ECW on Sci-Fi 12/23/08 & 12/30/08

12/23/08 is the annual Best Of show that’s all recap and video packages so I’m fucking that off and skipping to the last show of 2008 instead.

We get a cold open with The Dirt Sheet, with both men debating the positives of abs vs. eating cheeseburgers. Various wrestlers get insulted with Morrison mocking Cena’s acting abilities (woah there, Boone) before comparing Hornswoggle to an animal. This brings out both Finlay & Horny (Miz: ”down boy, down!”) resulting in both guys/freaks getting beat up by Morrison & Miz until…The Boogeyman makes the save. You have to try really hard to make a Miz & Morrison match unappealing but By Jove Holmes, you’ve done it.

Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry

This feels like an apology for the previous segment. Loud-arse chants for Matt who throws his awesome punches to no effect on Mark who headbutts Matt down. Matt won’t stay down so Henry has to keep pummelling him. A press slam doesn’t stop him so Tony Atlas has to distract Matt so Mark can connect with a Banzai Drop. When we return from break, the commentators are silent for a minute as we get the second week of production fuck-ups. Maybe Gavin Spears is moonlighting. Mark squeezes Matt which only increases the cheers. Mark attempts to skidmark Hardy across the ropes but he scurries away, sadly resulting in Hardy getting sling-shotted instead. Mark misses a sit-out splash enabling Matt to hit his second-rope elbows off the top and get a Side Effect for two. Matt takes out Tony on the apron leaving him clear to hit the Twist of Fate…except Swagger runs in and gives Matt a Doctor Bomb for the DQ.

Winner via DQ: Matt Hardy (An abbreviated version of their usual match, working as a side-dish to the Swagger main course. Was good while it lasted though due to the sheer amount of love Matt brings with him.)

Promo package for Kizarny, who spends the entire time hanging out with sideshow freaks and speaking in carnie.

This was annoying after thirty seconds so no wonder they dumped him quicker than Eric Escobar.

Paul Burchill vs. DJ Gabriel

Oh wonderful, we go from one award-winning gimmick to another as we get the debut of Incest Paul and Katie Lea. They’d dump it after a while but not after some arm-rubbing and DO YA GET IT YET looking-at-the-camera levels of implication. Burchill does his best to wrestle wearing a sneer but looks more like he’s just been told he’s going from pirate to sister-fucker.

I don’t remember Burchill being bad last time they allowed him on TV but he’s regressed to Mike Knox-levels of clothesline-stomp-chinlock and the only noise the crowd makes is chanting BORING. Another clothesline followed by another rest-hold and you’d think Burchill was the newbie here rather than DJ. Another chinlock from Paul who is moving around like he’s got two peg-legs until DJ hits a complicated slam, Paul recovers and rolls-up Dead Gimmick’s Chest for the awkward win.

Winner: DJ Gabriel (Paul bombed harder than Cutthroat Island.)

Finlay & The Boogeyman vs. John Morrison & The Miz (No DQ)

Fit slaps Miz around while JBL watches happily in the back, wearing a hat and nothing else. Miz & Morrison are double-teamed by Finlay & Horny, taking Earthquake splashes and then a clothesline by Boogey. Miz goes the other side of the ring but Boogey’s hand holds him in place from under the ring while Horny dives with his tiny tope.

It’s a testament to Miz & Morrison’s talent that they can sell for Hornswoggle and still be taken seriously as wrestlers. Finlay gets dumped on the apron and takes various double-teams from the Slammy Award winners as Boogey earns his money and drools on the apron. Boogey eventually clotheslines both Miz & Morrison but goes back on the apron and when Finlay tries a comeback, Morrison rolls him up for the three. Oh.

Winners: John Morrison & The Miz (No idea what the ending was about, it looked set up for Finlay to turn on Boogeyman for being shit but instead he dances with some kids to end the show and Finlay points at the camera and laughs at you for watching wrestling in December.)

Overall: This time of the year is for family and Muppet’s Christmas Carol so it’s your own damn fault for expecting something good on the brand featuring Boogeyman, Kizarny, incest and Main Event Hornswoggle. Happy new year and fuck you too.

I’ve been Maffew and I’ll be doing 2009, don’t worry. Follow me on Twitter and watch me on Cultaholic. Please.

Oh also I finally watched Botch Club so you can find out my thoughts by clicking here.

ECW on Sci-Fi 12/16/2008 #132

Jeff Hardy finally won the big one at Armageddon during the best singles run of his career so brother Matt is out here to talk about happy they’re both champions at the same time. He doesn’t mention Kozlov so I guess that one-week feud is over. Chavo Guerrero interrupts as Vickie wants revenge for a Hardy taking Edge’s belt so Teddy Long walks out dressed as an elf to make this match officially serious.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi 12/16/2008 #132

ECW on Sci-Fi 12/09/2008 #131

We start with Tommy Dreamer talking about how much ECW means to him and how he’s put fifteen years of his life into this and all the other things he tells the cashier at Wallmart he sees wearing a John Cena shirt underneath their work gear. Out of nowhere, Kozlov (of all people) gives Dreamer the Iron Curtain and challenges Matt Hardy tonight. He leaves via the crowd so Jack Swagger saunters out to give Dreamer the Doctor Bomb because he’s the ALL AMERICAN AMERICAN.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi 12/09/2008 #131

ECW on Sci-Fi 11/18/2008 #128

We’re in Atlanta, GA (baddest Atlanta in the whole USA) and John Morrison and The Miz are here to brag as we see footage of The Miz pinning HBK last night on Raw. I do not remember that happening but I’m sure message boards looked like Kristallnacht the day after.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi 11/18/2008 #128

ECW on Sci-Fi 11/11/2008 #127

We’re in the ”United Kingdom” according to the graphic but I can confirm it’s the Manchester MEN Arena because I was at this show! Think it was my first live WWE show, naturally I went by myself because it was a wrestling show in 2008 and I nearly got into a fight with a bored dad who took exception to my vintage WCW shirt and got his son to call me a loser. He was right, but fuck him anyway.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi 11/11/2008 #127

Smackdown – December 4, 2018

Date: December 4, 2018
Location: Frank Erwin Center, Austin, Texas
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves

We’re coming up on TLC and the big story, and pretty easily the real main event of the show, is coming from Smackdown. That would of course be the women’s triple threat, though odds are we’re going to be stuck watching Baron Corbin and Braun Strowman close things out at the pay per view. Hopefully we get a nice show tonight though as this has been a heck of a build towards the women’s triple threat, especially now that Becky is cleared. Let’s get to it.

Read moreSmackdown – December 4, 2018

Smackdown – November 27, 2018

Date: November 27, 2018
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

It’s a night of returns this week as both AJ Styles and Becky Lynch are scheduled to appear, at least according to the preview. Of course the preview was rather wrong last week so you never know what you might get. My guess is three new authority figures, two long chinlocks and a rematch in a wrestling ring. Let’s get to it.

Read moreSmackdown – November 27, 2018

Smackdown – November 20, 2018

Date: November 20, 2018
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips

It’s the final night in Los Angeles and that means it’s probably time for the Shane McMahon Show. Since being swept by Raw on Sunday, Shane has promised big changes for the show and that could mean several things. In theory this is the start of the long awaited Shane heel turn, meaning Paige’s job might be in jeopardy. Let’s get to it.

Read moreSmackdown – November 20, 2018

ECW on Sci-Fi 10/14/2008 #123

We’re in Las Vegas, NV and we start with an even-sweatier-than-usual Mark Henry. We get clips from last week of Henry’s destruction of Jamie Noble and Matt Hardy. Tony Atlas demands a title shot for Henners but Teddy disagrees and makes Henry one of the choices at Cyber Sunday for a title match. Henry stares down Teddy until Air Bourne’s original (superior) theme interrupts things. Bourne offers Henry a hand-shake but retracts it while grinning to show his alliance with The Riott Squad and guaranteeing he’s going to get his wig split.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi 10/14/2008 #123

ECW on Sci-Fi 10/07/2008 #122

We’re in Skoplane, WA (home of Chuck Jones & David Lynch so it sounds like a lovely place). Matt Hardy retained at No Mercy last week so our main event is announced as…an eight man tag guest-starring Kofi Kingston and CM Punk. And absolutely nothing is made of the fact the former World Heavyweight Champion is returning to ECW, Striker simply hypes the ”young, upcoming talent” and try to pretend Punk’s Worst Run As Heavyweight Champion Since Tim Sylvia didn’t happen.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi 10/07/2008 #122

Smackdown – October 30, 2018

Date: October 30, 2018
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Corey Graves, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton

It’s the go home show before Crown Jewel and there isn’t much to talk about with this show. I’d expect a lot of build towards the World Cup of Wrestling with a tag match between the four participants already announced. I guess that since we’re already done with Money in the Bank this year we need another form of the same lazy booking style. Let’s get to it.

Read moreSmackdown – October 30, 2018

ECW on Sci-Fi 09/30/2008 #121

We’re in Green Bay, WI and Teddy Long starts the show by sadly letting Tiffany introduce ECW Champion and The World’s Strongest Challenger Mark Henry to the ring. Henry reminds Matt he has a tough week ahead of him as he’s in the Triple Threat Brand Champion match on Smackdown with Jericho and HHH. If you haven’t seen that match, take a guess how it ends and you’ll be right.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi 09/30/2008 #121

ECW on Sci-Fi 09/23/2008 #120

We’re in Columbus, OH with Matt Striker and Jim Ross (replacing Grisham) and we start with Morrison & Miz on the mic. Miz is furious at Evan Bourne’s win last week as even though it was a win for him, Miz was technically the more superior athlete. They should be headlining PPVs not babysitting newbies. Miz headlining a PPV? Haaaaa good one.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi 09/23/2008 #120

ECW on Sci-Fi 09/16/2008 #119

Matt Hardy vs. Mike Knox

Knox still has welts on his face from last week’s tag match, courtesy of Matt Hardy (I’m pretty sure it was Finlay but it makes for a better story so illallowitmillslane.jpg)

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi 09/16/2008 #119

Super Show-Down

Super Show-Down
Date: October 6, 2018
Location: Melbourne Cricket Ground, Melbourne, Australia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Renee Young, Corey Graves

We’re at the latest big international show here and that means…well it’s hard to say actually. There’s a lot going on at the moment in WWE but they have a tendency to turn these shows into a glorified house show with almost nothing happening. Hopefully WWE has figured that out and knows that we need to actually get something important on the show. Let’s get to it.

Read moreSuper Show-Down

Smackdown – October 2, 2018

Date: October 2, 2018
Location: Moda Center, Portland, Oregon
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

With less than a week before the big show in Australia, most of the card is set. Tonight you can expect a heavy dose of Miz vs. Daniel Bryan, as the other Smackdown main event of AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe is all but set. That won’t stop WWE from talking about the Raw matches non stop though, as Undertaker vs. HHH is by far and away the real main event. Let’s get to it.

Read moreSmackdown – October 2, 2018

Smackdown – September 25, 2018

Date: September 25, 2018
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Commentators: Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips

With less than two weeks to go before Super Show-Down, a lot of the big feuds are already in high gear. It’s almost like Smackdown has a good idea of how to set up a pay per view rather than just wasting time and having everything else going on at once. The big story is of course Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles for the World Title so let’s get to it.

Read moreSmackdown – September 25, 2018

ECW on Sci-Fi 08/26/2008 #116

We’re in Wilkes-Barre and Tiffany introduces the show to…introduce Teddy Long. Long announces that they will be following in the steps of Raw & Smackdown and the ECW Title match at Unforgiven will now be a Scramble Match. Hilariously, Teddy tells us he isn’t going to try to explain the rules but encourages us to check out WWE dot com instead. Given Teddy’s track record with describing things more complicated than ”get pinned, lose” that’s for the best. Here you go Tedders:

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi 08/26/2008 #116

Smackdown – September 11, 2018

Date: September 11, 2018
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Commentators: Corey Graves, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton

We’re five days away from Hell In A Cell and for the most part the card is already set. That means a lot of setting up the parts of the card that are already established, which can make for some entertaining television. We also get to find out who will be facing the New Day for the Smackdown Tag Team Titles. Let’s get to it.

Read moreSmackdown – September 11, 2018

ECW on Sci-Fi 08/19/2008 #115

Last week’s edition got a lot of views (probably because of the click-bait title of The One That Got A Ref Fired) so let’s continue with The One After Summerslam 2008 (oh boy I can smell the hits already.)

Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry (ECW Title)

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi 08/19/2008 #115