QOTD 176: Home Remedies

A True Blood A Day Keeps The Fangs Away…

A friend of mine who shall remain nameless and totally, absolutely, definitely, without question, is not me, has to pass a drug test this time tomorrow.

While I…erm…my wildly handsome friend, is not too concerned seeing as how my…his…vices lay in the realm of salty snacks, self promotion, and the occasional adjournment to another dimension, which don’t show up on 10 drug panel tests, he still finds himself worried because he may have smoked a little ganja a week ago. The internet leads him to believe the best way to make sure he don’t have a problem, is to drink more water than he ever drank before – but not enough to explode, ‘Slither’ style.

So, lets talk about home remedies to generally unsolvable problems.

What are your go-to home remedies, old wives tales, ‘life hacks’ and ‘eastern medicine’ style techniques when it comes to dealing with life’s often times unsolvable problems. 

…inb4 “chastising Meekin is good for the soul”.

If you’re looking to save money, I heard a rumor someone ON THIS VERY BLOG has a way to save money by CUTTING THE CORD from the cable companies, and I personally would love to hear more about it. 

I SWEAR by drinking a big thing of Gatorade after a night of drinking. Not that I drink a lot, but when and if I do, pounding the Gatorade before bed seems to eliminate almost all the shitty side-effects of a hangover outside of the poops, which certainly beats a headache, stomach ache, and need to puke.

Not sure if anyone else ever gets that ‘dry eye’ thing where it feels like something is in the bottom corner of your eye, so you rub it, then it hurts, then it hurts more, so you rub it, but I tend to use a wet, warm, facecloth and just drape the whole thing over my face and breath in the warm, moist, air. After about 10-15 minutes it feels pretty good, and if you go outside for a bit of fresh air after that, you’re good.

When I was a kid I used to get woken up by Charlie Horses in my leg. Being..11 I didn’t know what a Charlie Horse was, only that it hurt so terribly that I often times couldn’t sleep out of fear of waking up in the middle of the night with my left or right left in incredible, crampy, pain. I eventually discovered the key to this is just to stretch your leg against the way the cramp is pulling your leg, and you’ll be fine.

Also for what it’s worth, and I made a vow not to bring up my DDP Yoga shit anymore, but the whole breathing thing he encourages (and probably cribbed from somewhere else) is insanely beneficial to pretty much any kind of anxiety or nervousness. See how slowly you can breath in while extending your stomach out, then see how slowly you can do the same while breathing out. Do this 4-5 times if you’re trying to sleep and can’t, while ignoring any and all itches or impulses to move, and you’ll be in la la land in no time.

Lastly, for all you romantically disinclined fellahs out there, I had a fairly fascinating conversation with a girl at a party the other day about the most appropriate rhythm to…flick the bean the too. We eventually settled on the realization that pretty much everything in Marvin Gaye’s discography is fantastic, and anything with double bass is a good way to have a bad time.

Secondly I’ve more-or-less sworn by the “Three questions and an answer” method when it comes to courtship. I.E if you’re on a date or talking to someone you’re attracted too, the idea is to keep them talking about themselves more than you talk about yourself – thereby by the time the night is over and you’re leaving, or waking up and putting your pants on, the girl will realize she actually doesn’t know all that much about you, which makes you mysterious and intriguing.  

Also, the truth is that your dog doesn’t like me more than you, it’s just I keep bacon in my front pocket.

It’s worth noting that most of these probably have quite a lot to do with the power of suggestion. If you believe something will work with all your heart, most of the time it will. So even if your own personal home remedies are medical quackary, but they work for you, tell us! Maybe we’ll like em’.

What say you, Otters?

Oh, if anyone here meditates I’d like to hear how that works out for folks. 

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