We start off with terrible news as The Miz was drafted to Raw on Monday, thus splitting up one of the great tag teams of the era and leaving the just-unified tag team division in such a state that super-teams like Jeri-Show, D-X and Jeri-Edge had to step in.
Upon hearing the news, Miz hugged Morrison then immediately left him laying, foreshadowing both men’s WWE careers.
It’s the show after Wrestlemania and Josh Mathews joins Striker on commentary with both of them looking & sounding like they’re ready to discuss men’s rights.
Christian & Finlay vs. Mark Henry & Kane
Finlay qualified for MITB by pinning The Brian Kendrick on Smackdown, which seems a tad unfair given Christian had to win a battle royal to earn his shot.
After last week’s nothing of a show the main event tonight is…MVP’s VIP Lounge. Oh good they’re being consistent.
Teddy Long welcomes Finlay & Horny to the St. Patrick’s Day episode of ECW and they immediately lose Hornswoggle quicker than a failed piss test.
Primo Colon vs. The Miz
Amazingly both men are still on the roster in 2019 with Miz demolishing Primo last week on Smackdown. They show a clip of Morrison & Miz dressing up as Ben Affleck to mock The Colons (Striker: “the punctuation?”).
Tonight, Swagger teams with Miz & Morrison in the main event to ensure the rest of the card will be like the forty minutes Tarantino could have cut out of his film but insisted on leaving in.
We’re in Nashville (birthplace of Big Kev) and Christian gets his first ECW Title shot tonight against Jack Swagger, which he earned by being Christian.
Dramatic recap of last week’s ”IT’S…CHRISTIAN” setting up this week’s main event tag match.
I’m not one for superstitions but this is how this episode starts.
Last week Hornswoggle stole Swagger’s title so Finlay’s wrestling Jack tonight and possibly getting a title shot out of it if he wins, which doesn’t set a great example to the kids.
This past Sunday at the Royal Rumble, Matt Hardy turned on his brother to fuck the dirtsheets and their ”Christian is returning” mumbo jumbo.
We’re in Washington, DC and Swagger finally has his chest pounds!
We’re in Laredo, Texas for a shorter-than-normal episode because of reasons.
We’re in Las Vegas, NV and we start with an even-sweatier-than-usual Mark Henry. We get clips from last week of Henry’s destruction of Jamie Noble and Matt Hardy. Tony Atlas demands a title shot for Henners but Teddy disagrees and makes Henry one of the choices at Cyber Sunday for a title match. Henry stares down Teddy until Air Bourne’s original (superior) theme interrupts things. Bourne offers Henry a hand-shake but retracts it while grinning to show his alliance with The Riott Squad and guaranteeing he’s going to get his wig split.
We’re in Columbus, OH with Matt Striker and Jim Ross (replacing Grisham) and we start with Morrison & Miz on the mic. Miz is furious at Evan Bourne’s win last week as even though it was a win for him, Miz was technically the more superior athlete. They should be headlining PPVs not babysitting newbies. Miz headlining a PPV? Haaaaa good one.
We’re in Pittsburgh and we start with The Dirt Sheet. John Morrison brags about beating Stephen Hawking at 44 consecutive games of Pachisi. It gets no reaction so Miz says hello and gets booed. He mentions Unforgiven is taking place in his hometown of Ohio and gets even more boos. I don’t know much about American cities but I know that Ohio is up there with Detroit for ”name somewhere that’s going to get booed.”
It’s been a few weeks since the last ECW on Sci-Fi recap due to my hard drive dying and getting locked out of The Blog Of Doom so I’m glad there’s a news-worthy episode or this would have been ”Savio Vega at NWO 1998” levels of anti-climax.
It’s the show after Night of Champions but that’s only half the story: Around sometime the week before the show, Michael Hayes got drunk on doot-doot-doot and declared he was ”more of a N-Word than you” to Mark Henry, who somehow didn’t see the funny side of the N-Bomb being dropped by a guy that used to wear the Confederate Flag on his face while singing ”It used to be called Goodstreet until you guys moved in!”
Monday Night Raw
Date: January 5, 2004
Location: Pyramid, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
It’s a new year and my goodness it couldn’t come soon enough. While the last match of 2003 was an instant classic, it was a very rare sight to see on the red show. With two shows left to go before the Royal Rumble, it’s time to hit the gas but I’m worried about how much we’ll be hearing about Shawn Michaels vs. HHH. Let’s get to it.
It’s the show after Million Dollar Mania exploded and Vince died (again) so Teddy Long starts the show by wishing Mack-Man a speedy recovery. But anyway we’re in Houston, Texas and the Draft has happened which means the WHOMP-ASS version of ECW on Sci-Fi is finally here!
San Jose, California and we have a CHAMPIONSHIP CONFRONTATION between Kane and Big Show, as well as CM Punk vs. John Morrison Part VII: First Contact.
Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne vs. Shelton Benjamin & Mike Knox
Sydal is re-named and officially part of the ECW roster after last week’s thrashing from Shelton Benjamin. Unsure why they thought Hitler’s wife was a good influence but at least Dolph Ziggler doesn’t feel lonely anymore.
But first, WWE One Night Stand 2008!
The Big Show vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. John Morrison vs. CM Punk vs. Tommy Dreamer (Singapore Cane Match)