Superbrawl VIII: Drunk Version

The Netcop Rant for WCW/nWo Superbrawl VIII (2013 Scott sez:  I haven’t done a Scott Sez redo for a while, and I decided all by myself without suggestion from anyone to do Superbrawl VIII.  This was the original version of the rant, written and posted basically while the show was airing, and I was pretty drunk at the time, but I thought it was interesting enough to keep in the archives, I guess.  So we’ll do a compare and contrast.)  Live from the Cow Palace in San Francisco, thus guaranteeing a built-in fanbase for Raven’s Flock. (Maybe Lodi should have been holding red equals signs.)  We start with another lame black & white promo, which is ironic, considering… (I don’t really get what’s ironic about that.)  Hosted by Eeny, Meeny and Miney. Mo is delayed at LAX due to weather problems. Okay, I was of two minds during a show more than a few times, so for a lot of the matches, I’m going to divide my review into Good (net)Cop and Bad (net)Cop. Try and follow my lead. Opening match: TV Title match #1: Booker T v. Rick Martel. Martel is once again in full heel mode and my interest in him is gone because of it. Booker is OVER. The Flock’s entrance at ringside is highlighted at one point during the match. They really get some time to stretch out here, moreso than on Thunder or Nitro, and they don’t really take advantage of it. It was just kinda slow, that’s all. Goes about 18 minutes before Martel comes off the second rope with whatever and Booker nails a Harlem sidekick in mid-air to block, which puts Martel’s lights out. And we have a two-time champion in Booker T! Yah! *** (Martel was actually on a pretty good run here in his comeback bid.)  TV Title match #2: Booker T v. Saturn. Saturn charges in immediately after the previous match and they start it up right away as Saturn hammers on Booker. The announcers inform us that Martel tore some ligament, which will hopefully mean I won’t have to watch him wrestle for a while (I hate the heel Martel). (In fact Martel’s career was basically over following that injury.)  Match is very lethargic as Booker seems winded and Saturn just sucks. Lots of time spent outside the ring, as Booker gets virtually no offense in. Tony blathers on about who the referee for the main event will be. (Yeah, their whole practice of hyping a main event for a show we already bought, or stole in our case, really was stupid.)  Finally it gets good about 12 minutes in as both guys exchange some high-impact stuff. Booker goes for the Hangover and misses, but Saturn can’t capitalize as Booker hits the Harlem Sidekick and gets the pin to retain the title. *1/2 (Yeah, I know I underrated this one, as the redo will show.)  Good Cop sez: I liked the booking, which put Booker over as a bigger badass than ever and really established him as a top face, and hopefully put an end to this triangle feud. Time to move onto Eddy. The matches were pretty disappointing, however. Bad Cop sez: Who cares about the match quality? BOOKER T RULZ! Consensus: Good opening. La Parka v. Disco Inferno. Fans are pretty into La Parka now. (Not that they did anything with him.)  He whips the chair at Disco before the bell, nearly getting him right in the head. Total “charisma over talent” match as both guys dance, stall, play to the crowd, and basically do everything *but* wrestle. And as a result, the crowd is pretty dead. And of course NOW Tony talks about the match. Sheesh. Finally, La Parka brings in the chair, but Disco…very….slowly….stops him from coming off the top rope and using the chair, slamming him off the top onto the chair, then hitting the Stone Cold Chartbuster for the pin. * Good Cop sez: Really poor match for both guys, and putting Disco over made no sense on several levels, unless they’re priming him for another run at the TV title. This sucked. Bad Cop sez: BOR-RING. And La Parka didn’t even get to hit him with the chair afterwards. This sucked. Consensus: This sucked. (I bet the redone version has a higher rating.)  JJ Dillon reinstates Nick Patrick with no conditions, but tells him that he will, under no circumstances, be involved in the main event. This, of course, tells us that he’ll be involved in the main event. Patrick actually kisses Mean Gene in his happiness. That’s a bit too much information… Brad Armstrong v. Bill Goldberg. We take a pool to bet on how fast Goldberg will destroy Brad Armstrong. Estimates range from 46 seconds (me) up to 3:16 (CanSen). Time of the match: 2:25, which means that Zenon wins. Oh, yeah, the match: Goldberg does some sloppy, dangerous moves which I’m sure RSPW will cream over, spear, jackhammer, yada yada yada. (Goldberg used to be a smark darling for some reason.)  Good Cop sez: I’m sick of Goldberg and I don’t need to see him squash Brad Armstrong on a major PPV.  (Get ready for MORE Goldberg!)  Bad Cop sez: GOLDBERG SUCKS! Consensus: Save this crap for Nitro. (I kind of think the lack of Nitro in Canada meant that us Canadianites didn’t have the same love for Goldberg that the US did.  Really, Canada was hardcore WWF territory, which was demonstrated by that Nitro in Toronto where Goldberg was booed like crazy.)  Cruiserweight title v. Mask: Chris Jericho v. Juventud Guerrera. Jericho leaves the belt on until Juvy kicks him there. Tony, at one point, calls a Juvy move a “flying body attack,” which may be *the* most generic move description in the history of wrestling. (I’ve been mocking that one ever since.)  If you don’t know, just let Tenay call it, dude. Some other stuff happens, and then Juvy hits the 450, but Jericho has, like, 3 of his appendages in the ropes, although the announcers nevertheless act like it was a close call. Then it’s a super hot ending, as a flurry of offense from both guys nearly gives each the win before Jericho blocks a rana into the Liontamer for the tap-out. D’oh! **1/2 Jericho makes fun of Juvy as he removes his mask, which ruins the whole Juvy mystique for me. Sigh. (Juvy ruined his own mystique just fine later on.  Hindsight says that unmasking him was actually the right move, because he went from generic luchador to literally a babyface star.)  Good Cop sez: I think Jericho is on the bottom rung of the whole Cruiserweight talent ladder, but he continues to get a bigger push based on his whining in the ring and in real life. I didn’t like this match, and their styles aren’t really compatible. It just never clicked for me. (What the hell was my problem with Jericho?  I certainly changed that tune later on.) Bad Cop sez: Cruiserweights suck. But unmaskings are cool. Consensus: Disappointing. Steve McMichael v. The British Bulldog. This was *so* bad. Not as bad as the main event, but still pretty wretched. After hearing me complain about lack of ring psychology, Mongo proceeds to sell a wrist injury to the point of stupidity (I mean, not being able to do a three-point stance because of the wrist injury?) before Bulldog puts him in an armbar for the submission, although the announcers act like he never gave up. -* Good Cop sez: It makes me sick to my stomach to watch Davey Boy Smith deteriorate before my eyes like this. (Yeah, it would get worse once he went back to the WWF.)  And Mongo hasn’t had a good match since WarGames. (He pretty much disappeared soon after this, in fact.  Like, literally just walked out of the promotion and they had no idea where he went.)  Bad Cop sez: BOR-RING! Consensus: Save this crap for Nitro. (Or Thunder.)  [Note: The crowd is just dead silent by this point.] US Title match: Diamond Dallas Page v. Chris Benoit. And they blow it again. Terrible match for Benoit. Restholds galore, and the only markout moment of the match was the triple german suplex which Benoit seems to be adding to his usual repertoire now. (Yup, it became a signature move, of course.)  WHOMP ASS~! But it’s for naught, as DDP reverses a Benoit move into the Diamond Cutter for the pin. F---! ** (Oh, now you’re just letting emotions and alcohol influence your rating, 1998 Scott.  I bet it’s like **** on the redo.)  Good Cop sez: Benoit jobs again. And the match did nothing to advance the Raven storyline or give Benoit more credibility as a title contender. DDP just can’t keep up, it’s that simple. Bad Cop sez: BOR-RING! Consensus: Disappointing, but at least it was clean. Tony says by the way, Giant won’t be here tonight after all, but tune into Nitro because he’ll be there. Hey, more WCW b-------. Whoo-hoo! No-DQ: Randy Savage v. Lex Luger. Oh, like you need me to tell you a) How bad it was; b) Who won or c) Who ran in, but I will anyway. a) It was pretty horrible. b) Luger wins with the Rack. c) The nWo runs in and beats up Savage so Luger can win. –** (That sounds harsh.)  Good Cop sez: Why did Luger win? Savage is the one getting the push. (BECAUSE SCIENCE!)  Bad Cop sez: Bounce, Liz, bounce! Consensus: Save this crap for Nitro. [Note: The crowd is almost comatose right now.] “Unified” tag team title match: The Steiner Brothers v. The Outsiders. Yeah, unified, sure, whatever. (It was supposed to be “unifying” the WCW and NWO tag titles, see.)  Thankfully Scott punks his brother a mere two minutes in, thus saving me having to watch these four stink up the ring again. (That was a weird turn.  Also set up one of the most dramatic makeovers in wrestling history.)  Dibiase gets creamed by Dusty and the nWo do everything but play catch with the carcass of Rick Steiner before pinning him to regain the titles yet again. It did, however, completely reawaken the crowd. DUD Good Cop sez: Finally Scott turns. Thank god. Match was incredibly bad, of course. (Yeah, they had been teasing that turn out FOREVER.)  Bad Cop sez: Hey, I liked it. I thought it was cool to turn him right at the beginning of the match, and I liked watching Rick get killed. Concensus: None, really. Bad match with a fun angle that was three months too late. Uncensored promo which directly rips off the Game Boy commercials. Main Event: “Unified” World title: Hulk Hogan v. Sting. And what the F--- does it unify, huh? And what the hell happened to Sting? (18 months in the rafters and no steroids happened to him, DUH.)  This is a HORRIBLE match, featuring not one, but TWO ref bumps, and Sting has been reduced to Lex Luger’s level: Take an ass-kicking, then come back with a repeated move (the Stinger splash) and a lame finisher (Deathdrop) to get the win. Which is what happens, as the entire nWo runs in, but Sting fights them off as Randy Savage bops Hogan with something and allows Sting to get the pin. Nick Patrick makes the count, of course. -** Sting claims the belt, then spraypaints “WCW” on the fallen Hogan, end of show. (Yeah, that should have been how Starrcade went.)  Good Cop sez: I never, ever want to watch Sting wrestle again if this is his ceiling. (He’d get a little better, but yeah, that 18 months off was basically the end of top-level worker Sting.) DDP was able to carry Hogan to a better match than his kick-and-punch festival. Dallas f------ Page! And why couldn’t they do this ending at Starrcade, when it would have been appropriate and meant something? Bad Cop sez: YEAH! STING KICKS ASS! nWo SUX! STING FINALLY WINS! Concensus: Wretched match with an ending they should have done three months ago. The Bottom Line: Wrestling wise, this was easily the worst PPV I’ve seen in quite some time. There was no match I’d even classify as “good” after the opener, and even the Martel-Booker T match was on the fringes of being “good” and was flirting with “okay”. The only thing, and I mean the ONLY thing that saved this show was some really good angles that were long overdue. If Hogan had gone over in the title match, it would have been a cinch as “Worst Show of the Year”. On the other hand, I kind of liked the show on a markish level, as Sting finally got his revenge and Scott turned in a cool way and Juvy unmasked. So it wasn’t all bad. Just most of it. Later. (Way too harsh, 1998 lush Scott.)