ECW on Sci-Fi 09/16/2008 #119

Matt Hardy vs. Mike Knox

Knox still has welts on his face from last week’s tag match, courtesy of Matt Hardy (I’m pretty sure it was Finlay but it makes for a better story so illallowitmillslane.jpg)

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi 09/16/2008 #119

ECW on Sci-Fi 08/26/2008 #116

We’re in Wilkes-Barre and Tiffany introduces the show to…introduce Teddy Long. Long announces that they will be following in the steps of Raw & Smackdown and the ECW Title match at Unforgiven will now be a Scramble Match. Hilariously, Teddy tells us he isn’t going to try to explain the rules but encourages us to check out WWE dot com instead. Given Teddy’s track record with describing things more complicated than ”get pinned, lose” that’s for the best. Here you go Tedders:

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi 08/26/2008 #116

ECW on Sci-Fi 08/05/2008 #113

Todd Grisham starts the show by announcing Matt Striker is ”temporarily” replacing Tazz on commentary in the same way his Dad was temporarily going to get cigarettes. Striker says he may not fill up as much space on screen as Tazz but he’s better looking as Striker is still in character. I think.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi 08/05/2008 #113

ECW on Sci-Fi #107 06/24/2008

It’s the show after Million Dollar Mania exploded and Vince died (again) so Teddy Long starts the show by wishing Mack-Man a speedy recovery. But anyway we’re in Houston, Texas and the Draft has happened which means the WHOMP-ASS version of ECW on Sci-Fi is finally here!

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi #107 06/24/2008

ECW on Sci-Fi #101 05/13/08

After winning last week, Colin Delaney is officially part of the ECW on Sci-Fi roster. Armando gives him his new contract and books Delaney vs. Knox for tonight. Sadly Delaney didn’t sign it like Arnie in The Running Man.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi #101 05/13/08

ECW on Sci-Fi #100 05/06/2008

The biggest episode in ECW on Sci-Fi history starts with…Mike Adamle talking on the mic. Even in the ring he talks with Shatner pauses. He covers his resume (Olympics, American Gladiators etc.) but even with all that he didn’t realise how hard this job would be. He admits he’s made mistakes but asks the crowd to enjoy the episode and thanks them for listening. Like Adamle’s hiring, I don’t know what this accomplished.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi #100 05/06/2008

ECW on Sci-Fi #99 04/22/2008

We’re in Greensboro, NC and tonight we get a special edition of The Cutting Edge.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi #99 04/22/2008

ECW on Sci-Fi #98 04/15/2008

We’re in London, England and we have a big-ass main event with ECW Champ Kane teaming with WWE Champ Undertaker! Oh and it’s also Joey Styles’ last show as he’s moving onto working for WWE dot com (which he did a marvellous job of supercharging) which I’m thankful for as he’d been white noise for months. Let’s hope his replacement will be better. Oh, he’s here at the desk let’s-

oh no

OH NO.

”What happens when you take that man’s sun-glasses off? OK! I understand! We won’t go there!” starts Adamle and it’s impossible to convey how awkward and forced he sounds from his opening line and the realisation there’s another hour of TV to go.

CM Punk, Jimmy Wang Yang, Shannon Moore, Kofi Kingston vs. Elijah Burke, Deuce, Domino, Shelton Benjamin

Adamlemania continues to run wild as he talks over the ring introductions and repeats everyone’s name to remind himself who everyone is.”They will have a say in tonight’s…*looks at notes* eight-man tag team match.” He notes Kofi Kingston will be CM Punk’s tag partner. ”How do you like me now?” Adamle says Shelton will be teaming with Burke. I mean he’s technically right but he’s talking like it’s the first eight-man tag match he’s ever seen. Domino starts by getting double-teamed by Shan & Wang but it’s hard to ignore Adamle’s dead air and confusion. Punk and Shelton jostle until Shelton hurls him outside the ring and we go to break. We get Burke vs. Punk one last time before Burke leaves forever in a few weeks. Yang gets worked over by Benjamin as Tazz struggles to fill the silence as Adamle can’t think of anything to say. Deuce tags in and gets under the skin of the opposite team while he beats down Yang. I think reminding everyone he was still employed would have been enough aggravation. Eventually he makes the hot tag to Kofi who takes out Deuce with a ”leg kick” and lands the Boom Drop and we get Adamle’s legendary:


Kofi takes out Deuce with the Trouble In Paradise and it’s ”Uno, Dos, Adios.”

Winners: The goodies (I’m surprised they had a eight-man tag match, last time they were in the UK they didn’t have that many wrestlers on the entire episode. It didn’t matter though, it was a simple multi-man that would have been forgotten instantly if it wasn’t for Adamle’s best Eric The Actor impression.)

Dramatic Recap of last week’s contract signing and there’s not enough video filters on Adobe to make Bam Neely look impressive. Kane reminds us Undertaker is here and Bam is fucked. He’s not on the show tonight so Kane’s right.

Adamle tells us ”The Tazz” is in the ring for Diva Dance Off, somehow managing to overshadow titties and jiggling.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Mike Knox

There’s a MIKE KNOX WAS FRAMED sign in the crowd, oh wow remember that whole thing?

Police out of Henry County, Georgia are moving on in the Mike Knox steroid link investigation. They are more interested in finding the supplier of the drugs. Knox formerly lived in a residence in Henry County with three other wrestlers, but steroids were left behind in an attic after they moved out. Knox said the steroids weren’t his, and WWE believes him as they have defended him publicly (and continued to push him on TV).

Jon Bravo has been on the hunt for a while. Anyway, Armando wants Mike Knox to wrestle a competitive match with a future world champion…Colin Delaney!

Colin Delaney vs. Mike Knox
Knox does a better job of disposing of Colin than he did those steroids. Delaney takes some Taz-esque suplexes before Knox pins him.

Winner: Mike Knox (Armando was a glorious shit-eating dick during this Colin feud.)

Adamle starts talking about ”Mike The Miz” taking on Undertaker & Kane in a ”mitch-match” tonight while staring at his notes on camera.

Miz & Morrison talk backstage about being stronger than Kane & Undertaker as they’re always fighting each other. Morrison isn’t scared as Miz is going to be starting the match. Miz looks like he

The Miz & John Morrison vs. Kane & The Undertaker

WWE Tag Team Champions vs. ECW World & WWE Champion. ”You may think he looks like Tarzan but hits like Jane, but you’d be wrong.” OK I’ll give Adamle credit, that’s a good line. Didn’t really fit what he was going for as he was trying put over Morrison but he’s batting low so I’ll allow it. Miz starts with Kane and that goes as well for Miz as you’d expect. Undi takes in and he’s still peak-athleticism so he gets Old School early and big boots a charging Morrison like it’s nothing. Undi tries for the apron leg drop but Morrison stops him like he’s trying to leave for WCW in 2000.

Back from break, Miz & Morrison are working over Undertaker. Tazz calls them the World Tag Champs instead of the WWE ones, Adamle is contagious. Undi resumes offence on Morrison until he tags in Kane. Morrison tags in Miz but he doesn’t want any of him so Kane has to throw him in. That was cute. Kane tries the top rope clothesline but Morrison pulls him off (not like that) so Kane boots him off the apron and Morrison takes a face-first bump onto the floor like a madman. This allows Miz to get the advantage on Kane with his Scrappy Doo offence. Kane gets isolated and worked over but Kane doesn’t tend to sell body-work so he big boots Miz down and tags in Undi. It’s weird seeing Undertaker running so fluidly at this stage of his career. Benjamin Button can’t get a double chokeslam on Miz & Morrison but Kane helps him make it a single chokeslam on both. Undertaker finishes with the Tombstone Piledriver.

Winners: Kane & The Undertaker (Harmless house show match to get Undertaker on the show, who the crowd obviously loved.)

Overall: This would have been a forgotten show if it hadn’t been for Adamle’s debut. Despite the star power in the main event and eight-man tag match, there wasn’t anything that stood out above Adamle’s Holy Shit Didn’t Anyone See If This Dude Could Commentate Wrestling Before Hiring Him performance which was at least 0.8 Art O’Donnell. It would later emerge that Adamle was struggling with CTE, making this all the more alarming.

I’ve been Maffew, I wrote about wXw 16 Carat 2018 last weekend so go read that. And Botchamania 363 will be later today.

ECW On Sci-Fi #96 04/01/2008

We’re still in Miami, Flordia for the ECW on Sci-Fi after Wrestlemania and our NEWWWWW ECW Champion Kane is here to fill in the exposition in case you missed his match because you were away buying merch or blinking. CM Punk shows up with his briefcase to also fill in the gaps but promises he’s not going to cash in on Kane, but if he wanted to he could do it anytime. Chavo interrupts, calling Kane’s win a fluke. Punk calls Chavo a record breaker by having the shortest match in Wrestlemania history. (He may be right there.) Benjamin comes out and says ”do you feel lucky Punk?” generating this well-deserved reaction:

anyway blahblah tag match tonight that isn’t changed into a nine-man match by Shane McMahon.

Read moreECW On Sci-Fi #96 04/01/2008

ECW on Sci-Fi #91 02/26/2008

We’re in Tucson, AZ and our main event is CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke vs. Shelton Benjamin and OH SHIT IT’S THIS MATCH, rev up the GIF making machine. But first here’s some dude’s sign.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi #91 02/26/2008

ECW on Sci-Fi #89 02/12/2008

We’re in Houston, Texas the week after the historic Gulf Of Mexico match. We get clips of Chavo being saved by scuba divers and he complains about how ill he is after falling into the disgusting Gulf. Oh and he was stung by a jellyfish which amuses some NFL-Dad type so much he gives it a standing ovation.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi #89 02/12/2008

ECW On Sci-Fi #81 12/25/2007 (Retrospective)

ECW On Sci-Fi #81 12/25/2007

This is a retrospective episode with highlights of Lashley’s feud with The McMahons, New Breed vs. Originals and Morrison vs. Punk. It ends with with Tazz kicking Joey Styles into a Christmas Tree so this GIF saved you an hour.

Read moreECW On Sci-Fi #81 12/25/2007 (Retrospective)

ECW On Sci-Fi #66 11/09/2007

We’re in Minneapolis, MN and Armando Estrada proudly introduces us to the new ECW Champion: CM Punk. Punk recognises Armando’s brown-nosing and gifts him the new CM Punk shirt (the one that looked like a bunch of tattoos). Armando puts it on, thanks Punk and introduces his opponent this Sunda–OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NOT ELIJAH BURKE AGAIN.

Well if you were expecting a fun write-up, don’t bother clicking the ”more” bit.

Read moreECW On Sci-Fi #66 11/09/2007

ECW on Sci-Fi #36 02/13/2007

edit: well I don’t know what’s happened here but the GIFs and images aren’t showing. Bare with me.

edit 2: I’m using Chrome like I always do and I can’t see anything, ditto on Firefox. Apparently some can see this on other browsers, I’m not doing anything different than normal so I’ve no idea.

We’re in Seattle, Wa. (waaaaah?) and Lashley starts the show to a booming reaction. It’s Extreme Rules and he’s wrestling…Holly? Not Snitsky then, the guy who attacked him last week? Aye well OK then.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi #36 02/13/2007

ECW on Sci-Fi #23 11/14/2006

We’re in Manchester, England (looks like the 02 Arena but by the time you’ve read this it’ll have changed it’s name again. Probably the Angry Birds Arena by now). Tazz is recovering from knee surgery so Elijah Burke joins Joey Styles on commentary. It’s where he’d end up ten years later and it means he’s not wrestling so good call.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi #23 11/14/2006

ECW on Sci-Fi #15 09/19/2006

Heyman starts the show by introducing Smackdown World Champ King Booker & Queen Sharmell to the EXTREEEME Parking lot. This will give Booker some ” half-arsing a match for a lesser promotion” experience for when he joins TNA next year.

No main event graphic so here’s a GIF from last Sunday’s Unforgiven 2006 instead.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi #15 09/19/2006

ECW on Sci-Fi #7 07/25/2006

Tonight, ECW is honoured to present the annual Big Show vs. Kane match. There’s been more guest stars in the last few weeks of ECW than Cannonball Run.

We’re in Detroit, Michigan and the hosts are Joey Styles (nerdy scientist) and Tazz (the thing the nerdy scientist turns into when he’s bitten by a radioactive orange).

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi #7 07/25/2006

ECW on Sci-Fi #6 07/18/2006

Saturday Night’s Main Event gets recapped. Sadly it’s one of the ones from 2006.

Big Show and Great Khali teamed up to beat up The Undertaker so Undi’s making an appearance tonight against Show. Well the show’s only an hour-long so if he does that promo about leaving him in the desert the match will only twenty seconds.

Read moreECW on Sci-Fi #6 07/18/2006