We start off with terrible news as The Miz was drafted to Raw on Monday, thus splitting up one of the great tag teams of the era and leaving the just-unified tag team division in such a state that super-teams like Jeri-Show, D-X and Jeri-Edge had to step in.
Upon hearing the news, Miz hugged Morrison then immediately left him laying, foreshadowing both men’s WWE careers.
It’s the show after Wrestlemania and Josh Mathews joins Striker on commentary with both of them looking & sounding like they’re ready to discuss men’s rights.
Christian & Finlay vs. Mark Henry & Kane
Finlay qualified for MITB by pinning The Brian Kendrick on Smackdown, which seems a tad unfair given Christian had to win a battle royal to earn his shot.
After last week’s nothing of a show the main event tonight is…MVP’s VIP Lounge. Oh good they’re being consistent.
Teddy Long welcomes Finlay & Horny to the St. Patrick’s Day episode of ECW and they immediately lose Hornswoggle quicker than a failed piss test.
Primo Colon vs. The Miz
Amazingly both men are still on the roster in 2019 with Miz demolishing Primo last week on Smackdown. They show a clip of Morrison & Miz dressing up as Ben Affleck to mock The Colons (Striker: “the punctuation?”).
Tonight, Swagger teams with Miz & Morrison in the main event to ensure the rest of the card will be like the forty minutes Tarantino could have cut out of his film but insisted on leaving in.
We’re in Nashville (birthplace of Big Kev) and Christian gets his first ECW Title shot tonight against Jack Swagger, which he earned by being Christian.
Dramatic recap of last week’s ”IT’S…CHRISTIAN” setting up this week’s main event tag match.
I’m not one for superstitions but this is how this episode starts.
Last week Hornswoggle stole Swagger’s title so Finlay’s wrestling Jack tonight and possibly getting a title shot out of it if he wins, which doesn’t set a great example to the kids.
This past Sunday at the Royal Rumble, Matt Hardy turned on his brother to fuck the dirtsheets and their ”Christian is returning” mumbo jumbo.
We’re in Washington, DC and Swagger finally has his chest pounds!
We’re in Laredo, Texas for a shorter-than-normal episode because of reasons.
We’re in Las Vegas, NV and we start with an even-sweatier-than-usual Mark Henry. We get clips from last week of Henry’s destruction of Jamie Noble and Matt Hardy. Tony Atlas demands a title shot for Henners but Teddy disagrees and makes Henry one of the choices at Cyber Sunday for a title match. Henry stares down Teddy until Air Bourne’s original (superior) theme interrupts things. Bourne offers Henry a hand-shake but retracts it while grinning to show his alliance with The Riott Squad and guaranteeing he’s going to get his wig split.