Monday Night Raw
Date: May 13, 2019
Location: 02 Arena, London, England
Commentators: Renee Young, Michael Cole, Corey Graves
We’re over in England this week for a taped show, which happens to be the go home show for Money in the Bank. I’m not sure what we’re going to be seeing this week but odds are we’ll be getting a match between the people involved in Sunday’s ladder matches. Oh and at least four people from Smackdown, because the Wild Card Rule is a mess. Let’s get to it.
We start off with terrible news as The Miz was drafted to Raw on Monday, thus splitting up one of the great tag teams of the era and leaving the just-unified tag team division in such a state that super-teams like Jeri-Show, D-X and Jeri-Edge had to step in.
Upon hearing the news, Miz hugged Morrison then immediately left him laying, foreshadowing both men’s WWE careers.
Monday Night Raw
Date: April 29, 2019
Location: Rupp Arena, Lexington, Kentucky
Commentators: Michael Cole, Renee Young, Corey Graves
It’s a homecoming show for me as Rupp Arena hasn’t hosted a Raw since 2010, which was the first Raw there since 2000. Since I live ten minutes from the arena, it was rather nice to not have such a long drive home. Now the problem with that is it was a long show, but that’s Raw for you. Let’s get to it.
It’s the show after Wrestlemania and Josh Mathews joins Striker on commentary with both of them looking & sounding like they’re ready to discuss men’s rights.
Christian & Finlay vs. Mark Henry & Kane
Finlay qualified for MITB by pinning The Brian Kendrick on Smackdown, which seems a tad unfair given Christian had to win a battle royal to earn his shot.
After last week’s nothing of a show the main event tonight is…MVP’s VIP Lounge. Oh good they’re being consistent.
Teddy Long welcomes Finlay & Horny to the St. Patrick’s Day episode of ECW and they immediately lose Hornswoggle quicker than a failed piss test.
Primo Colon vs. The Miz
Amazingly both men are still on the roster in 2019 with Miz demolishing Primo last week on Smackdown. They show a clip of Morrison & Miz dressing up as Ben Affleck to mock The Colons (Striker: “the punctuation?”).
Tonight, Swagger teams with Miz & Morrison in the main event to ensure the rest of the card will be like the forty minutes Tarantino could have cut out of his film but insisted on leaving in.
Smackdown
Date: March 19, 2019
Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
It’s a Kofi Kingston night as he has to run a gauntlet match to get to the main event of Wrestlemania. In theory, with so few shows left to go before the pay per view, they’ll finally announce the match and let us have a few weeks to build. There’s a lot of other stuff to build on the way there too though and I’m not sure how much time everything else is going to get. Let’s get to it.
We’re in Nashville (birthplace of Big Kev) and Christian gets his first ECW Title shot tonight against Jack Swagger, which he earned by being Christian.
Dramatic recap of last week’s ”IT’S…CHRISTIAN” setting up this week’s main event tag match.
I’m not one for superstitions but this is how this episode starts.
Last week Hornswoggle stole Swagger’s title so Finlay’s wrestling Jack tonight and possibly getting a title shot out of it if he wins, which doesn’t set a great example to the kids.
Smackdown
Date: February 19, 2019
Location: Smoothie King Center, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton
Kofi Kingston! Rhythmic Clapping! Sunday’s Elimination Chamber match for the Smackdown World Title was one of the most dramatic moments WWE has presented in years. Kingston was on the verge of becoming WWE Champion and while he came up short, the question now is can he actually pull off the upset. With the nothing Fastlane coming up, Bryan is going to need a challenger. Let’s get to it.
This past Sunday at the Royal Rumble, Matt Hardy turned on his brother to fuck the dirtsheets and their ”Christian is returning” mumbo jumbo.
Last week the undefeated Jack Swagger became the brand new ECW Champion after smashing Matt Hardy’s face into the exposed turnbuckle.
And of course despite losing his title, the first question Todd Grisham has is about his brother Jeff and his latest mishap.
We get the first dramatic video package in a long time for the Jack Swagger vs. Matt Hardy title match as the first big match in a long time on this show.
We’re in New Orleans for the first ECW on Sci-Fi of 2009 and here’s a kid busting a move to the hard pipes of Finlay’s theme.
12/23/08 is the annual Best Of show that’s all recap and video packages so I’m fucking that off and skipping to the last show of 2008 instead.
Jeff Hardy finally won the big one at Armageddon during the best singles run of his career so brother Matt is out here to talk about happy they’re both champions at the same time. He doesn’t mention Kozlov so I guess that one-week feud is over. Chavo Guerrero interrupts as Vickie wants revenge for a Hardy taking Edge’s belt so Teddy Long walks out dressed as an elf to make this match officially serious.
We start with Tommy Dreamer talking about how much ECW means to him and how he’s put fifteen years of his life into this and all the other things he tells the cashier at Wallmart he sees wearing a John Cena shirt underneath their work gear. Out of nowhere, Kozlov (of all people) gives Dreamer the Iron Curtain and challenges Matt Hardy tonight. He leaves via the crowd so Jack Swagger saunters out to give Dreamer the Doctor Bomb because he’s the ALL AMERICAN AMERICAN.
We’re in Washington, DC and Swagger finally has his chest pounds!
Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger (Extreme Rules)
This has been building for a while but we’re a long way off having ECW on Sci-Fi Takeover: Providence so here we go.
We’re in Atlanta, GA (baddest Atlanta in the whole USA) and John Morrison and The Miz are here to brag as we see footage of The Miz pinning HBK last night on Raw. I do not remember that happening but I’m sure message boards looked like Kristallnacht the day after.