Dream Matches (Jim Powers, The Armstrongs & Disorderly Conduct ACTUALLY WIN MATCHES)

Welcome back to a slightly smaller Dream Matches column, as I wasn’t sure where to fit this legendary Disorderly Conduct/Armstrong Brothers D-show Gauntlet, but then the request I got for a JIM POWERS victory made me realize I could give them all their own column! So come see the excitement as Jim Powers and Barry Horowitz square off for six minutes so poor Monsoon & Hayes have to hype up a f------ WBF Pay-Per-View event, and then WCW’s booking committee fills time in their “D-Show ‘verse” as Mean Mike and Tough Tom manage to fight Scott & Steve Armstrong an astonishing FIVE TIMES over the course of 18 months! Which is awful, but a fascinating look at how guys can do the exact same batch of moves over and over and fashion slightly different lame matches out of them each time.

Also by request: Los Conquistadors get a rare TV win of their very own! Poor Sam Houston & Terry Taylor… but don’t worry- Taylor will spark off an angle at the end of the match that totally won’t ruin his career forever!

Wrestling With Sin: 335 | Ring the Damn Bell

Jim Powers: The living definition of a *Clap* “YEAH!” Guy.

(WWF TV, June 8th 1992)
* Yes, this is in fact an incredibly notable match- a JIM POWERS squash… where he’s NOT THE ONE BEING SQUASHED! He even gets goddamn theme music! He’s up against legit jobber (and humorously someone who ended up with more of a solo push than Jim did in the WWF) Barry Horowitz, here in lime green trunks. Powers is so excited to get a TV win he practically Barry Allens into the ring from the aisle, not letting any moments breathe properly.

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Terry Funk vs. Eddie Guerrero (and other Dream Matches!)

TAPE 🎄 on Twitter: "Eddie Guerrero in 1989 on NWA TV to wrestle Terry Funk, looking like an angsty 14 year old who developed a bit faster than the other boys https://t.co/vIDzEbGuzg" /

Eddie Guerrero as a dorky young babyface jobber! What could be better?!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time we have a pretty varied assortment of “Wait, that happened?” matches, starting with a young rookie Eddie Guerrero being fed to NWA World Title contender Terry Funk way back in *1989*! Also I get the last Super Assassins match, as the masked Powers of Pain are fed to Lex Luger & Sting on Nitro! Then it’s the infamous era of Ahmed Johnson as the fat, washed-up “Big T” as Harlem Heat 2000 face dream match legends Disorderly Conduct! And a request- the HORRENDOUS one-off solo match of “Kizarny”, who wrestles MVP here before showing up in a battle royal and then being fired, never to darken WWE again! And also, the “Decent stars slumming it in horrible WWF gimmicks” bout as The Executioner faces Freddie Joe Floyd!

(WCW TV, Sept. 5th 1989)
* Eddie, in jobber yellow trunks, is set to be eaten alive by Funk, who is outraged that the accouncer doesn’t wait until his chaps are off before announcing him. Terry’s in those red & black long tights of his from the ’90s- Jim Ross’s commentary suggests this is right after Funk turned on Flair and piledrove him through a table. Terry actually has REALLY big arms at this point, not quite having decayed to his “middle aged and crazy” state, while Eddie’s already juicing. He’s mentione was being “The younger brother of Hector and Chavo Guerrero, and Mando Guerrero” because they were actually MORE FAMOUS than he was at this point!

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