Michael’s Impact Review

Impact Wrestling on Spike TV
March 29, 2012
The Impact Zone – Orlando, Florida
–  Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz.

–  Impact begins with highlights of last week’s decision to have Hulk Hogan to run Impact again.  Dixie Carter, from earlier today, says she has a big decision to make…as does the Hulkster.

–  Oddly enough, Bobby Roode, who said he would not be in the Impact Zone until after Lockdown, begins the show headed to the ring with security around him.  Roode said he is here by popular demand and beat down Sting in more ways than one.  Sting stepping down as GM has solidified Roode winning the war.  Crowd wants Dixie.  I could go without.  Roode talks about his lawyer coming out last week and saying he doesn’t need to be here.  He has only one obligation and that is beating James Storm at Lockdown.  The security is there for Storm’s safety.  Out comes Cowboy James Storm to make things interesting.  Security stands in front of Storm, who is there to kick Roode’s ass.  Bully Ray attacks from behind.  Roode says something to Ray and Storm goes after Ray.  Ray hits the deck and Roode does too.  Storm has the mic and challenges both of them to a handicap match for later.  

–  In the back, Gail Kim and Madison Rayne are sitting next to each other.  Madison wants nothing to do with each other.  Gail gives her a new tiara.  Its all water under the bridge and Madison has a showdown with Velvet Sky next.

1.  Madison Rayne vs.  Velvet Sky


–  Christy Hemme does ring-announcing from the crowd tonight, apparently.  Madison attacks before the bell and dropkicks Velvet down.  Velvet drops Madison on her ass and hits a basement dropkick for 2.  Madison up and chokes Velvet in the corner.  Running butt bump in the corner by Madison.  Madison goes for the dropping knee to the face and Velvet shoves her down.  Velvet with a SPEAR!  Velvet with In Yo Face (I feel like a douche typing that) for the win @ 2:57.  (Taz should feel like a bigger douche for saying it about 4 times like a sassy lady.  D+.  Not bad…Madison carries the load as usual.)

–  Christy catches up with Velvet on the outside of the ring.  Velvet is blown up and still is owed a rematch for her Knockouts Title.  She puts all Knockouts on notice.  

–  Backstage, Bully Ray and Bobby Roode get on the same page for tonight.

–  Elsewhere, Dixie Carter and Hulk Hogan chat outside on a bench.  Dixie was happy Hogan came to Impact 2 years ago but Bischoff ruined everything.  Hogan separated himself from all of that and Dixie knows he has changed.  Hogan isn’t sure if he is up to the task.  Dixie begs and Hogan says she is a persuasive person.  Maybe he needs some “oral persuasion”…just saying.  Hogan will think about it.  A guy walks by in the background and even he is tired of this garbage.

–  Onto, Crimson and Matt Morgan.  We get a video history and their match on FREE TV is next.

–  Backstage, Kurt Angle refuses to have a match with Jeff Hardy because he is a crybaby.  And he hates crybabies like his son, Cody.  If Hardy can beat Ken Anderson tonight, he will give him a match at Lockdown.  

–  About to go into the match and we are interrupted by Austin Aries.  He has no competition.  He has a problem with Bully Ray.  He understands that Bully Ray is embarrassed that he lost to James Storm in under 2 minutes.   Aries claims to have balls as big as Ray’s calves.  He wants to be James Storm’s partner to get a piece of Bully Ray.

2.  Matt Morgan vs.  Crimson
–  Match begins with a brawl on the floor.  In the ring, Morgan clotheslines him down.  Crimson boots him low and elbows him in the corner.  Morgan catches him with a boot and clotheslines him to the floor.  They brawl  on the floor and Crimson throws him back in for a 1 count.  Neckbreaker by Crimson and he misses a SPEAR.  Sidewalk slam by Morgan.  He charges and Crimson tosses him to the floor.  They brawl on the floor and we have a double countout @ 3:53.  (Kind of knew that was coming.  Should have held them apart until Lockdown.  D.)

–  Still to come…Hulk Hogan-The Decision.  Jeff Hardy takes on Kn Anderson, next.

–  In the Production Truck, Joesph Park is looking for his brother, Chris.  Nice guy.

–  It’s official, Austin Aries is James Storm’s tag team partner later.  Also, James Storm has some new video debuting tonight.

IF HARDY WINS, HE GETS TO FACE KURT ANGLE AT LOCKDOWN
3.  Mr. Anderson vs.  Jeff Hardy
–  Anderson begins with a headlock and Hardy reverses with a hammerlock.  Shoulderblock takes Anderson down. 
~~~BREAKING NEWS:  THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS RETURN NEXT WEEK~~~
Anderson kicks Hardy down in the corner.  Hardy goes for a delayed dropkick in the corner and Anderson moves oout the way.  Cover gets 2.  Chinlock by Anderson.  Hardy is free and forearms Anderson down.  Hardy leaps in the arms and Anderson with a front slam for 2.  Mic Check attempted, blocked, Twist of Fate, blocked.  They bump heads and Hardy goes to the outside.  Kurt Angle runs down and low blows Hardy.  He throws him back in and Mic Check gives Anderson the win @ 4:26.  (A good match and it involved Anderson.  Short, but decent.  C.)

–  And we rushed this match for the debut of “Longnecks and Rednecks”, James Storm’s theme song.  

–  Still to come THE DECISION.  But up next, Eric Bischoff is headed to the ring to call out his son.  Of course we had to have this bullshit during the show!

–  Elsewhere, EY and ODB meet with a wedding planner.  Instead, we get a bunch of shots of her rack.  ODB ain’t having all this friendly talk and seeing this lady’s chest.  She kicks her out and says they wed inside a steel cage.  Kind of mad with ODB right now…ain’t gonna lie.

–  Eric Bischoff ruins my evening and heads down to the ring.  He made a list of things he wanted to accomplish.  He got rid of Sting.  Dixie Carter, check.  Became wealthier, check.  Now all that is left is to get rid of his son.  Out comes Garret Bischoff.  Eric tells Garret to leave the business or get put in a cage with Gunner.  Garret calls him a jack*bleep*.  He says he isn’t going anywhere.  Garret accepts the match for Lockdown.  

–  We see a James Storm training montage ripped from WWF Monday Night Raw circa March 1996, insert Shawn Michaels.  He practices kickboxing in a tree house in the rain.  Onto….

THE MAIN EVENT
4.  Bully Ray & Bobby Roode vs.  Austin Aries & James Storm
–  Bell rings and Ray shouts that Aries has a big mouth for a small man.  He tags in Roode instantly.  Aries goes to tag Storm and Roode attacks him from behind.  Aries with a drop toehold on Roode and gets hit with a clothesline.  Roode stomps Aries down in the corner, goes for a back suplex, Aries backflips over, and hits a discus elbow on Roode.  WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK!  Back on IW and Aries takes Ray down with a single leg.  Aries lays up in the corner as Ray is embarrassed.  Ray misses a charge and Aries gives him 10 elbows to the head.  Aries charges the corner and meets a BOOT to the face!  Ray with a big splash and continues to talk shit to Aries.  He tags in Roode for more punishment.  Ray comes back in and elbows Aries down.  Aries counters with a top rope missile dropkick.  HOT TAG TO JAMES STORM!  Flying forearm drops Ray.  Roode drops to the floor, so Storm continues to clothesline Ray.  Roode is brought in the hard way and Ray attacks Storm before he can get to Roode.  Roode swigs the beer and spits it in Ray’s face.  Last Call Superkick knocks out Ray and Storm gets the win @ 12:25.  (A fantastic match.  Good ring psychology with Storm not being able to get to Roode.  B+.)

–  Hulk Hogan heads to the ring for THE DECISION, next.

– Back on Impact and Dixie Carter is in the ring and asks Hulk Hogan to head to the ring.  Does he get pyro everywhere he goes?  Dixie wants Hogan to hear the crowd pleading for him.  Hogan says he got caught up in things he didn’t want to.  He says he has already closed the book on this part of his life after Bound For Glory from last year.  Out comes Sting with the TNA Locker Room.  This is a little ridiculous.  What is Devon doing out there?  OH he’s the TV Champion, if you didn’t know.  Sting gets a little pep rally going for Hogan.  He wants an answer.  Hogan wants to know if its a clean slate.  What does this even mean?  Hogan wants to know if Sting will watch his back.  Sting tells him of course he will.  Hogan proclaims himself the new GM of Impact Wrestling.  Everyone hugs Hogan and the crowd chants for Hogan.  Show ends.

FINAL THOUGHTS…
–  Tell me exactly how all this drawn out bullshit took two weeks?  Why was Hogan hesitant?  Was there a time when Hogan HASN’T been the GM of Impact Wrestling?  I mean, he was running things from the get go.  Austin Aries…the face turn was gonna happen, but I think it’s too soon.  I see him as the RVD from ECW, bringing prestige to the TV title and staying away from the main event as much as possible.  I guess when the MCMG come back next week, we will sweep Aries under the rug.  Morgan/Crimson seems like a furthered waste.  We know where this is headed, Morgan ends up losing the feud.  It happens all the time with his former partners.  Ask Abyss and Hernandez.  Enough Impact…I’m ready for Wrestlemania!  See you all here for the recap on Sunday!