The start of a new season but sadly we’ve still got that fucking WE ARE WILD AND YOUNG theme to deal with.
The Finale where we discover everything has taken place inside of Triple H’s snow globe.
We’re in Cleveland, Ohio (Japanese crowd: “Ohioooo”) and we start with the final four: Otunga, Gabriel, Barrett & Slater for the Semi-Finals of Season 1. The announcement that next week is the Season Finale gets one of the biggest pops of the show.
I have a message. The plane carrying Michael Tarver, Skip Sheffield & Daniel Bryan was shot down over the Sea of Japan. It spun in. There were no survivors.
“We are wild and young” and unemployed as tonight, someone gets voted off.
Sorry for the day’s delay, I was too hungover from staying up until 6am with AEW and Lidl rum to do anything on Sunday because I’m old.
Two weeks remain until the first elimination but I think we can skip ahead because there’s nothing going on until then.
We’re at the Mohegan Sun Casino and Matt Striker introduces the rookies already in the ring, which can only mean we have such a stacked show today that we have no choice but to skip entrances.
We’re in London, England and you can tell because of all the English landmarks sprucing up the entrance.
We’re in Chicago and tonight one Rookie will be unmasked and killed in the ring.
I dipped in a Sensory Deprivation Chamber yesterday so I’m definitely ready for a bit of NXT Season 1.
Wrestlemania XXVI is five nights away so expect nothing and prepare for less.
We’re in the Staples Centre in LA and you know you’re getting something special from the venue that gave us Judgement Day 2004 and Summerslam 2010.
We’re in Seattle, WA and even though they fought backstage during last week’s show, R-Truth still raps his Rookie David Otunga to the ring because HE’S A WWE PROFESSIONAL (it’s also never mentioned again so don’t ask anymore).
“If last week was any indication then NXT is guaranteed to be the most unpredictable hour of TV every single week!”
WE ARE WIIIILD AND YOUNG AND WE HAVE JUUUUST BEGUUUN AND I already hate this show.
I take a look back and see why exactly Jack Swagger’s 2010 run was crap.
If you don’t want to click, the short answer is ”it was supposed to be.”
Just in the process of re-watching this show for the first time since that very night.
What are your memories of the show? Where were you? What were your expectations going in, and opinions of the show/direction coming out of it?
I had a friend over who used to mainly watch a bit of WCW here and there back from about 1997-1999. I explained the significance of the show to him and he seemed fairly interested, especially given that he hadn’t watched any wrestling since 1999.
It was one of those nights with that buzz you so rarely get as an old, pessimistic fan. Ok, things didn’t end up panning out how they’d anticipated (understatement?), but still, it was a significant night at the time, regardless.
A classic Russo hotshot special!
The SmarK DVD Rant for WWE Hell In A Cell 2010 (Wrapping it up for another month with this one. Any suggestions for November, given that I’ve already done the Survivor Series countdown? WCW’s November shows and November 2 Remember I guess? Anyway, this was only from last year, so I’ve got nothing to add to it.) Live from Dallas, TX Your hosts are Michael Cole, Matt Striker and Jerry Lawler US title, submissions count anywhere: Daniel Bryan v. The Miz v. John Morrison I don’t get the thinking behind the stip, given that only one guy has a submission finish. The faces wisely double-team Miz and get rid of him, then do some mat wrestling in the ring. Bryan gets a kneebar and Morrison gets to the ropes, but it’s actually the one time I’ve ever seen the ropes not being out of bounds in a falls-count-anywhere match. Generally even if it’s falls-count-anywhere, putting your feet on the ropes magically breaks the count because the ropes transcend the normal laws of physics and rules of wrestling. Witness the awesome power of momentum, forcing whomever is whipped into the ropes to continue running until stopped by a boot to the face. The guys trade some submission moves, including Bryan busting out Cattle Mutilation to the delight of wrestling nerd Striker. “That’s called WHAT?!” declares Jerry Lawler, as apparently he’s given up on being nice to Striker at this point. Morrison breaks up a heel hook attempt by Bryan, then dumps Miz and hits him with a corkscrew plancha. They fight into the crowd, where Miz tries a wristlock (made more devastating by being on the floor), but Morrison punches him in the face to break. They fight up the stairs, with Bryan following, but Miz punts him back down to the floor again. Miz continues to fight off both faces, dropping Morrison on the railing and then whipping Bryan into a barricade. Morrison comes back with a springboard knee off the barricade onto Bryan, but Miz runs an equipment trunk into him. Bryan gets put on the rolling trunk and run into the ramp for a nice bump, and Miz hits Morrison with the Skull Crushing Finale on the floor. That would seem to end Morrison’s night, leaving Bryan and Miz to clothesline each other at the entranceway. Morrison returns from the dead and climbs the lighting wall, however, and comes off the set with a flying bodypress onto both guys. That’s quite the bump for an opening match. Morrison goes with a Texas Cloverleaf on Miz, but Alex Riley comes out to break it up. Bryan gets rid of him in turn, and finishes Miz with the LeBell lock at 13:33. Pretty great little brawl to open the show, although the submission stip ended up meaning not much to the match. ***3/4 Logically you’d go with Morrison v. Riley from there, but I don’t think that ended up happening. RAW World title, HELL IN A CELL: Randy Orton v. Sheamus Now see, this match demonstrates the main problem with these theme PPVs. OK, two main problems. First problem is that the entire concept is a total bait-and-switch in the first place, as the legacy behind the stipulation promises ZOMG BLOOD AND CRAZY BUMPS and the PG WWE isn’t willing to deliver that any longer. Second problem is these guys really don’t have any particular issue that needs to be resolved. Yeah, they did a shitty DQ finish at Summerslam, but then Orton won the title clean at Night of Champions! Sheamus can’t even bitch about losing in a multi-man match, because he was the guy who lost the final fall. The progression is just all mixed up here. You’re supposed to do the crazy multi-man match first where Sheamus steals the final pin, then Orton gets a singles match for revenge but Sheamus loses by DQ, THEN you do Orton finally challenging for the belt in the Cell. Anyway, they slug it out to start, and Orton gets a clothesline out of the corner, but Sheamus gives him the rope burn. What a cad. Orton clotheslines him out of the ring, but that goes nowhere. Back in, we get a Garvin stomp for two, but Sheamus slingshots in with a clothesline for two and pounds away. To the floor and Sheamus tosses the stairs at Orton to no avail, allowing Orton to come back and run Sheamus into the cage a few times. Stairs to the head put Sheamus down, but he fights back in the ring and stomps a mudhole in the corner. He works the ribs and gets two. Sheamus exposes a turnbuckle, but can’t go anywhere with that and puts Orton down with an axehandle instead. Back to the floor, where Sheamus suplexes him onto the stairs and pounds the ribs. Striker is on this weird run about how injuring the mid-section neutralizes the RKO somehow. The real tragedy of this PG era is that they can’t even do a good internal bleeding gimmick any more. No one could bite down on a condom full of fake blood like Ken Shamrock used to. Of course these days it’s real blood coming from his mouth because he’s getting punched in the face at will, but that’s just me rambling a bit because this match is pretty dull. Cole and Striker are having the most inane conversation about nothing, as even the announcers are running out of stuff to highlight here. Orton finally comes back with the powerslam and a belly to belly suplex for two. Backbreaker and Orton goes for the RKO, but Sheamus hits him with a knee to the gut to break. Sheamus gets the stairs, but Orton powerslams him onto them for two. Orton necksnaps him and follows with a DDT off the apron, but now he’s choosing to sell the ribs again. Sheamus sends him into the post and they head back in, where Sheamus gives him his backbreaker on top of the stairs. How does that hurt any more than usual? He’s landing on the knee either way. Brogue kick gets two. He gets a chair and finally we get some real violence, as Sheamus pounds him down for two. Orton won’t stay down, so Sheamus winds up again, misses, and the RKO puts Sheamus on the floor. Orton apparently hears voices, but miss the punt, and Sheamus gets another Brogue kick on the floor. As a reminder, all moves hurt more on the floor. Back in, that gets two. Sheamus has some good emotions here showing his frustration like a heel would. He goes to finish on the stairs, but Orton counters out and finishes with the RKO onto the stairs, at 22:54. The cell gimmick barely factored in here at all and it was very slow and dull overall. Sheamus v. Orton is not exactly a feud for the ages that needed to be settled in the cage. **3/4 Orton as a babyface = NO BUYS. Literally, actually. It’s really the same trap they always fall into, where someone gets really over as a heel and they suddenly feel like they HAVE to turn them so as to not have people daring to cheer for the heel. Because god forbid. Meanwhile, Nexus interrupts an interview with the NXT chicks, and Wade Barrett promises that Cena will join them. Impromptu match: Jack Swagger v. Edge Alberto Del Rio is my new hero. Anyone with their own personal ring announcer is OK in my books. This guy is MONEY. Anyway, he cuts a promo looking for a fight, and Edge answers, then Swagger answers THAT. And the anonymous GM makes the match official while Del Rio retreats. Everything after Del Rio’s promo is weak sauce. So Swagger beats on Edge to start and whips him into the corner, then takes him down with a gutbuster for two. A bodyscissors burns up some time, but Edge fights out, only to clothesline himself on the ropes. He fights back with a bulldog for two, and the Edge-O-Matic for two. Swagger rolls into the anklelock on the kickout, but Edge makes the ropes. Swagger bails and gets the anklelock on the floor, where it hurts more, but Edge reverses him into the stairs. Back in, Edge goes up, but Swagger hits him with a pop-up superplex. Hey, if you’re gonna rip off 90% of someone’s moveset, you could do a lot worse than Kurt Angle. Swagger is big enough to swipe a bunch of Brock Lesnar’s moveset as well, which would give the world a pretty awesome super-wrestler. Edge tries the spear, but Swagger counters into the doctor bomb for two. Edge misses an enzuigiri and Swagger moves in with the anklelock, but Edge makes the ropes. Spear finishes at 11:30. Man, winning the World title was just not a good career move for Swagger, no? Nothing going on here. ** Wade Barrett v. John Cena Barrett goes with the headlock to start, but Cena powers out and gets a takedown for two. They trade wristlocks and Cena gets a hiptoss for two as the crowd finally starts to wake up. Barrett pounds him down, but Cena goes for the FU while Nexus runs out. Cena stops to gawk at them, but Barrett tosses him and yells at his team for disobeying orders. Back in, Barrett gets two. He slugs Cena down for two. Thank god Barrett can at least throw a worked punch convincingly, an artform that 99% of new hires (and many old hires) can’t grasp. Barrett goes up with a nice flying elbow for two. Cena fights back, but misses a charge, and Barrett gets a neckbreaker for two. This prompts a surreal duelling “Let’s go Cena/Let’s go Barrett” chant. Wait, so if you give a new guy a solid push and don’t neuter him with a stupid gimmick, they might GET OVER? Lemme write this down for future reference. Barrett with a surfboard, but Cena comes back with the usual, prompting Nexus to surround the ring. Big Show and the locker room run out and get rid of Nexus (I bet they were all “Oh shit, it’s Chris Masters, now we’re FUCKED!”), and Cena puts Barrett in the STF. Barrett powers out and comes back with a pumphandle slam for two. He goes for the Wasteland, but Cena reverses to a gutwrench suplex for two. Barrett reverses the FU into a butterfly suplex for two. Bossman slam gets two. There’s a move that’s waiting for someone to resurrect it as a finish. Barrett goes up, but misses a second flying elbow. Why this was a good thing: Because he already hit it earlier in the match, so it doesn’t just make him look like a punk. We KNOW he can hit it, and that’s a small but important distinction. They fight to the top and Cena headbutts him back to the mat, then follows with the guillotine legdrop for two. Cena goes for the FU, but Barrett reverses to the Wasteland for two. Barrett is unsure what to do next in a nice touch, but that allows Cena to get the FU for two. Both guys are out and Cena recovers with the STF, but a “fan” runs in to distract the ref, allowing another “fan” to clock Cena and Barrett to get the pin at 17:50, and Cena is Nexus. The shocked crowd reaction is great stuff, the kind of legitimate drama you don’t often get out of WWE’s overplayed stips and silly comedy angles. Lots to like here, although they couldn’t follow this up with anything as good. ***1/2 Divas title: Michelle McUndertaker v. Natalya Natalya tries some mat wrestling, but they head out and Nat gets caught with a clothesline. Back in, McCool gets a bodyscissors, but Natalya fights out with a clothesline for two. She stupidly goes after Layla, however, then gets a rollup on McCool while the ref deals with Layla. McCool comes back with a belly to belly suplex for two. Nat with a sharpshooter, but Michelle reverses to a heel hook. Nat reverses back again, but Layla throws in a shoe for the DQ at 4:45. Yes, shoe-throwing is actually a finish now. * Smackdown World title, HELL IN A CELL: Kane v. Undertaker I have to wonder how the reconciliation conversation between Undertaker and Paul Bearer would have gone. I mean, I’m a pretty easy-going guy, but I have to think that someone trying to bury me alive in concrete would be the breaking point for any relationship. Did they go out for a beer and just kind of dance around the subject of attempted murder? Is there any accepted social norms for bringing up the topic? Taker attacks to start and gets the first chairshot, and they head back in for a corner clothesline and Snake Eyes. Legdrop gets two. Kane gets the chair and puts Taker down while Striker actually makes a serious attempt at relating the backstory of this “family”. Just read the novel, it’s much more entertaining. They slowly fight out of the ring and Kane sends UT into the stairs, working on the leg, then back in for more of that. Striker once again goes on his stupid thing about how working on one body part somehow eliminates every major move that someone does. By that logic, he shouldn’t be able to do even simple moves like bodyslams or clotheslines, and he should just forfeit the match right now. Taker comes back with the guillotine legdrop, but Kane dropkicks the knee (because that’s how high he can get for a dropkick) and we get the epic “laying on the mat in a leg hold” spot, ala Dusty Rhodes. They slug it out from their knees and then stand up for more punches, before Taker goes Old School. Kane brings him down on the top rope to counter and follows with a superplex. The aerial exhibition continues as Kane goes up with the flying clothesline, but Taker catches him with the gogoplata. Kane slides out of the ring to escape, which is good because I think we all need a break from the torrid pace here. Back in, they give each other the big boot, allowing more rest. They both sit up and Taker gets a DDT for two. Chokeslam gets two, thus disproving Striker’s hypothesis. Kane gets his own chokeslam for two. Kane pounds away in the corner, and Taker gets the Last Ride for two. They trade tombstone counters and Kane gets the move for two. Kane is upset about this and takes out the referee, so now the cell is opened for the crack medical team (and Paul Bearer) to enter. Kane goes after him, which prompts a comeback from Undertaker and a chokeslam. He goes to finish, but of course Bearer turns on him by, uh, shining a flashlight in his face. As nefarious plans go, I’ve seen better. Taker is so shocked by how shitty this match is that he just stands there while Kane hits him with the urn and pins him at 22:38 after a chokeslam. Cole declares this “the ultimate act of treason”, but really Kane is his son, so anything other than that would be much more treasonous. This match was of course fucking awful, and I’ve still got Bragging Rights to review next and I’m not looking forward to the finale of the trilogy of suck. 1/2* The Pulse A real mixed bag PPV, with the first few matches being quite good and then a major quality dropoff after the shockingly entertaining Barrett-Cena match. Barrett v. Cena is worth checking out, but the rest is pretty skippable and I would not recommend anyone in their right mind pay money for Kane v Undertaker in 2010, so we’ll go with a mild recommendation to avoid.
The SmarK DVD Rant for WWE Summerslam 2010 Live from Los Angeles, CA Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler & Matt Striker Intercontinental title: Dolph Ziggler v. Kofi Kingston Man, Kofi has just been going nowhere all year. Meanwhile Ziggler has been jobbed for months and they suddenly put the IC belt on him. And people wonder why no one cares about the titles. Kofi misses a tope suicida, allowing Ziggler to pound away in the ring and get a neckbreaker for two. He goes to a chinlock and then sends Kofi into the corner for two. Mr. Perfect necksnap gets two. He goes to a rear chinlock now as the announcers go on about Kofi’s “new aggression”. Yeah, while he’s laying there in a chinlock, that’s so AGGRESSIVE! Ziggler misses a blind charge and Kofi makes the comeback with his NEW AGGRESSION, which apparently includes screwing up a Thesz Press. Kofi with the Boomdrop and a crossbody, but Ziggler rolls through for two. Kofi reverses for two, but Ziggler gets a Fameasser for two. Yeah, he does remind me of Billy Gunn, come to think of it. Kofi misses the wacky kick, and Ziggler gets the sleeper (really? In 2010?), but Nexus runs in for the nWo finish at 7:11. Really? In 2010? Well that’s a stupid finish, although it’s not like the match was going anywhere. ** I should note, however, that THAT’S aggression. Kofi should take note. Meanwhile, Chris Jericho and Edge try to convince Miz to join Team WWE as the seventh guy. Tramp Stamp title: Alicia Fox v. Melina Melina as the smiling babyface is kind of ridiculous. Although now Cole has upgraded her to “one of the all-time greats” after, like, 5 years in the business, so maybe she’s getting the grizzled veteran edit now. I bet she’s almost THIRTY. That’s so OLD. Melina takes Fox down and then pounds her in the corner, but then backs off and stalls while Fox figures out what her spot is. Melina misses a leapfrog and apparently reinjures her knee, but shakes it off and superkicks Fox to the apron. Alicia pulls her into the ringpost to take over, and then works on the arm. You’d think the knee would be the logical place to go, but I guess that’s why I’m not the Divas champion. Melina comes back with a dropkick and a faceplant for the title at 5:22. That was pretty much a squash. *1/2 Afterwards, Josh Matthews goes to interview Melina, but Layla and Michelle interrupt to set up the unification match at Night of Champions. Those two are pretty funny, actually. Melina fights them off, but the beatdown commences. Rough night for the babyfaces. Big Show v. CM Punk, Luke Gallows & Joseph Mercury Quick question: Why go through the trouble of changing Festus into “Luke Gallows”, but then leave Joey Mercury’s goofy boy band name as-is? People don’t even remember Johnny Nitro, why care about Mercury’s name? Show cleans the ring of the lackeys to start, then pounds Punk in the corner. They head outside and Show accidentally hits the stairs with an open palm, which we’re supposed to buy as a devastating blow, because that allows the SES to take over. Back in the ring, they work over the formerly-broken hand and take turns dropping elbows. Show makes the comeback and takes out the deadwood, but Punk hits him with knees in the corner. He and Mercury get a double bulldog in the corner (or as Michael Cole calls it, a “double DDT”) for two, but Show won’t stay down. Punk has had enough and walks out on the team, leaving Show to chokeslam Mercury for the pin at 6:45. *1/2 This would appear to set up the Punk-Show singles match at the next PPV. Whatever happened to using TV for setting up PPV matches, instead of just doing crappy rematches of the previous crappy PPV? Miz joins us to give his decision on the main event, but first lists all the ways that Team WWE kissed his ass to convince him. So yeah, he’s the seventh member of the team. Michael Cole is delighted. RAW World title: Sheamus v. Randy Orton They posture up in the corner to start, but Orton does the beatdown and hits Sheamus with a clothesline out of the corner. He tosses Sheamus and beats on him in the front row, as Cole uses the Sledgehammer of Plot to point out that TITLES DON’T CHANGE HANDS ON A DQ OR COUNTOUT. Good god, just hire Tony Schiavone already. Back in, Orton uses his dad’s bottom-rope catapult (a nice little touch totally missed by the announce team), but Sheamus recovers and sends Orton into the stairs. Back in, Sheamus pounds away for two. Short-arm clothesline and kneedrop gets two. He sends Orton into the railing outside, and back in for two. The
Polish Celtic Hammer gets two. Orton fights back, but gets pounded down again, setting up a chinlock from Sheamus. Orton escapes with a backdrop suplex, and the backbreaker gets two. They slug it out and the crowd goes BANANAS for Orton. When did this start happening? Sheamus bails to the apron, so Orton suplexes him back in for two. Sheamus recovers with his own backbreaker for two. Sheamus sets up to finish, but misses the high kick and ends up on the floor. Orton brings him back in with the DDT, and again the crowd is just losing their shit. RKO, but Sheamus blocks it for two. Sheamus sets up for the finish (which finally has a name), but Orton escapes, so Sheamus hits him with the bicycle kick for two. Sheamus gets frustrated and grabs a chair, and that earns him a DQ at 18:54. Who is booking these awful, awful finishes tonight? Much better than their Royal Rumble snoozefest, as Sheamus clearly has improved leaps and bounds in terms of setting the pace and flow of a match. That being said, Orton was crazy over here and if they weren’t such huge pussies they’d have booked an actual finish to do something with it. ***1/2 Orton lays him out with the RKO on the table afterwards, bringing the running total to 2-1 in favor of post-match heel beatdowns. But the babyfaces are catching up! Smackdown World title: Kane v. Rey Mysterio Small gripe: Kane is not 323 pounds. I know it’s a grand wrestling tradition to pump up weights, but in a world where we know the weights of UFC fighters to the ¼ pound, there’s no way to buy that he’d be that heavy. Just another small sign of them not keeping up with the times. Kane pounds Rey down and sends him to the floor after dodging a 619 attempt. Rey suckers him into a baseball slide and then follows with a senton off the apron. Back in, he goes up, and Kane clips him off the top rope and runs him into the post to take over. Whip into the turnbuckles gets two. And now, a bearhug. Rey tries to escape with a sunset flip, but Kane blocks him, so Rey uses a headscissor takedown instead. Rey tries the 619 again, but Kane clotheslines him for two. He tosses Mysterio and then boots him off the apron, but Rey comes back in with a flying headbutt off the top. That gets two. Kane puts him down with a backbreaker for two, however. Backbreaker submission this time, but Rey escapes…and walks into a sideslam for two. Kane goes up and Rey tries a rana to bring him down, but Kane just shrugs him off. Rey keeps coming with a tilt-a-whirl into an inverted DDT, and then goes up with the senton and gets a hurricane DDT for two. Springboard legdrop gets two. Low kick gets two. Rey goes up and gets slugged down by Kane for two. Kane, getting paranoid, checks his coffin to make sure it’s empty, but Rey trips him up for the 619. Kane catches him and throws Rey into the coffin, but Rey comes back in…into a chokeslam attempt. Rey reverses that into the 619 for real this time, and the splash gets two. Kane boots him right back down, chokeslams him, and pins him to retain at 13:32. Very slow start, but Rey somehow got the crowd to buy the near-falls by the end. Still, we’ve seen this match what feels like a million times and it’s never been any good. **1/4 Kane threatens him with eternal suffering and pain, like having to write the goofy skits on RAW until the end of the universe or something, and then gives him another two chokeslams and a tombstone to really drive home his point. So we’re at 3-1 for the heels in post-match beatdowns now. Another trip to the coffin, but this time Undertaker really is there, and looking pretty old too. He stops to have a conversation with Rey in the corner about the goofy “Who attacked the Undertaker” storyline and then goes after Kane. However, apparently his mojo is not up to snuff, however, and Kane is able to beat the crap out of him. I think I saw on Dr. Oz that you’re not supposed to attack your undead brother when emerging from a vegetative coma until at least 3 PPVs after you’ve emerged from your magic coffin. I think it has to do with your pH levels or something. Elimination match: Wade Barrett, David Otunga, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, Michael Tarver, Skip Sheffield & Darren Young v. John Cena, John Morrison, Edge, R-Truth, Bret Hart, Chris Jericho & Daniel Bryan. Well you certainly can’t say that they’re not trying new people in the main event here. Big brawl to start, which gives Cole a chance to work in his irrational hatred of Bryan. Bryan starts with Darren Young and puts him down with a knee to the gut, then hooks in a guillotine and into a crossface for the tapout at 0:50. That’s quite the return for Bryan. Jericho comes in against Gabriel and Team WWE works him over in the corner, and it’s over to Truth for a stunner that gets two. Again I ask: Why doesn’t someone just bring back the stunner as a finisher? It’s been 7 years since Austin retired, the move is totally fair game. And it’s still awesome. Tarver misses a charge on Truth and Morrison slugs him down, then hits a springboard kick and Starship Pain at 3:39. That move is the anti-stunner in terms of awesomeness. So it’s 7-5 for Team WWE and the Nexus stops to plan things out, deciding to send Skip Sheffield in. He overpowers Morrison and gets a standing powerslam, while the crowd wants Bret. Skip with a pair of suplexes for two, slowing down the pace a lot. Gabriel hits a cheapshot from the apron and Skip pins Morrison after a clothesline at 7:40. And we go to an instant replay, while Sheffield pins and eliminates R-Truth with another clothesline at 8:13. Would have been nice to SEE that. I should note that it can’t be a true Survivor Series style match unless someone gets pinned by a clothesline, and now we’ve had two, so kudos there. Jericho is in next and gets dominated by David Otunga, but he gets the tag to Bret Hart. Bret pounds on Slater for being a ginger and goes through a lower-impact version of the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM, but Slater tags out while in the Sharpshooter. I don’t think that’s actually legal, but Bret gets pissed and uses a chair for the DQ at 12:23 anyway. Jericho sneaks in with a codebreaker on Sheffield and Edge finishes him with the spear at 13:19. Edge beats on Gabriel and flapjacks him for two, but Gabriel comes back with a spinkick for two. Back to Slater for some choking, and Nexus beats on Edge in the corner. Barrett comes in with a backbreaker for two, and we hit the chinlock. Edge fights out with a leg lariat, but Barrett gets a neckbreaker and brings Otunga in. He sets up for something, but Edge reverses to a DDT and makes the hot tag to Jericho. Lionsault wakes up the crowd and he gets the Walls for the submission at 19:28. Jericho keeps going on Slater with a flying elbow, but he collides with Cena and falls victim to Slater’s finisher at 20:12. Some kind of bulldog thing. This prompts a big argument between Cena and Edge, and Slater rolls up Edge for the pin at 20:46. Edge spears Cena off the apron and we get a beatdown from Jericho and Edge for good measure. I guess that puts the heels at 4-1 for beatdowns now, although this wasn’t technically post-match. So it’s Bryan’s chance to shine with Cena doing his usual momentary selling of the devastating injury, and Nexus tees off on Cena 3-on-1. Cole’s continued abuse of Daniel Bryan would be pretty funny if it made any sense. Barrett cuts off a Cena comeback with a clothesline for two. Justin Gabriel works the arm for some reason, and a single-arm DDT gets two. Barrett in with a sideslam for two. Matt Striker notes that “you root for the name on the front of the jersey, not the back”. That’s exactly the sort of thing a COMMUNIST would say. So yeah, this gets really boring as Cena as takes a beating, and he finally makes the hot tag to Bryan. German suplex for Slater and he throws kicks in the corner to send Slater out, then follows with a tope suicida. Back in, Bryan with a missile dropkick, but Slater rolls him up for two. Bryan reverses to the crossface, and Slater taps at 29:09. Bryan is ready for whoever, but Miz comes in and lays him out with the briefcase, allowing Barrett to pin him at 29:43. So it’s Cena all alone against Barrett and Gabriel, the odds once again impossibly stacked against him. Who can overcome such odds? NO ONE. But wait! Cena impossibly does his usual series of moves against Gabriel, but Barrett tags in to prevent an FU. The Nexus switches off and beats on Cena, and Barrett puts him on the floor with a big boot. They pull up the mats and Barrett DDTs him on the concrete, which would actually be a downer ending that would make sense and probably turn Barrett into a big star. But instead, they head back in after that and Gabriel goes up with the 450 and misses. Cena pins him at 34:58 to even things up. And Cena finishes Barrett with the STFU at 35:22. How in the world you can fuck up the most unfuckupable angle they’ve had in months, I don’t know, but there it was. Match wasn’t that great, either, with long boring passages due to the green-as-grass Nexus guys not really knowing how to work a long match like this. No fault of theirs, though. *** The Bottom Line This felt like a decent B-show, but the finishes were just atrocious. Like really, paying $60 to see a DQ in a World title match in 2010? And they wonder why PPV buyrates are in the crapper? I don’t want to buy a major show and have angles set up for the next three stupid “theme” PPVs instead of getting resolution at the show I paid money to see NOW. But that’s probably why I wait for the DVD these days anyway. Recommendation to avoid.