by Logan Scisco
–A video package
recaps how the Undertaker tried to embalm Steve Austin alive on last week’s
show. The Undertaker and Paul Bearer are
shown talking backstage moments before the show went on the air.
–Jim Ross and Jerry
“The King” Lawler are in the booth and they are live from Baltimore, Maryland.
–Steve Austin is
shown arriving at the arena with a shovel.
The Headbangers and the Insane Clown Posse are already in the ring, so
Austin proceeds to give all of them – save Shaggy 2 Dope – a Stunner. Getting on the mic, Austin promises to use
his shovel against the Undertaker. A
throwaway segment and I am never a fan of one guy taking out tag teams. 0 for
1
–Mark Henry is
shown getting ready for his date with Chyna.
D-Lo Brown tries to make sure he looks good.
–Ross hypes Austin
and the Undertaker being on TV Guide. He
reminds viewers that if they cannot find them they will have to settle for the
“retired” Hulk Hogan or the “Austin wannabe” Goldberg. Austin is still looking for Vince in the
back. He runs into Stephanie McMahon,
who is not identified as such, and she says she has not seen Vince around.
–Opening Non-Title
Contest: The New Age Outlaws (WWF Tag
Team Champions) defeat Gangrel & Edge (w/Christian) by disqualification
when Christian hits Billy Gunn with a tag team title belt at 2:56:
The previous night on Sunday Night Heat, the Corporation
was attempting to recruit the Outlaws and they appear on the ramp to watch the
match. Typical 1998 accelerated tag team
match here, although a young Edge shows off by doing a super hurricanrana on
the Road Dogg and taking a powerbomb off the second rope from Billy Gunn. After Christian runs interference to prevent
a Gunn piledriver, the Big Bossman and Ken Sharmock run in and beatdown the
Brood. So are the Brood faces or heels
at this point? I am so confused with
their booking.
–Steve Austin
continues to search for the Undertaker backstage, checking out several
freezers. Predictably, he walks into one
to investigate, but gets locked in by the Undertaker and Paul Bearer.
–Steve Austin
giving Stunners to the Headbangers and Violent J earlier in the show is the
Glover Rewind segment.
–Mark Henry is
nervously excited for his date and he asks D-Lo to accompany him to give him
confidence. D-Lo reluctantly agrees to
go.
–The Undertaker
comes out and calls out Kane because we definitely need to see more of
that. They briefly battle over whether
someone will be eternally damned before the Undertaker gives Kane a Tombstone. Paul Bearer brings some orderlies from a
mental institution to the ring, but Kane beats up a couple of them before
walking through the crowd. Sadly, this
ridiculous angle would continue. 0 for 2
–D-Lo complains
that he is not dressed right for Mark Henry’s date, but Henry has a jacket for
him and a pair of sunglasses. However,
he hands him a chauffeur hat next, meaning that D-Lo needs to drive Henry’s
limo. That was a good comic twist on
that sketch. After the commercial break,
Chyna is not happy to see Henry at the hotel and she refuses to accept the
flowers Henry offers her. She is puzzled
that D-Lo is the chauffer, which is pretty funny.
–X-Pac comes out
and calls out Shawn Michaels, angry about Michaels costing him his match
against the Rock last week. Michaels
threatens to “send him back to that money pit in Atlanta,” but refuses to fight
him because he is not an active wrestler.
He books X-Pac to face Ken Shamrock, with the European title being on
the line. He exits to D-Generation X’s
music because “he was DX before DX was cool.”
At least this was short, but they did not give X-Pac a lot of mic time
here. 0 for 3
–Mark Henry and
Chyna arrive at their date location, where Chyna pulls out the price tag for
Henry’s flowers (they are $1.99).
–A camera shot of
the freezer shows that Austin has escaped.
–On the date, Mark
Henry botches the pronunciation of Perrier water.
–Goldust defeats
“Double J” Jeff Jarrett (w/Debra McMichael) via disqualification when Owen Hart
interferes at 3:26:
This bout is a rematch from three weeks ago where Jarrett
blasted Goldust with a guitar and the two had a locker room fight. Owen Hart is on guest commentary for the
match and he tries hard to keep a straight face when talking about the
Henry-Chyna date with Lawler. By itself,
this match has very little heat. Goldust
dominates, with Jarrett only avoiding defeat when Debra puts his foot on the
rope after a Curtain Call. Debra gets in
the way of Shattered Dreams and her distraction leads to Owen attacking Goldust
from behind. This show is falling into a
really bad habit over the last few episodes of having no clean finishes. Rating: *¼ (0 for 4)
–After the bell,
the Blue Blazer appears to help attack Goldust, but suddenly the Blazer turns
on Owen. The Blazer unmasks to reveal
Steve Blackman to arguably the biggest pop Blackman has received up to this
point in his career.
–A split screen
shows Austin looking for the Undertaker backstage, while Paul Bearer and the
orderlies look for Kane.
–Al Snow nailing
Ken Shamrock in the head with Head on last week’s show is the Medievil Slam of
the Week.
–Hardcore
Championship Ladder Match: The Big
Bossman defeats Mankind (Champion) to win the title at 6:11:
This is the first ladder match to be held on RAW. Shawn Michaels does commentary and scores
some of Mankind’s moves since he says Mankind is going to try to outdo him in
the match type that made him famous. If
you hate the slow climb, you will not like this one as Mankind does it within
the first several minutes where it makes no sense to do it. When Mankind appears set to win, the Rock
interferes and the Bossman wins. Of all
the WWF ladder matches up to this point, this was clearly the worst. Everything was rushed and there was not a lot
of wrestling between the climb spots. Rating:
* (0 for 5)
–The Undertaker and
Paul Bearer think they have found Kane.
After the break, the Undertaker and Kane fight in a dark room in the
arena. The Undertaker comes out on top
and tells Bearer to get the orderlies as he tries to put Kane in a body
bag. However, Austin comes out of the
darkness and breaks his shovel over the Undertaker’s head. You can see where this is going…
–Non-Title
Match: Duane Gill (Light Heavyweight
Champion w/The Pasadena Chargers) pins “Marvelous” Marc Mero after the Blue
Meanie tosses Mero off the top rope at 2:08:
Before the match, Mero says that if he cannot beat Gill
that he will never appear again. The
youth football team that Gill coaches comes to the ring, since he is wrestling
in his hometown. As expected, Mero
manhandles Gill, but the Blue Meanie interferes and Gill wins. This was Mero’s last in-ring appearance on
WWF television.
–Bearer directs the
orderlies to get Kane.
–Mark Henry reads
Chyna a poem and she proceeds to guzzle down lots of alcohol. He says that they need to go dancing after
having dinner.
–European
Championship Match: Ken Shamrock (Intercontinental
Champion) defeats X-Pac (Champion) via disqualification when Triple H
interferes at 4:47:
This is our first good bout of the evening, well that is
until interference runs its course again.
X-Pac hits the X-Factor, but Shawn Michaels distracts the referee and
the Big Bossman clocks X-Pac. However,
when Shamrock applies the ankle lock, Triple H runs in, which gets a pretty
sizable pop. This warrants a point for
Triple H alone as I am a mark for surprise returns. Rating: ** (1 for 6)
–The orderlies
place the filled body bag on a stretcher and strap it in.
–Mark Henry dances
because, well of course, but Chyna does not want to dance. Henry leaves for the restroom, leaving an
opportunity for some guys to hit on Chyna.
She does not take kindly to that, leading to her clocking one of them
and Henry beats up another. This was
fun, especially when Henry threw a guy across the bar.
–Val Venis (w/The
Godfather & Hos) beats Tiger Ali Singh (w/Babu) via disqualification when
Terri Runnels interferes at 2:58
This feud between Tiger Ali Singh and the Godfather is
just going nowhere and doing very little for either guy. That still beats today’s product where guys
wrestle each other with little backstory, but some Attitude Era feuds never
seemed to click and this is one of them.
The hos neutralize Babu, while PMS comes out and interferes in the bout. What a mess this was, and this was our fourth
disqualification finish of the evening.
We are also six-for-six when it comes to run-in finishes.
–After the bout,
the Acolytes, who recently debuted elsewhere on WWF programming, destroy Tiger
Ali Singh and Babu. Why have these guys
beat up Singh and Babu and not a face team, though? The Jackyl was the initial manager of the
Acolytes as well, but that did not last long.
–The ambulance that
is supposed to take Kane to the mental facility departs, but Steve Austin and
Kane are shown watching footage of the whole thing in the back. One guess who was in the body bag and is
headed for the mental health facility.
–Shane McMahon
comes out to say that Sable is about to learn a lesson in humility. She comes out and models WWF Attitude
cologne, which costs $19.99 (plus $4 shipping & handling). Shane asks to smell it and tries to do so all
over Sable, but she squirts it in his face.
You see, it is all funny! 1 for 7
–Non-Title
Match: The Rock (WWF Champion) defeats
Al Snow (w/Head) with the Rock Bottom at 4:57:
The Rock is back to using some kind of weird theme
music. It is slightly better than the
disco theme they tried to give him a month earlier, but the beat for this theme
is one of those generic numbers you would get on the No Mercy video game. It just does not add to the atmosphere or fit
the Rock at all. Compared to other RAW
main events of this period, this has only a fraction of the expected crowd
reaction, an indication that tonight’s show has not delivered. The Rock hilariously delivers the Corporate
Elbow to Head after a ref bump, which wakes up the crowd, and then beats Snow
clean. Snow does get a visual pin on the
Rock by hitting him with Head in between all of that. Rating:
*½ (1 for 8)
–After the match,
the Rock, Ken Shamrock, and the Big Bossman beatdown Al Snow and Mankind. The JOB Squad finally makes a save.
–Paul Bearer runs
into Austin backstage when he tries to unlock the freezer Austin was placed in
earlier. The freezer opens to reveal
Kane and they haul Bearer out to the ring.
Austin prevents Kane from immediately beating up Bearer or getting a gas
can. Instead, he opts to cut Bearer’s
shirt and tie with a pair of scissors and teases stabbing him. Austin aborts that idea too and they take him
outside and open a manhole cover. They
shove Bearer down into the sewer head-first to close the show. How is that punishment worse than killing
someone? 1 for 9
The Final Report Card: Most of these shows have been good for the
last few months, but this show is beginning to illustrate how Russo is getting
a little too much creative control for his own good. Every match, save for the WWF title match at
the end, had a run-in finish and the majority had disqualification finishes. I do not mind DQ endings, but if you use them
too much throughout the show it really burns out the crowd and gets
irritating. Some of these other angles
are also getting really ridiculous.
Austin throwing a guy down a sewer?
The hos gawking over Babu?
Medical orderlies going after Kane?
Things are really going off the rail.
Monday Night War Rating: 5.0 (vs. 4.2 for Nitro)
Show Evaluation: Thumbs Down
