Michael’s Impact Review

Impact Wrestling on Spike TV
May 10, 2012
The Impact Zone – Orlando, Florida

–  Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz.

–  We begin Impact with Bobby Roode headed to the ring.  He brags about the fact he took out Mr. Anderson last week.  Then he took out RVD with a DDT to a steel chair.  He’s a regular one-man wrecking crew and is oozing amazement.  In two weeks, he will become the longest reigning TNA Champion in the HISTORY OF THE WORLD!  Out runs RVD, who has had enough of listening to the champ’s accolades.  He chases Roode out the ring and Mr. Anderson attacks Roode from behind and throws him in the ring.  Now Jeff Hardy runs in the ring and we got ourselves a BEAT-DOWN!  Referees run in to restore order and cue Hulk Hogan’s music.  He is liking what he is seeing.  Almost reminds him of the nWo.  Not his words, mine.  He has an idea to shake things up tonight.  He’s thinking about a fatal four way for tonight.  If Hardy or Anderson scores the pinfall, they take RVD’s spot in the main event at Sacrifice.  If Roode wins, he can choose any of the three to face at Sacrifice.  If RVD wins, he keeps his title shot and he can name the stipulation at Sacrifice.  RVD agrees and things are official.

–  Backstage, Bully Ray says although Austin Aries is small; he has been the biggest thorn in his side EV-AH!  He is tired of Aries “bullying” him around.  He is taking out Aries for good tonight, but you gotta stay tuned to see how.
–  On tap for tonight, we get an update on James Storm.  We get a FINAL CONFRONTATION between Matt Morgan and Crimson.  (Although they only fought once, but who’s keeping score)  But up next, Brooke Tessmacher (who was photographed in an awfully cold studio) takes on Velvet Sky.  
–  Backstage, Gail Kim is concerned with Brooke beating her for the title.  Well, not really.  Madison is concerned for looking great for a guy in the crowd.  She asks Gail he opinion and Gail cares.  Well, not really.
1.  Velvet Sky vs.  Brooke Tessmacher
–  Tessmacher with a monkey flip and shoots Velvet across the ring.  She tries is again and gets dumped on her back.  Brooke dropkicks her down and gives her a stinkface.  Velvet is up and takes exception.  She stomps a mudhole in Brooke and throws some knees to the face.  Basement dropkick gets 2.  Velvet goes for In Yo Face and gets driven back to the corner.  Brooke with a back suplex into a face lant for the win @ 3:41.  (Match was decent until the horrible looking finish.  C-.)
–  Post match, Gail runs out and nails Brooke from behind.  (Wouldn’t we all like to…)  Eat DeFeet for Brooke’s troubles and Gail stands over Brooke as we fade to a promo for James Storm.  
–  Elsewhere, AJ Styles is gearing up for Kurt Angle at Sacrifice…not concerned about what Daniels and Kazarian are gonna reveal later.
–  AND elsewhere, Jeff Hardy will bring an end to the selfish generation.
THE FINAL CONFRONTATION
2.  “THE UNDEFEATED” Crimson vs.  Matt Morgan
–  As Morgan heads down to the ring, Bully Ray attacks him from behind.  He smashes a chair against his head and the ring post.  Morgan is busted open.  D Lo Brown, Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and referees run down to make the save and Morgan is twitching something bad.  WHAT?!?!?  NO FINAL CONFRONTATION!?!?!?
–  Back on Impact and…oh shit, Crimson has a mic.  He says he is tired of Morgan running his mouth about always wanting to end his streak.  He has the referee exercise the 10 count on Morgan.  Ya know, Dick Crimson ain’t so bad.  
–  We get the pleasure of RVD quoting Greek mythology.  Interesting story and how he compares himself to Achilles.  Austin Aries defends his X Division title next.
TNA X DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
3.  Zema Ion vs.  Austin Aries
–  Aries with a side headlock and kicks Ion out the ring.  Aries dives to the outside, but nobody home.  Ion takes off with a somersault dive on the outside connecting on Aries.  Back inside, back suplex into a knee smash gets 2 for Ion.  Jumping, middle rope moonsault meets the knees of Aries.  Ion drives Aries to the corner and Aries goes up top.  Missile dropkick connects.  Delayed running dropkick and Brain Buster gets Aries the win @ 4:18.  (SOLID match and the crowd is gonna apeshit for Aries these days.  C+.)
–  Daniels and Kazarian head to the ring.  FINALLY we find out what this big surprise is.
–  We re-live the opening segment form earlier.  Backstage, RVD says he is thinking ladder match for the stipulation if he wins.  He also says “no one gets higher than RVD”.
–  In the ring, Daniels and Kazarian are ready to reveal AJ’s secret.  Daniels gives AJ one last shot to come out and reveal things himself.  AJ comes out and says things need to stop now.  Kazarian says he was protecting AJ at first, then he saw this information and he couldn’t protect him anymore.  We see a picture of AJ and Dixie Carter at a bar.  The second photo shows AJ with his hands on her face.  The last photo is AJ kissing Dixie.  Daniels says a picture is worth a thousand words and drops the photos at AJ’s feet as they leave the ring.  
TNA TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
4.  Robbie E (with ROBBIE T) vs.  Devon
–  Devon fights off Robbie E and ROBBIE T at the same time.  Standing spinebuster wins it for Devon @ 1:13.  (DUD)
–  Post match ROBBIE T lays out Devon with a standing powerslam.  Robbie E stands up and holds up Devon’s belt.
–  James Storm is talking about building a barn and taking time away from the ring, while wearing ripped jeans and looking like a bad ass, in his opinion.
–  Backstage, Joesph Park is headed out to the ring.  Why?
–  Devon is challenging both Robbies to match at Sacrifice.  Bad idea….
–  A professional looking fake news story is shown about the disappearance of Abyss.  This brings Joseph Park to the ring.  He is impressed with how the Impact Zone looks.  He is sweating something serious and turns his attention to Bully Ray.  He says he isn’t going away.  He promises to buy a ticket and be at Sacrifice on Sunday.  Well he’ll be the only asshole paying for a seat in the Impact Zone.  Out comes Bully Ray.  He says this isn’t a courtroom, its a ring.  He says he will do the same thing to Park that he did earlier to Morgan.  Park asks if Bully got beat by Abyss.  Then he asks if Ray lost to Devon again.  He then wonders if Ray got beat up by a man half his size last week.  He asks how the whole bullying thing is working out for him and Ray shoves Park down.  
–  Ken Anderson says something but I found the Celtics-Hawks game more interesting, so I switched the channel.
MAIN EVENT
IF HARDY OR ANDERSON WIN, THEY REPLACE RVD IN THE MAIN EVENT AT SACRIFICE….IF ROODE WINS, HE PICKS HIS OPPONENT AT SACRIFICE….IF RVD WINS, HE PICKS THE STIPULATION AT SACRIFICE….GOT ALL THAT?????
5.  Rob Van Dam vs.  Mr. Anderson vs.  Jeff Hardy vs.  Bobby Roode
–  Stereo ass-whipping for Roode as the bell rings.  RVD shoves everyone aside to get him some.  Hardy and Anderson do battle on the other side of the ring.  Anderson gets sent to the outside.  Roode backdrops RVD to the floor.  Hardy misses a Whisper in the Wind and Roode covers for 2.  We’ll be right back!  Back on Impact and Hardy nails a basement dropkick on Rode.  He dives off the apron at RVD and misses and EATS THE GUARDRAIL!  Anderson in the ring and clotheslines Roode down.  RVD back in and hits a Split Legged Moonsault on Anderson for 2.  Springboard side kick by RVD goes for Rolling Thunder but runs into a DOUBLE R SPINEBUSTER for 2.  Roode goes for the Fisherman Suplex on Roode, blocked, Twist of Fate connects!  Anderson runs in and nails the Mic Check.  Anderson spears Hardy to the outside and RVD nails a FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH for the win @ 9:33.  (Good main event.  Got to it, high spots, fast paced, and a quick commercial break.  I’ll take that business all day.  B-.)
–  RVD sits atop the ladder and points down at Roode.  PYRO EXPLODES AND ABYSS IS STANDING AT THE TOP OF THE RAMP!  He tells his brother he is getting too close to the fire and to back off before he gets burned.  Show ends.  
FINAL THOUGHTS….
–  Last week I watched Impact and tried to see it from the eyes of a TNA fan (instead of the majority).  I did the same this week and enjoyed the show tremendously.  The matches and stories were well mixed.  They did a great job of hyping their pay per view, and it wasn’t even a go-home show.  Although many are taking a shit on the AJ reveal, I liked it.  I makes for a new story with many twist and turns.  Right now, though, my attention is on Spike TV’s MMA Uncensored show with King Mo and Dixie Carter announcing that he will compete in TNA and Bellator.  I’m actually more interested in how Dixie is on TV with “fuck hair”.  See you next Thursday.

Michael’s Impact Review

Impact Wrestling on Spike TV
May 3, 2012
The Impact Zone – Orlando, Florida

–  Your host are Mike Tenay and Taz.

–  We re-live Eric Bischoff covered in shit from last week.

–  Live in the ring is Ric Flair with a microphone.  This ought to be fun.  He says Hulk Hogan loves to play with him.  He says Hogan thinks he is the biggest star in this industry.  But he is Ric “G-O-D” Flair.  Hogan doesn’t want Flair pissed at him wearing (according to Flair) $6,000 in clothes and TWO Hall of Fame rings.  Out walks Hulk Hogan for a meeting of the minds.  Flair says it is good versus evil.  And Flair is the baddest man IN the planet.  Holy hell!  Hogan isn’t there to fight him; instead he is there to step the game up of Impact Wrestling.  <<<Waiting>>>  He wants Flair to help the newbies in Gut Check.  He asks Flair to do it for the fans.  Flair scoffs at that reasoning, but he will do it anyways.  
–  On tap for tonight…TNA GUT CHECK, ‘RVD and Bobby Roode select opponents for each other, and Knockouts do battle next.
–  Pre-recorded comments this week from Brooke and that is much better than a live mic.  Either she or Velvet promise to pin Gail tonight.  
1.  Madison Rayne & Gail Kim vs.  Brooke Tessmacher & Velvet Sky
–  Pearl Harbor job by Gail Kim on Velvet to kick it off.  Don’t think that’s racial insensitivity because Gail is from Toronto.  Gail and Madison work the knee of Velvet over.  Velvet finally hits a bulldog and makes the HOT TAG to Brooke.  Gail drops her, tries for Meet Defeet, blocked, Velvet takes out Madison.  Brooke with her own Meet Defeet on Gail gets the win @ 4:45.  (Match pretty much wrote itself.  Knockouts don’t disappoint this week.  C.)
–  We re-live the BLOODBATH between Raven and Jeff Jarrett from the first Slammiversary.  
–  Oh shit…RVD with the live mic in the ring.  He cuts EVERY one of his catchphrases from ROB-VAN-DAM to one of a kind.  OH, he was killing time until Bobby Roode comes out.  He wants RVD to tell him whose **BLEEP** his gets to kick.  God, RVD is blitzed out of his mind.  RVD says Roode will face Mr. Anderson…..Anderson.  Roode says RVD will face Jeff Hardy.  I’m happy with the second.  Could do without the first.
–  Still to come, Kurt Angle, Daniels, and Kazarian face Magnus, Samoa Joe, and AJ Styles.  Up next, Devon defends his TV title.  
TNA TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
2.  ROBBIE T vs.  Devon
–  ROBBIE attacks Devon before the bell and slaps him around.  Devon mounts the usual comeback with corner splashes and diving shoulderblocks.  Benoit Headbutt from the top gets him 2.5.  Robbie E comes in and gets blasted.  Another shoudlerblock by Devon on ROBBIE T.  Robbie E BLASTS Devon with the clipboard and shatters it everywhere!  Devon wins via DQ @ 2:43.  (Wanna go ahead and DUD it, but I popped for that clipboard shot…can’t lie.  D.)
–  Backstage, Al Snow and Ric Flair are discussing Gut Check and Al introduces the third judge, Bruce Pritchard.  Brother Love, where I come from.  After the break, the judges are discussing if Alex Silva is worthy of the almighty TNA contract.  Flair says he was the shits.  Pritchard says it was just nerves and the kid has it.  Al Snow agrees.  Flair says the fans opinion don’t dictate the business???  My head is near explosion.  We leave it at a cliffhanger…more to come.
–  Elsewhere, Hulk Hogan informs Ken Anderson that he will face Bobby Roode later.  And to prove how delusional Hogan is these days, he says Anderson could be the number one guy in the company.  He makes his match a No DQ match for later.
3.  Jeff Hardy vs.  Rob Van Dam
–  Chain wrestling to start and RVD uses his legs to cradle Hardy for 2.  RVD sent to the floor and Hardy connects with a clothesline off the apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  RVD shoots Hardy off the ropes, tries a monkey flip, and Hardy drops down for a 2.  RVD comes back with a BIG TIME monkey flip out the corner on Hardy.  Hardy catches RVD coming in with an elbow and connects with a Whisper in the Wind.  Cover gets 2.  Bobby Roode comes down to the ring.  He nails Hardy in the back with the belt and RVD superkicks him for the win @ 4:38.  (I guess they were pressed for time, because this just didn’t click in 4 minutes.  C-.)
–  Backstage, Bully Ray runs into Joesph Park.  Park tries to question him and Ray threatens him.  Park backs down.  
–  Elsewhere, Jeremy Borash brags about what he and Garret Bischoff did to Eric Bischoff last week.  Up walks Bully Ray and he drags JB to the ring.  He threatens him until Austin Aries comes out.  A Double owns him and says Ray used to be pasty and fat.  Ray has heard enough and knocks the mic out his hand.  He says Aries represents small men and spits in Aries’ face.  Aries beats him down until security comes out.  They hold Aries back and Ray takes the opportunity to kick him in the nuts.  
–  Backstage, Kaz and Daniels talk about how great it will be winning the tag titles and embarrassing AJ.  Up walks Kurt Angle and he says he is focused on making AJ tap at Sacrifice and for them to stay out of his way.
4.  Kurt Angle, Daniels, & Kazarian vs.  Magnus, Samoa Joe, & AJ Styles
–  PIER SIXER as the bell rings.  Magnus and Kaz get it on until Angle comes in.  Angle spits at his OWN corner and chinlocks Magnus.  AJ gets the hot tag and hits a Spicolli Driver over the knee on Kaz.  Joe dives through the ropes on Daniels.  Ankle Lock on AJ by Angle.  Blind tag by Kaz.  Joe comes in and knocks Daniels and Angle into each other.  Fade to Black attempted by Kaz and AJ blocks.  Styles Clash ends it @ 4:30.  (OK!  This was a good way to spend 4 and a half minutes and do it right.  I loved it, everyone got their offense in and no one looked weak.  Built two matches up for Sacrifice.  C+.)
–  Angle argues with Daniels after the match.  Daniels grabs the mic and says AJ has 7 days before he reveals the SECRET.  
–  Now its time for the fate of Alex Silva.  Al Snow is getting all serious like this is Tough Enough.  Flair stands with his face to the side, imagine a US quarter.  Flair tells Silva, he looks goo but now is not the time. Bruce Pritchard tells him last week Silva didn’t show his greatest stuff, but they need talent.  Well fuck it, I’m trying out then if it is that easy.  Al Snow says 2 out of 3 must pass.  Flair stares him down as Silva says WOOOOOOOO.  Not a good idea.  Flair says no.  Snow says yes.  Snow gives him 30 seconds to say what’s on his mind.  Silva starts talking to his dead father.  Flair stops him and tells him to stop talking to the marks.  Silva starts over and cuts a decent promo.  Flair changes his mind and says Silva is in.  Pritchard says yes as well.
MAIN EVENT
NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH
5.  Mr. Anderson vs.  Bobby Roode
–  Brawl goes to the floor and Roode tries to piledrive Anderson on the floor.  Anderson backdrops him.  Rolling senton on the floor by Anderson and we’ll be right back.  Back on Impact and Roode is punishing Anderson.  He props a chair up in the corner and Anderson sends Roode head first into it.  Swinging neckbreaker by Anderson.  Floating kick by Anderson gets 2.  Anderson charges the corner and Roode kicks him in the face.  Roode heads up an gets crotched.  Anderson goes for the rolling senton again and Roode counters with the DOUBLE R SPINEBUSTER!  Cover gets 2.5.  Here comes Jeff Hardy.  Spinning kick on Roode.  Mic Check on Hardy?!?  Roode nails Anderson in the gut with the chair.  He cracks it over his back and hits a Fisherman Suplex for the win @ 11:06.  (Decent enough main event.  I won’t shit on Anderson too bad this week.  He put it all out there and didn’t half-ass it tonight.  C+.)
–  Roode lays out everyone in the ring with a steel chair.  RVD runs out to make a save and Roode bails.  Roode slides back in and nails RVD with the chair.  Roode slithers over him as the show ends.  
FINAL THOUGHTS…
–  I really don’t have any negative things to say about tonight’s show.  They found something for Flair to do.  And he can be Flair without being Flair, if that makes any sense.  I mean, Flair has become a parody of himself with his mic skills and trying to draw heat from the crowd.  Instead, they let him evaluate talent and give them tips on how to become better.  Now that I have seen how they are doing Tough Enou….err….Gut Check, I like the concept.  Okay, one thing I am puzzled about?  Exactly why is AJ and Angle having to face each other at Sacrifice?  I would rather sit the two out than them face each other with no purpose.  And I am a big proponent of seeing these two in the ring every time I get the chance.  They are my two favorite stars in TNA, yet there is no reason for them to hate each other.  Just a waste of time.  Same with Hardy and Anderson, but I can do without that on a regular day.  See you next week.

Michael’s Impact Review

Impact Wrestling on Spike TV
OPEN FIGHT NIGHT #1
April 26, 2012
The Impact Zone – Orlando, Florida

–  Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz.

–  Backstage, Hulk Hogan addresses all the TNA champions in the back to begin the show.  He says any of them could be called out.  He calls their titles “straps”.  That’s not very kayfabe…or is it?  Gail Kim is not happy with this and says it so many times Hogan just ignores her.  He singles out the Tag Team Champions.  Soon enough, Hogan just turns his back to them and just cuts a promo to the camera.  He welcomes everyone to TNA Open Fight Night, BROTHER.  A nice fancy video follows.

–  In the arena, Devon makes his way to the ring.  Devon is fully drenched in sweat and says he wants to give his opportunity to one man.  His sorry excuse for a brother, Bubba.  Who is Bubba?  Bubba the Love Sponge?  I would love to see that actually.  OH, he is talking about Bully Ray.  Ray is in the back with the entire locker room and asks Ric Flair, who is eating a fucking sucker, if Devon is serious.  Ray heads to the ring and says he doesn’t want to be in the same ring as Devon.  He says he is tired of making Devon a star…he had to do it for 15 years, mind you.  He tells Devon to go to hell and turns his back on him and heads up the ramp.  Devon attacks him in the aisle and they brawl around the ring.  Bell rings so….
TNA TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
1.  Devon vs.  Bully Ray
–  Ray rolls in the ring and begs off.  Devon throws him into the corner and hammers away on Ray.  Devon heads up top and gets crotched.  We’ll be right back!  Back on Impact as Bully Ray drops elbows on Devon.  Ray is slightly cut over his eye.  Ray with a running splash gets 2.  Devon knocks Ray to the mat and comes back with a flying shoulderblock.  He charges the corner and Ray counters with a big boot for 2.5.  Ray turns and runs into a Standing Spinebuster.  Devon covers for the win @ 9:37.  (I would have loved to see Ray take the belt in this one, but a good match between the two.  C+.)
–  Backstage, Aries laughs at the fact that Ray lost.  He says soon enough he will get his hands on Ray.
–  Elsewhere, Ric Flair promises to throw a helluva bash tonight to send off Eric Bischoff.  Not bleeping his name this week.  Flair says his life has been one non-stop party for 63 years.  I guess he is done with his sucker.
–   In the locker room, Kazarian and Daniels brag to Angle how they helped him win against AJ last week.  Angle says he didn’t need their help and he will show them a different side of him if he sees them near the ring again.
–  Jeremy Borash is headed to the ring.  He is here to call out someone.  Not a wrestler, an employee.  JB has been there longer then anyone in the company.  He says there hasn’t been a bigger prick in the last 3 years than Eric Bischoff.  He wants to put his fist down EB’s throat right now.  Now Eric Bischoff is headed to the ring.  JB asks Eric if he wants to take a picture of him.  JB alludes to Bischoff drunk posting on Facebook.  Really?  Bischoff calls him an idiot and Bully Ray runs down and nails JB in the balls.  Bischoff asks for a referee to come down to the ring and count him out.  Bischoff lifts JB’s leg over his head and pins JB.  He slaps him around some more and poses karate style as Ray takes more pictures.  
–  Now TNA stars reflect on Eric Bischoff.  Ken Anderson runs his mouth…I black out momentarily.  
–  NOW ANARQUIA HAS A MIC??!?!?!?!??  TNA is daring me to change the channel.  Anarquia makes and open challenge to anyone in the back.  Out comes….
2.  Anarquia (with Sarita, Rosita, & Hernandez) vs.  Kurt Angle
–  Anarquia backs up and says Hernandez will fight him.  Angle turns to Super Mex and Anarquia attacks Angle from behind.  Soon enough, an Angle Slam and Ankle Lock and Angle wins it @ 49 seconds.  (I would take a shit on this except for the fact that Angle kicked ass and is back to be a face.)
–  We meet Gut Check contestant Alex Silva.  He is from OVW and heads down to the ring with Al Snow.  
–  Back on Impact Wrestling, Al Snow explains that you can go online and sign up for Gut Check.  He brings out Alex Silva’s opponent….
TNA GUT CHECK MATCH
3.  Alex Silva vs.  Robbie E (with ROBBIE T)
–  Al Snow and Taz on commentary for this match.  Robbie slaps Silva and Silva slaps him down.  Silva explodes with a clothesline out the corner.  Robbie is up and drops him down with a clothesline, as well.  Robbie heads up to the second rope and misses the Fist Pump Elbow.  Powerslam by Silva gets 2.  Robbie gets up and Silva jumps over him.  Robbie slaps him and hooks in a Impaler DDT for the win @ 2:19.  (Silva’s timing was a little off but he had intensity.  Robbie tried to make the kid look good.  D.)
–  Dixie Carter will not miss Eric Bischoff.  Big shock there, might have been shooting there a little bit.  
–  Backstage, Hulk Hogan addresses the top tag teams of TNA and wants to hear why they should get a title shot.  Daniels says MCMG already had a shot.  EY and ODB, well one is a man and the other has a beard. LINE OF THE NIGHT!  He says Anderson and Hardy hate each other.  MCMG say they want the shot more than anyone else.  He asks Hardy and Anderson if they can get along.  Anderson kisses Hardy on the face and says he loves him.  He asks ODB and EY if they are ready fresh off there honeymoon.  EY says they are undefeated and promises ODB to Hogan.  (Hitting a little close to home, ehh, Hulkster?)  Hogan says MCMG they already lost at Lockdown and he is worried about Sabin’s knee so he eliminates them out as a choice.  Ahh horseshit, Hogan!
–  Brooke Tessmacher heads to the ring and calls out Gail Kim.  She says beating her last was no fluke.  Very bad promo form Brooke, but the bitch is hot.  Non-title match up here.
4.  Brooke Tessmacher vs.  Gail Kim
–  Gail attacks Brook and throws her into the corner.  Gail toys with Brooke and does really put much into the match.  Overhead fireman’s carry slam by Gail.  Brooke is up and dropkicks her down.  Gail is up and boots her back down.  Gail calls her a piece of shit and slaps her again.  Gail misses a missile dropkick.  Brooke lifts her in a sidewalk slam and into a faceplant for the win @ 3:56.  (I mean couldn’t we really all predict what was coming?  D+.)
–  Backstage, Daniels is confident they will be getting their title shot.  Kazarian says if AJ doesn’t show next week, they will reveal the secret.  
–  We see RVD capturing the #1 contender-ship last week.  Bobby Roode says he ain’t scared.
–  Backstage, Roode introduces himself to Alex Silva and Al Snow.  He said he had to make many sacrifices  just  to get a contract.  He tells him to always expect the unexpected and punches Silva in the gut.
–  Back in Hogan’s office, he says EY and ODB aren’t taking things seriously and eliminates them out.  He tells the 2 remaining teams to meet him in the ring for his decision.
–  Oh it’s time for Garret Bischoff to give his thoughts on Eric Bischoff.  He says Impact will be a better place without him.  
–  Bully Ray is on the phone and is interrupted by Joseph Park.  Park says he wants answers to his brother’s whereabouts.  He goes to give Ray his card and Ray tells him to shove it.
–  Tag Champions head to the ring and are followed by Daniels and Kazarian.  Now Jeff Hardy and Mr. Anderson head to the ring.  Finally, here comes Hulk Hogan to make his decision.  He agrees that Daniels and Kazarian are a cohesive unit.  But the unpredictability of Anderson and Hardy is what he likes more.  So….
TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS
5.  Magnus & Samoa Joe vs.  Jeff Hardy & Mr.  Anderson
–  Joe and Anderson begin things with Joe stomping Anderson down.  Joe turns and Anderson beats him down.  He grabs a wristlock and hesitates to tag Hardy.  Joe runs over and tags Magnus and now Hardy comes in.  Magnus runs into a head scissors throw and Hardy covers for 1.  Hardy works the arm and tags in Anderson.  Joe gets tagged back in and Anderson continues to argue with Hardy.  We’ll be right back.  Back on Impact (well actually got caught up in the NFL draft) but Joe is covering Hardy for 2.  Joe charges the corner and Hardy catches him with a back elbow.  Whisper in the Wind connects.  HOT TAGS AROUND!  Swinging neckbreaker by Anderson gets 2.  Anderson charges Magnus and gets tossed.  Deep powerslam by Joe on Hardy gets 2.5.  Jawbreaker by Hardy and Twist of Fate connects.  Magnus on the outside throws Anderson to the ringsteps.  Hardy gets off the top rope and hits Magnus with a clothesline off the apron.  Anderson back in an grabs Joe for the Mic Check.  Joe blocks, rollup by Anderson, Joe opens his legs and clamps on the Triangle Choke for the win @ 10:57.  (Slow start but built to a great match.  Liked seeing these two teams against each other in the ring.  B-.)  Post-match, Daniels and Kazarian attack the champions on the ramp.  
–  Time for the Eric Bischoff Farewell Party.  Ric Flair, Daniels, Kazarian, Gunner, and Bully Ray make their way to the ring.  Flair says we are here to celebrate not mourn.  He says he can celebrate like no other.  Fans start in with singing goodbye to Bischoff.  Flair gets pissed and says he hates wrestling fans.  Out comes Eric Bischoff wearing lots of denims.  Thanks to Taz for pointing that out.  Flair says Dixie should be on her knees thanking him for coming to TNA.  He says Bischoff is the reason Hogan is in TNA, and the same for Ric Flair.  Flair invites any woman to come in and sleep with Bischoff tonight?  Flair thanks Bischoff for all he has done.  Gunner personally thanks Bischoff and calls him a father figure.  Flair gives Bischoff a Rolex watch.  Bully Ray has the mic and says he is the wind beneath his wings.  Fuck….it’s Garret Bischoff.  He comes out with Jeremy Borash, Austin Aries, the Motor City Machine Guns, and RVD.  They have a gift for Bischoff.  JB inducts Eric Bischoff into the TNA Shed of Shame.  Out rolls a yellow port-a-john.  Garret grabs his father and throws him in the SOS.  They lock him in and tip it over.  Bischoff emerges covered in shit and pukes in the port-a-john.  
FINAL THOUGHTS…
–  Overall I thought the show was good.  I liked the matches…fresh match-ups.  Some bad stuff mixed in, but overall I could appreciate some fresh ideas.  The Bischoff send-off party was surreal seeing how the last time I remember Bischoff having an embarrassing send-off from TV, I was in the arena watching Vince fireman carry him into a garbage truck.  The Gut Check thing could be cool, but when you take the trainer from the first Tough Enough and rip the idea of Tough Enough off, I can’t help but think the negative outweighs the positive.  One last note, I hope we are not headed for ANOTHER Jeff Hardy/Ken Anderson rivalry.  Nothing more, I can really expand on that statement…it speaks for itself.  See you Sunday for EXTREME RULES!

Michael’s Impact Review

Impact Wrestling on Spike TV
April 19, 2012
The Impact Zone – Orlando, Florida

–  Seriously, was that hit on Hossa really NOT a penalty?

–  Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz.

–  Tonight’s show begins with a look back (in still photos) at the abortion TNA labeled as Lockdown.  James Storm is emotional that he did not win the belt for his family.  He says it’s time to go home to his family.
–  We are live in the Impact Zone and the TNA Heavyweight Champion is out with a new, short haircut.  He says it feels good to be champion as the crowd chants SHUT THE HELL UP.  Very edgy, Impact Zone.  He gives Storm credit that he was able to give him the Last Call Superkick.  Crowd chants HE LET YOU WIN.  Really?  Roode says there is no one left to beat and this brings out Mr. Anderson.  Jesus, God, NO!  Roode owns him quickly as Anderson continues to chew gum and out comes Jeff Hardy.  Because he is the default #1 contender after every pay per view.  Anderson says he is the #1 contender because he walked out first.  Roode tries to egg them on.  Now Hulk Hogan is on the big screen.  He books Anderson versus Hardy for the title shot at Sacrifice for the main event.  Now because there are 3 other men in the ring, HIT HOGAN’S MUSIC!
–  Tonight on tap, Hulk Hogan will make a major announcement.  Kurt Angle faces AJ Styles.  Up next, Crimson and Bully Ray take on Austin Aries and Matt Morgan.
1.  Crimson & Bully Ray vs.  Matt Morgan & Austin Aries
–  Crimson meets Morgan in the ring to take some clotheslines.  Windup slam by Morgan and he misses a Carbon Footprint.  Ray boots him back in the ring.  Ray in the ring and works over the knee of Morgan.  Crimson back in and snaps back on the knee of Morgan.  Morgan gets free and HOT TAG to Aries.  He forearms Ray down and basement dropkick on Crimson.  He hops over Crimson for 10 punches in the corner on Ray.  Crimson SPEARS Ray by mistake.  Morgan clotheslines Crimson up and over.  Aries DIVES between the ropes onto Crimson.  Aries tries the Brain Buster on Ray and gets rolled up instead to give Ray and Crimson the win (handful of tights as Ray stared at his ass) @ the 6:03 mark.  (Did not like this pairing.  Why wasn’t Aries the one getting beat down for Morgan to get the hot tag?  Makes no sense.  D+.)
–  OH JOY!  Garret Bischoff is headed to the ring!
–  Backstage, Jeff Hardy is limping around and says that since he beat Angle at Lockdown, it’s Anderson’s turn for a shot to fight for the TNA Heavyweight Title.  
–  In the ring, Garret is with his Lockdown teammates and is sniffing his own farts, basically.  Crowd is more into RVD.  Garret thanks his team and everyone puts him over to give him a little rub.  Ahh, out comes Ric Flair.  Flair says they are there because of Eric Bisch-BLEEP!  Flair calls Garret a disrespectful disgrace.  Flair will hold an appreciation party for Eric next week and everyone in the ring isn’t invited.
–  Backstage, Kaz and Daniels are getting ready to tell the world what the beef between Daniels and AJ is really about and it has nothing to do with Kazarian.
–  Backstage, Magnus and Joe are talking to Devon.  Hogan wants all the champions out there later on.  I smell a WCW re-tooling.
2.  Kurt Angle vs.  AJ Styles
–  AJ works the arm and Angle knocks him back to the corner.  AJ charges into a boot and Angle waistlocks him.  Suddenly the feed goes out so, I guess, we’ll be right back.  Back on Impact and AJ with a flying forearm in the corner.  AJ on the apron and hits the springboard Superman Forearm.  AJ calls for the Styles Clash, blocked, Angle Slam, blocked, and AJ kicks him down.  Daniel is on the apron and Angle rolls up AJ for the win @ 6:25.  (Horse shit…I was really pumped for that one too.  D+.)  Daniels hands an envelope to AJ and AJ is stunned at what he reads.  NO PAYOFF!
–  Backstage, Joseph Park is talking to Gunner.  He tries to force him to give him details.  Gunner shoves him back and tells him to go find Bully Ray.
–  Back in the ring, Magnus, Samoa Joe, Gail Kim, and Devon are headed to the ring.  Suddenly TNA goes black and MORE COMMERCIALS!  What the hell is going on tonight??!?!?!??
–  Let’s try this again…now Bobby Roode is headed to the ring.  Wait, now backstage, RVD runs into Hulk Hogan.  Hogan thanks him for Lockdown.  He adds RVD to the main event of tonight’s number contender’s match.  Now Hogan is walking to the ring.  Hogan says change is in the air, starting next week.  There will be a special episode once a month called “Open Fight Night”.  A wrestler outside of TNA will get a match on OFN and will get judged by Hogan’s judges to earn a TNA contract.  They can call out any wrestler on the TNA roster.  This angers Roode.  Gail too.  Hogan plugs his Twitter instead.  Devon says he likes the idea.  A little too loud for my liking, but nonetheless.  Hogan says the TV Title will be defended every week.   Got all that?  Me either.
3.  Rosita, Sarita, Madison Rayne, & Gail Kim vs.  Brooke Tessmacher, Tara, Mickie James, & Velvet Sky
–  Velvet begins it with Sarita and head scissors takes down Sarita.  In comes Rosita.  Velvet drops her and Gail distracts.  Velvet dropped and Gail hits the flying clothesline for 2.  Velvet comes back with a series of chops.  Gail tags in Madison.  Mickie tagged in and hits a basement dropkick.  Mickie takes out the corner and faceplants Madison.  Sarita drops Mickie’s head across the top rope and Madison covers for 2.  Rosita back in.  She runs into a falling neckbreaker and Tara is tagged in.  Sarita comes in and Tar hits the standing moonsault for 2.  Brooke in and Sarita uses the ropes to flip out the double hiptoss.  Double clothesline instead.  Brooke covers for 2 and Madison interrupts it.  Gail in with Brooke now.  We got bitches everywhere now.  Brooke tries to monkey flip Gail, but gets rolled up.  She puts her legs on the ropes and Velvet pushes her legs off.  Gail turns towards her and Brooke rolls her up for the win @ 5:37.  (Hate to say it, but with Angle vs AJ on the card, THIS rates better tonight.  C.)
–  Backstage Ken Anderson over-acts and I hate it.
–  At an undisclosed location, EY and ODB lay poolside.  ODB says there is no jealousy issue anymore while EY ices down his balls.  EY threatens a pool attendant and drops trow.  
–  James Storm is headed this way, but first…
TNA TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
4.  Gunner vs.  Devon
–  Gunner attacks before the bell and Devon fights back.  Devon charges the corner and Gunner elbows him down.  Gunner covers for 2.  Gunner drops a knee on Devon for another 2.  Devon hits the ropes and nails a diving shoulderblock.    Devon wins it with a standing spinebuster @ 4:05.  (Decent encounter…Devon had a little pep in his step tonight.  C-.)
–  Now here comes James Storm to the ring and he hugs Devon on the way…but first MORE COMMERCIALS!  
–  Back once more.  They realize they have another match tonight, right?  Storm says he beat himself, Roode didn’t beat him.  He thinks maybe he can’t go anymore and the crowd tries to convince him otherwise.  Storm drops the mic and leaves.
MAIN EVENT
#1 CONTENDER TO THE TNA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
5.  Rob Van Dam vs.  Mr. Anderson vs.  Jeff Hardy
–  Anderson clotheslines RVD down and stomps Hardy down too.  RVD is up and drops everyone.  BIG TIME monkey flip on Hardy.  RVD drops Anderson again and celebrates.  Hardy with a chop block and covers RVD for 2.  Anderson DDTs RVD down for 2.  Hardy back in the ring and hits Whisper in the Wind on Anderson.  Anderson is up and hits a swinging neckbreaker on Hardy.  RVD with Rolling Thunder on Hardy.  Anderson grabs RVD with a Finlay Drop.  Hardy nails Anderson with a Twist of Fate.  Hardy heads up top and nails the Swanton on Anderson.  RVD tosses Hardy aside.  RVD up top…FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH!  Hardy charges and RVD with a backslide for the win @ 5:22.  (A good match, although it was rushed.  Like that RVD gets the shot, because any time Anderson fails, I am happy.  C+.)
FINAL THOUGHTS…
–  Not sure how I feel about this show tonight.  Kind of a neat idea from Hogan to start up Open Fight Night.  At the same time, what’s the most we get out of this?  Hardcore Holly showing up to face Devon for the TV Title?  John Morrison making an impromptu challenge and beating Austin Aries?  Anything short of finding another Austin Aries, this can’t be a million dollar idea.  But I will reserve judgement.  In other news, RVD is back and already #1 contender again.  I smell him joining the list of people that fail, but again, I reserve judgement.  See you next Thursday.