It’s I Have Issues meets The Only Reviews You’ll Ever Need in the latest BoD Team-Up adventure!
were going to call it “Horrible moments that make you ashamed to
like comics and forces you to take shit from your friends who you
assured were going to see an awesome movie list!” In the end that
title was decided to be too long.
movies such as the ones below I have come to be very suspicious of
them, so I don’t watch many of them anymore unless I like the
creators on them. So for instance I have never seen a Ghost Rider
movie. So most of my choices are older ones and I am sure that I
missed other more ridiculous moments. Still you can’t deny, that my
about a man-monster that destroys shit and gets into fights over the
littlest thing that is unforgivable. I still really enjoy the Hulk
versus that tanks and choppers at the end but that is pretty much the
only thing good in the entire film. The worst part is by far when the
movie transitions using comic panels. It’s a head scratcher for sure.
It’s as if the creators said, “you know comic readers love those
white borders that hold the drawings in, why has no one else thought
to incorporate that in a comic movie! We will be the toast of the
town and carried around comic con on those pillow thrones as we get
our pick of any hot cosplay model we want!” Why don’t they use that
same logic when they adapt novels to the big screen? Maybe they could
put page numbers on every scene or show a hand flipping pages for a
transition shot? No I got it, when they adapt a video game they
could put a life bar above the characters, or have flashing Enter
Player 2 at the top of the screen! See how much fun it is when you
start to make stupid shit up!
gets so much right and then fucks it up with a few bad scenes.
Superman has a laundry list of superpowers so why they had to add a
few more to his arsenal I have no idea. None of these is more
ridiculous than the cellophane shield and no matter how much you try
to rationalize the other powers (superkiss yeah I could buy that!)
the cellophane is just too stupid.
more of a personal choice. So my family knows nothing about comics
and I am telling them how hardcore awesome Daredevil is. Sure Ben
Affleck (at the time) wasn’t the best actor and okay Bullseye doesn’t
have his costume and now Kingpin is black, it’s all fine because
Daredevil is cool and his coolness will transcend these minor
quibbles. Then this shit happened and I lost all credibility as a
full proof source for movie recommendations. This was the point in
the movie where I could no longer make excuses, much like sex with a
smelly chick or a bad expensive dinner, I was just gonna have to
the original creators fuck up a third movie after two good ones and
featuring arguably the best Spider-Man villain? The answer
futility. Even more amazing is the cast in this travesty! George
Clooney, Uma Thurman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Alicia Silverstone
(at the time) that is some star power right there! Joel Shumaker gets
all the blame but no one man could create this masterpiece in bad
filmmaking by their lonesome so listed below are others responsible.
5. – Wolverine Weighing A Ton – X-Men Origins: Wolverine
bones. After this happens, he discovers that the people who did this to him were
a bunch of no-goodniks, and intended to use him for bad. So, he escaped and
wound up at a local farm. The couple took him in, and later the man of the
house gave Wolverine a motorcycle. When he sat down on it, the bike went down
really far on the shocks, because of the weight of the adamantium. Why is this
stupid? If the adamantium grafted to his bones makes him so heavy, then how
come the wooden chair in the kitchen didn’t bust when he sat down? When he
jumped into a lake, why didn’t he just sink? Why isn’t he breaking all pieces
of furniture and such when he
sits down, and how is he even able to walk around if he weighs that much? I
know that’s classic nerd over-thinking, but it’s a moment that really annoyed
me. Granted, the film isn’t fantastic, and has a lot of stupid moments
[Deadpool, for one], but this one just really stuck out to me.
better. However, there’s one moment that sticks out to all fans as one of the
dumbest moments ever. Throughout the beginning of the film, we see Lois start
to piece together everything and come to the realization that Clark Kent is in
fact Superman. For an ace reporter though, it’s rather surprising that a pair
of glasses and a comb-over keep her from figuring out who he is. Anyway,
Superman finally comes clean, telling Lois the truth. Afterwards, Superman goes
human, gets his ass kicked, reverts back to Superman, and tells Lois they can’t
be together because his enemies would hurt her to hurt him. She cries a bunch,
and Superman decides it’s best to not listen to her whine forever. So, he
kisses her and it erases her memory. It has to be the laziest
get-out-of-a-painted-corner that we’ve ever seen in a film. A superkiss?! What
the absolute hell? It had never been done in the comic books before, making it
even more obvious that this was just a hackneyed plot device to get out of Superman and
Lois having a relationship. Couldn’t they have just done the ‘it was all a
dream’ deal like they did in the comics? I imagine someone suggested that, but
it was shot down for being too stupid.
was released, it quickly became one of the biggest films of all time. So,
studios were looking to cash in and milk some properties. Marvel thought they’d
try their hand with two of their most popular titles: Fantastic Four and
Captain America. Fantastic Four never saw the light of day, outside of
bootlegs, but we weren’t so lucky with Captain America. As the film gets going,
Rogers is turned into Captain America, and sent smack dab into The Red Skull’s
head-quarters. He arrives in the nick-of-time, as Red Skull is readying a nuclear missile right towards the White House. Before
he’s able to stop this bit of nasty business, he’s captured and strapped to it.
Meanwhile, a family is vacationing in Washington DC, and the precocious youngster of the fam heads out into
the night with his camera to snap pics of the monuments. As he’s taking
pictures with his 1940s camera, he all of a sudden sees a rocket headed towards
the White House. During the time between Germany and the U.S., Cap’ was able to
free himself and just before the rocket hits the White House, he pulls on it,
steering it in a different direction. Of course, at the very moment he yanks on
the missile, the kid, with his 1940s camera is able to snap a clear cut picture
of Cap’s face as he straddles the rocket. He of course keeps this picture, goes
on to become President of the US, and realizes that the Captain America he’s
been fighting crime with is in fact the man he took a picture of who was
straddling a rocket, low those many years ago. Could have been worse, Seth
Rogen could have written it.
from Marvel that was kick-ass. His second film upped the ante, and contains one
of the best sword fights in film history. The third one? Well….it’s got an
interesting plot, with the actual Dracula being real, and modern day vampires resurrecting him to help them deal with the
Daywalker. Once their plan gets into motion, Blade has to have some assistance
from The Nightstalkers, a group of young vampire hunters. There are two of them
who really get into the thick of it, played by Jessica Biel and Ryan Reynolds.
Now, I dig Ryan. He’s a good actor. I have no beef with him, except for this
film. He single-handedly ruins it with his unbelievably bad jokes and hipster humor. He’s that
guy who you see at a party, or some sort of social function that tries so hard
to be funny and then laughs at his own jokes. There’s nothing funnier than
someone who laughs at their own jokes. He even pulls out the classics like “Aaaalllll righty then!” as he
laughs and laughs. That’s Ryan’s character. At one point, he tells Blade that
he should have some therapy sessions, to which Blade glares at
him. Ryan responds with “I’ve had a lot of sugar today,” and boy howdy, is that
a knee slapper! The film is FILLED with this kind of crap, and ruins it without
mercy. On the plus side though, he does fight Triple H, and we get to see
it, but the director’s cut isn’t. There is one thing both have in common,
though: the absolute dumbest scene in comic book movie history. Daredevil is
hanging out at a restaurant as his normal self, Matt Murdock, when Jennifer
Gardner/Elektra shows up, and he aims to put the moves on her. She shrugs it
off and leaves, so he follows. What happens next is so asinine it defies
description. They start this Crouching Tiger-style of wire-fighting right there
in the park, doing flips, and super jump kicks, and mid-air blocks and
everything else you’d see a freaking blind lawyer doing mid-day. SERIOUSLY?!
Who the hell isn’t going to take notice of this? Why on Earth would Matt think
this is productive and conducive to him keeping his secret? I mean, if they
insist on them doing this stupid flirt-fighting, why can’t they at least have
it grounded in reality? Also, flirt-fighting does not work. I’ve given plenty
of females piledrivers before I realized that it just doesn’t work. Although I
haven’t completely ruled it out of my game.
– Recently updated with a MME entry, American Ninja. I’ve also got
other wrestling articles, horror, movie reviews, Top 4 articles, you
name it. Before it became a website, it booked pro-wrestling. It’s first idea was Robocop saving Sting. It became a website soon after.
WCW In 2000 – Recently updated with a Nitro, which is the worst one thus far. Easy.
Man Movie Encyclopedia Vol.1
– Endorsements from Scott Keith & Maddox, constant 5 star ratings
on amazon, and loved by fellow BoD’ers. The only book dedicated to
action movies that you can use as an assault weapon and pillow.