Matt’s Main Event Recap – 9/2/2014

Hello and welcome to the WWWE Main Event recap.

We’re a few weeks away from Night of Champions and 24 hours removed from another RAW that ranks a ways behind “The Fappening” in terms of excitement.

Let’s see if we can get through an entire show without hearing about Mother Bella’s womb.

We are LIVE(!) from The University of Nebraska!

Michael Cole will be talking over Byron Saxton all night tonight.

Damien Miz-dow is in the ring to host MizTV. It’s pretty telling what kind of show this is gonna be when the actual host won’t even show up for his own shitty segments. It’s even more pathetic when you realize that this segment was advertised as the “featured attraction” on this week’s show. Also, Sandow’s wearing a white robe after Labor Day. So, there’s another reason to be at an emotional disadvantage right out of the gate.

Sandow says Miz isn’t here because he’s filming Fast & Furiousererer 27…so, he decides he’s gonna do Miz’s monologue from “A Christmas Bounty”. Ziggler interrupts and hits the ring. Sandow rolls the clips from last night’s RAW where Sandow pretended to be The Miz and cost Ziggler the match. Ziggler wants to know where The Miz is. Sandow pretends to be insulted and thinks he’s The Miz. They do the “Really” thing back and forth.

Sandow insults everyone and says he’s “ahead of his time”. Sandow says he’s going to wait for The Miz to beat him for the IC title at Night of Champions — then Sandow will step in and he’ll have the belt.

Ziggler says he’s gonna remain the IC Champion after NOC. He says that it’s sad that Sandow pretends to be The Miz because he’s not even close to being a star. He says Sandow should be Bret Hart or even Magneto again. Then, he says that Sandow should be the ballerina again because it fits. Sandow attacks Ziggler but misses and Ziggler dropkicks him out of the ring.

Cole: “Well, thank god that happened because the ratings were in the toilet!”

Something tells me they still are.

Ad for MONDAY NIGHT WARS where we examine the time that Degeneration X single-handedly beat WCW in one night and saved the planet from Climate Change at the same time.

MATCH #1: Damien Sandow vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (non-title)
Oh. This is happening, I guess. Ziggler hits a dropkick but misses a splash in the corner. Sandow drops a knee and punches at Ziggler on the mat. Sandow hits a knee drop and gets a one count. Headlock by Sandow. Ziggler breaks free but it’s another kneedrop followed by a chinlock. Ziggler fights out again but Sandow kicks him in the gut and hits leg scissors. Ziggler fights out and charges Sandow. Sandow hits a Drop Toehold and Ziggler is draped on the ropes. Sandow hits a Boss Man Leg Splash on Ziggler, then hits a suplex for two. Sandow goes for a Figure Four but Ziggler counters with a small package pin for two. Sandow gets up and stomps Ziggler and tells him to stay down. Sandow lifts Ziggler up but Ziggler counters with a Chinbreaker. Sandow rushes Ziggler but hits the post in the corner. Ziggler hits clotheslines and a neckbreaker, but misses the Fame-Asser. Sandow tosses him into the ropes and, THAT time, the Fame-Asser connects. Ziggler gets two. Sandow hits the Back/Neckbreaker ala Miz. Sandow goes for another Figure Four but Ziggler kicks out and hits the Zigg Zagg for the win at around 6:34.
WINNER: Dolph Ziggler via Zigg Zagg
RATING: **1/4. Not a bad match at all. Sandow it more tolerable than Miz. Also, I’ve had like three glasses of wine, so don’t take what I said seriously.

LAST NIGHT ON RAW: Nikki gets a Divas Championship shot. Brie and AJ and Paige join Bad Actress Theater. Brie shoves Nikki real hard, letting out “all that frustration”.

Brie apologized for that on Twitter.

NEXT MONDAY ON RAW: In keeping with Vince McMahon’s tradition of hiring people whose 15 minutes were up 10 years ago, Jerry Springer will appear on the show to mediate a family meeting between Nikki and Brie. Michael Sam’s a “no”, I take it.

Natalya and Rosa are out for a Divas tag match. We get scintillating clips from the new season of Total Divas where the Diva Version of Dolph Ziggler, Natalya, is told she has to bunk with Rosa Mendes. This aggravates Natalya who would “rather clean her toilet bowl” than bunk with Rosa. She’d also rather “babysit Summer Rae”. I don’t think any of those three are comparable, really.

MATCH #2: Rosa Mendes & Natalya vs. Summer Rae & Layla
Natalya shrugs at Rosa and gives her the patented Botox Nattie smirk. Summer and Rosa start. Rosa tosses Summer all over the ring and pins her for two. Rose hits a nice suplex, then kicks Summer out of the ring. Layla attacks Rosa outside and Rosa beats her up, too. Layla attacks Rosa and — the feed blacks out temporarily as it appears as though Layla pulls Rosa’s tights down, exposing her ass. Rosa is pulled to the floor and tries to adjust her tights so Layla tosses her back in the ring and it’s a Layla beatdown and a tag to Summer who hits a clothesline. Summer pins for two. Layla tags herself in after Summer pulls Rosa into the corner. Layla chokes Rosa with her legs, locking up against the ropes, then tags Summer and hits a dropkick for two. Summer misses a dropkick and it’s a got tag to Nattie who beats up Summer and hits a suplex. Nattie kicks Summer in the back of the head, then the front and tries a Sharpshooter but Summer escapes and tags Layla. Both girls run into the ropes and collide. Rose reaches over and tags herself back into the match, then gets kicked in the head by Layla who gets the pin at 5:00.
WINNERS: Summer & Layla
RATING: **. Not a bad match, actually.

NEXT: The whole Cena title debacle from last night’s Highlight Reel.

We get another commercial for Total Divas: Season Three.

We get clips of last night’s Highlight Reel as well as last night’s main event where Cena proved he was ready to fight Lesnar by being in a pointless tag team match and letting Reigns win.

MATCH #3: Gold & Stardust vs. Los Matadores (Diego & Fernando)
No El Torito this week. Cole could have left it that. But, no, he shows us why via clips from “last week” where the Dusts attacked Torito and beat him up bad. The Matadores work over Stardust while tagging in and out. Matador #1 puts Star in an armbar. Star breaks and tags Goldie. Tag to #2 on the other side and another armbar. The Usos are backstage, watching. #2 beats on Gold and throws him across the ring. Gold climbs back into the ring. #2 chops Gold and misses a clothesline. Goldie gets a quick sunset flip for two. #2 immediately follows up with a Hurricarana on Goldie, who flies from the ring. Star attacks but he gets double-teamed. The Matadors whip him into the ropes but Goldie catches Star’s leg and pulls him from the ring. The Matadors hit a Suicide Moonsault to the outside and we go to break.

Back from break, Star is in the ring now and it’s more Dust peril as he gets punched around. Star finally blocks a punch and kicks at Diego or whoever that is. Tag to Goldie and Goldie gets beaten up before finally evading a splash in the corner. Tag to Star who stomps a mudhole in Diego, then hits a Front Suplex for two. Star his a stretch on Diego and tags Goldie. Diego fights out of the corner but lands into a Goldust powerslam. Tag to Star and it’s more of the same, plus an armlock. Another tag to Goldie and it’s another armlock. Finally, Diego escapes. Gold charges but flies over Diego and out of the ring. Star tags in and tries a Side Suplex. Counter by Diego and it’s Fernando who’s a house-a-fire. He leaps from the second rope and hits dual axehandles to Star. Fernando hits an Ole Trip, draping Star on the ropes. He splashes Star and knocks Gold outside. Fernando flies off the ropes with a Flipping Reverse Splash, but gets blindsided by Gold outside. Gold tosses Fernando back inside. Star hits his finisher and gets the pin at 12:41.
WINNERS: The Dusts
RATING: *1/2. Wow, this was boring as f---.

Post-match, time’s too short for an Evil Dust Beatdown, so they simply toss the Matadors from the ring and celebrate as we go off the air.

OVERALL: **1/4. Not a bad show. No-nonsense.

Er, that’s it. 

Thursday is the NXT report by the great Scott Keith.
Thomas Hall has the Smackdown report covered to take you into the
weekend. Andy PG will have the RAW Report to start your week off right. I
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