Smackdown
Date: March 12, 2019
Location: Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton
Now believe it or not, this show is going to mainly be about the McMahons. It’s a Vince and Shane night in this case, with the former being here to address Kofi Kingston and the latter to explain why he attacked the Miz. Maybe that’s why this year’s Wrestlemania build isn’t exactly setting the world on fire. Let’s get to it.
Smackdown
Date: February 26, 2019
Location: Spectrum Center, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
We’re less than two weeks away from Fastlane and you actually know a thing or two about that on this show. The big story continues to be Kofimania, which has you believing that the title could actually change hands at the pay per view. Tonight is the contract signing, where Kofi needs to get in a great promo to really push this forward. Let’s get to it.
Smackdown
Date: February 19, 2019
Location: Smoothie King Center, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton
Kofi Kingston! Rhythmic Clapping! Sunday’s Elimination Chamber match for the Smackdown World Title was one of the most dramatic moments WWE has presented in years. Kingston was on the verge of becoming WWE Champion and while he came up short, the question now is can he actually pull off the upset. With the nothing Fastlane coming up, Bryan is going to need a challenger. Let’s get to it.
Elimination Chamber 2019
Date: February 17, 2019
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Tom Phillips, Percy Watson
It’s the first of two stops on the Road to Wrestlemania and that means we’ll be seeing a big steel structure. In this case it’s for the WWE Championship and the inaugural WWE Women’s Tag Team Titles. The structure alone makes this a little more interesting and hopefully it’s good on top of that. Let’s get to it.
Smackdown
Date: February 12, 2019
Location: Huntington Center, Toledo, Ohio
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
It’s the go home show for Elimination Chamber and we have some big matches to get through. As was the case last night on Raw, we’ll have some kind of a match to determine the other team starting the women’s tag team Elimination Chamber match. On the opposite end, there is also a gauntlet match to determine who will enter the men’s Elimination Chamber match last. Let’s get to it.
We’re in Atlanta, GA (baddest Atlanta in the whole USA) and John Morrison and The Miz are here to brag as we see footage of The Miz pinning HBK last night on Raw. I do not remember that happening but I’m sure message boards looked like Kristallnacht the day after.
We’re in Skoplane, WA (home of Chuck Jones & David Lynch so it sounds like a lovely place). Matt Hardy retained at No Mercy last week so our main event is announced as…an eight man tag guest-starring Kofi Kingston and CM Punk. And absolutely nothing is made of the fact the former World Heavyweight Champion is returning to ECW, Striker simply hypes the ”young, upcoming talent” and try to pretend Punk’s Worst Run As Heavyweight Champion Since Tim Sylvia didn’t happen.
It’s the show after Million Dollar Mania exploded and Vince died (again) so Teddy Long starts the show by wishing Mack-Man a speedy recovery. But anyway we’re in Houston, Texas and the Draft has happened which means the WHOMP-ASS version of ECW on Sci-Fi is finally here!
San Jose, California and we have a CHAMPIONSHIP CONFRONTATION between Kane and Big Show, as well as CM Punk vs. John Morrison Part VII: First Contact.
But first, WWE One Night Stand 2008!
The Big Show vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. John Morrison vs. CM Punk vs. Tommy Dreamer (Singapore Cane Match)
The Big Show vs. Tommy Dreamer
We’re somewhere in America for the show before One Night Stand and we go straight to this match.
BUT FIRST
The Miz & John Morrison vs. CM Punk & Kane (WWE Tag Team Titles)
I didn’t realise Backlash 2008 was after last week’s episode so here’s the relevant match!
Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero (ECW Title)
We’re in Greensboro, NC and tonight we get a special edition of The Cutting Edge.
We’re in London, England and we have a big-ass main event with ECW Champ Kane teaming with WWE Champ Undertaker! Oh and it’s also Joey Styles’ last show as he’s moving onto working for WWE dot com (which he did a marvellous job of supercharging) which I’m thankful for as he’d been white noise for months. Let’s hope his replacement will be better. Oh, he’s here at the desk let’s-
oh no
OH NO.
—
”What happens when you take that man’s sun-glasses off? OK! I understand! We won’t go there!” starts Adamle and it’s impossible to convey how awkward and forced he sounds from his opening line and the realisation there’s another hour of TV to go.
CM Punk, Jimmy Wang Yang, Shannon Moore, Kofi Kingston vs. Elijah Burke, Deuce, Domino, Shelton Benjamin
Adamlemania continues to run wild as he talks over the ring introductions and repeats everyone’s name to remind himself who everyone is.”They will have a say in tonight’s…*looks at notes* eight-man tag team match.” He notes Kofi Kingston will be CM Punk’s tag partner. ”How do you like me now?” Adamle says Shelton will be teaming with Burke. I mean he’s technically right but he’s talking like it’s the first eight-man tag match he’s ever seen. Domino starts by getting double-teamed by Shan & Wang but it’s hard to ignore Adamle’s dead air and confusion. Punk and Shelton jostle until Shelton hurls him outside the ring and we go to break. We get Burke vs. Punk one last time before Burke leaves forever in a few weeks. Yang gets worked over by Benjamin as Tazz struggles to fill the silence as Adamle can’t think of anything to say. Deuce tags in and gets under the skin of the opposite team while he beats down Yang. I think reminding everyone he was still employed would have been enough aggravation. Eventually he makes the hot tag to Kofi who takes out Deuce with a ”leg kick” and lands the Boom Drop and we get Adamle’s legendary:
Kofi takes out Deuce with the Trouble In Paradise and it’s ”Uno, Dos, Adios.”
Winners: The goodies (I’m surprised they had a eight-man tag match, last time they were in the UK they didn’t have that many wrestlers on the entire episode. It didn’t matter though, it was a simple multi-man that would have been forgotten instantly if it wasn’t for Adamle’s best Eric The Actor impression.)
Dramatic Recap of last week’s contract signing and there’s not enough video filters on Adobe to make Bam Neely look impressive. Kane reminds us Undertaker is here and Bam is fucked. He’s not on the show tonight so Kane’s right.
Adamle tells us ”The Tazz” is in the ring for Diva Dance Off, somehow managing to overshadow titties and jiggling.
Tommy Dreamer vs. Mike Knox
There’s a MIKE KNOX WAS FRAMED sign in the crowd, oh wow remember that whole thing?
Police out of Henry County, Georgia are moving on in the Mike Knox steroid link investigation. They are more interested in finding the supplier of the drugs. Knox formerly lived in a residence in Henry County with three other wrestlers, but steroids were left behind in an attic after they moved out. Knox said the steroids weren’t his, and WWE believes him as they have defended him publicly (and continued to push him on TV).
Jon Bravo has been on the hunt for a while. Anyway, Armando wants Mike Knox to wrestle a competitive match with a future world champion…Colin Delaney!
Colin Delaney vs. Mike Knox
Knox does a better job of disposing of Colin than he did those steroids. Delaney takes some Taz-esque suplexes before Knox pins him.
Winner: Mike Knox (Armando was a glorious shit-eating dick during this Colin feud.)
Adamle starts talking about ”Mike The Miz” taking on Undertaker & Kane in a ”mitch-match” tonight while staring at his notes on camera.
Miz & Morrison talk backstage about being stronger than Kane & Undertaker as they’re always fighting each other. Morrison isn’t scared as Miz is going to be starting the match. Miz looks like he
The Miz & John Morrison vs. Kane & The Undertaker
WWE Tag Team Champions vs. ECW World & WWE Champion. ”You may think he looks like Tarzan but hits like Jane, but you’d be wrong.” OK I’ll give Adamle credit, that’s a good line. Didn’t really fit what he was going for as he was trying put over Morrison but he’s batting low so I’ll allow it. Miz starts with Kane and that goes as well for Miz as you’d expect. Undi takes in and he’s still peak-athleticism so he gets Old School early and big boots a charging Morrison like it’s nothing. Undi tries for the apron leg drop but Morrison stops him like he’s trying to leave for WCW in 2000.
Back from break, Miz & Morrison are working over Undertaker. Tazz calls them the World Tag Champs instead of the WWE ones, Adamle is contagious. Undi resumes offence on Morrison until he tags in Kane. Morrison tags in Miz but he doesn’t want any of him so Kane has to throw him in. That was cute. Kane tries the top rope clothesline but Morrison pulls him off (not like that) so Kane boots him off the apron and Morrison takes a face-first bump onto the floor like a madman. This allows Miz to get the advantage on Kane with his Scrappy Doo offence. Kane gets isolated and worked over but Kane doesn’t tend to sell body-work so he big boots Miz down and tags in Undi. It’s weird seeing Undertaker running so fluidly at this stage of his career. Benjamin Button can’t get a double chokeslam on Miz & Morrison but Kane helps him make it a single chokeslam on both. Undertaker finishes with the Tombstone Piledriver.
Winners: Kane & The Undertaker (Harmless house show match to get Undertaker on the show, who the crowd obviously loved.)
Overall: This would have been a forgotten show if it hadn’t been for Adamle’s debut. Despite the star power in the main event and eight-man tag match, there wasn’t anything that stood out above Adamle’s Holy Shit Didn’t Anyone See If This Dude Could Commentate Wrestling Before Hiring Him performance which was at least 0.8 Art O’Donnell. It would later emerge that Adamle was struggling with CTE, making this all the more alarming.
I’ve been Maffew, I wrote about wXw 16 Carat 2018 last weekend so go read that. And Botchamania 363 will be later today.
We’re in Fayetteville, NC for the last episode before Wrestlemania with ”maybe the biggest tag team match we’ve ever seen” involving all twenty four men involved in the Battle Royal.
Kane vs. Elijah Burke
We get this match even before we get told where we are (Biloxi, MS) so we must be getting a loaded (with WM hype) show.
We’re in Tucson, AZ and our main event is CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke vs. Shelton Benjamin and OH SHIT IT’S THIS MATCH, rev up the GIF making machine. But first here’s some dude’s sign.
We’re in San Diego, CA and Ric Flair is here to talk about being inducted into the Hall Of Fame but that doesn’t mean he’s ready to retire (he wasn’t kidding) but Elijah Burke interrupts to say he’s the new Flair. (yeah, David). Shelton Benjamin shows up to remind us all Burke & Benjamin are still a thing and to tell Flair he’s the NEW Gold Standard. It ends with Flair getting attacked until CM Punk makes the save. Basic set-up for tonight’s main event, highlight was some guy excited for Tim.
We’re in Houston, Texas the week after the historic Gulf Of Mexico match. We get clips of Chavo being saved by scuba divers and he complains about how ill he is after falling into the disgusting Gulf. Oh and he was stung by a jellyfish which amuses some NFL-Dad type so much he gives it a standing ovation.
Last week Chavo succeeded in winning the ECW Title from CM Punk in a No DQ match with help from his La Familia Edge. Tonight in Reading Chavo celebrates with a CHAMPIONSHIP FIESTA.
We’re in the University of Virginia with new graphics and set as the HD era has begun and tonight Chavo gets a title shot after losing twice because he has something of an edge.
Nah that’s too subtle. Edge helped him win last week.
I take a look back and see why exactly Jack Swagger’s 2010 run was crap.
If you don’t want to click, the short answer is ”it was supposed to be.”
Smackdown
Date: June 2, 2016
Location: BMO Harris Bank Center, Rockford, Illinois
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Mauro Ranallo, Byron Saxton
Things are rapidly changing around here as we have the new Brand Split in less than two months. More importantly for now however is the freshly heel AJ Styles who has set his sights on the returning John Cena, likely setting up a huge showdown at Money in the Bank. This show will likely focus on the build towards the ladder match so let’s get to it.
