Undertaker gives HHH one more shot and gets two. Well the chair was broken anyway. HHH gets the hammer again but he’s not really in much condition to use it, and now Undertaker is the one telling him to stay down. HHH takes one last swing, and Undertaker shrugs him off and takes the hammer like it’s a toy. HHH crotch chops him in response, so Undertaker lays him out with the hammer, pulls him up, and the tombstone finishes at 30:45. And there’s your second ***** match for the weekend. Just an amazing performance from both, as they just beat the shit out of each other and let it all hang out. I literally don’t think they could have produced a more perfect match given the guys involved, unless there had been blood or something. Shawn and Undertaker mend their fences afterwards, and everyone goes out together, because they’re real men who settled their differences like men, and now they respect each other again. That is what wrestling is supposed to be. Just fantastic. The Hall of Fame group is introduced, and yeah, Ric Flair is there. Edge with short hair is just wrong. Meanwhile, Heath Slater bugs Flo Rida and gets beat up as a result. Team Johnny (The Miz, Mark Henry, Drew McIntyre, Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler, David Otunga) v. Team Teddy (Kofi Kingston, The Great Khali, R-Truth, Zack Ryder, Booker T, Santino) As feared, everyone is wearing t-shirts and they don’t even get separate entrances, as each side uses the theme song of the GM. It just makes everyone look like such nerds. Kofi with a crossbody on Dolph for two, and Truth comes in for the double-team for two. Drew is in and he gets dominated by the faces and chopped down by Khali. Booker chops him in the corner and gets a sideslam for two, and he goes after the heels on the apron and gets laid out as a result. Swagger (who has new, non-American themed tights) comes in with a chinlock, and clotheslines Booker for two. Over to Henry, who pounds Booker down as the crowd is DEAD. Miz continues the beating to dead silence and Dolph drops an elbow for two. Miz comes in with his own chinlock as it just gets deader and deader and the crowd is literally silent. Finally Khali comes in with the big chop and they start randomly doing the wacky finisher spots, leading up to the babyfaces doing a triple dive onto the heels. The chicks get into a random catfight and we’ve got Santino and Miz left in the ring. Flying headbutt sets up the Cobra for two. Over to Zack and Dolph takes a crazy bump off a monkey flip. And of course Eve comes in and screws him over, allowing Miz to hit the stroke at 10:44 to give Johnny Ace both shows. Really, eleven minutes for that finish? Ryder’s getting pinned by Miz now, he might as well hang up his tights. And Eve turns on him formally afterwards and kicks him in the junk, as I guess we’re supposed to be shocked that heel Eve would do something bad to Zack. What a boring load of shit this whole thing was. You’d think it would be a bunch of comedy spots or crazy brawling or something, but no, just a super-dull tag match with the heat on Booker the whole time. DUD So yeah, to recap, Zack gets no revenge, gets pinned by Miz to lose the match, and Eve kicks him in the nuts to dump him. Great night for him. Meanwhile, Big Johnny waives the DQ rule in the WWE title match, just to mess with CM Punk. WWE title: CM Punk v. Chris Jericho They’ve certainly got a lot of time to save this show. They take it to the mat to start and Punk hits him with crossfaces and stomps him in the corner. They’re basically wearing matching outfits tonight, which is either a fashion faux pas or Jericho trying to play mindgames. Punk keeps pounding him in the corner and flirting with a DQ, so Jericho eggs him on with a comment about his dad and Punk pounds him with elbows. To the top, but Jericho rolls out to escape, so Punk hits him with a flying clothesline to the floor instead. Jericho: “How’s your SISTER?” So Punk grabs a chair and Jericho flings insults, hoping for the DQ, but Punk just spinkicks him instead, and Jericho regroups with a dropkick to take over. They head to the apron and Jericho clotheslines him back into the ring and then suplexes him to the floor. Now there’s a spot you don’t see often, for good reason. Back in, Jericho gets two. Backbreaker gets two. We hit the chinlock, and another backbreaker gets two. Senton gets two. Punk fights back and goes up, but Jericho yanks him down hard on the back of his head and gets two. Jericho goes to the surfboard and Punk escapes with the mule kick. This thing just isn’t clicking at all and the crowd, as usual tonight, is dead silent. Punk comes back with the leg lariat and neckbreaker for two. Jericho blocks the bulldog and tries the Lionsault, but Punk gets the knees up, so Jericho goes for the Walls, and Punk escapes that. High kick gets two. Punk goes up with the flying elbow, but he takes forever and Jericho gets his knees up and then hits the Codebreaker. Punk flies out of the ring on the sell, but he waits for Jericho to throw him back in and then hits a GTS out of nowhere. That gets two. Punk comes back with a powerslam for two. They trade back elbows and Jericho suplexes Punk onto the top rope and hits the Lionsault for two. “Not often you see someone kick out of the Lionsault” notes Cole. Except for every opponent of Chris Jericho, ever. They head up and Punk tries a rana, but Jericho hangs on and gets the Walls off that. Cool spot there. Punk quickly makes the ropes, and dumps a charging Jericho. This leads to Punk hitting a high knee that rams Jericho’s head into the post, and they head back in…where Punk springboards right into a Codebreaker. That gets two. Jericho stops to talk some trash and Punk tries the GTS, but Jericho elbows out and goes to the top, so Punk brings him down with a GTS…that Jericho counters into the Walls. Or rather, the Liontamer, but Punk fights out and cradles for two. Jericho reverses for two, so Punk turns THAT into the Anaconda Vice. Jericho rolls him over for two, but Punk hangs on until Jericho knees him in the head repeatedly to break. Back to the Walls, but Punk kicks him in the face and hooks the Vice again, moves out of the way of the knees, and Jericho taps at 22:18. Man, they took their sweet time getting into gear, but it ended up a near-classic with crazy drama and submission reversals. Unfortunately that beginning just dragged it down too far to fully recover from. ***1/2 Brodus Clay comes out and calls his mama. This leads to a big group dance number with dancers dressed as Brodus Clay’s mama. And this leads to nothing, as I guess they had too much time to use up and just needed the stupidest fucking thing possible. John Cena v. The Rock And after all those weeks of trying for the 50/50 reaction, John Cena gets booed out of the building. Team Edward and Team Jacob indeed. Although Twilight is so 2 years ago; kids killing each other in dystopian arenas is what all the pre-teens are into these days. Even with MGK doing his pre-entrance musical interlude. My god, who would boo Machine Gun Kelly? No friend of mine, that’s who. The Rock is looking JACKED tonight. Cena wins the epic lockup battle to start, but Rock wins the second try. Rock with the headlock and armdrags, into the majastral cradle for two. No ring rust there. Cena gets his own headlock, but Rock slugs him down and tries the Sharpshooter, so Cena bails. Back in, Cena hits a shoulderblock in the corner and lays Rock out with a clothesline, but it only gets one. Rock slugs away, but Cena dumps him and sends him into the table. Back in, Cena gets two and starts to wrestle quite heelish, stomping the ribs to set up a belly to belly suplex for two. Cena with the bearhug, but Rock slugs out of it and gets the DDT for two. Cena pounds the ribs in the corner, but Rock comes back with a clothesline and spinebuster…but Cena breaks up the People’s Elbow with an STF attempt. Rock escapes, so Cena gets the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM, with a smile on his face during the Five Knuckle Shuffle. FU is escaped and they clothesline each other, but Rock is up first and it’s the slugfest. Rock stops to talk the trash, and Cena hits the FU for two. Rock pops up with Rock Bottom for two. Rock lays the smackdown in the corner, but Cena gets a sideslam for two. He goes up and gets the guillotine for two, as Rock took forever getting into position. Another FU is blocked, and Rock takes him down with the Scorpion King Deathlock, and he still can’t do it properly. Cena makes the ropes regardless, so Rock pulls him back and applies it again, and Cena gets the ropes again and bails to the apron. They brawl on the floor and Cena meets the stairs. Back in, Cena suddenly gets the STF and pulls Rock into the center to thunderous boos. Rock is the most awesome actor in the world because he actually makes it look like the move is painful and causing him to block out. That’s Oscar-caliber right there. And we go OLD SCHOOL, as the ref checks the arm, but Rock is up on the third drop. And he makes the ropes. Cena charges and walks into a samoan drop, and it’s the double KO spot. Rock is up first and slugs away, but Cena fires back into the ribs…and it’s SPINEBUSTER AND PEOPLE’S ELBOW. For two. Cena with a small package for two. The crowd goes crazy with duelling chants and Cena catapults Rock into the corner for two. Cena puts him on the top, but Rock sends him down again and goes AERIAL with the high cross, but Cena rolls through with the FU for two. Cena’s at a loss now and does a People’s Elbow for the hell of it, and ROCK BOTTOM finishes his ass at 30:38. Thank god they changed the finish. ****1/2 Rock was a bit gassed, but he just went 30 minutes after being retired for years, can you blame him? Other than that, tremendously epic stuff that delivered exactly what was promised. The Pulse I’m pretty sure 90% of the people buying this show were doing it for Rock/Cena and HHH/Undertaker, and both matches delivered tremendously, so that’s a thumbs up show from me. I just wish that something else had turned into a show-stealing classic to really elevate this thing to the upper tier of Wrestlemanias, but sadly nothing did and in fact a couple were really horrible from a quality and booking standpoint. Still, HHH v. Undertaker is well worth your $65 and I left happy that I bought the show.

WRESTLEMANIA XXVIII (April 1, 2012)

WWE WRESTLEMANIA XXVIII
April 1, 2012
Sun Life Stadium – Miami, Florida

–  Your hosts to be named later.  Before the main show, here is the pre-show match for the WWE Tag Team Championships.

–  Your pre-show match hosted by Josh Matthews and Matt Striker.

WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS
1.  The Usos vs.  Justin Gabriel & Tyson Kidd vs.  Primo & Epico (with Rosa Mendes)

–  Jey, Primo, and Kidd begin things in the ring.  Primo dumps himself over the corner to the floor.  Tyson rolls up Jey for 2.  Primo with a springboard dropkick in the ring on Kidd gets 2.  Jey on top, superplex TOWER O’ DOOM on all three men.  HOT TAGS to Jimmy and Epico.  Bubba Bomb on Epico.  Tilt a Whirl Backbreaker on Gabriel.  Blind tag by Jey and SUPER SAMOAN DROP IN MID AIR!  Epico dropped and Primo makes the save on the cover at 2.  Everyone with their Wrestlemania suicide dives to the floor!  Back inside, SUPERFLY SPLASH on Gabriel.  BACKSTABBER ON USO!  Cover gets 3 and Primo and Epico retain the titles @ 5:02.  (Good tag match to get you pumped…I’ll throw it a C+.  Better than 3/4 the shit I see on TNA every week.)
—————————————————————————————————————
–  Lilian Garcia starts out with “America the Beautiful”.  Sorry Canadian fans, we got nothing for you tonight.  
–  Lots of Flex Kavana and Prototype pics sprinkled throughout the opening video.  Taker and Triple H make the cut too.  Everyone else?  Who cares, right Vince?
–  Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry “The King” Lawler.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
1.  Sheamus vs.  Daniel Bryan (with AJ)
–  DB kisses AJ and BROGUE KICK!  Its over in 18 seconds and we have a new World Champion!  (Are we going for shock value here?  That just devalued the Royal Rumble.)
–  Backstage Team Johnny gets ready and Miz settles them down.  He is ready to win tonight and they ignore him.  David Otunga brings in John Laurinaitis and he is dressed like Brother Love.  He rallies the troops.
2.  Kane vs.  Randy Orton

–  Orton pounds away on Kane to start and stomps him to the apron.  He attempts the Middle Rope DDT and Kane blocks it.  He lays Orton out on the ropes and BOOTS him in the face.  Cover gets 2.  Kane blown up early and chinlocks Orton.  BOO-YAY spot and Kane uppercuts Orton down for 2.  Crowd is dead as Orton escapes a neck vice, yet gets booted back down.  Kane with a nice delayed suplex for 2.  Kane with a chinlock AGAIN and Orton headbutts free.  Orton flips out a sidewalk slam and hits his signature over-the-backbreaker.  Orton shoulder-posts Kane.  Orton grabs Kane through the ropes and snaps the Middle Rope DDT.  RKO blocked and boots Orton in the face for 2.5.  Kane heads up top and Orton dropkicks him in mid air.  Orton goes for a Concussion Kick, countered to a CHOKE SLAM by Kane for 2.8!  Orton ducks a clothesline, blocked RKO, and dropkicks him in the knee.  Kane on the second rope and Orton catches him.  Orton calls a superplex on a camera.  CHOKESLAM FROM THE TOP!  Kane wins it @ 10:56!  (Wow, that was surprising.  Crowd was dead and this thing got better in the closing minutes.  C+.)
–  Backstage, Santino eats crab legs with the guy from Deadliest Catch.  Mick Foley joins in with a bad pirate impression.  Socko and Cobra attack the crab legs which brings Ron Simmons in for the Wrestlemania DAMN Moment.  
–  We pause in the middle of Wrestlemania to mark out to the National Guard.   
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP
3.  Cody Rhodes vs.  Big Show

–  Cody in a new pleather coat.  Yes, I am critiquing wardrobe tonight.  Show still in camouflage dog turds.  Cody dropkicks Show out the ring an dives into a press slam.  Show presses him in the ring.  HUGE hiptoss  and a CHOP to the chest of Cody.  Show presses his ass in the face of Cody in the corner.  Show misses a corner charge.  Cody dropkicks him down.  Spinning toe hold on Show.  Cody continues to kick at Show and gets chopped down.  Show charges and Cody kicks him in the face.  Show grabs Cody off the top and pushes him to the floor.  Cody on the apron…BEAUTIFUL DISASTER.  Cody goes for it gain and SPEARS Cody in the nuts.  Might have torn something there.  Show with a huge right and knocks out Cody.  We have a new Intercontinental Champion @ 5:18.  (Cody danced around Show and Show really looked horrible in the ring.  Really like how Show put down the left strap to punch with the right hand.  C-.)
–  We hype the Divas match…this ought to be Steamboat-Flair all over again.
4.  Beth Phoenix & Eve Torres vs.  Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos
–  What the hell is on Beth’s head?  Maria with a Greek flag top.  Please don’t question my sexuality…just always notice these things.  Eve begins with Kelly as “Hoeski” rings throughout Miami.  Kelly eats an elbow and gets kicked down.  Eve heads up and gets crotched.  Maria comes in and DOUBLE STINKFACE.  Eve has enough and drops Maria as Maria laughs during the match.  Beth tagged in and boots Maria gingerly.  Waist lock on Maria and Eve comes in.  Double row boat on Maria.  Eve shakes her ass and Maria kicks her through the ropes.  HOT TAG to Kelly.  Kelly heads up top and flips in mid air and lands on Beth.  Eve stops the count.  Maria heads up top and Beth presses her.  Kelly pulls her down, throws her into Eve on the apron.  Maria rolls up Beth for the win @ 6:44.  (Fucking embarrassing watching Maria laughing during the rest holds.  And THIS…THIS, got more time than Cody and Big Show.  D-.)
–  Backstage, Matt Striker is standing by with a rosy-cheeked Shawn Michaels.  This match is an end of an era…blah blah blah.  He holds the power in the palm of his hand.
–  A new attendance record in Sun Life Stadium:  78, 363.  Dave Meltzer is already counting seats.
–  Hell yes, we get Jim Ross for this next match and his goatee.  Must be evil JR.  
HELL IN A CELL MATCH
SHAWN MICHAELS IS THE GUEST REFEREE
5.  Triple H vs.  The Undertaker
–  Iron Maiden looking entrance for HHH.  Taker comes out dressed as Super Shredder.  Cool effects with Taker parting the smoke he walks through and lots and lots of pyro.  Taker unveils his ginger, shaved head.  He looks like he should be running the Aryan Nation in a prison yard somewhere.  Metallica hits and the cell lowers.  Shawn decides not to tuck in his shirt for the encounter.  They exchange rights and Taker backs him to the corner.  HHH rolls to the outside and Taker slams his head into the steps.  HHH thrown into the cage and backdropped on the floor.  Taker continues to work the head with hard fists and chokes HHH.  Shawn steps in and Taker shoves him back.  HHH thrown hard into the cell again.  HHH thrown into the ringsteps and tossed back in the ring.  HHH comes back with a botched clothesline and facebuster.  Taker no-sells and uppercuts him down.  Taker works the arm and its time to go OLD SCHOOL!  HHH rolls to the outside and Taker blasts him with the ring steps.  Taker lays out HHH with a legdrop over the apron.  Taker comes back in the ring and HHH boots him and nails a DDT.  Ringsteps in the ring and HHH goes for a Pedigree on it.  Taker backdrops him instead.  Taker hits the ropes and HHH with a SPINEBUSTER ON THE STEPS!  HHH kneels down and HELLS GATE IS LOCKED IN!  HHH lifts him and powerbombs him down for 2.  HHH grabs a chair and brings it down on Taker’s back.  HHH slightly cut over the eye.  HHH wears Taker down with about 8 shots to the back and Shawn can’t event get in the middle of it.  Tack on about 10 more as I typed that.  Taker’s back is bruised and cut up.  Shawn is shoved down and Taker tells him NOT to stop the match.  HHH yells for him to stay down and jabs him in the ribs.  ANOTHER shot over the back and cover gets 2.5.  HHH goes under the ring for the sledgehammer.  Sledgehammer to the face gets 2.8!!!  He goes for a sledgehammer shot over the head and Shawn grabs the hammer away from him.  HHH wants the match stopped and Shawn checks on Taker.  Taker grabs Shawn and clamps on Hells Gate.  HHH with another sledgehammer to the head.  Taker kicks HHH in the balls and Hells Gate again!  HHH has the sledgehammer but drops it.  HHH falls limp and Taker lets go.  Here comes Charles Robinson flailing around as he unlocks the cage.  Taker chokeslams HHH.  Cover gets 2.9!!!!!  CHOKESLAM for Charles Robinson’s troubles!  HHH blocked the Tombstone, SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO TAKER, PEDIGREE!!!!!!!  Cover gets 2.999999999999999999999999999!  Now HHH tosses Shawn to the floor!  Taker sits up and boots HHH to the face!  Running clothesline and Snake Eyes.  Big boot by Taker and then a legdrop!  Take that Hulkster!  Tombstone connects!  HHH kicks out at 2.999999999999!  They battle from their knees and now on their feet.  Tombstone blocked, Pedigree connects!  Cover gets ANOTHER 2.99999999999999!  HHH grabs his sledgehammer again.  Taker grabs a chair and stands on the sledgehammer.  Taker with a solid shot to the back of HHH.  Now Taker wears out HHH with this crumpled chair.  Shawn pleads with Taker as he covers for 2.  HHH gives Taker the sledgehammer and says fuck you with a crotch chop.  Taker BLASTS him in the face.  HHH crawls his way up Taker and into a Tombstone.  Shawn counts the 3 and Taker is 20-0 @ 30:49.  (That was a fucking war!  That was flawless storytelling.  False finishes be damned…the match had everything.  Even a little blood.  A+.  And the hell with whomever says I’m rating it too high.)
–  Post match, Shawn hugs Taker as HHH lies on the mat.  Takers back is bruised to shit!  This man is not human.  Taker “Wrestlemanias” in front of his 20-0 sign on the Titan Tron.  Taker and Shawn help up HHH and he can’t even stand.  
–  Highlights from last night’s Hall of Fame.  Mike Tyson looks like Floyd Mayweather.  Flair tells us “what’s causing all of this”.  We go live to Howard Finkel to bring out the Class of 2012.
–  Heath Slater runs into Flo-Rida backstage.  Flo shoves him down because Heath wants to be in the show.    Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks (remember them) help Slater up.
12 MAN TAG MATCH, WINNING BRAND’S GM RUNS BOTH BRANDS
6.  Team Johnny:  Drew McIntyre/Jack Swagger/Mark Henry/The Miz/Dolph Ziggler/David Otunga (with Vickie Guerrero, Brie Bella, & John Laurinaitis) vs.  Team Teddy:  Kofi Kingston/Santino Marella/The Great Khali/R-Truth/Zack Ryder/Booker T (with Hornswoggle, Nikki Bella, Aksana, & Teddy Long)

–  Kofi and Dolph begin things.  Everyone is in their respective shirts.  Kofi catches Dolph on a charge and boots him down for 2.  In comes Truth for a double hiptoss.  Drew comes in and so does Khali.  He chops him over the head and now on the chest.  Booker comes in and hits a superkick.  Sidewalk slam gets 1.  Otunga runs interference and Booker takes out the side.  Big boot by Drew.  Swagger comes in and kicks Booker down in the corner.  Wristlock grounds Booker.  Booker fights free and Swagger drops him for 2.  Henry comes in and pounds on Booker in the corner.  Miz tagged in and knees Booker with a running kneelift for 2.  Booker blocks a suplex and counters with one of his own.  Dolph tagged in and stomps away at Booker.  Jumping elbow drop by Dolph.  Miz tagged back in.  Miz rus into a jumping sidekick.  Henry runs in with a WSS.  Kahli comes in and clubs him down.  Now its all 12 in the ring.  Ryder tosses Otunga.  Hornswoggle off the topand gets thrown to the floor HARD by Henry.  Aksana SPEARS Vickie on the floor.  Bellas are brawling.  WTF!?  Booker and Miz in the ring.  HOT TAG to Santino.  He wails away on Miz.  Santino heads up top and nails a diving headbutt.  Cobra time.  Johnny on the apron and escapes from the death grip of the Cobra.  Miz eats Cobra and Dolph makes the save.  Ryder in and hits Dolph with the Ruff Ryder.  Eve in the ring and Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Ryder for the win @ 10:35.  (Too much of a clusterfuck in this one.  Miz is now 3-0 at Wrestlemania.  D+.)
–  Post match, Eve with a low blow on Ryder and she walks off.  Team Teddy is stunned.  Really?
–  WWE Extreme Rules in 28 days….yep…28 days.  Torrie Wilson and A-Rod sitting front row.  And the media is going apeshit for Wrestlemania and so did Miami all week.  
–  Backstage, Team Johnny celebrates and Johnny informs Punk that if he gets DQ’d, he loses his title.
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
IF PUNK IS DISQUALIFIED, HE LOSES HIS TITLE
7.  Chris Jericho vs.  CM Punk

–  They trade waistlocks and Punk takes down Jericho.  Jericho’s tights read “Best in the World”.  Punk chops Jericho against the ropes.  Punk stomps Jericho down in the corner and allws him to get up.  Jericho slaps Punk to the face several times.  He knees Jericho until a count of 4.  Jericho asks him how his father is and Punk lays in some elbows.  Punk slams Jericho down and heads up top.  Jericho rolls to the outside and Punk clotheslines him from the top on the outside.  Punk has a chair and stops short and Jericho yells things about Punk’s family.  Sidekick from Punk.  Jericho backs up and kicks Punk in the face.  Jericho jumps to the apron and clotheslines Punk back in.  JERICHO SUPLEXES PUNK FROM THE APRON TO THE FLOOR!  Back inside and Jericho clamps on a chinlock.  Punk slaps him and gets free.  Tilt a whirl backbreaker drops Punk for 2.  Botched senton and Jericho gets 2.  They trade shots and Punk hops up top.  Jericho pulls Punk to the mat.  Punk charges the corner and Jericho gets his boot up.  Running faceplant by Jericho and he gets tossed into the corner instead.  Punk with several chops to Jericho and a turning kick to the face.  Punk with the knee to the face in the corner and bulldog is countered by Jericho.  Lionsault attempted, but Punk gets the knees up.  Jericho grabs the Walls of Jericho.  Punk turns him and covers for 2.  Punk slams Jericho and heads up top.  Jericho gets a knee up off the Top Rope Elbow.  Punk rolls to the outside.  He pushes Punk back in and GTS connects for 2 before Jericho gets to the ropes.  Punk with sharp kicks to Jericho’s body.  Standing switch and Punk is dropped.  Lionsault connects for 2.  They battle on the top rope and Punk goes for the top rope huricarana.  Jericho holds on for a WALLS OF JERICHO!  Punk makes the ropes.  Jericho charges and Punk backdrops him to the floor.  Punk dives through the ropes onto Jericho.  Back inside, Punk heads up top and jumps into a CODEBREAKER!  Cover gets 2.5.  They battle out their finishers and Jericho heads to the top rope.  Enziguiri by Punk on Jericho and his lays across the ropes.  Jericho blocks the GTS and WALLS OF JERICHO IS ON!  Punk tries for the ropes and Jericho pulls him back.  Punk rolls it into the ANACONDA VICE!  Couple of near falls and they are back battling for the Walls of Jericho.  Back to the Anaconda Vice.  Jericho taps out @ 22:19.  (Great ending sequence.  Crowd is visibly tired after 3 hours of action and it showed in this match.  Overall, a fantastic encounter…A.)
–  Wrestlemania 29, April 7, 2013.  The main event announced tomorrow.
–  Brodus Clay is out here.  He wants everyone to call their mamas.  He calls his and here comes out a woman with a fat ‘ol ass!  Now a bunch of “mamas” are out shaking their ass.  You know Vince is in the back dancing.  What the fuck is going on here?
–  Let’s plug the Rock’s GI Joe movie.  It’s in his contract, I’m sure.  And then we get ready for the match that is “once in a lifetime”.  
MAIN EVENT
8.  John Cena vs.  The Rock

–  Cena debuting a new Boston Celtics, RAH shirt.  Before Rock comes out, FloRida sings the Wrestlemania song, shirtless.  No worries, this will be edited out the DVD.  Hogan/Rock staredown to begin.  Cena shoves Rock down off the lockup.  Crowd is apeshit.  Headlock by the Rock on Cena, standing switch to a hammerlock.  Rock with a couple of armdrags and cradles Cena for 2.  Rock with a headlock and shoulderblocks Cena down.  Cena hiptosses Rock over and then a headlock takeover.  Rock pops Cena and charges at him.  Rock with a leg takedown and goes for the Sharpshooter and Cena rolls to the outside.  Cena back in and attacks the ribs in the corner.  He clotheslines the Rock down for 1.  Cena lays across on a bearhug on the Rock.  Rock rolls outside and Cena slams his ribs across the table.  Back inside, belly to belly by Cena gets 2.  Cena goes back to the bearhug.  Rock punches out and DDTs Cena.  Cover gets 2.  Rock with a spinebuster and here is comes…wait no the STF…Rock rolled out and Cena starts his Five Moves of Doom.  U CAN’T SEE ME.  Five Knuckle Shuffle! Cena lifts for the AA and Rock wiggles out.  They hit the ropes and double clothesline each other.  BOO-YAY spot, now.  Rock wins and walks into the AA for 2.5!  Cena lifts Rock and ROCK BOTTOM!  Cover gets 2.5.  Rock beats on Cena in the corner and gets bleeped on camera.  Sidewalk slam on Rock by Cena for 2.  Cena heads up top and stands there for a good 15 seconds.  Flying legdrop off the top connects for 2.7!  Cena lifts for the AA and Rock rolls off.  SPEAR by the Rock and Sharpshooter is locked in!  Cena makes the ropes.  Rock locks it in again and Cena makes the ropes again.  Cena is draped under the ropes and Rock comes on the outside with him.  Rock sends Cena to the steel steps.  Cena slingshots over the Rock back in and rolls into the STF!  Cena drags him to the middle and re-applies the STF.  Rock starts to fade out.  Arm drops once…twice..and Rock is up.  Rock slides to make the ropes.  Rock blown up something serious.  Rock stands up and drops Cena on his back.  Rock peppers Cena and Cena fights back.  AA blocked, standing spinebuster by the Rock.  It’s time for the People’s Elbow!  Cover gets 2.5.  Cena rolls him up for 2.  Rock sucking so much wind!  Cena catapults Rock to the turnbuckle and rolls him up for 2.  Cena puts Rock on the top rope.  Rock pushes Cena down.  Rock is on the top, cross body and Cena rolls through…..ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT!  Cover gets 2.999999999!  Now Cena wants to People’s Elbow, kip-up, ROCK BOTTOM!  Rock wins it @ 30:33.  (Pardon me for being biased, but Cena had to carry Rock in that one.  I expected more, but the match was great.  Rock still has it, I will say that.  A-.)
–  Show ends with $250, 000 of pyr being shot off as Rock stands in the ring breathing it all in.
FINAL THOUGHTS…
–  As this rivalry grew on and on, I had sided with Cena.  I was happy with the way the show went, even though I would have liked to see DB/Sheamus get more than 18 seconds of fury.  The casual fan (the people I watched it with) only marked out for Taker/HHH.  I was out my chair for that match.  Just loved it.  Call me old-fashioned.  It told a helluva story and I left that match spent.  Punk/Jericho didn’t disappoint either.  Everything else seemed rushed.  But hell it’s Wrestlemania…take it or leave it.  See you Thursday night.