WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event January 3rd, 1987

January 3, 1987


From the Civic Center in Hartford, CT.

Your hosts are Jesse Ventura and Vince McMahon

Matches tonight include Paul Orndorff vs. Hulk Hogan in a Steel Cage Match for the WWF World Heavyweight Championship, Adrian Adonis vs. Roddy Piper, George Steele vs. Randy Savage for the WWF Intercontinental Championship, and King Harley Race vs. Junkyard Dog.

WWF World Heavyweight Championship Steel Cage Match
“Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff w/ Bobby Heenan vs. Hulk Hogan (Championship)


Before the match Vince flips out because Danny Davis is the referee. Orndorff attacks Hogan before the bell then drops a few elbows. Orndorff tries to escape but Hogan grabs his leg as Vince tells us that Davis shouldn’t even be the referee here as Joey Marella is here and listed as the official for the match. Orndorff almost climbs out of the cage but Hogan grabs him by the hair as Jesse jokes how Hogan would not be the champion right now if Orndorff was bald. Hogan stays in control then tries to climb out but Orndorff yanks him down then hammers away. The crowd chants for Hogan as Orndorff is stomping away. Orndorff misses a pair of elbow drops then Hogan hulks right up and fights back. Orndorff prevents Hogan from going through the door then is able to go back on offense. Then in a goofy-looking spot, both guys slam each other’s head off of the cage. They slowly get up and climb up opposite sides of the cage and both jump down as Hogan is declared the winner by Marella but Davis says that Orndorff was the winner. Davis then knocks Marella down so Hogan takes him out then Finkel lets us know that it was a “tie” as they both have to go back in and finish the match. Orndorff roughs up Hogan then rolls him back inside as Davis is carried to the back. Orndorff fires away but Hogan hulks up then chops away. Hogan rams Orndorff into the cage then hits a backbreaker before the leg drop. Heenan runs into the cage and distracts Hogan enough to let Orndorff get up but Hogan stops that then whips Heenan into the cage and climbs out of the cage before Orndorff can get through the door for the win (10:42) **3/4. Hogan gets back into the cage after the match and goes after Heenan as Jesse rags on Hogan. They then show the replay of the “tie” as Jesse tries to explain that Orndorff won because Hogan’s legs were bent when they hit the floor.

Thoughts: Good match. These two had solid chemistry in the ring and the way this ended could have been used to prolong the feud (Heenan goes to Tunney and gets a rematch or something like that). However, this ended up being the end of the Hogan/Orndorff feud as he would wrestle Kamala at house shows for a bit then get a new feud very shortly after this.






WWF Intercontinental Title Match
George “The Animal” Steele vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (Champion) w/ Elizabeth


Before the match we get a promo from Savage as he yells at Elizabeth to shut up before he “slaps her and pushes her against the wall.” Is that line edited on the Network? Steele also promises us a surprise during the match. This match is the result of Steele’s infatuation with Elizabeth, something that has been going on for about a year at this point. Before the match Steele gives Elizabeth his action figure as Savage flips out and takes it from her. Steele then attacks Savage and slams him down but goes to the corner and appears to wave someone on but Savage yanks him down. Savage then goes to climb up top but Ricky Steamboat’s music hits as he comes out to the ring. Savage is beside himself then gets tossed to the floor. Steele then goes outside and picks up Elizabeth and carries her up the aisle. Savage sees this and is out of his mind but Steamboat stands in his way and he stays in the ring. Steamboat tries to enter the ring but a few officials try to stop him as he breaks free. Steamboat gets escorted to the back by the police as Steele comes back without Elizabeth and beats on Savage. Steele bites open the turnbuckle and throws it in Savage’s face. Savage comes back and beats on Steele in the corner but Steele returns the favor then starts to bite Savage. Steele gets kicked a few times but is able to bite Savage’s arm. Steele then pulls a foreign object out of his trunks and uses it to knock Savage out of the ring. Steele then pushes down the ref after he tried to search him but Savage grabs the timekeeper’s bell and uses it to whack Steele in the back of the head then covers for the win (8:30) *1/2. Savage tries to attack Steele some more but Steamboat runs down and chases Savage away.

Thoughts: They used a lot of smoke and mirrors here and it worked about as well as you could have hoped for anyway. Steamboat’s return was huge and a great surprise. They also managed to keep two storylines going in this match.






King Harley Race w/ Bobby Heenan vs. Junkyard Dog


Again, Vince flips out because Davis is the referee for this match. Race punches JYD down then drops an elbow as Vince says it happened because Davis distracted JYD. Race hits a high knee smash then gets two with a knee drop but JYD gets up and fights back. Race goes shoulder first into the post but comes back with an eye rake. He hits a belly-to-belly suplex then tries a headbutt but JYD no-sells that then hits a few of his own then takes Race out of the ring. JYD then grabs Race’s robe and crown and puts it on as the fans applaud. Vince yells at Davis for not counting out Race as Heenan tries to attack JYD but that fails. JYD knocks Heenan down, who comically oversells the punch, then picks him up again but Race hits him from behind with a top rope elbow smash. Race hits a pair of elbow drops then the bell rings as JYD won by disqualification (6:00) 1/2*. After the match, Race and Heenan attack JYD but that fails as JYD chases them away. Davis tries to stop JYD but gets knocked down with a headbutt.

Thoughts: Very slow and dull match as Race’s methodical style was passe and JYD was abysmal in the ring at this point. Their feud, which started over JYD saying he would refuse to bow down to Race, would continue.






We see a clip of Heenan and Orndorff backstage. Heenan tells Orndorff that he saw the video replay and saw that he hit the floor before Hogan and will prove that he is the champion and go to Jack Tunney to straighten it out. Heenan kept calling Orndorff “champ.” We are shown the replay again as Jesse tells us that the tape is doctored.

“Adorable” Adrian Adonis w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Roddy Piper


Piper tosses his kilt at Adonis’s face then backs him into the corner. Piper takes him down with a knee lift as the kilt remains over Adonis’ face. Adonis bumps like a maniac for Piper then comes back with an eye rake. He then rakes Piper’s back but gets knocked down. Piper slams Adonis’ face off of the mat then Adonis comes back with the Good Night Irene but Piper takes them both through the ropes and they brawl. Adonis gets free and squirts his fragrance in the eyes of Piper then rolls inside and wins by count out as Piper could not see where he was (3:35) *. After the match Piper flips out as a few referees eventually calm him down to wipe his face.

Thoughts: Decent for while it lasted but it was just a short match to keep their feud going. Adonis was really, really big here. He could at least go in the ring though.






Okerlund is backstage with Hogan in the locker room. Hogan says that he won the match and will move on to other challengers. Okay then.

Jimmy Jack Funk vs. Blackjack Mulligan


This is billed as the “Battle of Texas.” Vince lets us know that Elizabeth is unharmed. Funk makes the referee order Mulligan to take off his spurs before the match. Funk lands a few shots but gets whipped into the corner then tossed to the floor as we get an awful insert promo from Mulligan as he is interviewed by Okerlund. He just rambled on and on using every single lame cliche about Texas. Mulligan beats on Funk in the corner before putting him away with a jumping back elbow smash (2:31) 1/4*. After the match, Mulligan tries to hang Funk with his rope but he was able to escape.

Thoughts: Just filler, really. I’ll never get why they tried to push Mulligan here. All of this build was wasted.

Final Thoughts: As a stand alone show, it wasnt much, but in the grand scheme of things this advanced a lot of storylines and the first ever steel cage match on Network TV was really cool to see,especially since it was a title match, so this was a good show overall that looks even better in hindsight as it laid the foundation for three WrestleMania matches. The WWF had a really good product at this time that was fun to watch.

Matt’s Main Event Recap – 11/25/2014

I gotta start by talking about Survivor Series. Bear with me. I will try not to go too long here. If you don’t wanna read any of this, just skip all this and scroll to END ANALYSIS.

If you choose to go on, thank you.

BEGIN ANALYSIS

You all know me. You all know that I’m about as snarky as they come. I spar with some of the guys here in the comments. It’s nothing personal. I love talking about this stuff. And while it gets pretty heated at times, I really enjoy talking with you guys about it. I love the passion. Also, you know that me and Andy PG have differing opinions on things and, while he’s been an advocate of the status quo, I tend to be the opposite — one of those old school smarks…if there is such a thing.

On this particular pay-per-view, Andy PG and I are in total agreement: this year’s Survivor Series was excellent entertainment.

On Sunday, I tuned in with the same expectations I’ve had. WWE’s pay-per-views have been…frustrating. That’s about the only word I can choose to describe it. Between the been-there-done-that feeling we got seeing Cena win the title at MITB to Lesnar running over Cena for the title at SummerSlam to the Bray Wyatt Star Wars Hologram at the last show, I think the only thing worth watching this year (not counting WrestleMania XXX) was Shield vs. Evolution I & II.

Scott rated Survivor Series at a thumbs even, leaning down. That’s not harsh but I don’t think it was all that accurate, either. For myself, I thought this years Survivor Series was pretty unforgettable. From the moment where Vince told us, “This will be a night you will not forget” (reminiscent of Survivor Series ’98: The Deadly Game, one of the more underrated PPV’s WWE has in its library and, coincidentally, also held in the same arena), I got chills. Dude had that twinkle in his eye when he said it. Something was gonna happen.

The rest of the show was…decent. The opening tag match was fun. It got better near the end and I don’t mind Miz and Miz-dow holding the tag titles. TPrincess is gonna have my head on a plate for saying that. The Divas title match sucked on toast, as did Adam Rose. That was to be expected. The Divas tag was so-so, but not terrible. The commentators helped that out big time with JBL’s confusion about Summer’s cowardice during the match. I’ve seen worse from them. Ambrose and Wyatt was good, but with a completely stupid, tacked-on ending which was a tease for the next PPV.

The meat and potatoes of this thing was, of course, the big main event. Scott had it at four stars. I had it at five. It had everything a big PPV match was supposed to have: huge spots, awesome bumps, twists, turns, drama, Attitude Era-level screw-jobbery — culminating in one of the most memorable twists in recent memory.

Let’s get all of this out of the way right now: I didn’t know Sting was gonna appear. I don’t follow dirt sheets and rumors because, half the time, the rumors never pan out. For instance, Sting was supposed to debut at SummerSlam in Los Angeles, if rumors were to be believed. We all know how true that turned out to be. Also, I’ve seen and heard the criticism: Sting’s late to the party, the debut was lame as hell because he had no baseball bat or the run-in was far too late or OMG it was a staring contest and a Scorpion Deathdrop and he doesn’t really figure into things. Oh, and my absolute favorite: “Sting is past his prime at 55 years old.” That last one could be true. To get an idea of where he is in his career, look no further than The Undertaker who, at 49, looks like he’s run a marathon after 3 minutes of movement. A few others point to his time in TNA as evidence that the guy can no longer work well. Of course, age be damned, Sting was mailing it in during his TNA years.

But to all that, I say that I don’t care. I just don’t. For the past few weeks, even with my excitement over obtaining tickets to see WrestleMania 31, I’ve been looking for a reason to continue to watch this product. It’s a chore to watch RAW and report on it. Last PPV had the return of Bray Wyatt and I remember Andy PG defending
it, comparing it to Kane’s interference in a Hell in a Cell match during
the Attitude Era at Badd Blood. I still don’t agree with that: Wyatt
had already been with WWE for some time and we all knew he was coming
back. Also, whereas
Kane had a reason to attack the Undertaker, Bray had no reason other
than “Because he’s broken like me and stuff”, which is Wyatt’s excuse to
attack everyone and anyone. There was no shock factor and was made all
the more annoying with the really stupid Wyatt Hologram.

In that moment, I was a little kid again, losing my shit. I marked out — possibly, for the first time in years. Yes, this cold-hearted Smark was won over by one moment at last night’s Survivor Series. Hell, even before that, when Ziggler started to take out the remaining three guys, I was out of my seat, jumping up when he hit two Zigg Zaggs on Rollins. I was lost in the booking/storytelling. This was awesome shit. It got even better when Sting came out at the last second to make everything right. Had I known he was gonna debut, I still might have lost my shit…but it was still awesome. I don’t care about his age. I don’t even think he’s gonna compete in WWE. Flair competed when he was nearing 60 and he still had it in him. Even leading up to 50, The Undertaker had some incredible fights left. There was Sting, one of the last great icons of the wrestling world, doing what he always did: appearing from the shadows like the dark avenger, with pomp and circumstance: lights, drama, booming near-cinematic triumph. And the crowd, who chants just to chant, content to yell CM Punk at AJ Lee at the top of their lungs and sarcastically cheer for Damien Miz-dow during his matches, ate it all up.

It was a “holy shit” moment. It was one of the loudest, most sincere pops I’ve heard in a long, long time — since Daniel Bryan, even — and that’s just what WWE needs right now. This is an organization that has been unable to capture lightning in a bottle since Daniel Bryan’s injury. It’s a company thirsty for subscribers for their vaunted WWE Network, yet provides a product that has been wildly inconsistent, wishy-washy, and aggravating. Forget Sami Zayn in a bunny suit, twerking midget bulls, spots with Vladimir Putin, Bray Wyatt’s nonsensical stream-of-consciousness speeches, and Brock Lesnar just sitting at home, collecting a check — what WWE delivered last night was supremely special: a product that takes your breath away and makes you say, “I would have
not only shelled out $9.99 for that…I would have paid $60 dollars on a
major cable system.”

As user, “YankeesHoganTripleHFan” declared in the comments of Scott’s Smark Rant for Survivor Series, “WE HAVE STING PEOPLE!!! Put down your smark swords and mark the fuck out!”

Do it — if just for a few minutes. That moment gave me goosebumps. Hell, it actually made me wanna tune in for RAW on Monday with anticipation — and that’s a most welcome feeling.

Wait…it’s the Anon RAW GM…? IT’S BACK?!

FUCK WWE AND THE CREATIVE STAFF FOR THIS MESS.

I welcome your comments.

END ANALYSIS.

We are LIVE(!) from Fort Wayne, Indiana!

Michael Cole and Byron Saxton are willing and ready to call this thing.

Miz and Miz-dow come to the ring. Miz-dow has fake Tag Titles because they’re supposed to be the SAME. GET IT???

Miz is on the mic. He says that he needs to get something off his chest before we start: nobody thought he’d make it in this world but, each time somebody said that “Mike” couldn’t do something, he said that the Miz CAN do something. He says he needs to praise somebody who really stood by him. He needs to thank that person now. Miz-dow looks humble and touched. Miz says he needs to thank the Moneymaker. Miz looks hurt.

MATCH #1: WWE Tag Team Champions The Miz & Damien Miz-dow vs. Los Matadores (Fernando & Diego) (w/ El Torito) (non-title)
I think my favorite thing about Los Matadores is how long Cole tries to pretend to know the difference between Diego and Fernando. Miz goes first against #1. #2 tags in after a dive against the ropes. #2 dropkicks Miz. One-count. #2 watches as Miz-dow imitates Miz. Miz attacks #2 and puts in a headlock. #2 escapes but Miz puts him in the corner and kicks him. Miz and Miz-dow pose for the crowd and Miz STILL manages to hit the Miz-Line in the corner. Two count. Another headlock by Miz. #2 escapes again temporarily but Miz hits him with a DDT. Eventual tag to #1 and he goes into Hyper Matador mode, flipping around, kicking Miz, hitting high-risk flipping pins. Miz-dow dumps #2 when he attacks. Miz makes a tag to Miz-dow, who hits the SCF for the win — with Miz getting the pin at 5:03.
WINNERS: The Miz’s
RATING: 1/2 a *.

Rosa and Fandango ignore Renee Young and practically engage in foreplay, feeling each other up and making out. Then they walk off.

TONIGHT: Dean Ambrose faces Kane.

MATCH #2: Fandango (w/Rosa Mendes) vs. Adam Rose (w/ Bunny & Exotic Express)
How am I supposed to take the “new and improved Fandango” seriously when he’s being booked in comedy matches again? The two guys fight in the corner, then tie it up on the mat. Rose applies a front facelock but breaks when Fandango gets to the corner. Rose stomps at him and Fandango rolls outside. Rose tries a Baseball Slide but Fandango blocks it and slams him against the edge of the mat. Back in the ring, Fandango chops Rose, then whips him hard into a buckle, getting two. Fandango works Rose over while Bunny asks Rosa for a dance outside. Rose hits lariats and a reverse atomic drop. Rose hits a Swinging Neckbraker but Fandango kicks him when he rushes Fandango in the corner. Bunny gets on the mat. Fandango attacks Bunny, then whacks Rose with a lariat and hits the Flying Legdrop for the win at 3:37.
WINNER: Fandango via Flying Legdrop
RATING: 1/2 a *.

NEXT: Cole will run us through highlights from Survivor Series.

Cole gives us Survivor Series fallout and the next night’s clips from RAW.

Backstage, Nattie and Tyson are backstage with a bunch of food. Summer and Layla show up. They say that Nattie has a shrill voice. Tyson doesn’t defend her. Layla smashes a pumpkin pie in her face because nobody saw that coming. Tyson holds her back from killing the two girls.

MATCH #3: Layla (w/ Summer Rae) vs. Natalya (w/ Tyson Kidd)
Nattie’s pissed. She still has pumpkin pie on her face. Nattie marches out of the ring and proceeds to kick the shit out of Summer, shoving her to the ground. Back in the ring, Nattie is all over Layla who gets up and botches a high kick which Nattie sells anyhow, despite the fact that Layla missed her by a foot. Layla gets to her feet and takes Nattie down with head scissors. The crowd chants, “NATTIE’S HUSBAND” and Tyson puts on his Beats By Dre headphones to drown it out. Nattie gets back to her feet but Layla takes her down again. Layla chokes Nattie against the center rope. The ref breaks it and Summer slaps Nattie while the ref backs Layla off. Headlock by Layla but Nattie breaks it. She walks over to Layla who trips her, sending her head-first into the buckle. Layla chokes Nattie against the ropes again but Nattie sends her outside. Layla gets back in but Nattie throws her to the mat and hits a sitting dropkick. Layla tries a crossbody but misses. Nattie hits the Sharpshooter which gets the win at 4:42.
WINNER: Natalya via Sharpshooter
RATING: *1/2. 

Nattie celebrates…so Tyson gets in her way and takes up the camera. Tyson’s the reason I can’t bring myself to buy a pair of Beats By Dre headphones.

MATCH #4: Kane vs. Dean Ambrose
Kane is all over Ambrose in the corner. Ambrose breaks free and hits a shoulderblock and a Tornado DDT off the buckle. Two count. Swinging neckbreaker and one count by Ambrose. Kane comes back with his own shoulderblock and gets two. He attacks Ambrose in the corner but Ambrose breaks free with a shoulderblock and crossbody. Kane lunges at him but Ambrose tosses him from the ring. Ambrose goes for a Suicide Dive but Kane clocks him coming out of the ring.

We get an ad for WWE Monday Night Revisionist History…er, War.

Back from break, Kane’s got Ambrose in a headlock. Ambrose gets to his feet but Kane knees him in the gut and hits a quick suplex. Kane hits some shots to the head. Ambrose tries the Rebound Clothesline but Kane boots him in the head and gets two. Ambrose comes back from a headlock with some quick shots to the head of Kane and a Missile Dropkick. Ambrose hits a forearm in the corner and a Bulldog for two. Another Rebound Clothesline is met with a Chokeslam attempt. Ambrose breaks free and ejects Kane from the ring.

Outside, the two fight it out but Kane rolls him back into the ring and we continue. Kane puts Ambrose on the top buckle and tries for a Superplex but Ambrose blocks it and sends Kane to the mat. Ambrose hits an elbow and gets two. He quickly goes to another buckle but Kane nails him with an uppercut for a two count. Kane goes for a Tombstone but Ambrose leaps out and hits a Rebound Clothesline. A series of reversals ends with an Ambrose roll-up pin at 8:53.
WINNER: Dean Ambrose
RATING: **. Not bad action.

Ambrose celebrates as we go off the air.

OVERALL: *1/2. This show was like watching all of the worst matches from a RAW.

Er, that’s it. 

Matt’s Main Event Recap – 11/18/2014

Got a lot to get to…so let’s get moving…

We are LIVE(!) from Knoxville, Tennessee!!!

Michael Cole & Byron Saxton are the guys on the mics…

The Usos start us off because this show can’t start without them these days.

MATCH #1: The Usos (Jimmy & Jey) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Gold & Stardust (non-title)
The Miz, Damien Miz-dow, Los Matadores and El Torito are all doing commentary. Cole shoots a Selfie with El Torito. Miz and Saxton tell him to knock it off. Everyone argues. It’s one of these kinds of nights. Gold and Jimmy start and it’s a slight slap-fight to begin. Jimmy gets knocked from the ring and Jimmy rolls him up quickly for two. Star tags in while the Matadors talk like Speedy Gonzales on Cocaine. Star gets dumped from the ring. So does Gold. They go for Dual Flying Usos but the Dusts back off. The Dusts head backstage but the Usos chase. Miz speaks Spanish horribly while the Matadors grunt shit at him loudly. Usos do their Rockers bit on Star back in the ring. Jimmy hits an elbow on Star off a Whip and gets two. Tag to Jey. He tosses Star to the corner but Star kicks Jey in the face when he charges. Star chokes Jey. Gold slaps him. Jey chases. Star interrupts and knocks Jey down outside. Thankfully, we go to break.

The Dusts still control things when we come back. Star hits Jey in the back after tossing him into the ropes. Cole makes Torito twerk. Saxton apologizes to Miz. Oh, sweet jeebus, please just cut to the next match already. Gold tags in and he hits a headlock on Jey. Gold tosses Jey into Star. Both men fall outside the ring. Jey hits a hot tag to Jimmy. Gold tags Star and Jimmy hits a Samoan Drop after some chops. Gold tries to interfere and gets an Enzuguri. Gold rolls out of the ring and it’s a Flying Uso. Star nails Jimmy off the top rope and gets two. He runs at Jimmy who uppercuts Star and it’s a Corkscrew Moonsault. Gold comes in and hits a Spinbuster. Jey takes him out. Star tries Dark Matter but gets nailed with a Superkick, followed by the Superfly Splash for the win at 8:55.
WINNERS: The Usos via Superfly Splash
RATING: **. The end of the thing saved it but the commentary just killed the rest.

TONIGHT: Jack Swagger will face Bray Wyatt.

ALSO: We will get a review of the LONG, LONG, LOOOOONG lead-up to Survivor Series.

ON SMACKDOWN: Dean Ambrose’s “Survival Kit”, if you care.

AT SURVIVOR SERIES: There will be a “Divas Traditional Elimination Match”. Nattie, Alicia Fox, Emma and Naomi will face Cameron, Paige, Summer and Rosa, I guess.

MATCH #2: Paige vs. Alicia Fox
This feud STILL EXISTS! Some dropkicks by Fox to lead things off, followed by a Spinning Backbreaker and two count. Botched Irish Whip reversal and some careless wandering and Paige hits an awkward kick, getting two. Paige chokes Fox in the corner, then hits Body Scissors. Paige hits a high kick to Fox and gets a two count. Paige knees Fox in the head repeatedly, then climbs on top of her, practically humping her. Fox reverses this and gets a pin at 3:43.
WINNER: Alicia Fox
RATING: 1/4*, if that.

Renee Young’s Guest at This Time are Adam Rose and the Special Bus plus Bunny. Young recalls when Bunny tried to hump Adam Rose. Thanks for that. Rose says that Bunny has issues. He tells the Bunny not to hump him. Seriously. He says that Bunny was useless and aimless and dirty before Rose found him. He saved Bunny like all his other Rosebuds. So he’s a “God” now. This is an unfortunate storyline.

MATCH #3: Tyson Kidd & Natalya vs. Adam Rose & Bunny in an “Interspeicies Tag Team Match”
This is billed like it’s something new. You know, except for Torito and Hornswoggle in the Gator suit. Bunny is up against Nattie to start. Tyson tags himself in, instead. He asks for a kiss, which Nattie gives him because fuck women. Rose tags himself in and that’s one minute of my life gone. OMG, Rose and Kidd go for a test of strength and we’re at 2 minutes with no action whatsoever. Rose talks to Bunny. Tyson talks Nattie. FINALLY, Kidd starts beating on Rose, stomping at him in the corner. He slingshots Rose’s head into the bottom turnbuckle and hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. Rose begins fighting back and hits a Sleeper which Kidd immediately breaks. Bunny tags himself in and he hits a dropkick off the ropes. He hops all over Kidd in the corner, which causes Kidd to roll out of the ring. Bunny tells Kidd to get into the ring and holds the ropes for him. Kidd his an Enzuguri, then the Sharpshooter. Bunny begs Rose for help but Rose just smiles at him and Bunny taps at 4:47.
WINNER: Kidd & Nattie
RATING: DUD

I simply have nothing to say. There’s no reason I should be seeing any of this.

We get the Team Cena/Team Authority recap.

Cole tells us we won’t see Sheamus at Survivor Series because he has a stinger in his arm and narrowing of the spinal cord and a compression of the neck. Ugh.

Bray comes out and it’s blah, blah, blah, neglect, blah, blah, blah, redemption, blah, blah, blah, sin. He’s mad because Ambrose attacked him. We go to break before the match.

We have a Macho Man documentary on WWE Network! 😀

MATCH #4: Bray Wyatt vs. Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter)
Bray sits in the corner. Like Raven. Then he does Spider Mode early. Swagger doesn’t give a shit. Wyatt clubs at Swagger, then kicks him. Swagger hits a Belly to Belly on a comeback, then knees Bray in the gut in the corner. Swagger continues to beat on Wyatt but Bray fights back and tosses him from the ring. Bray absolutely takes Swagger’s head off with a huge clothesline, then tosses him back in the ring and uppercuts him. He taunts Colter, grinning at him, then puts Swagger in a reverse headlock. Swagger fights free but Bray won’t let go and hits a snap suplex and Reverse Senton. Two count. Wyatt puts Swagger in a headlock. Swagger breaks with a Side Suplex. He hits a huge clothesline and Big Boot. Swagger Bomb gets two. Swagger goes for a Spinebuster but Wyatt counters, then runs into Swagger’s Patriot Lock. Wyatt breaks it and hits an elbow on a run. He goes for Sister Abigail because Swagger can’t move all of the sudden. Bray wins at 5:23.
WINNER: Bray Wyatt via Sister Abigail
RATING: **. Short but decent.

Bray “ravens” as we go off the air.

OVERALL: *. This was barely a show, glued together with shit.

Er, that’s it.

Booking the Survivor Series main event

I'm sure many fans have thought about this but isn't this main event at Survivor Series a golden chance to really put some people over and make new main event stars?  Now the fact that there is no stipulation if Cena's team loses, so I think that means the Authority is taking this victory(plus I don't see this company having the grapefruits to end this Authority angle since it's been their main thing for about a year and a half).  But with that said, wouldn't the most intriguing thing for them to do is have Cena be the first guy eliminated?  That immediately puts more intrigue in the match cause now we're guaranteed something different than the expected Cena over coming the odds to win.  I mean they could have Ryback comeback from a 4-1 deficit by just destroying people.  They could even sort of do that 'Diesel' Rumble spot where he eliminates a guy and chants 'FEED ME MORE' as he's waiting for the next guy to tag in(sorry I just really wanna see that
 spot at the Rumble).  But in my opinion, what they should do is give Ziggler the 2003 'Shawn Michaels' moment from that Team Austin vs Team Bischoff match.  Have it down to 3 on 1 and have Ziggler fight for his life to get it to one on one before he finally gets pinned by Rollins.  I mean that would get him over HUGE and the crowd would eat it up.  That would turn Ziggler into a big time main event player(before Triple H buries him the next night on RAW of course).  I mean WWE has a huge opportunity to really put some new guys over.  I guess my question is, do you think they will seize this opportunity?

……or will they just go the boring, predictable route and have Cena be the final guy, over coming the odds….again?

​Yeah, the second one there.  ​

Matt’s Main Event Recap – 11/11/2014

I don’t know how much longer I can take this bullshit.

Forgiving the fact that RAW sucked on toast last night (it had to be for Andy PG to ping me later that evening with “Welp…that show sucked”) and the fact that it’s been the John Cena show for no good reason, Grumpy Cat is actually your “host” for RAW next week.

I simply have no words to describe how I feel about this. I mean, NeNeWhatsHerFace was a host a few days ago. Hugh Jackman made Damien Sandow pretend to be Wolverine and Aaron Paul showed up and caused Seth Rollins to lose. The Muppets and The Three Stooges hosted at some point. Either that or I was fucking high as a kite.

Point is, I should be good and goddamn numb.

Grumpy Cat has got to be be the line in the sand…right? RIGHT?!

I’m not sure this company knows what “low” is. I’m not sure they ever will.

Anyhow, let’s book…

WWE loves our Veterans. You must love them, too. Or else you’re not ‘Murican and a terrorist bastard.

We are LIVE(!) from Liverpool in the United Kingdom!

Byron Saxton is back, next to Michael Cole at the Talking Desk.

Tickets to WrestleMania are available on Saturday…but there’s also two pre-sales on Thursday. Wish me luck getting tickets…

MATCH #1: Stardust (w/ Goldust) vs. Adam Rose (w/ Bunny & The Exotic Express)
Rose is really not happy with Bunny. He glares at him and tells him to back off and go away. Rose hits a shoulderblock and Star rolls out of the ring. He hisses at the Express and gets back in, only to be shoulderblocked again. Rose hits a reverse atomic drop. Star comes back with an uppercut, then chokes Rose against the ropes while taunting Bunny. He hits a Springboard Clothesline off the top rope, getting two. Headlock by Star. Rose breaks only to get clotheslined again. Rose breaks a headlock again and manages to kick Star away from him. He hits clotheslines and a Spinebuster on Star. He goes for a running clothesline but Gold gets up on the mat. Rose nails him, then Bunny comes over and takes out Gold. Rose rolls Star up for the win at around 4:32.
WINNER: Adam Rose
RATING: *3/4. Unless this was the quick make-up spot, I guess the Rose heel-turn was short-lived.

TONIGHT: Ryback has a “big decision to make”.

We get a montage about Ryback.

MATCH #2: Alicia Fox vs. Cameron
Failed Diva vs. Failed Diva = Dead Crowd. You actually hear somebody whistle. Cameron tosses Alicia to the mat. Fox tries a head scissors but it doesn’t work. She ends up outside the ring. Cameron comes after her and tosses her back into the ring. Two count. She drops Fox’s neck on the ropes and puts her in the headlock. The crowd claps just to move things along. Fox breaks it but Cameron keeps control and hits a suplex and Split Legdrop for two. She puts Fox in a clutch, then beats on her. Cameron runs at her and Fox botches a Spinning Backbreaker. Fox runs at her, then stops and rolls her up for the pin at 3:39.
WINNER: Alicia Fox
RATING: DUD. Another shitty match.

Bray Wyatt apparently said stuff about Ambrose on RAW.

TONIGHT: Dean Ambrose is in action. 

Kofi Kingston is part of Xavier Woods’ “church” thing.  

MATCH #3: Sami Zayn vs. Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya)
Crowd is doing the “OLE” chant because reasons. The match goes nowhere for over two minutes as the two flips around and grapple and get nothing done. Zayn hits some Steamboat arm drags. Kidd rolls out of the ring and pounds the mat and crowd barriers in frustration. He gets back on the mat and looks back at his wife. Zayn grabs him and suplexes him, then puts Kidd’s head into the buckles. Kidd tosses Zayn to the corner. He leaps over the top rope and Kidd dropkicks him outside. One dude tries to start an “OLE” chant but fails as Kidd beats on Zayn. Kidd gets a kiss on the cheek twice, then they hug. On that note, we’re going on a fucking break.

An ad for “Queens of the Ring”, a crappy-looking movie that makes the Divas look like Ric Flair on Lex Luger circa early 90’s.

When we come back, Kidd is in control and slingshots Zayn’s neck into the bottom rope. Two count. Kidd hits head scissors. Zayn breaks it with a bridge pin but catches an elbow to the face on a rush. Kidd tosses Zayn into the corner hard, then puts Zayn in a headlock as Nattie’s boobs look sad. Zayn comes back punching. Kidd tries to shrug him off but Zayn hits a dropkick on the way down. He goes top rope and hits a Cross Body for a VERY close two. The match spills outside and Kidd kicks Zayn in the face. Two count. Kidd goes top rope and hits a Flipping Neckbreaker for two.

Kidd taunts Zayn, telling him to stand up. He rams Zayn in the corner. Kidd taunts him some more. Kidd kicks him the head and tries a Side Suplex. Zayn counters and hits the Blue Thunder Bomb for a CLOSE fall. Wow. FINALLY, the crowd is into this and chants, “THIS IS AWESOME. A series of roll-ups ends with Kidd pulling on Zayn’s tights. The ref, however, sees this and doesn’t count, yelling at Kidd. Zayn sends Kidd outside and goes to follow up. Kidd uses his wife as a shield AGAIN, hugging onto her. Zayn won’t attack, so Kidd kicks him, gets back in the ring, hits a neckbreaker and wins at 13:00. Fuck that.
WINNER: Tyson Kidd.
RATING: **3/4. Fucking annoying finish. Zayn is new talent with much more depth than Bo Dallas or Rusev and he’s losing to start his career. Kidd won it last week. I don’t understand this. Just fucking garbage.

Cole and Saxton recall last night’s RAW and show us the Ryback/Cena montage.

AT SURVIVOR SERIES: Team Cena vs. Team Authority.

ON SMACKDOWN: Chris Jericho will have The Authority on The Highlight Reel.

MATCH #4: Dean Ambrose vs. Justin Gabriel
Initial grappling is the first minute. Ambrose hits a nice wristlock into an armbar. He shoulderblocks Gabriel after Gabriel breaks. Gabriel runs at him and gets slammed. He hits a falling headbutt and works Gabriel over in the corner. Ambrose hits a stalled suplex. Ambrose misses a shortarm clothesline. Gabriel tries a rush but Ambrose knees him in the gut and clotheslines him from the ring. He hits a springboard cross body to the outside, then rolls Gabriel back in. Gabriel takes over and puts Ambrose in the Tree of Woe, stomping on Ambrose’s head. Gabriel hits an Abdominal Stretch but Ambrose comes back with a flurry of punches and a splash. Crowd is silent. Ambrose hits a Bulldog. He picks Gabriel up. Gabriel punches Ambrose and it’s the Comeback Clothesline followed by Dirty Deeds for the win at 5:14.
WINNER: Dean Ambrose via Dirty Deeds
RATING: 1/2*. Glorified Squash.

Following the match, Ambrose grabs a mic. He says Bray’s right. There is a special place in hell for them. He doesn’t play games. He’s not afraid. He says Bray is poking and prodding at him. That’s stupid because he’ll get his teeth knocked out for that.

And we’re done.

OVERALL: **. Eh…as per usual.

Er, that’s it.

Matt’s Main Event Recap: 11/03/2014

My Giants won the World Series.

I
didn’t believe n’ stuff. Honestly, 2002 sucked, so I was swayed by
that. Turns out that this made up for 2002 and I was wrong. Oh, so
happily wrong.

Oh, and I saw Daniel Bryan at the victory parade in San Francisco.

So, I must say that I am quite happy. 🙂
Let’s get moving…
We are LIVE(!) from Albany, New York!
JBL and Michael Cole are your guys on the mics as Byron Saxton is on the WWE European Tour.
Stardust is out and practically humps his tag team belt.
MATCH #1: Stardust vs. Jey Uso
No Goldie or Jimmy at ringside for a change. Jey sends Star outside and hits Uso Crazy right off the bat. He chops Star back in the ring and Star begs off. He ends up outside the ropes but jacks Jey in the jaw and begins stomping away. He hits a chinlock but Jey escapes and tries an Enzuguri. He misses and Stardust takes over again. Stardust tries a bulldog but Jey counters and Stardust lands flat on his back. He gets to his feet and uppercuts Jey, getting two. Jey comes back with a Cross Body splash for two. Star hits another uppercut on the follow-up. Star tries a roll-up off the ropes but Jey hits a Superkick for the win at 4:39.
WINNER: Jey Uso
RATING: **.
TONIGHT: Bray Wyatt is in action against a jobber which is so surreal considering where he was months ago and the following he has.
John Cena impresses us with Dylan Thomas poetry for WWE 2K15.
WrestleMania is coming to Levi’s…I am this close to getting my tickets…
Tyson Kidd is backstage. Nattie approaches her in a dress that makes her look ALMOST NAKED. WHERE’S A DIVA TO SHAME HER? She says she’s proud of him and loves him and blah, blah, blah. Tyson has his headphones on and didn’t hear any of that because he’s AN ABUSIVE HUSBAND, SEE???
MATCH #2: Justin Gabriel vs. Curis Axel
Oh. There’s Curtis Axel. There’s early grappling and Axel slaps Gabriel. Gabriel comes back with kicks but Axel clotheslines his head off. He hits some quick elbows and a dropkick and gets a one-count. Axel hits a headlock but Gabriel breaks and it’s a brawl in the corner. Gabriel hits a nice springboard clothesline for a one-count. The two men run at one another and collide. Gabriel clotheslines Axel and both men end up outside. Axel gets back inside and covers Gabriel for a one-count. Axel is all over him in the corner, then rushes at him but Gabriel hits an elbow. He goes top buckle but Axel knocks him to the mat outside. He puts Gabriel back in the ring and hits a kneelift, getting the pin. Ok, then.
WINNER: Curtis Axel
RATING: 1/2*. This just felt disjointed. Especially near the end.
Cole says that Tyson Kidd will take on Sami Zayn. Holy crap. It’s NEXT.
MATCH #3: Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya) vs. Sami Zayn
Cole fanwanks for Zayn, proclaiming this “The Battle of Canada” and says that “Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole” is a “Sami Zayn” chant. Kidd knocks Zayn down and celebrates. Zayn comes back with an arm drag. Kidd comes back with an armbar. Deep arm drags and a nice twisting arm drag by Zayn. Two count. There’s some back and forth and Zayn ends up outside the ropes. Tyson Kidd kicks him off, to the outside. Tyson goes outside and hits a neckbreaker. He rolls Zayn back in and then gets a kiss from his wife before continuing. He punches and kicks Zayn and then puts him in the Tree of Woe, hitting a sitting dropkick. We go to break for some reason.
Kidd has Zayn in a headlock when we come back. Zayn breaks but Kidd nails him with a forearm to the back of the head. Kidd stomps at Zayn and gets two. ANOTHER headlock. Zayn breaks. Kidd kicks him. Zayn finally hits clotheslines and kinda botches a dropkick. Kidd kicks him on a rush, then climbs the buckle. He hits a flying neckbreaker, getting two. He chokes Zayn on the ropes and hits a Springboard Elbow. Two count. Kidd rushes again but Zayn kicks him and hits a Cross Body for two. Zayn gets to his feet and goes for a side suplex. Kidd breaks but Zayn grabs him and hits the Blue Thunder Bomb for a CLOSE fall.
Zayn looks slightly stunned and slaps himself in the face. Zayn gets to his feet and goes for a suplex. Kidd blocks it and tries to reverse it. Zayn tries again but it’s another block. There’s a series of roll-ups by both guys but Kidd pulls the tights and wins at 10:35.
WINNER: Tyson Kidd
RATING: **1/2. This one finally got going late but the cheap pin was a shitty way to end it.
Post-match, Tyson gets obnoxious celebrating as Zayn looks stunned. 
NEXT: The Authority deals with Randy Orton.
And we get that for about 7 minutes. Cena needs to PICK THREE MORE TEAMMATES!!! OH NOES!!! Can he do it in time???
NEXT: Bray Wyatt’s in action to finish this show.
MATCH #4: Sin Cara vs. Bray Wyatt
Bray comes out minus doing the “we’re here” thing which is strange. He can’t say “I’m here”? His lantern now has smoke pouring from it. So that’s cool. He’s all over Sin Cara who tries a springboard Cross Body and misses completely. Cara hits some uppercuts and goes for an Irish Whip but Cara holds the ropes. Wyatt rushes him and Cara drops him from the ring and hits a Suicide Dive. Back in the ring, Bray hits a shoulder tackle and more uppercuts. He hits a huge splash and a headlock. Sin Cara breaks but Bray knocks him down. He sends Cara into the ropes and Cara comes back with a Springboard Kick. He continues his charge but Bray just hits the Standing Spinebuster and goes into Spider Mode before hitting Sister Abigail for the win at 4:14.
WINNER: Bray Wyatt via Sister Abigail
RATING: DUD. This is all well and good…but Bray’s already been here. I still don’t get the point of the re-branding or starting Bray from scratch against a bunch of jobbers.
He does the Raven as we go off the air.
OVERALL: **. I wonder if new subscribers are wanting their ten dollars back.
Er, that’s it.

WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event November 29th, 1986

November 29, 1986

From the Sports Arena in Los Angeles, CA

Your hosts are Jesse “The Body” Ventura and Vince McMahon

Tonight, Randy Savage defends his Intercontinental Title against Jake “The Snake” Roberts. Also, Koko B. Ware takes on Nikolai Volkoff, Hart Foundation take on the Killer Bees,and Roddy Piper takes on Cowboy Bob Orton. And Hulk Hogan puts up the WWF Heavyweight Title against Hercules.

WWF Intercontinental Title Match
Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs. Randy “Macho Man” Savage (Champion) w/ Elizabeth

Savage was great in his preshow promo, telling Elizabeth to shut up and polish his belt. Jake cut an impressive promo himself. The crowd is amped for Roberts, even starting a “DDT” chant. Roberts intimidates both Savage and Elizabeth with the snake before the match. They start off playing mindgames as Savage slips out of a DDT attempt and ducks outside and Roberts chases him around until they wind up back in the ring. Savage traps Roberts in the corner and hammers away, getting a nearfall in the process. He tries to put Roberts a few more times and fails. Roberts fights back but Savage grabs his hairs then ties him up in the ropes as they go to break. When they come back, Roberts breaks free then knees Savage through the ropes. He goes out and grabs the snake bag then comes back in and hits Savage with a short-armed clothesline that gets two as Savage got his foot on the ropes. The camera shows a worried Elizabeth as Roberts teases a DDT and hits a gordbuster instead and Savage once again breaks the count by getting his foot on the ropes. The fans are really into Roberts. Roberts knocks down Savage then tries for the DDT again but Savage is able to hook on to the ropes and duck outside. Roberts goes outside and Savage uses Elizabeth as a shield then attacks Jake from behind. He heads up top and hits Jake with a double axe handle. Back inside, Savage gets a nearfall with another double axe handle. He heads up top again but Roberts catches him with a shot to the face. Roberts yanks Savage to the floor and roughs him up before rolling him back inside. Savage knees Roberts and fires away then shoves referee Dave Hebner when he tries to intervene. Roberts takes the advantage and also shoves the ref as he tries to break things up as the ref rings the bell and rules the match a double DQ (9:30) ***1/2. After the match, Savage grabs a chair then Roberts gets his snake and chases him away.

Thoughts: Great stuff. These two had the crowd in the palm of their hands the entire time. It also showed just how popular Jake was, even as a heel, and his face turn would happen shortly.



WWF Heavyweight Championship Match
Hercules w/ Bobby Heenan vs. Hulk Hogan (Champion)

They battle over a test of strength until Hercules breaks that up by ramming Hogan’s chest. He slugs away in the corner but Hogan reverses an Irish whip and hits Hercules with a corner clothesline. Hercules ducks a clothesline but Hogan catches him with a high knee. Heenan runs up on the apron and Hogan chases him around for a bit. Back inside, Hogan boots down Hercules before hitting a slam but misses an elbow drop as Hercules takes control. He sends Hogan into the corner and targets the back then puts him in the backbreaker as Jesse on commentary is yelling how he heard Hogan say that he quit. Hercules drops Hogan down and acts as if he has won but referee Dave Hebner tells him that he did not as Jesse loses his mind on commentary. Hercules covers and gets two as Hogan hulks up immediately and unloads on Hercules. He rams his head off of the turnbuckle ten times then chops him down before hitting the big boot then getting the win with a leg drop (6:30) *1/4.

Thoughts: Fine for what it was as they got Hercules over more than he was before this and seeing Hogan defend the belt on TV was a must-see event among WWF fans so that was cool. The finish here (hulking up after kicking out of a pin then big boot/leg drop) made it’s debut on a National level in this match I believe.



Ventura is shown at a restaurant interviewing Bob Orton and Jimmy Hart. He asks Orton about being Piper’s best friend as Orton says that Piper stole all the glory and says that he does not have any friends now as this leads to Vince introducing us to a video package of the Orton/Piper friendship set to the Clearance Clemons & Jackson Browne tune “You’re a Friend of Mine.” It was a great video.

“Cowboy” Bob Orton w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Roddy Piper

Muraco comes out wearing a kilt to stand in Orton’s corner but the referee sends him to the back as you see agent Chief Jay Strongbow escort him back. In the ring, Piper wins a slugfest then takes him down with a bulldog. Orton backs away and begs for mercy but Piper bites his forehead then sends him into the corner. Piper gets two off of a kneelift but ducks his head and Orton takes him down with an uppercut. He hits a gutbuster and a fist drop that gets two. Orton misses an elbow drop then but Hart grabs Piper. Orton stops short after Piper escaped but gets knocked into Hart then Piper rolls him up for the win (3:48) *.

Thoughts: Basic match. With Adonis back, the WWF had little use for Orton and he began his sharp decline down the card until leaving in the middle of next year.

Mean Gene is backstage with Piper and asks him about being on his own and not out to win “popularity contest” as Piper brags about getting revenge on Orton and calls out Muraco and Adonis after that. They were slowly turning Piper into a traditional babyface role with this as the first step.

Killer Bees vs. Hart Foundation

The Bees start the match working over Brett as we get an insert promo of the Bees being interviewed wearing their masks trying to confuse Okerlund. Neidhart tags and the Bees take him down with a double elbow smash. Brett knees Brunzell in the back from the apron as the Hart Foundation take control. Neidhart dropkicks Brunzell then applies a chinlock. Brett tags and hammers away as the Hart Foundation continues to cut off the ring. Back from break, Brunzell gets two with a sunset flip but Brett knocks him down then tags Neidhart. The Hart Foundation continue to work Brunzell until he dropkicks Brett. Brunzell makes the tag but the referee did not see it and orders Blair back to the apron as Neidhart knocks him down. The Bees go underneath the ring and get their masks as Blair is in the ring and cleans house. He puts Neidhart in a sleeper but Brett breaks it up with an attack from behind but Brunzell sneaks in and plays possum then is able to catch Brett in a small package for the win (9:00) **1/2.

Thoughts: Solid match. I have seen better from these two but still fun. The announcers all but called this a number one contender match too as it was seen as a huge win for the Bees.



Nikolai Volkoff w/ Slick vs. Koko B. Ware

Volkoff attacks Koko as Slick distracted the referee. Volkoff hammers away in the corner but Koko dodges a charge and punches away. He hits Volkoff with some odd-looking hurricarana then follows that with a pair of dropkicks for a nearfall. Volkoff takes control and hits a slam but misses a kneedrop. Koko hits him with a missile dropkick for two. Volkoff knees him in the face and hits him with his backbreaker but picks Koko back up after two and goes over to Slick for advice but that allows Koko to get up and knock him into Slick and roll up Volkoff for the win (2:30) 1/2*.

Thoughts: A cheap win that continues Koko’s midcard push and keeps Volkoff relatively strong. Really not much more to say other than that.



In the locker room, Okerlund is with Hogan. He asks him about Ventura pointing out weaknesses in his match tonight as Hogan talks about the power of Hulkamania.

“The Rebel” Dick Slater vs. Don Muraco w/ Mr. Fuji

Fuji sings “Dixieland” in a prematch promo that makes me laugh. Muraco knocks down Slater and sends him into the corner. Slater slips out of a fireman’s carry then knocks down Muraco. He hits a few elbow smashes then climbs up top for an elbow smash but Fuji puts Muraco’s foot on the ropes to break the count. Fuji then trips up Slater but Muraco misses an elbow drop. Muraco then hits a poor excuse of a clothesline to get the win (2:12) DUD.

Thoughts: These two were just going through the motions as Muraco had become increasingly lazy and bloated and Slater was a step above a TV jobber as he was failing in his role. Well, he was terribly miscast anyway. Slater would not be here much longer as he was gone just before WrestleMania III.

Final Thoughts: A really good show. The opener was great and the tag match was fun. The Heavyweight title bout was solid and for the Piper fans, you got to see him get revenge on Orton. Sure, the final two matches were nothing much but that was expected with these shows.

Here is the rest of my schedule

Thursday: YouShoot with Teddy Long
Friday: WWF Wrestling Challenge 11/30/86
Saturday: RoH Retribution: Round Robin Challenge Two 4/26/03
Sunday: WWF Superstars of Wrestling 12/6/86
Tuesday: WWF Wrestling Challenge 12/7/86



Matt’s Main Event Recap – 10/28/2014

Andy was supposed to write my recap. I’m assuming he’s busy, so I will do it.

In any case, let’s do this real quick.

We are LIVE(!) from Houston, TX!

Michael Cole, Byron Saxton…and JBL?! That’s a lot of commentary for one hour…

Time for MizTV as out come Miz and Miz-dow. Miz welcomes us to MizTV and says that there was a tragedy on RAW — he was robbed by the Usos and Twin Magic. Miz asks the crowd if they saw it. Crowd says, “no” because fuck The Miz. He says that he’s lucky the ref still has a job. He knows people who can fire him — but he won’t get him fired. The Usos didn’t really beat him or Miz-dow. He doesn’t air his grievances without the other side, so he brings out The Usos. No Mark Henry, I guess. Hope they didn’t kill that storyline. Crowd cheers for the Usos and Miz says, “My hand goes up, your mouths go shut.”

Miz asks the Usos why they did what they did. Crowd chants for the Usos and The Miz tells them that they’re being rude. Jey says they didn’t do anything, they just beat the Miz’s — all while Jimmy imitates Jey ala Miz-dow. Miz: “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…NO. Why did you steal a victory that belonged to me?” Jimmy: “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…NO. NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!” Jimmy says they didn’t steal anything from Miz. He says that Miz is an A-lister. Miz speaks and Miz-dow and the Usos ALL imitate Miz. He yells at them to stop mimicking him. Sandow stops and Miz says, “NOT YOU! THEM!” He says he wants a sequel fight right now. He says that there will be a different ending. He calls for a ref and referee Charles Robinson comes running down.

MATCH #1: The Miz & Damien Miz-dow vs. The Usos (Jimmy & Jey)
Miz and Jimmy start. First bit is your usual running attack tit-for-tat. Jimmy tags in Jey and it’s a quick double-team with elbows. Miz comes back with a dropkick off an Irish Whip. Miz tags in Miz-dow — then immediately tags himself back in. Jey hip-tosses him and tags in Jimmy who hits a double axehandle off the buckle and a chop. Miz comes back with a knee to the gut. Miz hits some stomps while Cole wants to discuss Marvel’s Third Wave of films like he’s podcasting. Miz hits a suplex and multiple stomps, then tells Miz-dow to stay back. Headlock by Miz. Jimmy gets to his feet and breaks, hitting a side suplex. Hot tag to Jey and it’s a series of clotheslines. Jey clotheslines him out of the ring. Miz-dow joins in the fall and Jey hits a Flying Uso on Miz-dow as Miz bails. Jey turns to take care of Miz and gets kicked in the face…and we go to break? Wow. This match really doesn’t need to be that long.

After break, Miz is stomping Jey. Jey comes back with chops but then gets whipped into the corner and Miz-lined. Miz goes top rope and hits a double axe-handle. Two count. Another headlock by Miz. Jey nearly has a roll-up off a knee-to-the-gut counter. Miz hits the back/neckbreaker combo and locks his legs, tagging in Miz-dow. Headlock by Miz-dow. Jey breaks and hits an Enzuguri. Hot tag to Jimmy and Miz and Jimmy hits a kick to the gut, uppercut and Samoan Drop. He goes for the Rikishi Splash but Miz moves. Jimmy hits a Corkscrew Moonsault for two. Jimmy tries a Superkick and there’s a series of counters. Roll-up by Miz. Two count. Miz-dow gets involved and Miz ends up clotheslining Jimmy to the mat. Jey tries Twin Magic again but the ref sees it this time. Jey says he didn’t do anything, then points at the Miz’s — and then pull Twin Magic for the win at 11:45.
WINNERS: The Usos
RATING: **1/2. Essentially, a shaggy dog match just to pull the same trick it pulled on RAW. It was funnier the first time.

Komen hates cancer. So please buy WWE’s shit.

TONIGHT: Sheamus fights Bo Dallas.

NEXT: We get a look at Steph’s offer to John Cena from RAW.

When we come back, we get a look at Cena vs. The Authority from RAW, as promised.

ON SMACKDOWN: It’s a Halloween Special. And all the Divas will be in costumes in a Battle Royal. The ratings should be through the roof.

MATCH #2: Paige vs. Natalya (w/ Tyson Kidd)
Come on. Either they’re divorcing or they’re not. Tyson joins the booth as Paige puts Head Scissors on Nattie. Nattie comes back with a headlock while JBL calls Kidd “Steadman”. Natties shoulderblocks Paige on a run and rolls her up for two. She tries to wrap Paige up but Paige gets to the ropes, then forearms Nattie in the head. Nattie comes back, slapping Paige and dumping her from the ring. Nattie comes to get her but Paige kicks her. Natties get in the ring on a 7-count from the ref. Paige headbutts her, then kicks her. Paige knees her in the stomach, then covers for two. She taunts Nattie and hits an abdominal stretch, shaking her, while mocking the fans doing the “NATTIE” chant. Nattie reverses it but Paige counters with a snapmare, then licks Nattie’s face. The two start punching at one another but Paige wraps her up in an Octopus hold. Nattie gets to her feet but Paige falls on her for two. Paige tosses her into the ropes and its a clothesline by Nattie. She hits a German Suplex. Tyson: “Who taught her that? I wonder!” JBL: “Brock Lesnar?” Nattie tries the Sharpshooter but Paige dodges it and hits a Ram-Paige, getting a near fall. Paige tries a Sharpshooter but Nattie reverses it. Paige kicks her off and then wins with a weak roll-up at 7:04.
WINNER: Paige
RATING: **. Not too bad, really. The ending was weak and just felt like two people wrapping something up that was going on too long.

Suddenly, eyeballs and a Southern accent, saying “I will piece myself together with pieces of you.” I’m guessing Luke Harper but the boys have no idea what the hell that was.

MATCH #3: Bo Dallas vs. WWE United States Champion Sheamus (non-title)
Dallas evades Sheamus a couple times to start and acts cocky. He puts Sheamus in an arm bar. Sheamus reverses and arm drags Sheamus to the mat. Side headlock into an Irish Whip and Dallas goes down via shoulderblock. Counters by both guys leads to a dropkick by Bo. Dallas takes a victory lap outside. He gets back in the ring and goes for a handshake and Dallas Ric Flairs him. He lunges at Sheamus after that but Sheamus takes him down. Dallas keeps evading Sheamus’s holds and goes for another handshake. So Sheamus slaps him. Dallas rushes and Sheamus dumps him from the ring. He gets back in again but Sheamus clotheslines him outside the ring and hits Ten Beats. The fight moves outside. Sheamus tries to drag Dallas back into the ring but Dallas trips him while he’s on the mat and then gets a two count. Dallas hits some knees and a headlock. He tosses Sheamus to the mat and slaps him over and over. Sheamus comes back. Dallas tries a Bo-dog. Sheamus gets out of it. Dallas slaps him again — and Sheamus hits the Brogue to end it at 4:55.
WINNER: Sheamus via Brogue Kick
RATING: *1/2. The Usos and Miz’s should have been the Main Event but what do I know?

Sheamus celebrates as we go off the air.

OVERALL: **. Your usual Main Event fare.

Er…that’s it.

Scott’s got NXT and also some retro shows along with Bayless.
Tommy takes you into the weekend with the Smackdown recap and AndyPG
returns next week to his regular slot. I’m out.

Thank
you to all the BoD’ers and, hey, if you wanna read more of our stuff,
please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at
http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on
Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/

Matt’s Main Event Recap – 10/21/2014

So, I would have had this done sooner.

Unfortunately, the World Series happened and I was invited to go out to dinner to watch Game 1.

Let’s get going.

We are LIVE(!) from Wichita, Kansas!

Byron Saxton & Michael Cole are on the mics and…

…and…

What the holy actual fuck…?

JBL is in the ring with The Usos and Gold/Stardust and there’s cheesy 70’s game show theme music playing and the game is called, “How Well Do You Know Your Bro?” This is SOOOOO FUNNY! HA HA HA! I can’t wait for all of WWE’s current regime defenders to pretend to like this! JBL imitates Road Dogg’s “Tag Team Champions” thing because we didn’t have enough of that earlier this year.

They’re supposed to tell their brother’s secrets. Apparently, Jey would have been a football player if he wasn’t a wrestler. Goldust would have Stardust. The crowd is so silent, you can hear them illegally streaming the World Series over their cellphones.

Cole, at one point, just asks, “Can this get any worse?” I don’t think he’s kidding.

They finish with “password” and the Usos win whatever the hell I just watched.

Post-game, Gold gets a Double Superkick.

All that to let us know that the Usos would face the Dusts at Hell in a Cell.

TONIGHT: Jack Swagger takes on Seth Rollins for the 87th time. Go ahead and complain but it was either that or job Ziggler.

Tyson and Natalya are on their way to the ring. That’s NEXT.

Ad for Hell in a Cell.

MATCH #1: R-Truth vs. Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya)
A pair of shoulderblocks to Kidd to start. Kidd takes over in the corner, kicking at Truth’s gut. Kidd hits a snap mare and another kick as Cole, honest to god, says, “That game show was the worst thing I have ever seen in a WWE ring.” Truth is ejected from the ring. Then he flirts with Nattie. Kidd attacks and Truth yanks him outside. When we come back, KIDDISINCONTROL!!!!!!111!!!11! He pins Truth for two as Nattie looks concerned. Kidd hangs him up on the ropes and knees him in the gut, then hits a running dropkick. Two count. He tosses Truth from the ring, then tries to boot Truth in the face from the mat. Truth grabs the leg and trips him. Back in the ring, Truth hits a sitting suplex for two. Truth hits a corner splash, then lands weird and grabs his knee. Truth attacks but Kidd leaps back to life and hits his finisher for the win around 5:45.
WINNER: Tyson Kidd
RATING: *1/2.

Wyatt skit.

Komen thing.

Cena reads Dylan Thomas poetry to plug WWE 2K15, which is more than that game deserves.

FRIDAY ON SMACKDOWN: Ziggler defends the IC belt against Cesaro

Bo Dallas is out for a match. He says he’s America’s Sweetheart. He beat Mark Henry three times. That makes him the new World’s Strongest Man! All he had to do was BO-LIEVE!

MATCH #2: Bo Dallas vs. Big E
Big E hits a belly to belly suplex on Dallas. Dallas comes back with a clothesline out of the corner. He knees at E and get a two count. Dallas puts a headlock on him. E breaks it but Dallas hits a neckbreaker for two and puts on another headlock which just pads this match’s running time. E breaks but Dallas knees him in the gut. Dallas tries to whip E into the corner but E reverses it. Dallas runs at him but E hits clotheslines and a belly to belly suplex. He tries a Warrior Splash but Dallas kicks him. Dallas goes for the Bo-dog…but E counters and hits the Big Ending for the win at 3:51.
WINNER: Big E via Big Ending
RATING: **. 


Big celebrates following the match.

RAW Rebound: Cena and Ambrose vs. The Authority last night.

MATCH #3: Seth Rollins (w/ Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury) vs. Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter)
WWE Network no longer has the running time clock over their slider. I really wish they’d bring that back so I can see how long I have to sit through another Rollins-Kills-a-Midcarder match. Rollins gets dumped from the ring and then gets taken down when he re-enters. Rollins tosses him into the ropes but Swagger hits shoulderblocks and then ejects him from the ring again. Security approaches Colter so Swagger gets involved. Back in the ring, Rollins hits a dropkick after Swagger misses a big clothesline. He stomps at Swagger and then ejects him from the ring. We go to break.

Back from break, Swagger kicks Rollins the gut but Rollins takes him down anyhow. Two count. Swagger finally comes back with a Spinebuster. He rushes Rollins but Rollins trips him and Swagger’s head hits the buckle. Rollins chokes Swagger on the ropes and stomps at him some more. Suplex gets two. Rollins puts Swagger in a chinlock and then a Sleeper. Swagger breaks. Rollins misses a splash. Swagger hits clotheslines, a boot and goes for the Swagger Bomb. Rollins puts his feet up. Swagger goes for the Patriot Lock. Rollins gets out. Failed Enzuguri by Rollins. Patriot Lock. Rollins escapes.

Rollins flies at Swagger and it’s another Spinebuster by Swagger. Swagger puts Rollins into the corner, on the buckle and starts punching at him. Rollins fights out. Swagger tries to load him up again and tries a Sunset Flip…but Rollins hits the mat by himself. Swagger Bomb hits. Swagger misses a shoulder tackle. Rollins goes for a Curb Stomp and Swagger counters into the Patriot Lock but Rollins breaks. Security approaches Colter. Swagger approaches them but Rollins attacks, knocks down Swagger and hits the Curb Stomp for the win at 10:15.
WINNER: Seth Rollins via Curb Stomp
RATING: **3/4. Better than usual for both guys. Rollins continues to not sell Swagger’s finisher. Whatever.

Post-match, the two men glare at each other and we go off the air.

OVERALL: **. Not bad, really. It got better as it went along.

Er, that’s it.

Thomas Hall has the NXT and Smackdown recaps to take you through
the rest of the week. Scott Keith and Brian Bayless have some retro shows. Andy PG will
have the RAW Report to start your week off right. I
will be back next week, same BoD Time, same BoD Channel.

Thank
you to all the BoD’ers and, hey, if you wanna read more of our stuff,
please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at
http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on
Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/

Matt’s Main Event Recap – 10/14/2014

In
the words of The Guess Who (who I once thought was the actual Who
because I’m a total and complete idiot — true story): “I got, got, got,
got no time…”
So much going on and so much writing and work and life and playoffs that I’ve been swamped. My apologies for posting so late.
Next time, I will ask a colleague to do this thing for me.
Let’s get going.

We are LIVE(!) from Birmingham, Alabama!
Michael Cole and Byron Saxton are the guys on the mics.
The
Miz starts us off as we get clips of his countout victory over Sheamus
on RAW. The Miz will now face Sheamus at Hell in a Cell for the United
States Championship.
Miz
says everyone saw him beat Sheamus on RAW — yet, here he stands with
no gold around his waist. He’s been “snubbed”. He’s gonna invite Sheamus
out right now…and it’s Sandow who is Miz-dow who is dressed as
Sheamus. Miz-ception! He has white tights on to simulate the shade of
his skin and pounds his chest hard and then rubs his chest, which is in
pain.
Miz-dow
says he came to declare peace. He says he usually loves to fight. He
says that Miz owns him each time they step into the ring. It’s bad
enough that Miz is better looking and more talented in every single way,
he is here to say that Miz is better in the ring than he is. He sings a
goofy version of Sheamus’s song which ends with “Miz is better than me”
— just like Miz is better than everyone in WWE Universe. He wants to
come out to publicly hand Miz the United States title (which is a
smaller toy version). He does…so the real Sheamus hits the ring.
Sheamus
holds up the real belt and says, “Mine is bigger than yours…” Miz-dow
imitates Sheamus the entire time. Sheamus says he expects this kind of
thing from Miz. 
Miz
says he’s beaten Sheamus twice. Plus he’s an “A-List Movie Star”, so it
really doesn’t matter what Sheamus thinks. Sheamus laughs, in a
seemingly genuine manner, because of Miz-dow’s imitation. He says that
Miz-dow is hilarious and that’s great. He says he’s “funny”, too. But a
different funny. He clotheslines Miz-dow and says, “That’s called
‘slapstick’!” Miz leaves. Sheamus tells Miz that he’s a coward for
letting Miz-dow take the bullet again. He says he has a new project for
Miz: a musical called, “Ain’t That a Kick in the Head”. Then he Brogue
Kicks Miz-dow into next week.
Segment over.
TONIGHT:
  • A look at Cena and Ambrose and their upcoming matches at Hell in a Cell
  • Big E is being taken out of mothballs so he can job to face Rusev.

WWEShop has Komen’s shit for you to buy.

WWE
2K15 has a shitty hip-hop soundtrack. For those who think I’m being too
snarky and are about to flame me in the comments, there’s a fucking
duet with John Cena and Wiz Khalifa. Yeah, I thought you wouldn’t care.
None of us asked for that.

Tyson’s out for a match — and good lord, they’re letting him do mic work now. He says that “cats and facts don’t lie to you”.
FACT: He’s married to Natalya. From time to time, she tries to handle
his affairs…but HE wears the pants in the family. Nattie obediently
nods. Wow. We’ve come to this, have we?

MATCH #1: Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya) vs. R-Truth
Truth
hits a shoulderblock to start. Tyson leap frogs nothing as Truth backs
off an Irish Whip. Then Tyson yells at Nattie and Nattie smiles and nods
like a Stepford Wife. Tyson kicks Truth in the corner and chokes him.
He hangs Truth in the Tree of Woe and chokes Truth again. Then yells at
Nattie some more. He kicks Truth in the chest and slingshots his head
into the lower buckle, getting two. Snapmare by Tyson and a two count.
Headlock by Tyson and Truth counters with a side suplex. Both men get to
their feet. Truth tries to rally but Tyson grabs his legs for the
Sharpshooter. Truth pushes him away and Tyson nearly flies into Nattie.
He yells at her, which just makes him look so awesome. Truth grabs him
and hits a DDT for the win at 3:36.
WINNER: R-Truth via DDT
RATING: *1/2. 

TONIGHT: Big E vs. Rusev

We get a trailer for Hell in a Cell. Somebody was hip enough to use the font from the original Evil Dead, so that’s cool.

MATCH #2: Cesaro vs. Justin Gabriel
Holy
shit. Gabriel? Where did he come from? A bunch of wristlock reversals
and leglock reversals. Crowd is dead. More reversals and counters. This
doesn’t help. Finally, Cersaro elbows Gabriel in the corner, then runs
his head into the opposite corner. Gabriel comes back, slapping Cesaro
in the chest and hitting a nice Hurricarana. Snapmare by Gabriel and a
pin for a one-count. Cesaro finally gets a hold of Gabriel and drops his
head into the buckle. Cesaro hits a short-arm clothesline for two.
Cesaro puts him into a headlock. Gabriel escapes and Cesaro hits a Back
Drop off an Irish Whip. He kicks at Gabriel and then just kinda slugs at
him in the corner. Cesaro yanks him into the middle of the ring by his
legs, getting two. Another headlock and Gabriel hits a chinbreaker to
counter and splashes Cesaro in the corner. Gabriel hits a Scorpion
Deathdrop after a series of counters and gets two. Cesaro slings Gabriel
into the corner but Gabriel evades and tries a Moonsault, missing by a
mile. Cesaro hits the Neutralizer for the win.
WINNER: Cesaro via Neutralizer
RATING: **. Not too bad. Like watching a dude trying to chase a cat on cocaine at times, but awesome.

NEXT: Cole will “explain” Cena and Ambrose.

We get a commercial for Total Divas.

Cole explains Cena and Ambrose and RAW.

NEXT MONDAY ON RAW: Cena and Ambrose face Kane, Orton and Rollins in a Handicap Street Fight.

Rusev’s out for his match. But first, commercials for $9.99!

AD FOR “SEE NO EVIL 2”, STARRING KANE. JUST…STOP.


Lana
starts in on the mic. She’s so frazzled, she loses the ability to
properly say, “Shu-Tup” correctly. She reminds us of Rusev’s victory
over Big Show. She says that the East coast is the head of this country,
the West is the tail and the unshaven armpit is Alabama. He says that
Show is the anus. He says he talks like an anus and speaks like an anus.
Uh…

Big E interrupts.

MATCH #3: Rusev vs. Big E
First
two lock-ups go nowhere. Collision ends the same. Then the two brawl.
Rusev headbutts E after hitting some nice body shots. He runs at E but E
catches him and puts him to the mat for a one-count. Rusev ditches the
ring to take a breather. Once back in, he kicks at E, kneeing him in the
gut. He puts E in the corner but E reverses an Irish Whip and Rusev
takes a pair of Battering Rams in two corners. E ditches the ring again.
E follows this time and starts punching at E. Rusev retaliates and puts
E into the crowd barrier, then hits a nice Fallaway Slam. He rolls back
into the ring. We go to break.

Sting/2K15 ad.

Komen/WWE ad.

Rusev
has a headlock on E when we come back. E gets to his feet but Rusev
knees him in the gut. Rusev hits a modified clutch. E gets to his feet
again and punches Rusev in the gut. Rusev kicks back and tries a suplex.
E blocks it and reverses it. E rushes at Rusev in the corner but Rusev
sidesteps. E puts Rusev in yet another front facelock, then goes to the
back. E fights back up again and punches at Rusev. Rusev pushes him into
the corner and hits two Battering Rams. He rushes at E but E counters
with a Belly to Belly Suplex.

Ref counts both men. They
get to their feet. Rusev kicks at E. They exchange shots. Rusev rushes
E. E ducks and tries a Belly to Belly. Rusev blocks but ends up in
another Belly to Belly anyhow off a rush. Two count. E puts Rusev in the
corner. Another Battering Ram. Rusev kicks E in the stomach and rushes
at E again. E catches him and hits a Spinebuster, getting two. E puts
Rusev into the center of the ring and goes for the Warrior Splash but
Rusev gets up and hits the Superkick. He calls for the Accolade and E
taps because E just HAS! NO! CHOICE! 11:53 was the time of the match.
WINNER: #RUSEVWINSLOL
RATING: **. At least it was decent.

Celebration, Russian flag, blah blah blah…done.

OVERALL: **. Not too bad tonight.

Er, that’s it.

Thomas Hall has the NXT and Smackdown recaps to take you through
the rest of the week. Scott Keith and Brian Bayless have some retro shows. Andy PG will
have the RAW Report to start your week off right. I
will be back next week, same BoD Time, same BoD Channel.

Thank
you to all the BoD’ers and, hey, if you wanna read more of our stuff,
please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at
http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on
Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/

Matt’s Main Event Recap – 10/7/2014

Look,
RAW sucked last night. I’m used to saying that week after week, though.
So, what I’m saying here isn’t so much news as it is a consistent fact.
I’ve
said it before and I will say it again: watching the show is a chore.
The Rock appeared last night. That was good. I liked that. I guess. The
problem with spots like that is that you’re not gonna see that again.
Also, it didn’t serve much purpose. Rusev’s kinda over already as the
Foreign Heel of Doom. Also, it just served to minimize the intensity of
Show vs. Rusev.

Other
than that, Cena sticks out like a sore thumb in the Ambrose and Rollins
feud. That thing’s going along good without him. It’s time to put Cena
some place else. I’m kinda sick of seeing several tag team matches with
Bore-ton and Kane because Creative feels the need to “make them work
together”. 
I don’t even like that Cena’s in a match with Ambrose. I want to see Ambrose vs. Rollins. So does everybody else.
Hell in a Cell is looking ho-hum right now and that’s a shame considering where we were about this time last year.
Let’s get moving.
We are LIVE(!) from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania!
Michael Cole, Byron Saxton…and Cesaro?! They’re on the mics tonight.
Holy shit…we have an IC Title match off the bat…against Bo Dallas?! I’m so game. 
Dallas says he took the last Cheesesteak Sandwich from one of his Bo-lievers before
Main Event tonight. He threw the sandwich out because it was unhealthy.
Mark Henry came by and ate it out of the trash. This disgusts Bo
Dallas. Tonight, he’ll beat Dolph with nobody’s help.
MATCH #1: Dolph Ziggler (champion) vs. Bo Dallas (challenger) for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Initial
lock-up goes nowhere. Second one gets a headlock by Ziggler which
Dallas reverses into an armlock. Ziggler counters, tossing Dallas to the
mat but misses the big elbow drop. Dallas takes advantage and stomps at
Ziggler in the corner. Headlock by Dallas, then more stomping.and
another headlock. Ziggler busts out with a chinebreaker and a splash in
the corner. He misses the neckbreaker and Dallas dumps Ziggler out of
the ring. We go to break.
After
a break, Ziggler fights out of another hold but Dallas slingshots him
into the buckle. Two count. More choking against the ropes by Dallas but
he misses a charge in the corner, hitting the buckle. Both men get to
their feet and Ziggler hits his clotheslines and another corner splash.
This time, he hits the neckbreaker. He misses the Fame-Asser and Dallas
hits a nice powerslam for two. Dallas tries a powerbomb but Ziggler
counters with a DDT and it’s a two count.
Ziggler
and Dallas get to their feet. Ziggler misses a Superkick and Dallas
counters with a DDT for two. He’s pissed that he didn’t get the fall and
clutches his head in anguish and frustration. Dallas pounds on Ziggler,
who counters with a Sunset Flip. Dallas counters, rolling Ziggler up,
using the ropes to keep Ziggler pinned — but the ref notices Dallas
cheating and stops the count. Dallas yells at the ref for that and
Ziggler hits the Zigg Zagg to retain at 8:42.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Dolph Ziggler via Zigg Zagg
RATING: **3/4. Dallas reeeeeeally needs to be pushed. He showed potential here.
Cesaro leaves as Ziggler celebrates. 
Cole recaps Kathy Lee and Hoba Kobt partying with Adam Rose as if that was noteworthy.
TONIGHT: We will see a recap of The Rock meeting Rusev from RAW.
Titus talks about his Grandmother and her fight with breast cancer.
THIS FRIDAY: Smackdown celebrates its 15th Anniversary.
Kane
is Main Event’s “Authority” boss. Tyson Kidd shows up and tells Kane
that he’s his own man and “more than Nattie’s husband.” Kane says
everyone knows Nattie wears the pants in the family. Kidd wants a match
to prove that isn’t true. Kane says he’s already in one: against Jack
Swagger. He tells Kidd not to tap out to Swagger like he does to Nattie.
In that relationship, I’m not sure who’d be doing the “tapping”, if ya’
know I mean…
MATCH #2: vs. Layla, Summer Rae, Cameron, & Nikki Bella vs. Brie Bella in a 4-on-1 Handicap Match
THIS
FEUD MUST CONTINUE IN AN IRONIC FASHION. Summer runs over Brie. Brie
comes back with a clothesline and multiple dropkicks. Two count. Layla
in and she drops Brie with a Superkick to Brie, plus a DDT. Two count.
Headlock by Layla. Brie fights out but Layla tosses her to the mat. Tag
to Cameron and she hits Brie with a Lariat, then mocks the YES chant.
Brie comes back with a roll-up. Two count. Cameron immediately kicks her
and headlocks her. Cameron hits a nice suplex and the Scissor Drop or
whatever stupid move that is. One count. Cameron applies a Surfboard but
Brie breaks and tosses Cameron to the mat. Brie hits a running knee and
goes to the second buckle, then hits a Missile Dropkick off the second
buckle. Brie tags Nikki in the face with a forearm, then tries the YES
Lock but Layla comes in and interferes. Summer knees her in the back.
Nikki tags herself in. Nikki hits a running knee on Brie and hits the
Bella Buster for the win at 4:24.
WINNERS: All the other Divas who aren’t Brie.
RATING: *1/2
Post-match, Nikki celebrates, mocking the YES chant.
Cole gives us the recap of Rusev/Rock on RAW.
WWE 2K15: Two Generations of Sting. Neither will show up.
Leprechaun commercial.
Colter mocks the size of Tyson’s “manhood” and calls him a woman. Feminism!
MATCH #3: Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya) vs. Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter)
Tyson and
Swagger lock up in the corner. Tyson clubs at him, then stomps at him.
Sitting dropkick and one count by Kidd. Swagger gets some offense in but
Kidd kicks at Swagger’s ankles and he goes down again. Front Facelock
by Kidd but Swagger reverses it with a Reverse Front Suplex. Swagger
rolls outside. Kidd follows but Swagger trips him. Back in the ring,
Swagger knees him in the gut and throws him across the ring. Swagger
Bomb is met with a foot by Kidd. Swagger counters with a Patriot Lock.
Kidd gets to the ropes, hits an Enzuguri and rolls Swagger up for the
win at 2:23.
WINNER: Tyson Kidd
RATING: *1/4. Far too short and even more disjointed than the last one.
Post-match, Kidd celebrates without Nattie. It’s like Randy Savage and Elizabeth without the chemistry.
Joan Lunden’s skeleton visited RAW on Monday.
Total Divas – Nattie may want to divorce Kidd. Only she won’t because that was filmed like two months ago.
RAW REBOUND: Seth Rollins, John Cena and Dean Ambrose are at odds.
MATCH #4: Stardust (w/ Goldust) vs. Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy Uso)
Star
all over Jey to start. He dumps Jey from the ring. Jey races right back
in and slaps Star around, then dumps Star. Uso Crazy to Star outside.
Gold tries to pull on Jey’s leg when he goes to the buckles but Jey
kicks at him. Jimmy decks him. Star nails Jey on the distraction and
pulls him into the ring for a two count. Star rips Jey’s shirt off and
starts punching at him. Snapmare by Star and an inverted bearhug. Jey
breaks free but Star knees him in the gut for two. More stomping and
Star choking him on the ropes. Star celebrates throwing Jey across the
ring and charges him but Jey kicks him in the face. Jey hits a cross
body for two. He kicks Star in the stomach and tries a Side Suplex but
Star counters hitting Jey in the face. He charges again and Jey hits a
Samoan Drop and Rikishi Butt Splash in the corner. He goes for the
Superfly Splash but Star gets up and knocks him outside in front of
Gold. Jey gets up and gets a kick to the head. Superfly Splash. Done at
5:29.
WINNER: Jey Uso via Superfly Splash
RATING: *. Boring as fuck. No intensity and the crowd didn’t care.
The Usos are all chilling and celebrating as we go off the air. 
OVERALL: *1/2. The opening match was pretty good. The rest was just a giant showcase of the same boring shit.
Er…that’s it.

Thomas Hall has the NXT and Smackdown recaps to take you through
the rest of the week. Scott Keith and Brian Bayless have some retro shows. Andy PG will
have the RAW Report to start your week off right. I
will be back next week, same BoD Time, same BoD Channel.

Thank
you to all the BoD’ers and, hey, if you wanna read more of our stuff,
please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at
http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on
Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/

Matt’s Main Event Recap – 9/30/2014

Hello! I am back to spread the hate!

Because THAT is what I do.

I can’t formulate a response to Andy PG’s “open letter”. I liked it. Dude has passion. I like passion. Holy shit if it hasn’t gotten Danielle writing and both of us collaborating each week.

So, I must say…

Andy, write what you want, brother. I’ll see you on BOD RAW!!!

Also, speaking of hate and other “notable” things: I was blocked for 24 hours by Wikipedia for attempting to make edits to the Zoe Quinn/GamerGate affair so that it was more neutral. I have no interest in saying that one side is more important than the other.

It’s funny, though: I remember when you practically had to hop on a plan and punch the admins in the back of the head to get a ban. Now, it’s pretty much saying, “I wanna edit this right here,” that gets you banned.

But, I am proud to be blocked for rustling some jimmies. Makes me smile when I think about it.

Seriously. The only difference between me and Will in this picture is
that Will’s missing a glass of wine in his hand. Also, I’m white.

Tune in next week when I upload videos of myself bending a pile of iPhones while watching WWE Network!

Let’s get started, shall we?

We are LIVE(!) from Milwaukee, Wisconsin!

Byron Saxton and Michael Cole are the guys on the mics tonight.

Swagger is out for a match to lead us off…

MATCH #1: Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter) vs. Cesaro
Cesaro says that the only difference between Jack Swagger and a battery is that a battery has a positive side. “Cesaro…OUT!” So, I guess he’s auditioning late for Letterman’s spot. Swagger takes Cesaro down to the mat with a Greco Roman throw. Cesaro gets up and it’s another grapple. Cesaro with a headlock but Swagger breaks and tries a Swagger Bomb after putting Cesaro to the mat. Cesaro gets his feet up and Swagger goes down. Cesaro hits a sitting dropkick off the ropes and puts Swagger in an armlock. Swagger breaks but Cesaro hits a modified Cobra Clutch. Swagger gets out again but Cesaro dumps him from the ring and hits a Double Axehandle off the top rope. We go to break.

We’re back and it’s yet, ANOTHER Cesaro Clutch. Swagger breaks and tries to dump Cesaro out of the ring but Cesaro lands on the mat outside the ropes, drops Swagger’s neck on the ropes and hits another axehandle off the ropes, getting two. Cesaro hits another one. He tries a third but Swagger gets to his feet and attacks Cesaro on the buckle. He tosses Cesaro to the mat and hits the Swagger Bomb for two. After Cesaro counters on a charge, Swagger hits a nice belly to belly suplex for two. He goes for the Gut Wrench but Cesaro counters.

He gets to his feet but Swagger hits the Patriot Lock. Cesaro immediately gets to the ropes. Swagger hits a Big Boot and gets another two count. Swagger tries the Patriot Lock again but Cesaro hits an Enzuguri and then puts Swagger to the mat. He goes for a Neutralizer but Swagger counters with a back drop. Cesaro kicks out but Swagger immediately hits the Patriot Lock. Cesaro makes it to the bottom rope. While the ref deals with the ring skirt that Cesaro was pulling on, Cesaro gouges Swagger in the eyes and hits the big uppercut for the win at 10:11.
WINNER: Cesaro via uppercut
RATING: **1/4. Not a bad match, all told. I like these two together.

TONIGHT: Mark Henry faces Bo Dallas since their RAW match was a real classic.

Holy shit, there’s a backstage office on Main Event. And Kane is the “boss”. And Natalya’s there to bug him. This is wrestling gold. Nattie says that Tyson Kidd is in a rut right now due to injuries sustained in NXT. Natalya wants Tyson in a match on Main Event. Kidd shows up. The two argue as Kane can’t shut them up. Finally, he loses his shit and tells Tyson that he has his match tonight.

Cole plugs the Susan G. Komen / WWE partnership and we get clips of Hogan’s spot last night on RAW. (If anyone wants to get more info, please go to http://www.komen.org/wwe. I have many women in my life who have both perished from (and survived) breast cancer. I know many of you do, too.)

MATCH #2: Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya) vs. Kofi Kingston
Tyson Kidd’s only here because of Total Divas. Just remember that. Tyson hits an armlock but Kofi flips around Roger Rabbit after a glass of whiskey and throws Kidd out of the ring. Kofi tries a Suicide Dive — but Kidd hides behind Nattie. Kidd gets back in the ring and takes over, getting Kofi in the corner and slingshotting his head into the bottom buckle. Headlock by Kidd. He puts Kofi in a tree of woe and asks Nattie to slap Kofi around. Nattie won’t. Kidd yells at her like a good husband. Kofi leaps off the buckle because Kofi doesn’t get tangled on the buckle. He flies all over the ring, hitting splashes and flips and clothesline and it’s basically like your kid brother hitting 150 reversals because he doesn’t know any moves and he’s just mashing buttons. Series of roll-ups by both guys and two-counts abound. Kidd hits a nice neckbreaker and NEARLY gets a fall. Kidd tries a springboard elbow drop off the top rope but Kofi knees him and hits the S.O.S. — getting only two because Tyson got the ropes. Kofi flies at Kidd in the corner but Kidd moves and tries a Sharpshooter. Kofi struggles but Kidd turns it. Kofi struggles…but taps out at 5:33.
WINNER: Tyson Kidd via Sharpshooter
RATING: **1/4. Good, quick match. Kidd and Kofi really work well together.

RAW REBOUND: The whole Ambrose/Cena/Rollins/MITB case/dildo-in-case/Authority fiasco.

Cole says that John Cena and Dean Ambrose will discuss this issue on Smackdown.

Luke Harper is being re-branded from pieces of stuff. So…he’s pretty much the same, I guess.

Renee Young has Mark Henry. She shows Henry clips of his match from RAW. Henry says he’s had a hard time lately. But he’s gonna throw Dallas like a lawn dart. Because that’s what he does. Mark Henry. He throws people like lawn darts. All the time.

THIS FRIDAY ON SMACKDOWN: Sheamus & Ziggler face The Miz and Damien Miz-dow.

MATCH #3: Summer Rae & Layla vs. Brie Bella in a Handicap Match
This match is happening because Brie has to suffer the same fate as NIkki for four weeks. Layla goes first. Summer distracts Brie and Layla knocks her down. It’s a series of tags in and out where Brie gets stomped in the chest over and over by the two because Layla botches everything she does, so it’s best to limit her. Summer gets into the ring and kicks Brie in the head as Nikki watches from backstage. More quick tags and more Brie peril until Brie fights back and kicks Layla in the gut and knees her in the head. Summer distracts again and Layla takes over again, hitting a HORRIBLE looking cross body on Brie for two. Summer tries to hold Brie for a double team but Brie escapes and runs at Layla. Brie tries to toss Layla at Summer but Layla reverses it. Brie slides out of the ring, trips Summer whose head hits the mat, and Brie flies into the ring again, hitting the Bella Buster on Layla for the win at 3:20.
WINNER: Brie Bella via Bella Buster
RATING: *3/4. Summer and Layla can barely wrestle.

NEXT: The Bo Dallas / Mark Henry epic rematch 2: electric bugaloo.

WWE apologized for Big Show’s degradation of the Russian flag on RAW. I’m more frightened of the Troglodytes who were cheering at the top of their lungs for that.

MATCH #4: Bo Dallas vs. Mark Henry
We’re under 10 minutes left on this program already. Dallas kills even more time with a Bo-lieve monologue where he tells Henry to get a hobby like a cooking class. Henry rushes at Dallas, pounding on him and ramming his head into the buckle and just throwing him (but not like a lawn dart) into the buckle. More hot turnbuckle action and a shot to Dallas’s ribs. He slaps at Dallas, telling him to “inspire him”. He headbutts Dallas and stomps at him. So, the ref DQ’s Henry at 2:00. What a “main event”, folks.
WINNER: Bo Dallas via DQ
RATING: DUD.

Post-match, Henry grabs Dallas and hits the World’s Strongest Slam on Bo Dallas — then does it again. He asks for a mic and tells Dallas, “That’s what I do!”

Henry leaves as we go off the air.

OVERALL: **. The show kinda got worse as it went along but at least it wasn’t this week’s RAW.

Thomas Hall has the NXT and Smackdown recaps to take you through
the rest of the week. Scott Keith and Brian Bayless have some retro shows. Andy PG will
have the RAW Report to start your week off right. I
will be back next week, same BoD Time, same BoD Channel.

Thank
you to all the BoD’ers and, hey, if you wanna read more of our stuff,
please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at
http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on
Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/

Matt’s Main Event Recap – 9/23/2014

Andy PG and I had some disagreements over Night of Champions.

I thought the show was pretty much an episode of RAW — minus Ambrose teleporting around like the fucking Prestige or silly Total Divas bullshit, mind you — but it was RAW, especially with a distraction finish and DQ finish where Rollins didn’t cash in because #CENAALWAYSPREVAILSLOL.

Andy PG took the Russell Crowe in Gladiator route and shouted, “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!”

Sure. I was entertained — to a point. I tried to explain my case, but Andy wouldn’t have it, claiming that my expectations are unrealistic.

Yeah, ok. I can see that. I’m some guy writing reviews about a show that has a wrestler in a Bunny suit executing Springboard Enzuguris. The expectations, needless to say, are pitifully low. The logic here is that I shouldn’t get my hopes up.

The thing is, I’ve seen “good”. I’ve seen “great”. So have you.

* and ** ratings don’t exist simply because we’re just kidding about how awful the Divas matches are — there are bad matches. We had a few at Night of Champions. We have more than a few on RAW, Main Event and Smackdown.

Superstars is your * bouquet — but, luckily, nobody counts that bullshit.

My ultimate point is that wrestling, no matter how fantastically and facetiously theatrical it is, is a guilty pleasure — but there’s good Guilty Pleasure and bad Guilty Pleasure. Lately, WWE has been drunkenly falling into the latter realm.

But what the fuck does anyone care? It’s my opinion. Andy has his. Tommy has his. Scott’s got his. Bayless has his.

You all have yours.

If anyone wants a real complaint, I’m sick of Blogger’s goddamn Jump Break Insert constantly spacing articles about 8 lines. That’s some real annoying shit, Blogger.

Rip me a new one in the comments, please.

Nanu.

Let’s go…

We are LIVE(!) from Little Rock, Arkansas on WWE Network!

Byron Saxton is STILL putting up with Michael Cole on the mic for some reason!

TONIGHT: The Miz will host MixTV and his guest is Dean Ambrose. 

Adam Rose, The Bunny, and The Short Bus Exotic Express arrive to do commentary because this SlaterGator/Adam Rose feud is that intense. Also, Bunny doesn’t speak. Because Bunnies don’t speak. This is so Avant Garde.

MATCH #1: SlaterGator (Heath Slater & Titus O’Neil vs. Los Matadores (Diego & Fernando) (w/ El Torito)
The Express sings over and over. Slater tells them to shut up so Rose shuts them up. Slater’s in there with a Matador. Which one? Nobody knows or cares. The match is over at 1:24 after a Matador shoves a distracted Slater into O’Neil, then gets hit with a Cross Body for the pinfall.
WINNERS: Los Matadores
RATING: DUD. 

Post-match, it’s a party. El Torito does the Worm. Bunny does the Running Man. Torito gyrates. Bunny takes off his mask and it’s Alberto Del Rio!

Good. Wanted to make sure you were paying attention here.

ON RAW: Rollins commits Grand Theft Auto and steals a car. You’d think Ambrose would be able to teleport into the backseat but the ensuing fight would have been dangerous.

We get the WWE 2K15 gameplay trailer and a look at Sting in the game.

Here’s Mark Henry to make an apology to America. Again. For realz this time because he’s wearing a suit. He blames his losses on the fans. He says America loves winners and is obsessed with winning at the expense of people who try hard. Henry goes to leave the ring — but here comes Big Show, sans music, because this whole thing is that intense.

The crowd is so quiet, you can hear the arena’s air conditioning. He says that Henry is his brother from another mother. He says that Henry would eat his snacks while on the road. He loved Henry so much, he let it go. He says he feels bad for Henry but he will do his best to help Henry get past this. Henry agrees and they leave the ring happy.

Dear Cole, it’s no longer “Breaking News” when Reigns’ hernia surgery happened on Sunday. We get the news report anyhow.

Then we go over Cena and Broke Lesnar at Night of Champions. Crowd. Is. DEAD. Almost halfway into a 53 minute show and we’ve had just over 80 seconds of wrestling. 20 seconds of that involved actual contact.

TONIGHT: Seth Rollins runs away from Dean Ambrose.

AJ is out to do commentary for the next match and we get this exchange:

COLE: “Are you afraid of Byron?”
AJ: “No…”
COLE: “Why are you sitting so far away from him?”
AJ: “I get that from men a lot…”

MATCH #2: Naomi vs. Paige
Naomi hits some sitting dropkicks, then high kicks Paige. Paige tosses Naomi into the corner. Naomi leaps onto Paige’s shoulders and rubs her ass in Paige’s face. Paige hits a high roundhouse kick and gets two. She knees Naomi in the ribs from outside the ropes and stomps Naomi in the corner. She yanks Naomi up by the hair, turns, yells at AJ, then nearly gets rolled up for a pin. Naomi hits some dropkicks and a nice Frankensteiner, then hits a sick DDT using her legs, nearly getting a fall. She climbs on Paige in the corner and starts punching away but Paige moves and drops Naomi’s head on the buckle. She gets the pin at 3:07, putting her feet on the ropes to secure the pin.
WINNER: Paige
RATING: *1/2. As good as it was gonna get. 

Post-match, AJ attacks Paige with the belt and then leaves. Paige screams and this thing just continues.

STILL TO COME: MizTV with Dean Ambrose.

Commercial for WrestleMania 31 — about 10 miles down the freeway from us, actually.

Cole brings us back to RAW, when Cena and Ambrose tried to beat the snot out of Rollins, got locked in a room with one door, then appeared from underneath Kane and Rollins brick trap.

THIS FRIDAY ON SMACKDOWN: The Usos face the WWE Tag Team Champions Gold & Stardust in a rematch.

Renee Young has the Usos backstage. They’re psyched for their rematch. They respect the Dusts. They won the titles fair and square…but that’s Night of Champions. It’s a new day on Smackdown.

Bo Dallas is grinning and is headed to the ring from backstage…NEXT.

Before the match, Bo has a mic and says that he had no idea Kofi still worked here. Instead of saying “Boom, boom, boom”, Kofi should say, “Bo! Bo! Bo!”

MATCH #3: Bo Dallas vs. Kofi Kingston
Bo facing the other half of the NEW NATION? Whoa…my heart can’t contain my excitement. Kofi gets some early kicks but Bo takes over, kicking Kofi in the corner, then hitting a short-arm clothesline. Headlock by Dallas but Kofi breaks it, hitting a dropkick. He tries a Slingshot but Dallas counters and reverses and slingshots Kofi. Kofi catches the buckle and hits a Cross Body for two. Kofi tries the same on a counter on an Irish Whip. Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise…and wins?! Holy shit. 2:19 was the time.
WINNER: Kofi Kingston via Trouble in Paradise
RATING: **. That’s generous but Kofi looked good here.

Cole: “There ya’ go! Kofi’s relevant again!” Oversells Bunny, short-sells Kofi. Nice job, Cole.

MizTV is NEXT!

It’s time for MizTV.

Out come The Miz and Damien Miz-dow. Miz says an amateur would come out to the ring and say it’s all about him. Sandow lip-syncs everything that Miz says because this is what he’s been reduced to. Miz loses his shit when he reflects on losing the title again on RAW. But he recovers and introduces Dean Ambrose.

Dean shakes Miz’s hand and Miz shows the clip of the Cinder Block Curb Stomp. Miz says his “inside sources” say that Ambrose ended up with severe head and spine trauma — then disappeared. He wants to know what kind of drugs Ambrose went on to recover. Ambrose asks if Miz thinks he’s funny. Miz simply says that any normal person would have had their career end.

Ambrose says he isn’t a normal person. Miz calls him insane as Sandow mirrors everything he says and does because that’s exactly what stunt doubles do, see…

Miz shows us clips from RAW we saw minutes ago. Miz asks how he was able to get into the box from the locked room.

Ambrose: “Uh…there was a back door. The Authority put me in a room with two doors. I mean…I’m not Houdini. Sorry if you feel cheated.”

Miz says he does feel cheated — just like he was cheated in the IC Title rematch. He loses his shit again, so Ambrose beats him and Sandow up, then puts Miz back into his chair, unconscious and walks out.

If Miz retires, does Sandow imitate that, too? That would be great.

We go off the air.

OVERALL: DUD. As Danielle put it while I was watching this: “This was the worst episode since this show was put on the air.”

Er, that’s it…


Thomas Hall has the NXT and Smackdown recaps to take you through
the rest of the week. Scott Keith and Brian Bayless have some retro shows. Andy PG will
have the RAW Report to start your week off right. I
will be back next week, same BoD Time, same BoD Channel.

Thank
you to all the BoD’ers and, hey, if you wanna read more of our stuff,
please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at
http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on
Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/

Saturday Night’s Main Event Countdown: #36

The SmarK Rant for Saturday Night’s Main Event – August 2 2008 (And so we wrap up the series with a pathetic one hour show thrown together to fulfil their NBC deal and feature Jenny McCarthy for some reason.  This show DIED in the ratings, but by this point no one cared at all.) – Taped from Washington, DC. – Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler. JBL, Ted Dibiase, Cody Rhodes & Kane v. John Cena, Cryme Tyme & Batista. Kane hammers Batista down to start, but Dave comes back with a corner clothesline and boots him down for two. He gets caught in the heel corner and Cody Rhodes comes in and slugs away, but Batista powers him into the face corner, where JTG beats on him. Shad alley-oops JTG into Cody (that move needs a cool name in the worst way) and a press slam gets two. Snake Eyes follows, but a weak cheapshot from JBL slows him down and Shad is YOUR thug-in-peril. And thus we take a break. Back with JBL tossing him for some punishment on the floor from Kane, which gives JBL two. Dibiase comes in with a suplex and clothesline for two (complete with canned “oooohs” from the crowd and overdubbed NBC shilling from JR that sounds like it was bolted on with a rivet gun). Into the corner for more dull heel offense. Cody pounds away in the corner and follows with a weak dropkick to cut off the tag, and it’s over to JBL for some elbows that get two. Over to Kane for a seated dropkick that gets two, and he goes to a bodyscissors of all things. C’mon, this is prime time! This crap is supposed to hook viewers? Dibiase tries a suplex, but Shad reverses it and it’s hot tag Cena. Backdrop suplex for JBL and the five knuckle shuffle follows, but Kane breaks up the F-U. Batista dumps Kane and hits Dibiase with a spinebuster, which allows JTG to go up and get launched onto Dibiase. He’s not legal, so the ref won’t count, but when JBL hits him with the Clothesline from New York, he will count that and the heels win at 12:13. What happened to more realism in the reffing? (Vince went to sleep and woke up the next morning with a new obsession.)  Dull match that got hot for about 10 seconds at the end but was all kicking and punching before that. And really, if you’re a new fan tuning in and watching Dibiase & Rhodes, you’d think they were a couple of jobbers instead of the World tag champs and the hot new act of the promotion that the WWE is pushing them as. ** (Well, you’d be half right.)  Jeff Foxworthy wants us to know that autism is reversible and he’ll be watching later when Jenny McCarthy talks about it. I thought they were trying to convince advertisers that rednecks WEREN’T watching their shows? Carmen Electra also dislikes autism. Really bringing out the A-list celebrities here, aren’t they? The Great Khali v. Jimmy Wang Yang Yang doesn’t even get an entrance, not that there was any doubt about the finish anyway. Khali clotheslines him and tosses him around, then swats Yang out of the air and finishes with the tree slam and pins him with one foot at 1:24. Lemme just say, had they taken the time to book Big Show this strong in 1999 he might have ended up as a major star instead of the minor one he is now. Khali, however, is a lost cause, no matter how much crowd noise they pipe in. DUD Ben Stiller reads his sincere greetings off a cue card. Autism, it sucks, man. Anyone else waiting for him to endorse the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too? And now, it’s Jenny McCarthy. Who really gives a crap about Jenny McCarthy in 2008 anyway? Anyway, autism is bad, we get it. (Oh man, we didn’t even know the depths of her insanity at this point.  Even WWE wasn’t crazy enough to give her prime time TV and tell us how we shouldn’t vaccinate our children because of all the EVIL MERCURY and instead just let her talk vaguely about autism. Sadly, this is still a thing that idiots propagate in Facebook groups to this day, no matter how many times the science is discredited.)  I’d rather not be preached to in a one-hour wrestling show, especially when they go from something where we’re supposed to see the “good side” of the WWE and then they cut right to… Edge’s trashy (but awesome!) wedding soap opera with Vickie and the wedding planner, which immediately makes them look completely low-class and silly again. Lemme say, HD close-ups of Vickie = EPIC FAIL. Edge needs Lita back in his life as a stabilizing force again. Lita v. Vickie in a battle of trailer trash would be so amazing that they’d have to go super-duper HD to contain it. Edge v. Jeff Hardy Hardy takes him down to start and they exchange baseball slide attempts, which allows Jeff to hit a pescado. Edge rests on the railing and Jeff tries to follow with a somersault off the stairs, but he splats into the barricade with a nasty bump and we take a break. Back with Edge working the leg, and he counters away from the mule kick and takes Hardy down again. Edge wraps the leg around the post, but Hardy comes back with a clothesline and puts Edge in the Tree of Woe. Baseball slide misses, but Jeff recovers and mule kicks him for two instead. Twist of Fate is reversed into the Impaler by Edge, and that gets a very close two. Edge tries the spear, but Jeff moves and hits the Whisper in the Wind for two. Jeff hits him with a front suplex and goes up for the swanton, but Edge rolls away and Jeff can’t limp over and continue the advantage. Edge tries another spear, but misses again and lands on the floor. With the ref counting Edge, MVP pops out of the crowd and hits Jeff with the high kick out of nowhere, making him even goofier, and that darn spear finally finishes at 13:26. Good stuff, with Jeff selling the knee consistently and Edge looking like a star as usual. *** The Pulse Pretty pointless show from my end of things, as they had a timeslot on NBC and just kind of did a half-hearted Summerslam build because they knew no one would be watching anyway. But that autism, it’s the real heel!  (More like the “doctor” who came up with that fucking anti-vaccine bullshit.) 

Saturday Night’s Main Event Countdown: #35

The SmarK Rant for Saturday Night’s Main Event #35 – 08.18.07 Taped from Madison Square Garden. Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jim Ross & JBL Meanwhile, Vince confers with the Coach about who his illegitimate child might be, and Coach promises to investigate. This leads to an awkward reveal that Vince might actually be his father. Oh, we’re getting off to a grand start already, I see. Batista & Kane v. Finlay & The Great Khali Oh yay, the World champion Khali era. Kane pounds on Finlay to start and hits him with a sideslam for two, and Batista comes in with an elbow for two. Batista with a suplex to send Finlay to the floor and we take a break. Back with Khali working on Kane’s ribs, but he gets the hot tag to Batista. Bossman slam gets two on Finlay and Khali gets tied into the ropes. The midget gets abused as a result, and Batista spears and powerbombs Finlay to finish at 7:42. Not much to this one. ** Meanwhile, Vince is tripping out and sees his 80s self in a mirror. Yeah. Meanwhile, MVP hangs out with Holyfield. Vince McMahon and Coach join us to continue their hard-hitting investigation of Vince’s child. Eugene and Melina are eliminated as suspects after some goofy innuendo, and finally Steve Austin is unveiled as the final choice. Hey, he WAS adopted. Austin reminisces a bit about the times he could have been spending with Vince as a child, but then decides to just hit Vince in the nuts and stun Coach instead. Austin feels bad for abusing his potential long lost father and offers him a beer, but then gives him a stunner anyway. The whole storyline was a complete dead end (original plan Kennedy, eventual payoff Hornswoggle) but Vince getting repeatedly smashed in the junk is always entertaining TV and Austin can get any stupid shit over by sheer force of willpower. John Cena v. Carlito Man, they just kept trying to reheat Carlito even when Carlito himself had no interest in it. Cena chases him out of the ring and we quickly take a break. Back with Carlito in control, but Cena hits the Throwback and goes up with the guillotine legdrop before finishing quick with the STF at 4:19. Literally only 2:00 of this was actually shown. * Randy Orton lays him out with an RKO on a chair afterwards to build up the most boring Summerslam main event ever. Boxing match: Evander Holyfield v. Matt Hardy This was supposed to be Hardy v. MVP, but MVP backed out due to his legit heart problems (which were discovered as an indirect result of the Benoit investigation) and we get this freakshow instead. Michael Buffer as the ring announcer, declaring that MVP is “STRAIGHT UP BALLLLLLLIN” is worth your $9.99 right there. So Holyfield unsurprisingly destroys Matt in every way. I suspect that this boxing match might not be on the up-and-up. Matt makes it through the first round and MVP offers some unwanted coaching to Evander (I’m reminded of “You, Strawberry, hit a home run!”) until Holyfield has finally had enough and just knocks MVP out instead. This was goofy comedy right out of the 80s, but it was fun. The Boogeyman & CM Punk v. Big Daddy V & John Morrison So this was a real match. Morrison was ECW champion and looking to hold onto it long-term, but in another weird side-effect of Benoit’s death John got popped for steroids during the ensuing fallout and Punk ended up with the belt instead, kickstarting his career for good. Punk with a backslide on Morrison for two and a leg lariat for two. And we take a break. Back with Boogeyman consuming some worms for energy, but Big Daddy lays him out and pounds away in the corner. Blind charge misses and Punk gets the hot tag, hitting a springboard clothesline for two. Morrison blocks the bulldog for two, but Punk cradles for the pin at 6:15. *1/2 The Pulse This show was decidedly light on wrestling to say the least, kind of a throwback to what Vince wanted the show to be in the 80s, and while it wasn’t terrible there’s nothing here you can’t skip in a heartbeat. No good matches and some stupid comedy is not exactly classic material.

Matt’s Main Event Recap – 9/16/2014

There’s been
nothing advertised for this show…at least I saw nothing when I
watched RAW last night. Usually, we’re told that Big Show & Mark
Henry will fight the Wyatts for the 87th time or that El Torito will
shit all over ring and trip on it while Heath Slater says something
stupid like, “OMG! He broke his ass!”
But nothing has been advertised.
Strange…but,
hopefully, we sleepwalk through this shit and it’s just a clip show
like the one we had before WrestleMania XXX. That would make my life
easier.

Let’s get to it…

We are LIVE(!) from Biloxi, Mississippi!

Michael Cole will be verbally running over Byron Saxton for the next hour.

MATCH #1: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler & R-Ziggler vs. The Miz & Damien Mizdow
Ok, we’re winging it, I guess. And I refuse to confuse the reader by typing “Ziggler” all the time. Miz and Sandow take time to remove their sunglasses at the same time. Truth and Miz start out. Miz hits a running clothesline after a series of counters. Tag to Mizdow who hits Truth in the face, celebrates, and gets hit in the jaw for his troubles. Truth puts on an armbar, then flips Sandow to the mat. Tag to Ziggler and it’s a Double Back Elbow and Double Elbow Smash, ala The Rockers. Miz comes in and Ziggler clotheslines him out of the ring. Mizdow goes outside to comfort him. Ziggler and Truth celebrate, strutting around at the same time. Mizdow gets in the ring and clubs at Ziggler. Ziggler rolls him up for a two count. Mizdow kicks out and tags Miz after clotheslining Ziggler to the mat. Miz stomps at Ziggler and misses a kick. Ziggler threatens a Superkick but Miz covers up. Ziggler rolls him up for two. Tag to Mizdow and it’s a series of dropkicks by Ziggler. Ziggler misses a splash in the corner and Mizdow turns up the heat, kicking away at Ziggler as we go to break.

After break, Miz puts Ziggler in a facelock. Miz puts on a headlock. Ziggler fights out and hits a Side Suplex. Hot tag to Truth and Mizdow. Truth knocks Miz off the apron, then punches away at Mizdow. He tries a neckbreaker but Miz distracts Truth. Mizdow knocks Truth to the mat, then puts him into an armlock, tagging Miz who dances around, stomping at Truth and kicking him in the head on a run. Truth tries to body drop Miz out of a Front Facelock but Miz won’t let him. Miz attacks Ziggler, knocking him off the mat, then tags Mizdow who drops knees on Truth. Truth gets to his feet and throws punches but Mizdow subdues him and it’s another tag to Miz.

Miz brags, showing off his face to Ziggler, then goes after Truth who punches Miz into the corner. Miz reverses an Irish Whip into the other corner and hits the Miz-line and a double axehandle off the top rope. Another Front Facelock and Miz tags in Mizdow, who hits a suplex. Mizdow knees Truth in the gut over and over and puts him in the corner. He charges but Truth runs at Mizdow, knocking him down. Hot tags on both sides and Ziggler hits his flurry of moves on Miz, then knocks Mizdow off the mat. He misses the Fame-Asser. Miz goes for the neckbreaker but Ziggler counters into the Fame-Asser, finally hitting it. Ziggler hits a Front Facelock but Miz counters and tries the Skull Crushing Finale. Ziggler counters and rushes Miz who tries the Figure Four but Ziggler counters, tags Truth and rushes at Miz, who tosses Ziggler out of the ring. Truth grabs Miz and hits the Ziggler DDT but Mizdow saves the match. Mizdow is taken out of the match. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale and we’re FINALLY done at a looooong 14:05.
WINNERS: The Miz’s.
RATING: **. This was all right. Pretty much the same match as the last two.

TONIGHT: Seth Rollins will take on Big E.

Renee Young asks Seth Rollins how it felt to lose to Reigns last night on RAW and whether he considers that a setback. Rollins says he has the MITB case AND he’s disabled Dean Ambrose, who hasn’t been seen since. He says that brains beats brawn each time…’cept for last night, I guess. He says he’ll have a lot of brains on display when he beats a brawny Big E.

TONIGHT: We get a look at the Cena/Lesnar build-up.

TOTAL DIVAS ad.

An ad for WCW Nitro on WWE Network.

DID YOU KNOW? Smackdown beat every show on every single network ever in the history of every single year of every single decade in the history of film, photography and television and also owns every single planet in the galaxy?

Brie’s out for a match while Renee Young interviews Nikki and The Girls. Nikki says that Brie has ruined her life more than once. She says that she will be Divas Champ after Night of Champions and, after that, everyone — including Renee — will be kissing her “voluptuous derriere”.

MATCH #2: Brie Bella vs. Cameron
Brie tosses Cameron to the mat after a lock-up, then it’s an armbar. Cameron fights back with elbows but Brie keeps the armbar on. Brie hits a drop toehold into a Single Crab. Cameron gets to the ropes. Cameron grabs Brie’s hair and tosses her neck into the ropes. Cameron slams Brie’s face into the mat, then chokes Brie on the ropes. Headlock by Cameron. Brie breaks it but Cameron hits a Suplex and Split Legdrop, getting two. Cameron locks in a surfboard but Brie breaks it, backing Cameron’s spine into the turnbuckle and dropkicking her several times. Bree goes into Brie Mode and hits a Missile Dropkick. Cameron breaks a lock-up and goes for a DDT but Brie counters with the Bella Buster for the win at around 4:00.
WINNER: Brie Bella via Bella Buster
RATING: **. Better than yesterday’s Cameron match. That’s not saying much, though.


NEXT: Cena/Lesnar and their lead-up.


And that kills about five minutes.

Here comes Big E with no Xavier Woods or Kofi Kingston…so the New Nation gimmick went the way of Megan the Adulterous Trainer, I guess.

We get an ad for the new “Best of Sting” disc set. Nice.

The Night of Champions kick-off show will have The Peep Show, starring Chris Jericho.

MATCH #3: Big E vs. Seth Rollins
Seth leaves the ring to start as the crowd gives him the YOU SOLD OUT chant. Big E his a body drop once he gets back in the ring. Rollins comes back, clubbing away at E who lifts Rollins up and rams him into the corner. E gets whipped into the ropes but Baseball Slides out of the ring to regroup again. When he re-enters, Rollins returns to punches and gets chopped to the mat. E tosses him into the corners and spears the shit out of him. Rollins comes back with punches but E recovers, then powers out of a suplex, then hits multiple backbreakers, getting a two count. He whips Rollins into the ropes, then clotheslines him out of the ring. Outside, Big E presses his attack, ramming Rollins’ head into the announce table. He press slams Rollins into the ring but Rollins recovers, attacks E, knocking him out of the ring, then hits a Suicide Dive as we go to break.

We’re back and there’s about ten more minutes of Big E left. Rollins is in control. He puts E in a headlock but E powers out. He misses a clothesline and Rollins hits an Enzuguri, getting two. He works E against the ropes, then stomps away, dropping a knee for good measure and it’s time for another long headlock spot. E gets to his feet and tries to break the hold but Rollins grabs E and tosses him into the corner, then hits a splash. He slaps at E, telling him that it’s “Brains over brawn every time.” He charges E again but E counters with a Spinebuster. E hits clotheslines and a Belly to Belly Suplex. Rollins gets to his feet and kicks E. E comes back and hits a Belly to Belly Toss, then the Warrior Splash. Rollins gets to his feet and it’s a series of counters until E Spears Rollins outside the ring.

Both men are down outside as the ref checks them. E gets to his feet and rolls Rollins back into the ring. He knocks Rollins down with a Lariat and then goes for the Big Ending but Rollins counters and hits an Enzuguri. Rollins gets to his feet. E charges but misses and hits the post. Rollins tosses him into the other post, then hits the Curb Stomp to FINALLY finish this at 13:42.
WINNER: Seth Rollins via Curb Stomp
RATING: **. Eh…I’m over Rollins on Main Event week after week. This match didn’t need to be as long as it was.

Rollins celebrates as we go off the air.

OVERALL: **. Typical Main Event.

Er, that’s it.

Thomas Hall has the NXT and Smackdown recaps to take you through
the rest of the week. Scott Keith has some retro shows. Andy PG will
have the RAW Report to start your week off right. I
will be back next week, same BoD Time, same BoD Channel.

Thank
you to all the BoD’ers and, hey, if you wanna read more of our stuff,
please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at
http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on
Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/

Saturday Night’s Main Event Countdown: #34

The SmarK Rant for Saturday Night’s Main Event #34 – 06.02.07 Welcome to the 2007 SNME, now cut down to a 90 minute show and abandoned to die by NBC. Which it did. This would be the very definition of “by contractual obligation”, as neither side had any real interest in continuing with the relationship. In kind of a throwback to the 80s, there’s a weird theme of “biggest, strongest, strangest, smallest, etc” like it’s a circus act or something. Taped from Toronto, ON Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. John Cena v. The Great Khali Oh, also, that chick Ashley from the Diva Search who got hired because she agreed to pose nude for Playboy, is the ring announcer and she’s pretty much the worst one ever. So this is building up to a match between them at One Night Stand the next night, and I’m like…what? Give away the match on free TV to build up the same thing on PPV? Also, I guess Cena wasn’t the champion at this point? I’m guessing it was Randy Orton, but I wasn’t even checking results at this point and I feel like I woke up in The Cube with no idea what I’m watching or how I got here. Like seriously, I couldn’t even tell you 2 or 3 things that happened in the entirety of 2007 as far as WWE goes, including anything outside of the main event of Wrestlemania. And of course one other thing. Khali throws Cena around and boots him down like he’s Brock Lesnar or something and we get OVERSELLING CENA. Khali chokes him down and pounds away, but Cena gets him up for the FU and Khali elbows out and puts him down with the JUDY CHOP OF DOOM. Thanks, Caleb! Tree slam finishes with one foot at 6:00. Post-match commentary reveals that Cena was in fact the champion and the next night is a title match. So yeah, Khali squashed the shit out of Cena here and apparently this was supposed to make us want to see the rematch. ½* Arm Wrestling Match: Bobby Lashley v. Vince McMahon Apparently Vince McMahon was ECW World champion at this point. I ranted on the show where that happened, too, and totally blocked it out of my mind. So Vince doesn’t want to actually face Lashley and calls in a ringer, Mark Henry, and then it quickly turns into a brawl between Henry and Lashley. I don’t feel like I’m properly communicating all the stalling and boredom that this entailed. Batista & Chris Benoit v. Edge & MVP This one is more than a little uncomfortable to watch knowing what would happen less than a month afterwards. We pick it up after a break with Benoit throwing chops on MVP and hooking the crossface, but MVP makes the ropes. Over to Edge, who is crazy over as a babyface here, but Benoit chops him down and drops an elbow for two. Batista comes in and pounds away on MVP and follows with a suplex for two, then boots him down for two. Benoit with the rolling germans, but the diving headbutt misses and MVP takes over. They get the heat on Benoit, but he fights off MVP and makes the hot tag to Batista. Big Dave runs wild and a powerslam gets two, which is enough for Edge. He grabs the belt and abandons MVP, and the diving headbutt finishes him at 8:13. It was a match. ** Finlay & Hornswoggle v. The Boogeyman & Little Boogey So…yeah. This is a thing that happened on national TV. Yes, there was a midget version of the Boogeyman. Boogey had a neat look and weird charisma, but COME ON. As if wrestling wasn’t embarrassing enough as it is. Boogey with a spinebuster on Finlay and the midget Boogey comes in for a buttdrop that gets nothing. Finlay then has to tag out to his own midget because he’s getting too beat up by the first midget, and then just kicks Little Boogey in the face anyway. And then Finlay gets to do midget spots, but just boots Little Boogey for the pin at 3:51 anyway. Also, Candace Michelle was ring announcer for this one, which just ups the embarrassment one more notch. DUD Extreme Expose dances for us, and I totally forgot about Tessmacher being in WWE. Layla with the curly hair looks totally different and not in a good way. Sadly, they cut to the back for the midget fight and it spills into the ring. For some reason the midget brawl compels the girls to take sides and fight as well. IS THIS SHOW OVER YET? Kane, Eugene & Doink the Clown v. Kevin Thorn, Umaga, & Viscera I have no idea who would have been playing the clown, since Dinsmore was usually the guy they used in the role around this time, and he’s pretty small. So there’s like still 12 minutes left in this show, which means this match isn’t gonna be quick. The babyfaces work over Kevin Thorn (the vampire, by the way) and Umaga bulldozes Eugene, who bails to escape Viscera as we take a break. Back with Thorn hitting a flapjack on Eugene for two and Umaga goes to the nerve pinch. Thorn comes in with a chinlock and Umaga tries a pump splash and hits knee. Hot tag Kane. Yay. Kane with the flying clothesline on Thorn for two, and he dodges Viscera and chokeslams him for the pin at 12:40. * The Pulse Can we declare this one the worst SNME of all time or do we need to check out the August show first?

Saturday Night’s Main Event Countdown: #33

The SmarK Rant for Saturday Night’s Main Event – 07.15.06 Now we’re getting into the SNME shows I’m REALLY dreading, when the ratings tanked and both NBC and WWE stopped giving a crap at either end. Much like me, because I was all in on WWE 24/7 and paying zero attention to the product. This show was hyping the Great American Bash PPV that no one remembers. Taped from Dallas, TX. Your hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole & JBL. Hulk Hogan joins us to start with Brooke, back before they were ruining TNA. Hulk really has nothing to say, and Randy Orton interrupts to give Brooke a rose and respectfully challenge Hulk to a match at Summerslam. He accepts, and that’s that. King Booker, Mark Henry & Finlay v. Lashley, Rey Mysterio & Batista Entrances take FOREVER here, dragging on for nearly 10 minutes total. We immediately take a break and return with Finlay headlocking Rey, but Mysterio gets a moonsault for two and the heels bail. Hornswaggle appears from under the ring to get some shots in while the ref was presumably off making a sandwich or something. Over to Henry, who misses a corner splash on Rey and it’s a false tag to Batista, allowing Booker to come in and take a rana from Rey. Now the real tag to Batista and he hits Booker with the spinebuster as JBL way oversells an upcoming Batista v. Mark Henry match. IT’S KING KONG AGAINST GODZILLA, MAGGLE! Well except King Kong injured himself for the millionth time and the match didn’t happen. 619 into Batista Bomb finishes Booker at 8:25. As a reminder, Booker was the guy challenging Rey for the World title a week later. Lashley was literally not even in the match and poor Mark Henry blew out his knee and was out for months. * Meanwhile, Vince gives the Spirit Squad a pep talk, and DX overdubs his speech with “hilarious” new dialogue. It’s prime time on a G rated show, so it’s lots of talk about “butts” and poopy joke type stuff. Meanwhile, the Divas have a bullriding contest. And later tonight is the finals! Johnny Nitro & Melina v. Carlito & Trish Stratus I don’t remember Carlito as a babyface at all. Trish throws forearms on Melina, but gets tripped up by Nitro and Melina takes over with a hairtoss. Over to the men, as Carlito gets a dropkick and backdrop suplex and the ladies brawl outside. Carlito finishes Nitro with the backstabber at 2:38. Barely even a match. ½* Meanwhile, Kevin Von Erich makes a quick cameo. Shawn Michaels & HHH v. The Spirit Squad This was pretty much the final burial of the Squad. This is elimination rules and when you’re gone, you get locked in a cage at ringside. Shawn cleans house with the plastic megaphone and superkicks Mitch out of the match at 1:14. We take a break and return with HHH pinning Johnny after a spinebuster at 1:41. Kenny tries to take a walk and Shawn follows, but that allows Vince to come out and hit Shawn with a chair. Back in the ring, Nicky gets an elbow in the corner for two and follows with a sleeper. Kenny misses a flying legdrop and it’s back to HHH, as he fights off the clowns with ease and tosses Nicky. KICK WHAM PEDIGREE kills Nicky dead at 5:01. Mikey follows at 5:38. Shawn finishes the squash with the superkick on Kenny into the Pedigree at 6:18. Why would someone supposedly as powerful and smart as Vince use these morons to do his dirty work? ½* On the bright side, Nicky did OK for himself as Dolph Ziggler. The Great Khali is out for a promo about how he’s going to destroy the Undertaker, but Big Show interrupts. As if this show wasn’t swirling the toilet already. Remember at this point that Khali was actually being sold as a dangerous threat who had pinned Undertaker with one foot in their first match! So Undertaker interrupts this pointlessness and we get a three-way brawl that ends with Undertaker getting laid out with a chokeslam from both heels. JBL was really insufferable on commentary here, acting like Undertaker was literally dead from the chokeslam and claiming that, quote, “The dong has sounded for the last time.” Meanwhile, Big Show challenges Undertaker to an ECW World title match this Tuesday. Extreme Rules match: Sabu v. Stevie Richards Sabu quickly hits Air Sabu and a sloppy moonsault for two. A table gets involved and breaks before Stevie even gets situated on it, so Sabu improvises a flying chair for the pin at 2:00. Fucking awful. DUD Meanwhile, Orton keeps talking up Brooke, but Hulk wants none of that. Understandable. But then Orton turns on him with an RKO on the trunk of the car. Brooke is mystified as to what happened to Hogan, even though Orton was kneeling there with his evil smirk on his face. I’m guessing Summerslam bombed that year. Bull Riding Finals: Michelle McCool v. Victoria Michelle lasts 12 seconds, Victoria lasts 6. Well at least it was quick. RAW World title: Edge v. John Cena Brawl on the floor to start and Cena charges, but hits the floor as we take a break. Back with Edge clotheslining him, which sets up a sloppy superplex. Edge boots him down for two, but they slug it out, which allows Cena to get the backdrop suplex. Five knuckle shuffle and FU follow, but Lita pulls out the ref. Cena dodges a spear and hooks the STFU, but Lita decks the ref again and it’s a DQ at 5:00. Just a quickie TV match. ** for Lita’s boobs. The Pulse Keep in mind that this was during the time when WWE was still actually TRYING to put on a good show with these. Just wait until we get into 2007 with NBC leaving them in the death slot with no promotion. A complete and total waste of 2 hours.

Matt’s Main Event Recap – 9/9/2014

So, RAW had a surge in quality. I actually care about what
happens between John Cena and Brock Lesnar…but my question is this:
are they telegraphing a Cena heel turn? Does Cena suddenly take the
place of Lesnar and join Paul Heyman? 
I
cannot shake this feeling that something huge is gonna happen at Night
of Champions. Obviously, I think we’re a bit late for a Triple Threat or
Fatal Four-Way alteration to the Cena/Lesnar thing.
How does this match end?
I
cannot see, for the life of me, Brock Lesnar retaining the title at
Night of Champions. Also, I cannot see Cena winning the title back after
Lesnar reigns. So, obviously, this might be the Triple H/Daniel Bryan
screwjob moment when Cena ends up with the title and Rollins cashes in.
There
was a user, last week, who suggested that Vince, Triple H and Creative
were trolling the audience, doing whatever the hell they wanted to prove
that the fans would watch anything they put on screen.

So,
it would stand to reason that there may be no rhyme or reason for
anything we’re seeing in the current regime. It’s either that or Vince
is doing one thing while Triple H is doing another and what we’re seeing
is the battle of clashing creative minds.

Anyhow, feel free to add your two cents in the comments or just say I’m fucking insane.

I like it rough and I’m easy.

Have at it.

Let’s go…

We
are LIVE(!) from Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, a place WWE is so proud to
be broadcasting from, the announcers can’t even bring themselves to
tell you that’s where they’re at!

Michael Cole and Byron Saxton are the usual suspects on the mics.

Look out: Cole has BREAKING NEWS:

  • Roman Reigns will face Seth Rollins at Night of Champions!
  • Randy Orton will face Chris Jericho at Night of Champions!

Seth Rollins is out to the ring to do his usual weekly promo.
Crowd wastes no time with the YOU SOLD OUT chants. Rollins wants to
welcome the fans to “Where Are They Now?” He puts members of The Shield
up on the Jumbotron. Where are they now? Let’s start with Dean Ambrose.
He says that Ambrose is awesome…but he made a mistake going against
Rollins.

With
that, it’s clips of the Curb Stomp through the cinder blocks on RAW a
month ago. Rollins laughs at what he sees. He asks where Ambrose is now.
Nobody knows, he says. Nobody cares. Ambrose was a feral animal who
needed to be put down. This brings him to Roman Reigns. He says that all
he heard when he was part of The Shield was that Roman Reigns was going
to be future of wrestling. 
Rollins
says he is responsible for Reigns. He created him. At Night of
Champions, he will destroy his own creation. We get clips of last
night’s RAW when Reigns got triple-teamed by Orton, Kane and Rollins
inside the steel cage. Rollins says that brings everyone to HIM. He is
the future of WWE.
That brings
out Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter. Colter says that Rollins isn’t anything
to remember. Then names a bunch of famous Americans. Colter says
Rollins isn’t an architect or a Real American. He’s a sell-out. He makes
everyone do WE THE PEOPLE in order to show Rollins that America is
united against him. Really? Colter treads that line between
semi-heartfelt and that crazy Right Wing fringe uncle who shows up at
all your family holidays, takes criticism of the country way too
seriously and talks, ad nausem, about how minorities and gays are
ruining the country because Obama.
MATCH #1: Seth Rollins vs. Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter)
Tackles
by Swagger to start and Rollins sends him out of the ring. After a
break, Swagger is in control and pulls Rollins out of the ring, ramming
Rollins’ back into the barricades. Rollins gets back into the ring and
drops Swagger’s neck into the ropes, then kicks him in the face, getting
a two-count. Rollins stomps Swagger in the corner, then hits a
clothesline. Rollins locks Swagger in a bit of a modified Cobra Clutch.
Swagger tries to break it but Rollins sends him into the buckles and
splashes him. Rollins goes top rope but Swagger catches him and hits a
Belly to Belly and shoulderblock. Big Boot to knock down Rollins.
Swagger goes for the Vader Swagger Bomb and hits it
then hits a Spinebuster for a near fall. Swagger goes for a German
Suplex but Rollins counters with an Enzuguri. Rollins beats on Swagger
and kicks at him as he’s draped on the second rope. Swagger comes back
with the Patriot Lock but Rollins gets to the ropes and is forced to
break. Rollins tries to shoulderblock Swagger but Swagger catches him
and rams him into the turnbuckle. Swagger attacks him in the corner but
Rollins manages to knock Swagger off the ropes and to the mat,
head-first. Curb Stomp ends it at 9:00.
WINNER: Seth Rollins via Curb Stomp
RATING: **1/2. This was fine.

Heath
Slater is backstage with Titus O’Neil. Titus is pissed that Adam Rose
has beaten him twice. Titus says they’re going “Wabbit Huntin'”, like in
Looney Tunes. Titus says, “Let’s hop to it” and Heath hops out like a
rabbit. Ain’t he a stinker?

Cole takes us back to last night when Heyman tried HARD to get Cena to turn heel in a brilliant segment.
NEXT MONDAY ON RAW: Lesnar and Cena will be in the same building.
Cesaro is on his way to the ring for a match…NEXT.

MATCH #2: Zack Ryder vs. Cesaro
Cesaro
hits a shoulderblock but Ryder comes back with a dropkick, sending
Cesaro out of the ring. Cesaro trips him while outside and Ryder lands
on his knee. Cesaro starts working on it but Ryder breaks out and
retreats to a corner. Cesaro misses a dropkick in the corner and Ryder
hits a Broski Boot, sending Cesaro out of the ring. Ryder hits a
Springboard Splash to the outside and the action moves back inside the
ring. Ryder jumps at Cesaro but Cesaro catches him and hits the Cesaro
Swing, getting about four spins before hitting a Crosslock for the win
at 2:23.
WINNER: Cesaro
RATING:
*. Sheamus gets to wrestle Seth Rollins while Cesaro gets to prove
himself against Rusev’s table scraps. Brilliant booking.

Renee
Young jumps out of her inter-dimensional portal from Ditzyland and
congratulates Cesaro. She pretty much calls the victory easy. Cesaro
mentions that Ryder “is a former champion”, so at least there’s that.
He’s gonna prove that he’s the King of Wrestling at Night of Champions
against Sheamus.
Cole takes us back to the “Season Premiere” of last night’s RAW when Jerry Springer moderated the Bella debate. 
Anybody
remember Megan the Trainer? Whatever happened to that brilliant
showcase of writing brilliance? Anyone care to comment? Anybody?
AT NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS: The Triple Threat Match with Paige, AJ Lee and Nikki for some reason.

Backstage, Adam Rose’s Bunny sees a carrot hanging from the ceiling. But Heath springs their net trap instead and Titus yells at him for being a moron. COLE: “Oh no…” 
Those two words sum that up well.
All right! Adam Rose! Said nobody ever.
MATCH #3: Titus O’Neil (w/ Heath Slater) vs. Adam Rose
Adam Rose gets some shots in but Titus hits a big boot while Cole feels the need to recap the failed carrot trap spot for fucksakes.
Rose’s Rosebuds try to fire up the crowd with the dumb Rose song — and
nobody in the crowd bites. Titus hits a backbreaker as the Bunny comes
hopping to the ring. Heath crawls under the ring to catch the Bunny by
surprise — and the fucking Bunny hits an Enzuguri on Slater. Rose rolls
up a distracted Titus for the win at 2:02.
WINNER: Adam Rose
RATING: DUD.
Cole calls this “BunnyMania” to top this shit-fest off and we move on. 
Los Matadores are out for action…
MATCH #4: NXT Tag Team Champions The Ascension (Konnor & Viktor) vs. Los Matadores (Diego & Fernando) (non-title)
Viktor
goes first against who I would assume is Diego. He puts Diego to the
mat and tags Konnor. They hit a double shoulderblock as Saxton is
impressed with the Ascension’s tactics. Cole actually says “Yeah, but
The Ascension is taking on the veteran Los Matadores.” There’s a tag to
Fernando and a slight comeback but Konnor puts him in their corner and
tags in Viktor. They hit chest slaps and put Fernando to the mat for a
one-count. Tag to Konnor. The crowd yells to get a table. Fernando tries
to make a tag but Konnor clotheslines the shit out of him and tags
Viktor. Viktor locks the head. Fernando breaks free and ends up
in the corner, then hot tags Diego but nobody cares. Diego gets a nice
body drop and dropkick on Viktor, then hits a HUGE clothesline on a
comeback rush out of the corner on an Irish Whip. Air attack by Diego
misses. Konnor gets back in the ring, they wipe out Fernando and hit The
Fallen Man for the win at about 4:00.
WINNERS: The Ascension via Fallen Man
RATING: *1/2. Impressive showing for The Ascension. Somebody tell me why these guys aren’t in WWE yet.
The Ascension stands tall as we go off the air.

OVERALL:
**. Mostly no-bullshit. Adam Rose didn’t need to be here. Tonight could
have been a longer showcase for The Ascension…but I get it.

Er, that’s it.

Thomas Hall has the NXT and Smackdown recaps to take you through the rest of the week. Scott Keith has some retro shows. Andy PG will have the RAW Report to start your week off right. I
will be back next week, same BoD Time, same BoD Channel.

Thank
you to all the BoD’ers and, hey, if you wanna read more of our stuff,
please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at
http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on
Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/

Matt’s Main Event Recap – 9/2/2014

Hello and welcome to the WWWE Main Event recap.

We’re a few weeks away from Night of Champions and 24 hours removed from another RAW that ranks a ways behind “The Fappening” in terms of excitement.

Let’s see if we can get through an entire show without hearing about Mother Bella’s womb.

We are LIVE(!) from The University of Nebraska!

Michael Cole will be talking over Byron Saxton all night tonight.

Damien Miz-dow is in the ring to host MizTV. It’s pretty telling what kind of show this is gonna be when the actual host won’t even show up for his own shitty segments. It’s even more pathetic when you realize that this segment was advertised as the “featured attraction” on this week’s show. Also, Sandow’s wearing a white robe after Labor Day. So, there’s another reason to be at an emotional disadvantage right out of the gate.

Sandow says Miz isn’t here because he’s filming Fast & Furiousererer 27…so, he decides he’s gonna do Miz’s monologue from “A Christmas Bounty”. Ziggler interrupts and hits the ring. Sandow rolls the clips from last night’s RAW where Sandow pretended to be The Miz and cost Ziggler the match. Ziggler wants to know where The Miz is. Sandow pretends to be insulted and thinks he’s The Miz. They do the “Really” thing back and forth.

Sandow insults everyone and says he’s “ahead of his time”. Sandow says he’s going to wait for The Miz to beat him for the IC title at Night of Champions — then Sandow will step in and he’ll have the belt.

Ziggler says he’s gonna remain the IC Champion after NOC. He says that it’s sad that Sandow pretends to be The Miz because he’s not even close to being a star. He says Sandow should be Bret Hart or even Magneto again. Then, he says that Sandow should be the ballerina again because it fits. Sandow attacks Ziggler but misses and Ziggler dropkicks him out of the ring.

Cole: “Well, thank god that happened because the ratings were in the toilet!”

Something tells me they still are.

Ad for MONDAY NIGHT WARS where we examine the time that Degeneration X single-handedly beat WCW in one night and saved the planet from Climate Change at the same time.

MATCH #1: Damien Sandow vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (non-title)
Oh. This is happening, I guess. Ziggler hits a dropkick but misses a splash in the corner. Sandow drops a knee and punches at Ziggler on the mat. Sandow hits a knee drop and gets a one count. Headlock by Sandow. Ziggler breaks free but it’s another kneedrop followed by a chinlock. Ziggler fights out again but Sandow kicks him in the gut and hits leg scissors. Ziggler fights out and charges Sandow. Sandow hits a Drop Toehold and Ziggler is draped on the ropes. Sandow hits a Boss Man Leg Splash on Ziggler, then hits a suplex for two. Sandow goes for a Figure Four but Ziggler counters with a small package pin for two. Sandow gets up and stomps Ziggler and tells him to stay down. Sandow lifts Ziggler up but Ziggler counters with a Chinbreaker. Sandow rushes Ziggler but hits the post in the corner. Ziggler hits clotheslines and a neckbreaker, but misses the Fame-Asser. Sandow tosses him into the ropes and, THAT time, the Fame-Asser connects. Ziggler gets two. Sandow hits the Back/Neckbreaker ala Miz. Sandow goes for another Figure Four but Ziggler kicks out and hits the Zigg Zagg for the win at around 6:34.
WINNER: Dolph Ziggler via Zigg Zagg
RATING: **1/4. Not a bad match at all. Sandow it more tolerable than Miz. Also, I’ve had like three glasses of wine, so don’t take what I said seriously.

LAST NIGHT ON RAW: Nikki gets a Divas Championship shot. Brie and AJ and Paige join Bad Actress Theater. Brie shoves Nikki real hard, letting out “all that frustration”.

Brie apologized for that on Twitter.

NEXT MONDAY ON RAW: In keeping with Vince McMahon’s tradition of hiring people whose 15 minutes were up 10 years ago, Jerry Springer will appear on the show to mediate a family meeting between Nikki and Brie. Michael Sam’s a “no”, I take it.

Natalya and Rosa are out for a Divas tag match. We get scintillating clips from the new season of Total Divas where the Diva Version of Dolph Ziggler, Natalya, is told she has to bunk with Rosa Mendes. This aggravates Natalya who would “rather clean her toilet bowl” than bunk with Rosa. She’d also rather “babysit Summer Rae”. I don’t think any of those three are comparable, really.

MATCH #2: Rosa Mendes & Natalya vs. Summer Rae & Layla
Natalya shrugs at Rosa and gives her the patented Botox Nattie smirk. Summer and Rosa start. Rosa tosses Summer all over the ring and pins her for two. Rose hits a nice suplex, then kicks Summer out of the ring. Layla attacks Rosa outside and Rosa beats her up, too. Layla attacks Rosa and — the feed blacks out temporarily as it appears as though Layla pulls Rosa’s tights down, exposing her ass. Rosa is pulled to the floor and tries to adjust her tights so Layla tosses her back in the ring and it’s a Layla beatdown and a tag to Summer who hits a clothesline. Summer pins for two. Layla tags herself in after Summer pulls Rosa into the corner. Layla chokes Rosa with her legs, locking up against the ropes, then tags Summer and hits a dropkick for two. Summer misses a dropkick and it’s a got tag to Nattie who beats up Summer and hits a suplex. Nattie kicks Summer in the back of the head, then the front and tries a Sharpshooter but Summer escapes and tags Layla. Both girls run into the ropes and collide. Rose reaches over and tags herself back into the match, then gets kicked in the head by Layla who gets the pin at 5:00.
WINNERS: Summer & Layla
RATING: **. Not a bad match, actually.

NEXT: The whole Cena title debacle from last night’s Highlight Reel.

We get another commercial for Total Divas: Season Three.

We get clips of last night’s Highlight Reel as well as last night’s main event where Cena proved he was ready to fight Lesnar by being in a pointless tag team match and letting Reigns win.

MATCH #3: Gold & Stardust vs. Los Matadores (Diego & Fernando)
No El Torito this week. Cole could have left it that. But, no, he shows us why via clips from “last week” where the Dusts attacked Torito and beat him up bad. The Matadores work over Stardust while tagging in and out. Matador #1 puts Star in an armbar. Star breaks and tags Goldie. Tag to #2 on the other side and another armbar. The Usos are backstage, watching. #2 beats on Gold and throws him across the ring. Gold climbs back into the ring. #2 chops Gold and misses a clothesline. Goldie gets a quick sunset flip for two. #2 immediately follows up with a Hurricarana on Goldie, who flies from the ring. Star attacks but he gets double-teamed. The Matadors whip him into the ropes but Goldie catches Star’s leg and pulls him from the ring. The Matadors hit a Suicide Moonsault to the outside and we go to break.

Back from break, Star is in the ring now and it’s more Dust peril as he gets punched around. Star finally blocks a punch and kicks at Diego or whoever that is. Tag to Goldie and Goldie gets beaten up before finally evading a splash in the corner. Tag to Star who stomps a mudhole in Diego, then hits a Front Suplex for two. Star his a stretch on Diego and tags Goldie. Diego fights out of the corner but lands into a Goldust powerslam. Tag to Star and it’s more of the same, plus an armlock. Another tag to Goldie and it’s another armlock. Finally, Diego escapes. Gold charges but flies over Diego and out of the ring. Star tags in and tries a Side Suplex. Counter by Diego and it’s Fernando who’s a house-a-fire. He leaps from the second rope and hits dual axehandles to Star. Fernando hits an Ole Trip, draping Star on the ropes. He splashes Star and knocks Gold outside. Fernando flies off the ropes with a Flipping Reverse Splash, but gets blindsided by Gold outside. Gold tosses Fernando back inside. Star hits his finisher and gets the pin at 12:41.
WINNERS: The Dusts
RATING: *1/2. Wow, this was boring as fuck.

Post-match, time’s too short for an Evil Dust Beatdown, so they simply toss the Matadors from the ring and celebrate as we go off the air.

OVERALL: **1/4. Not a bad show. No-nonsense.

Er, that’s it. 

Thursday is the NXT report by the great Scott Keith.
Thomas Hall has the Smackdown report covered to take you into the
weekend. Andy PG will have the RAW Report to start your week off right. I
will be back next week, same BoD Time, same BoD Channel.

Thank
you to all the BoD’ers and, hey, if you wanna read more of our stuff,
please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at
http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on
Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/