Matt’s Main Event Recap – 12/16/2014

We’ve got a couple more shows after this…let’s get to it.

We are LIVE(!) from Grand Rapids, Michigan!
Byron Saxton and Michael Cole are the guys on the mics.
We
start the show with Miz and Miz-dow for MizTV. Miz invites Naomi, whom
he calls “a close personal friend” to the ring. Miz welcomes her to
MizTV. Naomi’s slightly incredulous and says that she’s glad to be on
Main Event but they’re not friends. Miz is not happy with this as Naomi
says that Miz is phony and he’s all talk. Miz says that Naomi probably
has tons of men promising her the world. Naomi says she’s leaving
because Miz doesn’t have anything of worth to offer her. Miz tells her
that he DOES have something: a WWE Divas Championship Match on
Smackdown, an hour from now. He says he understands that she probably
needs permission to compete from her husband.
This
brings out Jimmy Uso with Jey in tow. Miz yells at Jimmy, telling him
that he’s ruining his wife’s “moment”. Jimmy says she needs nothing from
him and to stay away from her. Miz says that he thinks she’s talented
and he wants to see her succeed. It’s too bad Jimmy doesn’t want that.
Jimmy lunges out of the ring but Jey and Naomi hold him back.
TONIGHT: We’re gonna recap Jericho’s stint on RAW last night.
ALSO: Erick Rowan vs. Kane.
MATCH #1: The New Day (Xavier Woods & Kofi Kingston) (w/ Big E) vs. Cesaro & Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya)
Woods
shouts “New Day” and the crowd sighs. Cesaro locks up Woods who grabs
Cesaro by the legs and hits a Facebuster for two. Kofi enters and he
dropkicks Cesaro for a two count. Cesaro gets to Tyson and makes a tag.
Kofi puts Tyson in an armbar and tags Woods. Side headlock by Tyson and
Woods breaks. Woods locks Tyson from behind and there’s some sloppy
running back and forth before Woods hits a dropkick. Woods tags Kofi and
he hits a Cross Body for two, then clotheslines Tyson from the ring.
They hit a, um…Flying New Day, I guess. Kofi rolls Tyson into the ring
and it’s a two count. Kofi gets back in but Tyson hits an Enzuguri and
tags Cesaro as we go to break.
Tyson
has Kofi in a chinlock as we come back. Kofi gets to his feet but Tyson
kicks him in the gut. He hangs Kofi upside down on the buckle and kicks
at him. Tag to Cesaro who hits an uppercut and then puts Kofi in a
Reverse Full Nelson. Kofi gets to his feet but Cesaro hits a Gut Wrench
Suplex and tags in Tyson and this thing just continues on past the 7
minute mark. Tyson kicks Kofi and gets two, then applies a front
facelock. They move to the corner and it’s quick tags in and out by
Tyson and Cesaro. They toss Kofi into the corner and go for a double
team but Kofi fights out, clubbing at Cesaro. A bunch of countering and
Cesaro rolls up Kofi for two, then sets up for The Swing, getting six
rotations. 
Tyson
comes in and dropkicks the spinning Kofi and they get two. Cesaro drops
Tyson on Kofi and it’s another two count. Cesaro tosses Tyson into Kofi
in the corner but Kofi dumps Tyson and kicks Cesaro in the head. Kofi
FINALLY makes a tag to Woods and he goes House-a-Fire on Tyson. Cesaro
tries to ambush Woods but Woods hits an Enzuguri. Tyson and Woods
exchange roll-ups and pins but Woods hits a Stomach Breaker and gets two
thanks to a Cesaro save. Cesaro grabs Woods and both men spiral out of
the ring with Cesaro getting the worst of it. Back in the ring, Woods
and Kofi hit The Midnight Hour to get the win at 11:35.
WINNERS: The New Day
RATING: **1/2. The match did get better as it went along but didn’t need to be near 12 minutes long.
Paige
and Erick Rowan are playing chess backstage because Erick Rowan is
SMART, see? Titus O’Neil shows up and Paige tells him how Rowan is a
Chessmaster. Titus says that Rowan only knows checkers, not chess. Rowan
removes his sheep mask and wants to play with Titus, who nervously
agrees, then asks Rowan to “king him”, using the King piece. Rowan lifts
up the King piece and says, “CHECKMATE!”

Now, THAT’S comedy.

We get clips of Jericho’s annihilation at the hands of Brock Lesnar on RAW.
STILL TO COME: Erick Rowan vs. Kane
Naomi
bumps into Miz backstage. Naomi wants to apologize. Miz says that he
understands. The title match is still on (because, suddenly, Miz can
book title matches) but Hollywood is unforgiving — so control Jimmy. 
MATCH #2: Emma vs. Paige
Emma
dances and shoves Paige. Paige swings at Emma who ducks. Paige falls
over because Emma trips her and suddenly, this is a Charlie Chaplin act.
Emma dances around again and Paige has had enough. She Superkicks her
and then knees her in the head. Two count. She puts Emma in a Surfboard
which Emma escapes but Paige tosses her to the mat. Paige puts Emma in
the corner and hits some elbows. Emma comes back with forearms before
Paige kicks her in the stomach and chokes her on the middle rope. Paige
spanks Emma’s ass, then tries the Ram-Paige but Emma counters with a
small package. Paige clotheslines Emma and yells at the crowd not to
cheer for Emma. Paige stomps Emma in the corner, but Emma grabs her leg
and hits lariats. Paige rushes Emma in the corner but Emma elbows her
and hits the Dil-Emma on the ropes. Emma goes for the Emma Lock but
Paige kicks out and hits a Superkick and PTO for the win at 4:58.
WINNER: Paige via PTO
RATING: **. Not a bad match, all told. Much better than what the Bellas put on.
NEXT: Rowan vs. Kane
Titus O’Neil is doing commentary with Cole and Saxton when we come back.
MATCH #3: Erick Rowan vs. Kane
Rowan
all over Kane to start. Kane runs at Rowan who clotheslines Kane, then
shoulderblocks him from the ring. Rowan rams Kane’s head on the mat and
crowd barrier, then tosses him into the ring. Side headlock and slam by
Rowan. Two count. He goes for a back drop but Kane counters with a DDT,
then kicks at Rowan. He puts Rowan in a clutch, then goes for a suplex,
which Rowan reverses. Rowan rushes Kane but Kane hits a clothesline. Two
count. He puts Rowan in the corner and hits a body splash. Two count.
Rowan comes back punching as Cole argues about solving Rubik’s Cubes and
using Etch-a-Sketches with Titus. Rowan hits a lariat and clubs at Kane
in the corner, then knocks Kane outside the ropes. Kane yanks Rowan’s
beard, then goes top rope but Rowan kicks Kane in the head and tries a
Superplex. Kane counters and tosses him to the mat, then clotheslines
him. Kane calls for the Chokeslam From Hell. Rowan elbows out of it and
Kane uppercuts him. Rowan hits a spin kick and Kane rolls out of the
ring. Rowan chases and bashes Kane’s head on the announce table,
spilling water all over Titus, who’s pissed as hell. Back in the ring,
Kane hits a Chokeslam to inexplicably win the match at 7:43. What the
actual fuck?
WINNER: Kane via Chokeslam
RATING: *. Same match and another loss to Kane. Does Vince have Rowan’s immediate family at gunpoint somewhere?
Titus
is still pissed as we go off the air. To add insult to injury, the show
actually closes out with the replay of Kane’s winning Chokeslam. What a
joke.
OVERALL: **, as always.
Er, that’s it.