Fastlane 2019

Fastlane 2019
Date: March 10, 2019
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Renee Young, Corey Graves

I’m not sure what to think of with this show as there’s only so much that can be done with a show that clearly serves as nothing more than a last stop on the way to Wrestlemania. There are some matches tonight that could go somewhere but a lot of what we’ll be seeing is going to be a stepping stone towards next month. Let’s get to it.

Read moreFastlane 2019

BoD Fastlane

This has nothing to do with the WWE


Before the show, PrimeTime Ten attacked Mister E Mahn then rummaged through his trophies and stole all of his Canadian Awards as he proudly proclaims himself the Pride of Canada.





BoD C-List Title
DBSM (Champion) w/ C-List Posse vs. Biscuit

The C-List Posse all come out with the oversized top hats but set to the theme song of “Perfect Strangers.” Speaking of dreams, Biscuit’s dream is for his 1987 Buick Regal to have working brake pads. Match starts with both competitors trading hammerlocks until DBSM reaches the ropes. They lockup again but DBSM gains the advantage with an arm wringer as Harvey Grant and the guy who played Waldo from “Family Matters” are cheering on their posse leader. Biscuit reverses the hammerlock as he now takes charge of the match. DBSM breaks that up with an eye rake then he ground the Midwestern Madman. DBSM gets two off of a vertical suplex as he now has Biscuit in a Dragon Sleeper as he gets alerted by Mark-Linn Baker that the after party at Tina Yothers’ house is all set. Biscuit manages to break the hold after a series of kicks but DBSM drops an elbow after that for another nearfall. DBSM goes up to the second rope for a leg drop but misses as both men are down. DBSM gets up first but Biscuit meets him with a punch. Then another one. And another punch as Biscuit is a house of fire! He catches DBSM with a jumping back elbow smash after an Irish whip. Biscuit follows that with a backdrop. He gets a pair of nearfalls then attempts the dreaded Stump Puller but DBSM ducks outside. Biscuit follows him out as they trade punches. The ref counts as the bell sounds awfully early with Biscuit rolling around but DBSM rolls inside the ring as the bell sounds off again as DBSM wins via count out! Michael Winslow made a bell sound effect to trick Biscuit. DBSM then goes to his posse as Biscuit is out on the floor looking on in anger. 

Backstage, “Happening” Harry Broadhurst tells us that he will make us all remember that Harry Fact #1 is that Harry never jobs then tells us that we will see him back in action next week. 

BoD Six Man Tag Team Titles
Job Mob (Champions) vs. Adam Curry & Kyle Warne & cabspaintedyellow

Match starts with a wild brawl at ringside. Curry tries to go after Murph but Zanatude chop-blocks him as he and the Illustrious Stuart Chartock double-team him on the outside. In the ring, Murph and Warne are trading shots but that stops when cabspaintedyellow hits him with a clothesline. Murph goes to retreat but is dragged back in the ring and hit with a double suplex. The match finally settles down but not before the Job Mob nearly cripple Curry. Warne gets distracted as Zanatude hits him from behind. Murph and Zanatude are choking out Warne as the ref yells at cabs to go back on the apron as the Job Mob have essentially made this a 3-2 match. Warne continues to get double and triple-teamed behind the ref’s back as Curry is struggling to get to his feet. Chartock then knocks cabs off of the apron. Murph ducks out and stomps the leg of Curry as the Job Mob are distracting the ref to double-team Warne and attack Curry’s injured leg. The Job Mob had a plan tonight, folks. Warne is getting destroyed here as both cabs and Curry are on the floor. Curry attempts to pull himself up by using the apron but Murph takes his leg out with a shove that he found underneath the ring. The ref is struggling to maintain control here as Warne ducks a clotehsline from Chartock then hits him with a lungblower off of the rebound as both men are down. A hurting cabs is on the apron as Curry is still out on the floor with medical personel attending to him. Curry shoves them away as he uses everything he has to stand up on his two feet at the moment. Back in the ring, Warne almost makes the tag but Zanatude grabs one of the belts and uses it to smash cabs in the face as the ref finally rings the bell for the DQ. Zanatude flees the ring to grab the other belts as Murph and Chartock toss aside the medical staff and pick up Curry, who is punching back. Zanatude runs over and hits him with a belt then pulls out the stairs as the Job Mob hits Curry with a triple powerbomb onto the 1,456 lbs steel steps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dancin’ Devin Harris and FunkDoc1112 are dancing with the kids as Night and X-Man come over and call them “sellouts” as X-Man tosses the table that had the turntables, thus stopping the music. Night then tells them they should teach the kids how to read, unlike their hillbilly parents, instead of dancing like an idiot. 

Riverdale Block Party Brawl
Riverdale Covenant vs. The Administration


The winner here will be the team drags the leader (Stackhouse, Bayless)  across the homebase lines. Match starts with Average Joe Everyman spitting out some punch as it did not contain alcohol. He takes out a flask and pours the contents into the bowl as some kid tells him that alcohol is banned in Riverdale so Joe backhands him into next week. Nebb28 runs over and sees this and whacks Joe in the face with his pet rock. Nebb also takes out Jose Gomez and Dr. Facts with the rocks as well. Dean Andrews takes out Nebb from behind as Bill Ray fights off Hot Dog, Reggie, and Garth Holmberg. Robert Davis has the letterman’s jacket for Ray but he gets speared from behind by Justice Gray. These men are all tearing through Riverdale as Mr. Hopson’s lemonade stand gets destroyed. All sorts of brawling as Pee Wee is kicking Rockstar Gary in the shins. Garth Holmberg takes a mop and beats on Gary now as Joe is hammered and breaking tables for some reason. Riverdale’s block party is getting destroyed as Davis is making his way to the enemy base that contains GM Bayless. Ray is his last line of defense and they have a staredown. As this happens, an explosion is heard as the cabin containing Archie Stackhouse blows up and WAIT A MINUTE, THAT’S JESSE BAKER. Baker was behind the cabin when he set of the dynamite. The cabin is in pieces as the Covenant immediately run over to check on their leader as they toss aside wood and brick, hoping to find the man they call Archie Stackhouse. The ref signals the match to end as the Administration win the match and the GM’s office but what happened to Stackhouse and why did Jesse Baker blow him up?

BoD Tag Team Championship Match
Midcard Mafia (Champions) vs. Upper Midcard Express 

Ferrari is here on time and cheering on his stablemates, who rode in a comfy Toyota Corolla to the arena tonight and had WiFi in their hotel as well. The UMX are arguing on who should start the match as kbjone runs in first and goes after Magoonie. kbjone misses a wild swing as Magoonie hits him with a dropkick. Tag to Piers, who springboards in with a clothesline for a nearfall as Petuka is shaking his head in disbelief while looking on from the apron. Petuka tags himself in and goes after Piers. He ducks his head for a backdrop as Piers gets two off of a sunset flip. Piers then takes him down with a side headlock as kbjone is now the one standing on the apron angry as his partner is failing in the ring. The Midcard Mafia are in total control as they are using quick tags to isolate Petuka. Magoonie is sent into the ropes as kbjone pulls them down and he crashes. kbjone is tied up with the  ref as Petuka slides out and sends Magoonie into the guardrail a few times. Petuka yells at him that he is getting the belts back as he rolls Magoonie into the ring but kbjone tags himself in and puts the boots to him, while Ferrari was on his cell phone. Petuka yells at his partner and tries to tag himself back in but kbjone moves away with a smirk on his face as he suplexes Magoonie. kbjone uses a chinlock as both Piers and Ferrari rally behind their partner. Looks like Ferrari is focused on the match and not is prestigous writing assignments. kbjone sends Magoonie into his corner and actually makes a tag to his partner as they set up for the double slingshot suplex but they have some miscommunication as Magoonie is able to reverse it into a double neckbreaker as all three men are down. The crowd is firmly behind the Midcard Mafia as Magoonie is up and makes the tag to Piers. Petuka and kbjone get up but Piers sends them back down with a double dropkick as he is running wild. He sends Petuka to the floor then works over kbjone. Petuka reaches underneath the apron and has what appears to be a steel pipe but Ferrari runs over and yanks it from him. They argue then Ferrari points to the ring as Magoonie knocks Petuka down with a baseball slide. Piers then tags Magoonie, who hits the dreaded Magooniplex before tagging Piers in again, who gets the win with a frog splash. Ferrari enters the ring and celebrates with his stablemates as Petuka gets up in the ring and starts yelling at the referee. kbjone slowly gets to his feet as Petuka switches his attention to him the decides to leave. 

Strike Force vs. Curtzerker w/ Biff Kensington III

Its time as the Chrysler Lebaron heads down the ring as Mar Solo, all hopped up on his special brew, gets out and pushes the car from behind. However, the HUSS section is in full effect tonight as they are HUSSING to the top of the lungs. The Berzerker sees this and makes his way to the section but BKIII and Williams remind him that the match is in the ring as the Berzerker just wants to be with his people. Match starts with the more hyper than ever Mar Solo running away from Williams while clapping his hands and pumping his fist. The Berzerker runs in and he tries to go after Solo but that fails as Solo hits him with a flying forearm. Williams finally catches Solo and whips him but Indeed comes in and they take out Curtzerker with dropkicks as they start their leaping high-fives in the ring as Curtzerker and BKIII regroup outside. Williams enters the ring and works with Indeed for the bit as he gets grounded on the mat. The Berzerker focuses on the HUSS section as BKIII yells at him to focus. Indeed gets a slam then jumps around and claps as he hits a deep armdrag with his 1987 Rick Martel hairstyle flowing around. He bounces off of the ropes but BKIII trips him up then denies doing so when questioned by the referee. Williams tags Berzerker and rams Indeed’s face off of his boot. The HUSS section is going nuts as the Berzerker chokes out Indeed with his foot. The Berzerker is beating on Indeed, whose partner is enjoying an extra, extra large coffee that was delivered by a local barista. Curtzerker is abusing Indeed in the corner as Solo slams down his empty cup and rallies behind his partner. The HUSS section gets loud as Berzerker hits his ten HUSS chops in the corner. Indeed gets whipped into the corner but is able to get his knees up on a charging Williams as both men are down. Indeed crawls over to his partner and finally makes the tag as Solo is a House of Coffee right now. He runs wild over Curtzerker until BKIII stands up on the apron and distracts him, allowing the Berzerker to boot Solo through the ropes. Indeed climbs up top and goes for a crossbody but Berzerker catches him and hits a backbreaker before repeatedly yelling HUSS. Williams comes into the ring as the ref looks down on Solo and puts Indeed in the HUSS lock as The Berzerker screams HUSS into the face of Indeed but the referee reminds them that Indeed is not the legal man as Williams argues, Solo licks some special brew that spilled on the mat and peps right up and enters the ring where he takes Williams out with a flying forearm then ducks a clothesline from The Berzerker and puts him in a crucifix for the win!!! BKIII runs up on the apron in anger as Solo picks up his partner and celebrates with him as they start to high five all the way back to the Lebaron. 

BoD Writer’s Championship Match
Logan Scisco vs. “Marvelous” Matt Perri (Champion) w/ Miss Danielle

Perri and Danielle once again come out mocking Stranger in the Alps as the old ladies in attendance shake their heads in disbelief. The mini-Stranger comes out holding a personal-sized pulled pork pizza from Papa John’s that Perri kicks in his face as he and Danielle laugh hysterically. Match starts with Scisco having enough of Perri’s antics and starts to fire away. Danielle jumps up on the apron and Scisco sends Perri into her as she falls down. Scisco tries to lock on the Boston Crab but Perri ducks outside. He tries to regroup but Scisco takes him out with a tope then starts hammering away. Miss Danielle runs over with her heel and hits Scisco off of the back of the head. Scisco goes after her but Perri sneak attacks him from behind. He stomps Scisco before rolling him back in the ring, where he chokes him out. Perri drops a knee on the back of Scisco before putting him in a chinlock. Scisco fights out of the hold then both men collide as they are now out on the mat. Perri gets up first but its Logan who comes up swinging. He catches Perri in the chin with a spinning heel kick for a two count as Miss Danielle is worried on the outside. Scisco hits a brainbuster and covers but Danielle puts Perri’s foot on the ropes to break the count as Scisco yells at her. Scisco then climbs up top as Perri pulls the ref to him so he can examine his boot and that allows Danielle to spray Scisco in the eyes with her perfume as he falls down then Perri pushes the ref aside and softens Scisco up before dragging him near the middle of the ring and climbing up top for the flying elbow drop to get the win. After the match, Perri sends Scisco to the floor then grabs the mic:

“This whole writer’s division is a damn joke! You have someone obsessed with ****1/2 matches and everyone else reviewing late 90’s WCW. What a crew! No one here, I repeat, no one here has the capacity, mental or physical, to take this (holding up the BoD Writer’s Championship)”

Perri then goes outside and tosses Scisco back into the ring and stomps away but all of a sudden, Laughing Sting propels down from the rafters and goes after Perri as he is fed up of what Perri has done to the Writer’s Championship. Sting fights away but Miss Danielle kicks him low then Perri attacks Laughing Sting as the fans are disgusted. WAIT A MINUTE, FOLKS. THE LIGHTS HAVE GONE OUT!!!! WHAT’S THAT, A TRAIL OF MIST!!!!! The lights turn back on and its STRANGER IN THE ALPS!!!!!!!!!! STRANGER IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! STRANGER IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Video of old ladies in hospitals who appear to be dying instantly show signs of life as the good news from the TV peps them right up! Perri runs away with Miss Danielle as Stranger goes over and helps up Laughing Sting and the midget impersonator of himself then snaps his fingers are two regulars-sized and one personal pulled pork pizzas from Papa Johns appear from the mist as they all enjoy their heartburn-crusted dinner.

And now, BKIII comes out to the ring. He says that Hoss has an open challenge for tonight. Hoss is then shown via satellite at a Pinkberry as he has two workers in a headlock as he starts to laugh. He says that his challenge is delayed because he is doing “god’s work,” which according to Hoss is getting rid of fake ice cream and mildly healthy toppings. Segment ends with Hoss daring someone in the BoD to dare eat fake ice cream in front of him again.

BoD Solid B+ Player Championship Match
Steve Ferrari vs. Hart Killer 09 (Champion)


Ferrari is out solo and remember folks, you can catch the Trib Cast on iTunes as the King of All Media is no longer Howard Stern but Steve Ferrari. Before the match, Hart Killer drops a kiwi on the mat then stomps it as it splatters on the mat as he clutches his arm, the same arm that he broke on Kaptain Kiwi. Hart Killer stalls to begin the match as the Prince of the Podcast grabs a hold of him then hammers away. Hart Killer tries to escape but Ferrari grabs his arm and tries to put on an armbar but he then is able to duck outside. Ferrari goes out after him but Hart Killer thumbs him in the eye then slams him into the guardrail before rolling inside in an attempt to beat the ten count. Ferrari goes on the apron as Hart Killer brings him in and puts on a chinlock. Ferrari breaks the hold as he is determined to win this title. Ferrari ducks a clothesline then comes back with a leg lariat. He then slams Hart Killer down. Ferrari sets up Hart Killer up top then climbs but Hart Killer kicks him down. Hart Killer goes for a top rope elbow but Ferrari rolls away. Ferrari goes over to Hart Killer but gets pulled down as Hart Killer grabs the tights and gets the win. Hart Killer rolls outside and tells us that with tears in his eye, Kaptain Kiwi will call him and say that is the greatest title defense he has ever seen while sitting in a hospital. The camera then shows an angry Ferrari as he heads backstage.

Jef Vinson vs. The Fuj


These two were the last men in the BoD Rumble match and they are facing off tonight. Both men stare each other down then lockup to start the match. Fuj shoves Vinson in the corner then stares him down as Vinson regroups. Fuj shoves Vinson off of another lockup then slowly moves around as he measures up his opponent. Vinson comes back like the fighter that he is and locks up again as he works a hammerlock then the action starts as each man goes back and forth until they end in a stalemate. Both guys work at it again then Fuj sends Vinson to the floor. Vinson hops back up onto the apron and avoids a swing by Fuj then hits him with an uppercut. Fuj staggers then Vinson springboards in but Fuj yanks the leg and snaps Vinson down as he is in agony as he clutches his leg. Fuj goes to work on Vinson as he targets the leg now. Fuj goes to work on Vinson for a while to soften him up for the ankle lock. Fuj goes to the second rope for a leg drop but Vinson misses as both men are down. Vinson helps himself up but out come the Job Mob as Murph takes out Vinson’s leg as the ref rings the bell for the DQ. Zanatude and Chartock join in as they hoist up Vinson for the triple powerbomb but Fuj breaks that up as the Job Mob retreats. Vinson’s leg is hurt here as the Fuj looks down the Job Mob as they head backstage.

BoD Heavyweight Championship Match
Cultstatus vs. Jobber (Champion) 


These two have another in the long line of classic confrontations tonight. Cult runs over and boots down the champ. Cult wants his belt back and he wants it now. Cult then whips Jobber into the ropes and catches him with a lariat. Cult beats on Jobber and yanks him back inside when he tries to escape. The Job Mob jump onto the apron as Cult attacks Zanatude and Chartock but Murph attacks him from behind. Jobber slides back inside and starts hammering away. Jobber chokes out Cult then picks him up for a backbreaker that gets two. Jobber starts beating up on Cult as the Job Mob distract the referee so Jobber and his boys can use illegal tactics. Jobber hits an Ace Crusher for two as he is in control of the match. Jobber gets an Irish whip reversed and knocks Murph off of the apron as Cult catches Jobber with a neckbreaker off of the rebound as both men are down. Cult is up first then throws haymakers on Jobber. The ref gets caught in between each guy but escapes then Murph whacks Cult with a pair of brass knux then Jobber hits the Razor’s Edge for the win. The Job Mob then enter the ring as they all hold up a title belt while the show goes off of the air.

The SmarK Rant for Fastlane 2015

The SmarK Rant for WWE Fastlane 2015 – 02.22.15 Live from Memphis, TN Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler & JBL This show is presented by the WWE Network itself. WE’RE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS, PEOPLE. Dolph Ziggler, Ryback & Erick Rowan v. Big Show, Kane & Seth Rollins Poor Rowan doesn’t even get a babyface pop for his entrance. This would be a good time for a total repackage. Or, you know, just build a time machine and not split up the Wyatts in the first place. Rollins starts with Ziggler and quickly bails off a sunset flip, but walks into a dropkick back in the ring. Rowan comes in and works on the arm, but it’s over to Kane to really ramp up the action. Back elbow gets two for Rowan after some basic stuff, but Big Show comes in and dumps him to take over. Rowan tries a spinkick on the floor, but he is unable to counter the lightning speed of Big Show, and he kicks the post like a total dork instead. Back in, Show works Rowan over while the announcers tell the story of how the babyfaces are constantly abused and beaten up by the Authority and then wonder why they don’t get over as a stars. Rollins comes in and goes after the leg for a bit, and Buff Blockbuster gets two. Big Show with a leglock that goes nowhere, and Rollins walks into a Rowan spinkick to set up the hot tag to Ryback. He reverses the curb stomp into a powerbomb and tries for the Shellshock, but gets distracted by the stooges and Rollins rolls him up for two. Superkick gets two for Rollins. Another Shellshock, but Big Show comes in with a splash and everyone is out. Hot tag to Ziggler and he DDTs Kane for two. And then Show punches him out like a geek and Kane pins him at 12:55. Well, you gotta keep those two strong. Gotta love how everyone in the crowd wants to see Ziggler so they make sure to pin him clean in the middle. **1/4 The Authority beatdown follows, but Randy Orton finally returns and lays them all out with RKOs. Because he’s the real star and Ziggler clearly is not. Stardust v. Goldust Dusty and Dustin cut a hell of a promo backstage, as Dustin promises to beat his brother so badly he’ll never want to be Stardust again. I wish he was at that point already because it’s a stupid fucking gimmick. They trade armdrags to start and hit a stalemate, which results in Stardust bailing. Back in, Goldust clotheslines him out again. Back in, Goldust goes for the Shattered Nuts, but Stardust runs away again before getting a foot up on a flying Goldust to take over. He goes to a bodyscissors as the announcers discuss the hot rumor of Cody wearing the makeup even when he’s at home. So…boo? Apparently he’s “living the gimmick”, because we’re just watching a show, you see. Cody keeps working on the midsection while yet another brother v. brother match dies before our eyes. And then Goldust pins him with a crucifix out of nowhere at 8:52. Well that was quite the beating delivered. Ridiculously boring, no action to speak of. DUD I’m assuming they just told the ref to send them home because it was such a shit match, but maybe that really was the finish they came up with, who knows. I’m thinking they’re not gonna get their Wrestlemania match now. Meanwhile, we get clips of Seth Rollins v. Jon Stewart. Meanwhile, Stardust attacks his brother and hisses a lot. So yeah, this continues. WWE tag titles: The Usos v. Tyson Kidd & Cesaro The Usos dominate Kidd to start, but Cesaro clips Jimmy and works the knee to take over. Kidd’s gear, celebrating both cats and facts, is wonderfully awful. Cesaro with a one-legged swing into a half-crab, and Kidd slingshots in with a legdrop for two. Over to Jey as the crowd is randomly booing something. Cesaro rolls him up for two, but Jey gets the running butt splash in the corner for two. To the top, but Cesaro brings him in with the superplex into Kidd’s flying elbow for two. Kidd with a rollup, but the Usos double-team him and everyone ends up on the floor. Back in, Kidd blocks a flying splash and rolls up Jimmy for two, and the Sharpshooter follows. Jey saves with a superkick and Jimmy gets two off that. And then Kidd hits the fisherman’s neckbreaker and pins Jey to win the titles at 9:45. Well deserved. Unfortunately the match never really got going and there was no real heat segment. Do the agents just not know how to build heat and lead to a climax anymore? **1/2 Although Tyson Kidd lifting the Finn Balor splash counter from NXT is pretty great. Face To Face Confrontation: HHH v. Sting I hope we get the highspot of two old guys discussing stuff from 16 years ago that goes over the heads of everyone watching! I love when they do that. And indeed, HHH immediately brings up how Sting went down with the WCW ship and how he helped to sink it. That is certainly a unique interpretation of history. So HHH offers to keep Sting’s legacy alive via the WWE Network and Hall of Fame, as long as he walks away and quits being such a vigilante. Sting wants none of this deal and they fight, and of course HHH immediately kicks his ass. But Sting grabs his bat and, instead of beating on him, points to the Wrestlemania sign instead. And then finally lays him out. This isn’t doing much for me. “Old guys fighting for their legacy” isn’t exactly a compelling storyline, except in WWE-world where getting to the Hall of Fame is the only real goal. Divas title: Nikki Bella v. Paige Apparently Paige getting spray-tanned and pranked was the worst week of her life, which means she’s had a pretty damn good life thus far. Paige attacks to start, but gets tossed around on the floor by Nikki, which gets two. Whiplash slam gets two. The racecar sound effects on the replays are REALLY getting on my nerves at this point. It’s the FASTLANE, get it? Paige comes back with clotheslines for two and a low kick for two. Nikki blocks the Rampaige but Paige boots her down for two. They head up and Nikki powerbombs her out of the corner for two. Paige comes back with the crosslock, but Nikki makes the ropes and rolls her up to retain at 5:36. Who is coming up with these shit finishes tonight? *1/2 The crowd was dead silent through the entire match, much like the rest of this show. Intercontinental title: Bad News Barrett v. Dean Ambrose Ambrose attacks and sends Bad News running, then pounds away in the corner before getting booted to the floor. Back in, Barrett pounds away in the corner and gets two, and we hit the chinlock. To the floor and Ambrose comes back with a clothesline and DDT back in the ring. To the top, but he misses whatever and manages a small package for two. Flying elbow gets two. Barrett with the Wasteland for two, but Ambrose rolls him up for two. Rebound lariat and Barrett runs away, so Ambrose chases him back in and beats on him in the corner until the ref disqualifies him at 8:07. COME ON. They’re just trolling us now with these terrible finishes. Although if this was NXT that would have given Ambrose the title. Because they actually give a shit about the product there. Total nothing match. ** Speaking of trolling, we get a procession of druids to tease the Undertaker, but it turns out to be Bray Wyatt. I guess that at least confirms that they’re doing the match. This would have been better served on RAW, especially if they weren’t actually delivering Undertaker. US title: Rusev v. John Cena Cena takes him down with a headlock, but Rusev throws kicks in the corner and chokes him down, and a leg lariat gets two. That one missed by a lot. Rusev with a corner splash for two, and Cena bails to the apron and gets sent into the railing as a result. Back in, Cena comes back with a dropkick for two, but Rusev gets his own for two. Cena tries the shoulderblocks, but Rusev puts him down with a slam for two. Cena tries to fight back, but Rusev takes him down with a chinlock. Cena comes back with a suplex, but Rusev DDTs him for two. A pair of corner splashes get two. Cena fights back with his usual, but Rusev escapes the FU and superkicks him for two. Uranage gets two. Cena comes back with a DDT for two and the crowd is just not really into this at all. Cena takes him down into a crossface, but Rusev no-sells it and slams him for two. Rusev decides to crush, but Cena counters with the STF and Rusev makes the ropes. FU gets two. Cena goes up, but lands in a powerbomb and the Accolade follows. Cena uses his goofy facials to fight out, but Rusev kicks him in the nuts behind the ref’s back and goes back to it again, and this time the ref stops the match at 18:40. This didn’t really work, but it was fine as the usual John Cena match. *** I don’t get why they didn’t just put Rusev over if that’s the way they wanted to go instead of the cheap ballshot and pass-out finish. But fear not, John Cena will regroup and train his gonads to resist the power of Russia in time to win the title at Wrestlemania. #1 Contender match: Roman Reigns v. Daniel Bryan Reigns throws Bryan around outside the ring, but Bryan kicks him down in the corner and goes to work on the legs with a leglock. Reigns punches out of it and blocks a blind charge with a clothesline for two. Reigns throws him around with a couple of suplexes, but Bryan blocks the superman punch with a liver kick. Bryan fires away with kicks in the corner, but Reigns powerbombs him out of there for two. Reigns fires away in the corner, but Bryan takes him down into the Yes-Lock until Reigns makes the ropes and escapes to the floor. Bryan hits him with a pair of dives, but Reigns gets another suplex on the floor and then misses a charge into the stairs. Back in, Reigns blocks a flying Bryan for two, but Bryan counters the spear into a small package for two. Running knee gets two. Bryan throws the kicks, but Reigns no-sells it, so Bryan takes him down into the Yes-Lock again. Reigns powers out of that and hammers him down, and both guys are down. Bryan comes back again with the kicks and sets up for the running knee again, but Reigns counters with the spear right down our throats at 20:05. God, they’re just not gonna give up on this, are they? Pretty rough for the most part, but Bryan worked his ass off to make it pretty good by the end. ***1/4 But that’s it for Bryan, as they’ve decided to sacrifice him once and for all to get this Reigns experiment over. And I don’t think it worked. The Pulse Not bad, just boring. Crowd was dead all night and there was nothing I’d call worth going out of your way to see. Some really bad finishes and booking didn’t help matters, but at least we know what Wrestlemania is going to be now. Thumbs in the middle, leaning down.

WWE Fastlane 2015

WWE Fastlane is a new pay-per-view gimmick, following
in the grand tradition of former car-related shows such as WWF Breakdown, and
Hermie Sadler Presents TNA #1. The show emanates LIVE from Memphis, Tennessee,
and tonight’s Panel features BOOKER T,
COREY GRAVES, BYRON SAXTON, and RENEE
YOUNG
. Renee is the first female broadcaster with any credibility in well
over a decade, and possibly since Sunny. She’s fantastic. Byron Saxton is not.
The big pre-show angle features Paul Heyman on MizTV.
Half of that sounds awesome, and it’s not coming the guy whose gimmick is based
around that very concept.

Sting and Triple H’s saga is looked at. In essence, at
Survivor Series, Sting appeared for Some Reason and helped Dolph Ziggler stop
the Authority for roughly 4 days. Since then, Triple H has maintained Issues.
Booker T speculates that Sting’s actions were the deep down hatred WCW has from
the time DX drove up to the WCW arena in April of 1998. If that’s the case (it’s
not the case), then dude – seek therapy. Bret Hart is the most bitter,
vindictive wrestler on the entire planet and even HE found closure with Shawn
Michaels faster than that.
Dean Ambrose expresses his desire to capture the IC
title, causing Booker to fondly reflect on his first IC title win over
Christian … you know, the one that came long after he was an established main
eventer, until Triple H destroyed his cred by pointing out the black man had no
place atop the company, and then proved exactly that.
Lots of discussion about Paige. She grew up in a
wrestling ring. She became a woman in a wrestling ring. Did she date Jerry
Lawler or something?
Meanwhile, John Cena is Old. This angle is nothing
until he’s offered a Legends Contract and is banned from appearing on RAW
unless they need a Serious Person to tell Roman Reigns that Brock Lesnar is too
tough for any one man.
THE USOS
celebrate their father Rikishi going into the Hall of Fame this year. In
particular, the prospect at seeing him for the 4th time in their
lives has them almost giddy!
Sheamus Returns! Not now, but at some point.
Hosts MICHAEL
COLE
, JOHN “BRADSHAW” LAYFIELD,
and JERRY LAWLER welcome us to the
show.
THE MIZ and DAMIAN MIZDOW head down to fire up
MizTV, but Mizdow steals the fans adulation and he’s banned to the corner as a
result. Miz chose to skip the Oscars (Rock took his place apparently) in order
to see the Daniel Bryan / Roman Reigns match. PAUL HEYMAN power walks to the ring, and is asked if Lesnar’s here
tonight. To quell everyone’s fear, no, he’s not. Miz reminds us he once
defended the belt successfully in a Wrestlemania main event (UGH), and asks if
Lesnar’s concerned about Daniel Bryan seeing as how he defeated all of Evolution
in last year’s show single-handedly. Heyman angrily asks why Mizdow is staring
at him, and Miz berates him for acting like a Caliber Winfield and forces him
to face the corner for the rest of the interview. Heyman talks Roman Reigns, a
savage warrior coming from the Island of Sam Hoa. Either way, no matter who
wins, Lesnar leaves Mania with the belt.
And with that, the fireworks display kicks this baby
off, on the Road to Wrestlemania. Your line for Sign Points is set at 5.5 wrestlers.
Take the Over and don’t question it.
TEAM EXPLOITED
COMMON BOND vs. LOS AUTHORITATOS (with J&J Security)
Cole takes us through the Exciting History that
brought this match together 3 days ago. I will never understand why this
company always takes the most convoluted ways to get to what they want. It’s
easy: the Authority fired Team Exploited, they got their jobs back, and now it’s
stompin’ time. Erick Rowan’s continued insistence in wearing the sheep mask is
going to do him no favors, seeing as how it’s been like 6 months since he left
Bray Wyatt. A new look might go a long way, otherwise he has no hope in doing
anything but tread water as a heatless midcarder scheduled to be wished well in
about 17 months. Speaking of Big Red, a pumphandle backbreaker on Rollins looks
great, and gets 2. Korporate Kane is slammed with ease, and a big leg drop
keeps Rowan in command. Kane powers him back to the corner, and turns over to
Big Show, who beats down Erick like a frozen hunk of beef. Rowan gets dumped,
but he clumsily shoves Show into the ringpost before missing a spin kick and
injuring himself. Back in, Kane starts to stomp on Rowan’s leg, as we get our
first glimpse at our SummerSlam 16 main event: Big Red vs. Big Red Machine. You
won’t be laughing when it’s announced the show is being booked in Cincinnati.
Show botches the Indian deathlock, so he stops that and goes for a Chokeslam.
Rowan blocks with a DDT, but Show tags in Rollins to stop the momentum. A
dropkick to Ziggle sends him sprawling, but Rowan fights him off and tags in
Ryback. Ryback nails Rollins with the Dick to the Face, but misses a big
splash. He dodges a Curbstomp, nails Kane with a meathook, but interference
from J&J get a schoolboy from Rollins for 2! Superkick gets 2! A top rope
Curbstomp misses again, and Ryback catches him coming off the top again with a
Shellshock. Show dives in with a splash to stop him from getting a pin, as
Ziggler is only now getting back to his feet after selling that dropkick for
the last 48 minutes. He gets the latest hot tag, walking right into a Chokeslam
from Kane – but he dances backwards and DDTs Kane for 2! The Fameasser is
blocked with a sidewalk slam, but Ziggler escapes and nails a Superkick.
Rollins takes the Fameasser now, and Kane faces the wrath of 4 punches before
Show hits him with the KO punch behind the referee’s back. Kane gets the easy
pin at 12:58. Post-match, Ziggler
takes a Curbstomp anyway, and the other two get beaten down. Hot enough opener,
but the babyfaces looked like total chumps, getting virtually no offense except
for a couple of quick bursts of energy. I get that Rollins needs all the
protection he can get, but Kane and Show? In 2015? **1/2
RANDY ORTON
returns to chase off the heels since the other 3 are completely incapable.
J&J take RKOs, but Rollins bails before he can pay his receipt for putting
Orton out, firing up his Wrestlemania program.
DUSTY RHODES,
mistaking this show for WCW Saturday Night, remains completely
incomprehensible. Goldust reflects on going to see Dusty’s matches with Cody,
when Cody was a kid. Cody was born in 1985, what matches were these? Dusty
running around with Jim Duggan looking for Thweet Thapphire?
STARDUST vs.
GOLDUST
JBL reflects on all the great brother battles from
years back, and somehow having the gall to name Rick vs Scott Steiner. That’s
just laziness, now you’re just naming known brothers, their matches were AWFUL.
Goldust wears his solemn face tonight, while the fans root for “CODY” because
they suck. Dustin’s been doing some of the best work of his life for the last 2
years, give the guy a break. Goldust goes for a piledriver, but Cody quickly
reverses. Goldust falls backwards into a Curtain Call position, but Cody
escapes and hits the floor. Cody tries a bulldog, but Goldust hangs on and
turns it into a backbreaker. Cody takes a quick break, but comes back in for
more abuse, getting set up for the Golden Globes. He escapes, so Goldust goes
up instead but leaps right into a big boot. They brawl to the floor, where Cody
drives Goldust into the ring apron kidneys first and rolls him back in.
According to the announcers, Cody’s been wearing the makeup at home and
genuinely believes he’s Stardust. Well shit, that sounds like a perfect
opportunity for a series of vignettes, why haven’t these been produced? It’s
easy character development. Cody stops working over Goldust long enough to ask
the camera “who’s your favorite?” A rear bearhug is applied to work over the
softened up ribs, as the fans try to rally Goldust. He tries a springboard
elbow, but Cody sidesteps and Goldust eats canvas. Crossrhodes is blocked with
a reversal, and Goldust somehow sneaks in a cheap pin at 8:57. Goldust looks like he’s going to cry, perhaps because he just
had such a lousy match with his brother on pay-per-view. The pair shake hands,
reluctantly, and the ghost of Dusty Rhodes lets out a sigh of relief in the
back. Can we put them back together now? *1/2
After a quick
vignette on Jon Stewart, Stardust attacks Goldust in front of Dusty. He blames
daddy for killing Cody Rhodes, because he’s tired of living in his shadow. A
superkick to Goldust’s head against Mr. Dressup’s Tickle Trunk is the cherry on
top. Sad.
THE USOS (with Naomi) vs. CESARO and
TYSON KIDD (with Nattie Neidhart) (for the WWE world tag-team titles)
This feud was
set up when Jey Uso called Tyson Kidd an Initt Jackass on a date. With the
girls, not with each other. For WWE dates, it was a long way from topping the
Dean Malenko / Terri / Perry / Sherri quartet, but we can’t all top the comedy stylings
of the former WCW cruiserweight champion. Cesaro chop blocks Jimmy and gives
him a European uppercut. Kidd starts to work over the leg, and Cesaro smells
what he’s cooking by stomping on it from the second rope. A one-legged swing is
both vicious and creative, and Kidd comes off the top with a guillotine to the
leg to add to the pain. An Indian deathlock is applied, but fails to yield a
submission. Jimmy fights off Kidd for a second, long enough to get the hot tag
to Jey who hits Cesaro with a Samoan drop. Enzuigiri has Cesaro seeing stars
which fail to include himself because he’s too Swiss, and Jey gets 2. He comes
back with a superplex, and Kidd comes off the top with an elbow getting a near
pinfall. A Sharpshooter attempt is shoved off, and a monkey flip is blocked,
getting Jimmy involved again. An assisted Samoan drop is only saved by Cesaro,
and all hell breaks loose. Uso takes Kidd off the apron in position for a
Samoan drop, but he stumbles backwards and both guys crash hard into the
security wall! Nice looking spot. Jimmy recovers first and heads in with the
Superfly Splash on Kidd, but Tyson lifts the knees and gets 2. Shaprshooter is
applied dead centre of the ring, but Jey stops it with a superkick! Cesaro
brawls with Jey, taking them both down to the floor, as Jimmy rolls over and
gets 2. The fans start an overused “THIS IS AWESOME” chant. Come on guys, that
used to be saved for four star matches or better. Somewhere in the mess of
this, Kidd comes back in and hits the Roll of the Dice to score the win and
claim the tag-team titles at 9:36.
Kidd and Nattie swap spit, and then in tribute to her father, she tugs on her
beard. ***
TRIPLE H makes his way down to the ring for his
confrontation with The Vigilante Sting, and he’s serious because he’s hauled
out an old t-shirt, the leather jacket, and spits water all over himself. He
brings up his conversation with “two time hall of famer Ric Flair”. I love that
we’re keeping count now, and quietly thank god that Russo’s not around to
inflate that total. “13-time Hall of Famer John Cena might be over the hill,
but he’s still got heart Maggle!” STING
and his Horrible Theme Music makes his way out. One passionate fan tries
leading a “WCW” chant, and to quash all rumors; no, it’s not me. Triple H
reminds us that Sting backed the wrong horse by sticking with WCW, and that his
legacy was putting Sting’s legacy out of business. After all, failure is what
Sting is all about. Still, Triple H offers him a chance to win his legacy back,
if they can do a little biznezz. He offers him spotlight on the WWE Network,
DVDs, merchandise, wrestling figures, making him bigger than he’s ever been
before. In fact, he might even put Sting in the Hall of Fame someday if he
plays his cards right. But if he continues to show Triple H disrespect, he’ll
erase him from history like that Chris Benoit guy. Before Sting can answer,
Triple H tries a cheapshot, but Sting fights him off … for like 2 seconds,
before Triple H takes over and beats him into the mat. “I GAVE YOU A CHANCE!”
Now, since we’re playing Retroactive Triple H tonight, it should come as no
surprise he’s got a sledgehammer hidden under the ring. Of course, he didn’t
take into account that Sting’s always got a black bat nearby, and it’s pointed at
Hunter’s throat. The sledge is dropped, and takes a number of fantastic bounces
for an allegedly heavy metal object. The bat is moved from the chin, and
towards the Wrestlemania sign. As he walks away, Triple H charges, but Sting’s
got the peripheral vision of a Bumble Bee and cracks Helmsley in the ribs.
Then, a Scorpion Deathdrop because that’s how we do. I really, really, really
want to be excited for this, but I’m not feeling it. It just seems at LEAST 5
years too late (and probably closer to 10), and with the wrong guy. If
anything, this just seems more about Triple H’s legacy, than Sting’s.
PAIGE (with clothes) vs. NIKKI BELLA
(with Brie Bella) (for the WWE divas title)
Nikki takes
Paige to the floor where she tosses the challenger into the security wall. Back
in, a double leg slam gets 1 (or 2, if you’re Michael Cole). Paige hits a
dropkick, but can’t capitalize because a stomp is blocked with a schoolboy for 2.
Paige tries to go for her finisher, but Nikki fights out, so Paige is forced to
hit a superkick instead for 2. They slowly make their way to the top, and Nikki
comes out ahead with a sunset flip into a running powerbomb for 2. Paige
recovers and puts on a PTO, but Nikki makes the ropes to break. A handful of
tights from Nikki a second later gets the pin, and Bella continues her reign at
5:34. I don’t pay a lot of attention
to the divas typically speaking, but Nikki seems to have come along a bit in
the last few months. She’s still not great, and Paige has yet to back up any of
the hype, but this was ok. *
BREAKING NEWS: Triple H and Sting has been signed. “It’s
hard to believe that the two icons of the two respective companies …” Triple H,
the WWE Icon.
DEAN AMBROSE vs. WADE BARRETT (for the
WWE intercontinental title)
Barrett comes
out with the aggression early, hitting Ambrose with those ham hocks, but
Ambrose comes back and knocks Barrett to the floor. Back in, Ambrose nails the
People’s Elbow for 2. Dean jumps to the top rope, but Barrett knocks him right
off and to the floor with a boot to the face (getting some quality height!).
Dean is slammed into the ring steps, and back in Barrett hits another boot to
the face. Ambrose’s eyes roll as Barrett drives him into the ring, but he
refuses to be tossed back in and clotheslines the champ. Barrett gives chase,
walking right into a tornado DDT, and both guys get some air. Barrett tries to
block a bulldog, but succumbs to the move, and an inside cradle gets 2. Barrett
goes low and tries to go off the ropes, but Ambrose is right behind him and
knees him in the midsection. Savage elbow off the top (onto a standing Barrett –
hah!) gets 2. Barrett nails a mule kick, and follows with Wasteland for 2.
Ambrose’s tongue takes on a life of its own as Barrett preps the Bullhammer.
Dean ducks the move, and nails a violent clothesline that’d make JBL cringe.
Barrett figures that’s about all he’s prepared to deal with, grabbing his belt
and calling it a night, but Ambrose stops him on the way by with tope suicida!
Barrett tries the crowd next, but Ambrose grabs him and introduces his face to
the ring steps. Ambrose stomps on Barrett’s face in the corner, and the referee
asks him to stop. Dean refuses, and the referee DQ’s him at 8:02?!?!? What … the … fuck? How many
more ways are they gonna screw over Ambrose? They had, about 6 months ago,
their next big star, and they have done everything in their power to slow and
neuter his progress. It feels like Nick Patrick has been assigned to every one
of his matches; except they are allegedly playing it straight. I just … this
company man! Ambrose, thankfully, redeems the finish a little by stealing the
belt. I’m HOPING this leads to a ladder match at Mania for possession of the
gold, but we’ll see. **
THE DRUIDS make their yearly February appearance,
and the gong hits – but I’ve gotta assume we’re looking at Bray Wyatt playing
games here, as given away by JBL immediately screaming that the Undertaker is
here. Sure enough, popping out of a casket is BRAY WYATT to a pretty good response. He remembers fearing the
Undertaker when he was young, but he’s weak and broken now, a shell of his
former self. He calls for the Undertaker to hear him, because he doesn’t fear
him. He is the new Face of Fear (LOVE IT), and he vows to claim the soul of the
Undertaker at Wrestlemania. And, with that, he lies back in the coffin and
returns to the darkness. HELL … YES. This is the polar opposite of Sting /
Triple H – Wyatt is easily the best mid-card guy ready to burst, and he’s targeting
the right guy for the right reasons. Take ALL the rub from this that you can,
Bray, and make yourself a star.
RUSEV (with Katy Perry) vs. JOHN CENA
(for the WWE United States heavyweight title)
Will a
xenophobia angle put Cena back in the good graces of the fans? Of course, it’s
the easiest trick in the book, and I can’t believe they haven’t spent the last
few years feeding him evil foreigners. Is Muhammad Hassan available? He’s
already a jihadist, a quick jump to ISIS shouldn’t be an issue. Of course, the
heroes’ response lasts until the bell rings, when the fans dive into their
usual “LET’S GO CENA / CENA SUCKS” routine, but it took longer than usual. Cena
attacks first, but gets a knee to the face for his effort and Rusev gets 2. A
spinning heel kick misses by 8 feet, but Cena’s a pro and sells it for 2. The
announcers point out that Rusev has pinned 6 former WWE champions, but one of
those is Jack Swagger and shouldn’t count. Cena finds himself on the ring
apron, where a hearty shove sends him crashing into the security wall. Back in,
Cena surprises Rusev with a dropkick, but Rusev returns the favor with a much
better dropkick for 2. A crossbody block is caught, and Rusev hits the fallaway
slam for 2. Cena crawls to his feet, and Rusev stands there allowing it to
happen, giving Cena a chance to start teeing off on his kidneys. Still, Rusev
quickly turns it around and we find Cena locked in a cobra clutch. Cena suplexes
loose and hits a clothesline for 2. The FU is countered with a DDT, but Cena
won’t stay down. A Stinger splash doesn’t get the job done, and Rusev starts
showing frustration. Cena starts in with a series of shoulderblocks, and the 5
Knuckle Shuffle sets up the FU, but Rusev escapes again and hits a superkick
for 2. An STFU is countered with the Bossman Slam, and Rusev starts stomping
around like an angry bull. A charge in the corner is blocked with the knees,
and Cena comes off the second rope with a DDT for 2. Both guys start duking it
out in the middle of the ring, and Cena goes for the FU for a 3rd
time, but Rusev uses the ropes to escape again, so Cena turns to the STFU, dead
centre of the ring. Rusev refuses to tap, breaking the hold with brute force,
and he slams Cena for 2. Rusev, desperate, starts dropping elbows, and goes for
the stomp to set up the Accolade, but Cena blocks and applies the STFU again.
Rusev makes the ropes, but not without giving up a world of energy, and he
looks completely shot. Still, he charges, but Cena goes for the FU for a 4th
time, but AGAIN Rusev gets loose. A kick is dodged, and the 5th
attempt FINALLY hits, but Rusev kicks out! A closeup reveals some incredibly
chapped lips on the Bulgarian Brute, and I’d encourage the producers not to do
that again. Cena comes off the top, but he’s stopped and Rusev locks on the
Accolade. Cena fights like hell, turning various shades of purple in the
process, but every time he seems to get the grip broken, Rusev re-applies it
even harder. Finally, in a last ditch burst of power, Cena powers to his feet,
so Lana gets in the ring and Rusev kicks him in the nuts as hard as he can!
Accolade is re-applied, and he ain’t going anywhere this time, passing out at 18:42. Perfect, it sets up the all
American comeback at Wrestlemania, and the fans get their feel good moment in
seeing the hero conquer the unbeatable badass. A shame Lesnar’s not hanging
around, because there would be an argument to keeping him undefeated and
rolling them out for SummerSlam. ***
ROMAN REIGNS vs. DANIEL BRYAN (for the WWE
title shot at Wrestlemania)
Lawler: “Has
there ever been more riding on a single match than this guys?” I don’t even
know how to respond to that appropriately. This announce crew has been Mark
Madden levels of bad for months now. The crowd, unbelievably, is split between
Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns. I’m impressed. Daniel works a headlock, and it
takes a number of kidney punches to fight loose. Bryan tries a drop toe hold,
but a surfboard is blocked with a quick leg flip. A tilt-a-whirl slam puts
Reigns in charge for the first time, and Bryan is clotheslined to the outside.
Back in, Bryan kicks Reigns in the hamstrings, and the Indian deathlock is
whipped out for an impressive 3rd time tonight. Reigns gets loose by
punching Bryan in the face repeatedly, and a hot shot sets up a Samoan drop.
Reigns charges in with a spear, but Bryan sidesteps and delivers a drop toe
hold on to the buckle. Bryan rears back and charges, and nearly has his head
taken off with the forearm shot to the face that’s delivered. Roman starts
talking to his fist, setting up the Superman punch, but Bryan stops it with a
kick to the ribs. Daniel refuses to let up, kicking away at the herniated area,
and follows with a bunch of double leg dropkicks in the corner. He puts Roman
on the top rope and tries for a super rana, but Reigns counters with a
superbomb for 2. Reigns heads up, but Bryan crotches him and hits a superplex
for 2. The fans are completely heatless for every single nearfall so far, and
the wind is being sapped out of this place REALLY quickly. Bryan applies the
YesLock, but Reigns quickly makes the ropes and hits the floor for a break. Reigns
catches Bryan coming off tope suicida, and goes to boot him in the face by the
ringsteps, but Bryan sidesteps and Reigns crashes in. Reigns barely beats the
10-count, and Bryan goes for the Flying Goat, but it’s stopped with a punch to
the face and Reigns gets 2. Roman goes for the spear, but it’s countered by a
cradle for 2. Bryan starts a YES chant to get the fans back into this, hits the
flying knee, and as Cole screams “DANIEL BRYAN IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA”, you
can feel the kickout at 2. The fans wake up now, starting a “THIS IS AWESOME”
chant for god knows WHAT reason, because this has been anything but. Daniel
kicks away at Roman, but the big kick is blocked, so Bryan bitchslaps Reigns
and puts on the YesLock. Reigns looks up at the Wrestlemania sign, and it gives
him a newfound inspiration to fight loose, and he immediately delivers a
violent ground and pound assault on the former champion. Bryan applies an
armbar desperately, but Reigns fights up and powerbombs him off. Bryan kicks
his way to his feet, and a big spin kick knocks Reigns into next week. The
Running Knee is blocked by a Spear, and Roman wins it clean as a whistle for
the second month in a row at 20:15. Bryan
tells Reigns he was the better man, and shakes his hand to a mixed reaction. **
Sorry Bryan
fans, no more outs. Reigns has effectively wiped the floor with all the top
challengers, and whether you like it or not, he’s main eventing Mania because
Vince has decreed it so. Where this takes Daniel is anyone’s guess, but he’ll
likely be shuffled into one of the backup plans of Sheamus or Ziggler; neither
of whom has any momentum right now.
Look, as much
as I want to join the bandwagon of declaring Reigns a disaster, I’ll give them
credit for picking a new star and refusing to give up on the push after a slow
start – because it’s pretty much the polar opposite of what they’ve done with
everyone else for years now. The only way we’re going to get anything going is
to start making some choices and running with it, and while there are probably
a number of far more popular choices in Ziggler, Wyatt, or Ambrose, they could
do a whole lot worse than Roman Reigns. Worst case, he tanks and is forced into
a heel turn which might be the best thing for him anyway.

That aside,
this show wasn’t particularly good, and we’re not looking at a promising
Wrestlemania right now. 5 weeks is enough time to fix matters some, so we’ll
see if they’re able to make lemonade and tighten the card up into something a
little more palatable.

WWE Fastlane Live Thread

The Kickoff Show starts at 7pm EST on the Network, WWE.com, WWE App, and other platforms. That is highlighted by “Miz TV” with guest Paul Heyman. The actual PPV begins at 8pm EST. Matches include:

Daniel Bryan vs. Roman Reigns for a shot at the WWE World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania
Rusev vs. John Cena for the WWE United States Championship
Dolph Ziggler & Ryback & Erick Rowan vs. Seth Rollins & Big Show & Kane
Dean Ambrose vs. Bad News Barrett for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Goldust vs. Stardust
Usos vs. Tyson Kidd & Cesaro for the WWE Tag Team Titles
Nikki Bella vs. Paige for the WWE Diva’s Title

Plus, the face-to-face confrontation between Sting and HHH

Also, due to popular demand, any spoilers posted from Reddit will be deleted immediately. Let’s try not to spoil it for anyone else.

Enjoy the show

Fastlane failure

Scott-
Fastlane may go down as the least paid attention ppv in history. The buyrate will I bet be less than 30k and the network is free in february. But the killer is the oscars…who on social media will post anything about fastlane with that on. If the E is counting on the diehards make a better damn show. Thoughts?
​There's ANOTHER major show in February besides NXT Rival?  Could've fooled me.  The worst thing with Fastlane (besides the name) is that there's basically only two outcomes to the main event fans can get:  Either Reigns beats Bryan and everyone is miserable, or best case is that they book some sort of screwjob no-contest finish to make WM a three-way.  Who would seriously be enticed to buy this show?  
Just watch NXT again instead.  I guarantee it'll be better.  ​