BoD Team-Up: 5 Most Ridiculous Scenes In Comic-Book Films

It’s I Have Issues meets The Only Reviews You’ll Ever Need in the latest BoD Team-Up adventure!

 

LostScribe –
 

When we first started this article we
were going to call it “Horrible moments that make you ashamed to
like comics and forces you to take shit from your friends who you
assured were going to see an awesome movie list!” In the end that
title was decided to be too long.
Disclaimer: After being burned by comic
movies such as the ones below I have come to be very suspicious of
them, so I don’t watch many of them anymore unless I like the
creators on them. So for instance I have never seen a Ghost Rider
movie. So most of my choices are older ones and I am sure that I
missed other more ridiculous moments. Still you can’t deny, that my
choices suck.
5. Ang Lee’s “Hulk”
Any scene using comic panels.
This movie is a snoozer and for a movie
about a man-monster that destroys shit and gets into fights over the
littlest thing that is unforgivable. I still really enjoy the Hulk
versus that tanks and choppers at the end but that is pretty much the
only thing good in the entire film. The worst part is by far when the
movie transitions using comic panels. It’s a head scratcher for sure.
It’s as if the creators said, “you know comic readers love those
white borders that hold the drawings in, why has no one else thought
to incorporate that in a comic movie! We will be the toast of the
town and carried around comic con on those pillow thrones as we get
our pick of any hot cosplay model we want!” Why don’t they use that
same logic when they adapt novels to the big screen? Maybe they could
put page numbers on every scene or show a hand flipping pages for a
transition shot? No I got it, when they adapt a video game they
could put a life bar above the characters, or have flashing Enter
Player 2 at the top of the screen! See how much fun it is when you
start to make stupid shit up!
4. Superman 2
Cellophane shield
It’s almost more painful when a movie
gets so much right and then fucks it up with a few bad scenes.
Superman has a laundry list of superpowers so why they had to add a
few more to his arsenal I have no idea. None of these is more
ridiculous than the cellophane shield and no matter how much you try
to rationalize the other powers (superkiss yeah I could buy that!)
the cellophane is just too stupid.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uS9GJNETHsw
3. Daredevil
Playground fight!
This scene is stupid but it really is
more of a personal choice. So my family knows nothing about comics
and I am telling them how hardcore awesome Daredevil is. Sure Ben
Affleck (at the time) wasn’t the best actor and okay Bullseye doesn’t
have his costume and now Kingpin is black, it’s all fine because
Daredevil is cool and his coolness will transcend these minor
quibbles. Then this shit happened and I lost all credibility as a
full proof source for movie recommendations. This was the point in
the movie where I could no longer make excuses, much like sex with a
smelly chick or a bad expensive dinner, I was just gonna have to
power through.
2. Spiderman 3
Bad Peter.
How could all the original actors and
the original creators fuck up a third movie after two good ones and
featuring arguably the best Spider-Man villain? The answer
1. Batman & Robin
The whole fucking movie!
“This move is awesome!” -said by no
one ever.
To pick out one scene is an exercise in
futility. Even more amazing is the cast in this travesty! George
Clooney, Uma Thurman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Alicia Silverstone
(at the time) that is some star power right there! Joel Shumaker gets
all the blame but no one man could create this masterpiece in bad
filmmaking by their lonesome so listed below are others responsible.
Akiva Goldsman
Mitchell E. Dauterive
William M. Elvin
Peter Macgregor-Scott
Benjamin Melniker
Macheal E. Uslan
Full list of those responsible
You all know what you did now go sit in
a corner.
J. Ryan Buck ([email protected])

Caliber Winfield

5. – Wolverine Weighing A Ton – X-Men Origins: Wolverine

In X-Men: Origins, Wolverine has adamantium grafted onto his
bones. After this happens, he discovers that the people who did this to him were
a bunch of no-goodniks, and intended to use him for bad. So, he escaped and
wound up at a local farm. The couple took him in, and later the man of the
house gave Wolverine a motorcycle. When he sat down on it, the bike went down
really far on the shocks, because of the weight of the adamantium. Why is this
stupid? If the adamantium grafted to his bones makes him so heavy, then how
come the wooden chair in the kitchen didn’t bust when he sat down? When he
jumped into a lake, why didn’t he just sink? Why isn’t he breaking all pieces
of furniture and such when he
sits down, and how is he even able to walk around if he weighs that much? I
know that’s classic nerd over-thinking, but it’s a moment that really annoyed
me. Granted, the film isn’t fantastic, and has a lot of stupid moments
[Deadpool, for one], but this one just really stuck out to me.
4. – Memory Erasing Kiss – Superman II
Superman II is a damn good film. The Richard Donner cut is even
better. However, there’s one moment that sticks out to all fans as one of the
dumbest moments ever. Throughout the beginning of the film, we see Lois start
to piece together everything and come to the realization that Clark Kent is in
fact Superman. For an ace reporter though, it’s rather surprising that a pair
of glasses and a comb-over keep her from figuring out who he is. Anyway,
Superman finally comes clean, telling Lois the truth. Afterwards, Superman goes
human, gets his ass kicked, reverts back to Superman, and tells Lois they can’t
be together because his enemies would hurt her to hurt him. She cries a bunch,
and Superman decides it’s best to not listen to her whine forever. So, he
kisses her and it erases her memory. It has to be the laziest
get-out-of-a-painted-corner that we’ve ever seen in a film. A superkiss?! What
the absolute hell? It had never been done in the comic books before, making it
even more obvious that this was just a hackneyed plot device to get out of Superman and
Lois having a relationship. Couldn’t they have just done the ‘it was all a
dream’ deal like they did in the comics? I imagine someone suggested that, but
it was shot down for being too stupid. 
3. – Captain America Riding A Rocket – Captain America [1990]
Perhaps we can blame Batman 1989 for this one. When that film
was released, it quickly became one of the biggest films of all time. So,
studios were looking to cash in and milk some properties. Marvel thought they’d
try their hand with two of their most popular titles: Fantastic Four and
Captain America. Fantastic Four never saw the light of day, outside of
bootlegs, but we weren’t so lucky with Captain America. As the film gets going,
Rogers is turned into Captain America, and sent smack dab into The Red Skull’s
head-quarters. He arrives in the nick-of-time, as Red Skull is readying a nuclear missile right towards the White House. Before
he’s able to stop this bit of nasty business, he’s captured and strapped to it.
Meanwhile, a family is vacationing in Washington DC, and the precocious youngster of the fam heads out into
the night with his camera to snap pics of the monuments. As he’s taking
pictures with his 1940s camera, he all of a sudden sees a rocket headed towards
the White House. During the time between Germany and the U.S., Cap’ was able to
free himself and just before the rocket hits the White House, he pulls on it,
steering it in a different direction. Of course, at the very moment he yanks on
the missile, the kid, with his 1940s camera is able to snap a clear cut picture
of Cap’s face as he straddles the rocket. He of course keeps this picture, goes
on to become President of the US, and realizes that the Captain America he’s
been fighting crime with is in fact the man he took a picture of who was
straddling a rocket, low those many years ago. Could have been worse, Seth
Rogen could have written it. 
2. – Every Scene With Ryan Reynolds from Blade: Trinity
Blade kicks ass. His original film was the first real release
from Marvel that was kick-ass. His second film upped the ante, and contains one
of the best sword fights in film history. The third one? Well….it’s got an
interesting plot, with the actual Dracula being real, and modern day vampires resurrecting him to help them deal with the
Daywalker. Once their plan gets into motion, Blade has to have some assistance
from The Nightstalkers, a group of young vampire hunters. There are two of them
who really get into the thick of it, played by Jessica Biel and Ryan Reynolds.
Now, I dig Ryan. He’s a good actor. I have no beef with him, except for this
film. He single-handedly ruins it with his unbelievably bad jokes and hipster humor. He’s that
guy who you see at a party, or some sort of social function that tries so hard
to be funny and then laughs at his own jokes. There’s nothing funnier than
someone who laughs at their own jokes. He even pulls out the classics like “Aaaalllll righty then!” as he
laughs and laughs. That’s Ryan’s character. At one point, he tells Blade that
he should have some therapy sessions, to which Blade glares at
him. Ryan responds with “I’ve had a lot of sugar today,” and boy howdy, is that
a knee slapper! The film is FILLED with this kind of crap, and ruins it without
mercy. On the plus side though, he does fight Triple H, and we get to see
vampire vibrators.
1. – Playground Fight – Daredevil & Elektra – Daredevil
Daredevil gets a bad-rap. The theatrical version is deserving of
it, but the director’s cut isn’t. There is one thing both have in common,
though: the absolute dumbest scene in comic book movie history. Daredevil is
hanging out at a restaurant as his normal self, Matt Murdock, when Jennifer
Gardner/Elektra shows up, and he aims to put the moves on her. She shrugs it
off and leaves, so he follows. What happens next is so asinine it defies
description. They start this Crouching Tiger-style of wire-fighting right there
in the park, doing flips, and super jump kicks, and mid-air blocks and
everything else you’d see a freaking blind lawyer doing mid-day. SERIOUSLY?!
Who the hell isn’t going to take notice of this? Why on Earth would Matt think
this is productive and conducive to him keeping his secret? I mean, if they
insist on them doing this stupid flirt-fighting, why can’t they at least have
it grounded in reality? Also, flirt-fighting does not work. I’ve given plenty
of females piledrivers before I realized that it just doesn’t work. Although I
haven’t completely ruled it out of my game.
Requests, mailbag, you can find me at [email protected] Or the comments section. 
Str8 Gangster, No Chaser
– Recently updated with a MME entry, American Ninja. I’ve also got
other wrestling articles, horror, movie reviews, Top 4 articles, you
name it. Before it became a  website, it booked pro-wrestling. It’s first idea was Robocop saving Sting. It became a website soon after.
WCW In 2000 – Recently updated with a Nitro, which is the worst one thus far. Easy.
Man Movie Encyclopedia Vol.1
– Endorsements from Scott Keith & Maddox, constant 5 star ratings
on amazon, and loved by fellow BoD’ers. The only book dedicated to
action movies that you can use as an assault weapon and pillow. 

BOD Team-Up – Mike Bradley & Caliber Winfield

Caliber Winfiield & Mike Bradley review WCW’s SuperBrawl 9!
Will Ric Flair win the strap after being beat to death? Will Rey retain his mask & dignity? Will 80% of the matches feature nWo music? Tune in to the horror!

WCW Superbrawl IX
February 21, 1999 – Oakland Arena – Oakland, California
 
They talk about the tag-team tournament,  as Gene stands by a glass display case with the straps. He shills the hotline. Much like Mike will say, I miss the hotlines too. My parents don’t, because I racked up like $100 worth of bills when I couldn’t stop calling the JR Hotline. This was 1995, before I had the internet, and to get all of this information was addicting.
Disco Inferno vs Booker T
You have to give it to Disco, because he
got one hell of a shitty gimmick, but he actually made it work. Plus, he
always gave it to you in the ring. Anyways, Disco & Booker go out
there and tear the place up, and the crowd is absolutely on fire. I
mean, they’re truly more into this match than they are later for the
main event it seems. The match is a hell of an opener, and would have
been better had Booker not tripped 4 different times. Disco tries a
Chartbuster, but it’s a no go.
Booker hits Disco with the Harlem Hangover and gets the pin at 9:19
***1/4

Chris Jericho vs Saturn – Loser Wears A Dress
Saturn was in the middle of changing his gimmick, doing a sort of
Marilyn Manson type deal. I’m really not sure what that’s suppose to
entail, and I feel like Goldust did a better version of it anyways. As
for the match, it keeps the PPV going on the good match streak. Near the
end, he hits the DVD on Jericho, and then the ref. See, last month at
Souled Out, Jericho & Saturn had this same match, but when Saturn
rolled up Jericho for the pin, the evil ref rolled Jericho over. He was
thus suspended for 30 days, and this was his return. But Saturn fools
them all by wanting to be in the dress! Hey, if you don’t think this
type of gimmick doesn’t work, I’d say go ask the Headbangers, but they
rarely step foot out of their mansions. Except for the occasional big
Wrestlemania pay-day.
Saturn is counted out, giving Jericho the win at 11:17
**3/4

Chavo Guerrero vs Billy Kidman – Cruiserweight Title
The only thing that really sticks out in this match is when Tony says
that when a fellow wrestler joins the nWo, it shocks the wrestling
world. Honestly, Vince McMahon could have joined the nWo at this point
and I don’t think it would have mattered. Chavo hits a DDT off the top
rope that only gets 2. Now, c’mon. A DDT from the top rope? That could
kill a man. Well, either way, a powerbomb leads to a face plant,
aaaannddd….
Kidman hits a Shooting Star for the pin at 8:26
**

Curt Hennig & What Appears To Be A Drunk Uncle vs Dean Malenko & Chris Benoit
This is the finals of a tag-team tournament. If Chris & Dean win,
they get a 30 second rest period, and then they get their shot. Weird,
and stupid, but that’s WCW. Speaking of stupid, Tony talks about Chris
having never held a championship. Well, why should they recognize the TV
championship? Isn’t it in a trash-can some where? So, Windham is in
great shape, you can really tell he was hitting the gym in 1987. Also,
judging from his outfit, he put all his Horsemen money into Levi &
Strauss stock. Dean locks Windham in the Cloverleaf, and after Hennig
makes the save, he does it again, but this time Barry taps.

Round T—-nope.
Windham chokes out Dean with his belt and then pins him in seconds. Combined time 20:36. Awesome.
**

The Outsiders vs Rey Mysterio & Konnan – Liz’s Hair vs Rey’s Mask
Man, Liz was damn hot. The match starts out with Ray & Hall, and I
guess since Rey is giving up his mask, and going back on years and years
of heritage & tradition, Hall sells a bit for him. Very nice. I’m
surprised that happens since Hall has to work twice tonight, and I’m
surprised he didn’t demand the right to dominate for him working the
extra 10 minutes. Honestly, if they’d actually given this match more
time, they could have had something, because it isn’t too bad. Rey
really works his ass off, big shock.
Hall hits Rey with the Edge, then puts Nash on top for the pin at 11:01
**1/2

Rey takes off the mask, and he just looks really young. It’s this kind
of bullshit that sunk WCW. I mean, how on Earth would you find the guys
in masks harder to market? And exactly how did the careers of those who
lost the mask sky-rocket? Juvi flipped out on PCP, and Rey had to act
like Joe C. It wasn’t until he put the mask back on that he became a
superstar again. It’s just bullshit, and the nWo look like nothing more
than some bullshit bullies.

Scott Steiner [C] vs DDP – TV Title Match
Before the match, Steiner grabs a girl from the audience to bring into
the ring. It’s an obvious plant, because I truly cannot believe that
there would ever be a woman attracted to this idiot. Especially when he
gets on the mic and basically says that if Big Poppa Pump wants rape,
then Big Poppa Pump gets rape. If Steiner wasn’t such a useless lump of
shit, this would have been a better match than it is. Buff comes down,
and they start with the double-team before he’s sent back by the ref. As
it goes on, DDP just won’t die. Top rope Frankensteiner, DDT, being
mashed into an exposed turnbuckle, none of it gets the 3 count, as DDP
just keeps holding on, it’s some decent drama.
Steiner puts Page in the Camel Clutch. Although it’s so bad, I’d down grade it to The Burrow Clutch. Page passes out at 13:53
***

Roddy Piper [C] vs. Scott Hall – US Title Match
Seriously, it seems like every other match, if not every match, I hear
the Wolfpac theme song. Bischoff truly was trying to recreate 1996. I
have little faith in the match, and that’s reassured as they blow the
first spot, a hip-toss. This is a terrible match full of punching, eye
pokes, and the match’s only high-spot; the abdominal stretch. Inferno
comes out, he gets laid out. Same with Nash. Although the distraction
allows Hall to pin Piper with his feet on the ropes. 3 guys to beat
Roddy Piper in 1999.
Hall pins Piper at 8:19.
DUD

Piper responds to his travesty by saying “bah so ugh”. Bummer that never made it to a t-shirt.

Roddy Piper – BAH SO UGH – $14.99! +$2 for any sizes above XXL.

Goldberg vs Bam Bam Bigelow
There’s a sign in the crowd that says “Goldberg Kind To Animals” and
there’s a drawing of Bill with a kitten on his shoulder. Then we see a
guy with the same tattoo as Goldberg. I bet he’s LOVING that now. I
remember in 1999, there was a guy at the video game store I’d frequent
who had a Brahma Bull tattoo. But it wasn’t the cool one like The
Rock’s, no, it was that big blue one from his t-shirt.
Tony makes
sure to talk about Goldberg challenging Stone Cold on The Tonight Show,
saying Goldberg doesn’t back down from anyone. Well, yeah, I suppose
it’s easy to never back down from a challenge that isn’t there. The
crowd is dying for Goldberg to kill him, but instead we get a match that
goes over 10 minutes, and it doesn’t involve DDP. Ugh.
Goldberg hits the Jackhammer and scores the pin at 11:36
*1/2

I don’t get this. Goldberg was screwed out of the title. Then the nWo
gets back together. He takes on Hall at Souled Out, and that’s it? They
could have drawn some money with him tearing through the nWo. Instead we
get Ric Flair being beat up by a group of guys who just held up a 7-11.

Hollywood Hulk Hogan [C] vs Ric Flair – World Heavyweight Title Match
For those of you who saw my post last week, you know a good chunk of
this match’s build. I remember reading Scott’s review of this months
ago, and just checked before writing this to confirm. He said if Ric
won, he’d withdraw the Hot Poker System forever. Does Scott retract and
quit the plug for Surge? Nope. In a match I was actually looking forward
to, since Ric is the man, they went in there and gave us quite a
boring, Nitro-quality match. I mean, they literally tried to KILL Ric
Flair! And he can’t muster up the rage to put down Hogan? The ending is
the real sweet piece, as David Flair comes down, ski mask and all,
tazers his dad, and joins the nWo. You see, this is what they call in
the business, a SWERVE, because the nWo beat the hell out of David a few
weeks before. So, you’d think he wouldn’t, but…HE DID! You know, I’m
shocked they didn’t try and market nWo ski-masks.
David Flair tazers his dad, then Hogan pins him at 12:02
**

Caliber’s Final ULTIMATE Solution: The PPV started off
great, but it slowly went down hill after that. One would assume the
Main Events didn’t deliver, but they did. They expected exactly what I
thought they would. Naturally, WCW’s brilliant decision to remove Rey’s
mask kept WCW in the black for years to come, as well as having Goldberg
wrestle long matches with people who aren’t DDP. Next month would see
Hogan v Ric Flair in a barbwire steel cage First Blood match that ends
in a pin after two guys bleed like they stepped on land mines. So, I’m not sure what Mike saw in this before when he recommend we do it, but I think now he regrets the decision.
Overall Rating: **1/2

 
 
 

– Growing up in the southeast, WCW was more of a focus to me than
WWF/E. Even in its worst days, I pulled for the underdog. When Caliber
and I decided to review a show he asked me for something WCW. I told
him even though it gets bagged on, WCW Superbrawl IX was a card stacked
with a lot of superstars (past, present, and future) plus it also was
“Vintage WCW” with plenty to pick apart. So here is my take on one of
many nights that I am sure Tony Schiavone described as a “night that
will change our industry forever”.

– We begin with Torrie
Wilson talking to the mysterious man behind the camera. She asks if he
is nervous while she is wrapped in a bed spread. I personally would be
high-fiving myself if I conquered that mountain.

– Your hosts
are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and Bobby Heenan. They welcome us to
Oakland and preview our night of action. We then hear Tony doing
voice-over work as he runs down the WCW Tag Team Tournament. Imagine
that! A WCW tournament that actually completed without shenanigans,
midgets, bookers dressed as wrestlers, or females competing in male
matches.

– Gene Okerlund pimps the hotline as he stands next
to the encased WCW Tag Team Titles. I miss the hotline, even in the
early stages of the internets.

1. Disco Inferno vs. Booker T
– This match came about because Disco referred to Booker and Stevie as
brothers. Booker goes all Spreewell on him and thus we have an opener
for Superbrawl. I would have figured it was a sucka thing. Disco
opened by stalling and dodging the attacks of Booker. Booker beats his
ass from pillar to post with Disco catching him sleeping a couple of
times. As it progresses, it turned into a damn good see-saw affair.
Booker wins with a Harlem Hangover @ 9:17. Book spuds him with a knee
to the head on that finish and Disco’s fucking shoulder is up? Come on!
Rating: C+.

DRESS MATCH
2. Chris Jericho (with Ralphus, in a dress) vs. Perry Saturn
– If Saturn wins, he gets to put a dress on Jericho. Ralphus looks
like an old woman, complete with clip on earrings. Crowd shot shows a
woman or man…not sure. Kind of ironic. Saturn shows up in a dress
and Jericho ridicules him on the mic. Nice rack on Saturn. Crowd loves
Jericho and rightfully so. Hell I rocked the Monday Night Jericho
shirt in high school proudly. Saturn spends the whole match beating
Jericho on the floor. Ralphus gets stripped in the ring allowing
Jericho to take over the momentum. It occurs to me that WWE kind of
took this idea and used it for Big Vito on Smackdown. Saturn lays out
Jericho and referee Scott Dikinson and then walks out giving Jericho the
count out win @ 11:21. Kind of booked weird and the finish didn’t make
sense to me, at least. Rating: C-.

– At the WCW.COM
location, Konnan and Rey Mysterio talk about their upcoming match
against Luger and Nash later. Konnan uses “strawberry” no less than 4
times.

– Later Scott Steiner plans to make a real woman out of
Kimberly when he faces DDP. If his plumbing was still working properly
at that point. Hell, who am I kidding?

WCW CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE
3. Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Kidman
– Chavo never got the proper respect in WCW, in my opinion. The Pepe
thing was horrible and the guy was a true pro in the ring, even back
then. Cruiserweight style match mixed with Chavo being an old-school
heel. Great action with equal offense. Crowd shit on it and shit on
the whole match. I liked it. Chavo must have never read the internet
back then, because any number of writers would tell you that you can
NEVER powerbomb Kidman. Kidman faceplants him and nails the Shooting
Star Press @ 8:26 to retain. Rating: B-.

– GOLDBERG…BAM BAM…..later.

MATCH FOR THE VACANT WCW WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES
4. Barry Windham & Curt Hennig vs. Chris Benoit & Dean Malenko
– Since the tournament was double elimination, Malenko and Benoit had
to beat Hennig and Windham twice to win the belts. Really a great job
by WCW to have these four put on an absolute clinic in this one. Only
problem I had (and I guess it is just a nuance of mine) was Windham
dressed in jeans and a tank top. Just weird to me. Malenko grabs the
first win @ 19:33 making Windham tap out to the Texas Cloverleaf.
Moments later, Windham uses his belt and lariats Malenko to win the
belts @ 20:36. I didn’t like the finish (again), but the match as a
whole was great. THAT is how you do tag team wrestling. Rating: B+.

– We take a look back at how Roddy Piper won the WCW US Title with FAT Will Sasso cheering him on at ringside.

ELIZABETH’S HAIR VS REY MYSTERIO’S MASK
5. The Outsiders (with Lex Luger & Elizabeth) vs. Konnan & Rey Mysterio Jr.
– Luger’s arm is injured thanks to it getting slammed in a car door on
Thunder. Luger and cars don’t mix well. I still remember the Horsemen
beating his ass against a limo at the second Clash of Champions. Nash
and Hall tease working the mic and the crowd still loves it. Konnan
comes out and works the mic the crowd loves that too? I really hated
the fact this was done to Mysterio and the Outsiders did him NO favors
in the ring. Complete burial of Rey Rey. Outsiders win it after Hall
hits Rey with the Outsider Edge and pulls Nash on top @ 11:01. Fuck
everyone who thought this was a good idea. Rating: D!

– Post
match, Rey unmasks. Wolfpack make fun of him. Tony says he is
handsome. Nash puts Rey’s mask on and mocks him. Fuck Kevin Nash.

WCW TELEVISION TITLE
6. Scott Steiner (with random local stripper) vs. Diamond Dallas Page
– This match is shit. Pure shit. Steiner’s pre-match promo has to be
floating around on youtube somewhere as a montage of horrible promos.
Buff Bagwell comes out during the match for blatant interference and no
disqualification is called. I’m sure someone backstage just said “yeah
go out there” with no plan as t what to do with the finish. Steiner
wins it after DDP passes out to the Steiner Recliner @ 13:53. Rating:
F.

– Post match, DDP is stretchered out in full back and neck
brace. Elsewhere, Bam Bam Bigelow tells Mark Madden that he will defeat
Bill Goldberg tonight. Not sure who weighed more in that interview.

WCW UNITED STATES TITLE
7. Scott Hall (with Disco Inferno) vs. Roddy Piper
– Tony tries to be clever by calling Disco, “The Disco Schmoe”. How
clever. Interesting enough, Hall is the one trying to wrestle as Piper
brawls throughout the ENTIRE match. Then Kevin Nash comes out and this
abortion gets even worse. Hall wins the US Title with his feet on the
ropes @ 8:20. Rating: F-.

– Now Hall wants to get on the
mic. Piper won’t give up the belt. Poor Piper. He would do anything
for the company and the nWo just used him as a prop to get
over…ALWAYS! Piper gives him a crotch chop and Hall, Nash, and Disco
beat him down anyways. I used to like the nWo beatdowns, but nowadays, I
can see how it just got stale. Oh shit, Piper escapes and doesn’t look
like a giant stinking turd after being buried.

8. Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Goldberg
– Can we all stand up and appreciate how DAMN good Bam Bam was. He
was another willing to put anyone over, yet he always looked great doing
it. Plus he never aged over his career. Bam Bam slows the pace trying
to wear down Goldberg, but eventually Goldberg wins it @ 11:38. Gotta
say Goldberg was still the man even then. Good match, Bam Bam made this
thing entertaining. Rating: C.

MAIN EVENT
WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
9. Hollywood Hogan vs. Ric Flair
– Poor Ric Flair. I mean, I’m a Hogan guy, but you can see the defeat
in his eyes before the bell is rung. Hogan was still OVER especially
in front of the Cali crowd. Slow pace to start, but Flair is busted
open by the 4 minute mark. Flair really gets things going by beating
Hogan from pillar to post. A FRESH Torrie Wilson comes out at the 9
minute mark and slaps Flair. Then back to business as usual. Hogan
busted open at this point and BLADES ON CAMERA! We have a ref bump and
NOW a masked man walks out to the ring. Not keeping his nWo shirt
covered up too well either. He stuns Ric with a stun gun. Hogan covers
and wins it @ 12:00. The masked man is David Flair. He adds insult to
injury by stunning Flair again with enough voltage to explode a bison.
Rating: F-.

FINAL THOUGHTS….
– The Cruiserweight title
match and Tag Titles match are memorable. Everything else with nWo
smeared all over it is just SHITTY! I take that back, Bam Bam-Goldberg
was entertaining. Just too much of the nWo spoils the show for me. But
they were selling tickets so churn it up some more I guess. In
retrospect, I liked it. Now I hate it.

Thanks for reading, guys. Hope you dug another Doomtastic team-up. If you have any team-up request that you’d like to see covered, either shoot one of us an email, or leave it in the comments.
Mike Bradley – you can find him here every Thursday with his iMPACT reviews.
Caliber Winfield – Str8 Gangster, No Chaser – Top 4’s, wrestling, horror talk & movie reviews
WCW In The Year 2000 – recently updated with a Nitro, and next up is Uncensored 2000.
The Man Movie Encyclopedia Vol. 1 – My book is finally out. You can hit up amazon.com and order it for the cool price of $2.99. Scott Keith dug it and gave a kind review, which you can read at my website. It currently as an average rating of 5 stars, so, that’s the tops, really.

Blog of Doom Team-Up!

Michael Bradley and & I thought it’d be a sweet deal to team up for an article and come up with what we each thought were the Top 5 ECW Title Matches. 
#5. ECW Tag Team Titles: Steel Cage/Weapons Match The Eliminators vs.
The Gangsta (Natural Born Killaz show – August 24, 1996)
This was
around the time I first started watching ECW. I was really into the
Eliminators and wished they could have been pushed better than they
were. But at that time, there was no one more over as a team than the
Gangstas. They were the “extreme” in ECW. This match started as a
brawl, which was right down the Gangstas alley. New Jack and Saturn
mixing it up on the floor; Kronus and Mustafa in the cage. As it broke
down over the next 14 minutes inside the cage, weapons and high risk
moves made it a match I will always remember. [http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5jugn_original-ecw-steel-cage-gangsters-v_shortfilms]

#4. ECW World Title: Mike Awesome vs. Taz vs. Masato Tanaka (ECW
Anarchy Rulz – September 19, 1999)
This match was more emotional than
anything for me. Taz was in the middle of his run as ECW Champion and
it was already known he was headed to the WWF. More than anything, the
breaking of kayfabe and the locker room breaking during the match as Taz
embraced Paul Heyman as he left ECW will be a permanent fixture in my
mind.

#3. ECW Television Title: Jerry Lynn vs. Rob Van Dam (ECW Hardcore
Heaven 1999 – May 16, 1999) RVD
and Jerry Lynn. The Whole F’N Show
versus The New F’N Show. It was an argument I had with my fellow ECW
friends over who was better. I sided with Lynn and hoped this was his
night. A battle for the ages that stole this show, was booked as no
time limit. As perfect of a match as you can get on the technical side
and you had to sympathize with the bloody Lynn, who would not quit.


#2. ECW Tag Team Titles: Jinsei Shinzaki & Hayabusa vs. Rob Van
Dam & Sabu (ECW Heatwave 1998 – August 2, 1998)
This was my first
chance to see an ECW pay per view live. A card I will never forget. I
had seen Haybusa from the internet and through tape trading, but never
on a live show. I always thought of him as Sabu through a mask. Now I
got him, Shinzaki (another fave of mine), Sabu, and RVD all at once?!?!?
Maybe one of my top 3 tag team matches EVER! It had everything.
Technical wrestling, high flying, high spots, hardcore
spots…everything. An A+ in my book.

#1. ECW World Title: Shane Douglas vs. Terry Funk vs. Sabu (The Night
the Line Was Crossed – February 5, 1994)
Historic on many platforms.
First, this was a first in the fact you had 3 guys in the ring at the
same time. You had Funk who was 49 years old at the time, you had the
unpredictable Sabu, and a young heel who was at the top of his game in
Shane Douglas. What was to come was an hour of innovative moves and
very entertaining action. A match ECW tried to duplicate but never
lived up to the original. 
 Mike’s thoughts on Caliber’s picks:
 #5. I have this match on my list as well. A little higher, but when
narrowing down a list to just five, I can see this hidden gem getting
lost in the shuffle. The art of tag team wrestling is lost these days
and this match is almost 14 years old. Dare I say, the greatest tag
match in ECW history.

#4. When compiling this list we had
hundreds of matches to sift through. This one I overlooked altogether.
Going back and watching this thing, I was blown away. The power of
Pitbull 2 versus the mixed style of Jericho was amazing. Even Jericho
showing his strength by reversing a Tombstone had me popping. Great
ending sequence and just shows how great Chris Jericho was before the
mainstream audiences got a look at him.

#3. I contemplated
putting this one on my list, but eventually crossed it off. I went back
and watched it again and it was ULTRA violent. It reminded me of one
of the best barbed wire matches ever that many have never seen: Cactus
Jack versus Terry Funk from Japan. This one may have been even better.
Funk, at 53 (!), faced the maniacal Sabu. Two
things I distinctly remember in this one. Sabu basically tearing his
muscle in half early in the match, and then Funk and Sabu being in a
tangled mess of barbed wire at the end. A weird finish but I dare
anyone reading this to duplicate it. Holy shit!

#2. This was
another match I had to eliminate off my list of finalists. Guerrero was
Television Champion at the time. With the extreme and hardcore style
really over-shadowing this match, it was amazing to see what a show
these two put on. A slow build turning to some amazing reversals, mixed
with mat wrestling, made this a match to remember. By the end with the
match ending in a 30 minute time limit draw, the ECW arena was on its
feet. They stood and applauded both men and chanted Eddie’s name as he
stood up still ECW Television Champion.

#1. Another match that
made my list and it is hard not to rate it number one. So good, in
fact, that ECW began its run on TNN with this as the first match
mainstream fans witnessed. It is that good. Like I already said,
whether you were a RVD fan or a Lynn fan, you had to appreciate what
both men brought to the table. I enjoy this one so much that I have to
go back and watch it in its entirety from time to time

 #5 – ECW Tag Team Titles: Jinsei Shinzaki & Hayabusa vs. Rob Van
Dam & Sabu (ECW Heatwave 1998 – August 2, 1998)
I gotta be honest, I’d never seen this match-up until I read Mike’s list. I’d always wanted to see Hakushi’s ECW stuff, as to see what he could do, not being encumbered by The Cliq. 
The match is fantastic, as it’s a mix of everything ECW has to offer. Great technical wrestling mixed with high impact spots and a few splashes of hardcore. RVD & Sabu are a fantastic team that just don’t get their dues. I truly feel they’re up there with some of wrestling’s tall time greatest. And that’s a shoot!
Rating: ****
#4 – ECW World Heavyweight Championship: Terry Funk vs Sabu (ECW Born To Be Wired – August 9th, 1997)
I love a good barbwire match. Now, that’s not to say that all it takes is some barbwire and I’m happy. If that were the case, I’d love me some CZW. But when you get 2 wrestlers who would do just fine without in the ring, you’ll get something special. Such was the case when 53 year old Terry Funk took on Sabu for the ECW Championship in a barbwire bout. They built up the suspense, keeping the audience guessing as to who’d be the first to meet the wire, and when they finally did, they never left it. Sabu performing Air Sabu into the wiring and tearing his bicep completely open, is one of ECW’s great stories. When it happens, you can see him in a panic, and trying to wrap it up with masking tape, even as Terry gives him a neckbreaker through two chairs. A brutal bout that just goes to show how far passion can go when performers actually care.
Rating: ****
#3 – ECW TV Title: Eddie Guerrero vs Dean Malenko (Hostile City Showdown – April 15th, 1995)
This right here is the biggest reason why I always loved ECW. For me, it wasn’t about the hardcore wrestling, but about the great technical wrestling. ECW fans are the smarkiest smarks of all time. They care about this business as much as anyone, so when you go out and give’em a show like Eddie & Dean can, the crowd is going to lap it up. ECW was bad-ass because they’d put something like this on their hour-long TV program. WCW wouldn’t do that, neither would WWE. As for the match itself, what’s to say? Two of the all-time greatest going full tilt, bell to bell. Neither one of them ever really get the advantage, and just keep beating the holy hell out of one another until the time limit is reached. One hell of a match. 
Rating: ****1/2
#2 – ECW TV Title: Pitbull #2 vs Chris Jericho (Hardcore Heaven 1996 – June 22nd, 1996)
A lot of praise is often given to the match where Jericho lost the TV Title, the 4-corners bout. While it’s a great match, it doesn’t compare to when he won it. Despite soon being on his way out, Paul put the strap on Jericho, and he responded by having one hell of a match with Pitbull #2. In my 2nd favorite power vs speed match, Jericho tries to match Pitbull’s strength with speed, and a constant onslaught. Everytime he gains momentum though, Pitbull gets in a power move to bring it to a screeching hault. Then when Jericho goes for a high-risk, Pitbull gets the reversal, and damn near ends the thing. However, the end of the match sees Pitbull getting things turned around on him as Jericho reverses a top-rope powerbomb into a huricarana. It’s an incredible match, and something that needs to be released on DVD. 
Rating: ****1/2

#1 – ECW Television Title: Jerry Lynn vs. Rob Van Dam (ECW Hardcore
Heaven 1999 – May 16, 1999)
 I use to love this match so much, I gave it ******. Seriously. It was so far and above anything I’d seen. Over the years, I’ve since knocked that off, but my love for this match will never wane. I’ve never seen a match where two people had each other so scouted before. I mean, it’s at least 5 minutes before someone is actually able to hit something. Awesome stuff. Some people prefer their first big PPV outing, but I prefer this one, because they call back to that PPV in a manner where RVD may have hit him with something before, but doesn’t this time, because Lynn saw it coming. You also have Lynn busting his face on the floor, but refusing to give up. They fly all over the place, as you truly feel Lynn is at RVD’s level, but just can’t grab the brass ring. Not only is it my pick for ECW’s best title match, it’s my pick for ECW’s best match ever.
Rating: *****
Caliber’s thoughts on Mike’s picks:
#5 – I loved The Eliminators, but to be honest, The Gangsta’s never did it for me. I like hardcore wrestling, but The Gangsta’s were about as bottom of the barrel as you could get. Simply walking around and hitting people with weapons. Now New Jack, that’s a different story, I always found him entertaining. Even when he’s telling stories about Terri Runnels having “grease” on her face. That all being said, this match is still very entertaining, as The Eliminators keep the match from being a total “you hit me with a crutch, I hit you with a frying pan” sort of deal. 
#4 – Yeah, I agree with Mike on the historical, and emotional impact of this one. I loved Taz at this point, and was so excited for him to finally come to the ‘E. Unfortunately, we all saw how that played out. When I saw this match, I was shocked at how quick Taz went out. I really thought he’d get to fight till the end. However, it makes complete sense for him to bow out quick, and let the two new guys prove themselves. The reason I couldn’t include this match in my list, is the whole locker room clearing out in the middle of the match really takes you out of it, disrupting the flow. Still, a huge moment in ECW. 
#3 – These were the guys that ECW decided to showcase when they first went national on TNT. So obviously anytime they get together, you’re getting your money’s worth. Hell, they did it again in TNA, some 12 years later, and still kicked ass. I know a lot of people have problems with the stalling, but I dig it. It fits perfect with Van Damme’s character. If you watch the video link we provided, the guy who uploaded it cut out all the stalling, so it’s straight action. 
#2 – Like I said in my article, the team of RVD & Sabu is severely under-rated. The promos they did were really funny, with Van Damme just running his mouth, and pissing Sabu off. He’d do things like ask Sabu for a high-five, but then leave him hanging as he started going on and on about how great he is. This match shows just how well they do, and don’t work together as Van Damme won’t tag in, and then near the end, Sabu pushes Rob out of the way to snag the pin. Awesome. 
#1 – Other than Shane throwing down the title, this is the moment you hear the most about in ECW. However, I just can’t go along with it. First, I think the match runs too long, second, all three guys don’t even stay in the match for the whole time. I can’t fault Mike for picking this, because it is one hell of a moment for ECW, and a lot of people like the match. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t have tried to re-create it so many times. I will say, their 3-way barbwire match at Hardcore Homecoming is great stuff. 
Alright, thanks for joining us, guys. ECW doesn’t get a lot of love from Mr. Keith, so we felt we’d throw a little it’s way, respecting and remembering ECW the way it was. Not the way Shane Douglas thinks it is. By the way, there will be an Extreme Reunion show in June! Maybe with luck Scott will do something illegal, and the judge that forced that guy to be Jerry Seinfeld’s butler will be his judge, and see to it his punishment is attending this show. Fingers crossed. 
As always, you can find more of Caliber Winfield at Str8 Gangster, No Chaser and WCW In 2000
Michael Bradley can be found here at the Blog of Doom, every Thursday night, with his review of iMPACT Wrestling.