WM X-$even

Hey Scott,
Following you for ages, yadda yadda.  Question you or the blog readers might be able to answer:  Someone was recently taking a peak through my movie collection and saw I had a copy of Wrestlemania 17 buried at the back.  He was asking if it was an original copy (no blurring and all the original music), which of course it is.  He then went onto to say that those first pressed DVD’s are actually worth something now since they’re long out of print and the only copies available for purchase have the blurred logos and lots of the music changed (which I knew, but never really put two and two together).  I did a quick look around and saw people reselling them on Amazon for $100-$200 which strikes me as outrageous.  You or anybody have any idea if these are actually worth anything now, or is this a case of people trying to make you *think* they’re worth something?

They’re also selling for $50-$100 on Ebay as well, which makes me think I should sell my copy now if people are dumb enough to pay that kind of money for a friggin’ wrestling DVD.  Given I have every WWF original DVD release from Wrestlemania XV all the way until Bad Blood 2003, there’s gotta be some good money in there somewhere.  Someone should take their copy onto Pawn Stars and see what Rick Harrison says.  By the way, the guy on Ebay selling a copy for $100 (used!) is charging $15 (!!!!) for shipping.  For a single used DVD!  And he’s got 5 available, which kind of contradicts the argument about it being a rarity. http://www.ebay.ca/itm/WWF-WRESTLEMANIA-X-SEVEN-HOUSTON-ASTRODOME-DVD-ROCK-/360363951841?pt=US_DVD_HD_DVD_Blu_ray&hash=item53e75d86e1#ht_542wt_698

Survivor Series Countdown: 1994

The Netcop Retro Rant for Survivor Series 1994

(2011 Scott sez:  If only we had known back then what Chuck Norris would become today…)

Live from San Antonio, Texas.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Gorilla Monsoon.

Opening match:  Shawn Michaels, Diesel, Owen Hart, Jim Neidhart & Jeff Jarrett v. The British Bulldog, Razor Ramon, Fatu & Sionne.  Sionne is of course Barbarian repackaged as a Headshrinker following the departure of Samu.  Kid & Anvil start, and it turns into a heat segment on the Kid PDQ.  An Owen-Bulldog confrontation follows, and it’s a goody.  Anvil comes in and almost gets finished by the faces, but Fatu is having problems adjusting to wearing boots (don’t ask) and Anvil thus escapes certain doom.  Razor & JJ try to resolve their issue, doing a lengthy sequence.  Diesel tags in and casually disposes of Fatu with the powerbomb.  Kid tries next, second verse, same as the first.  Sionne comes in, same thing.  Bulldog tries, gets pasted with a big boot, and is counted out.  That leaves Ramon 5-on-1.  Diesel has a pretty easy time of things, but Razor comes back and tries the Razor’s Edge.  Diesel escapes and powerbombs him — and NOW Shawn wants to tag in after sitting on the apron for 20 minutes.  He calls a tired Diesel over to try the double-team, but of course Razor ducks and Big Kev takes one for the team.  Diesel snaps and goes after his partner, and eventually chases him back to the dressing room, with the rest of the team following to calm things down.  The others are counted out one-by-one, until finally Ramon wins an improbable countout victory at 20:43.  WAY cheap ending, but the match was rockin’ while it lasted.  ***  Survivor:  Razor Ramon.

Meanwhile, Shawn runs all the way back to the car, leaving his half of the tag titles with Toad Pettingzoo, thus vacating them.

Jerry Lawler, Cheezy, Sleezy & Queezy v. Doink, Dink, Wink & Pink.  MIDGET MADNESS!  Those of you who followed the Coliseum Video Rants I did are well aware of my feelings on the whole midget genre, but if you’re new to the Netcop World, we’ll just say that I HATE THEM and leave it at that.  Basic comedy match here, with Doink dominating Lawler and the little guys working in their stuff between the hideous amounts of stalling.  Lawler pins Doink with a handful of tights, and then the evil midgets run through the good midgets in short order one-by-one, ending with Dink’s demise at 16:03.  A DUD if there ever was one.  Survivors:  Lawler, Cheezy, Sleezy & Queezy.  The King berates his team, so all 6 midgets team up and chase him to the back, where Doink hits him in the face with a pie.  Such divine comedy.  It’s not wrestling, it’s sports entertainment, you know.

Toad takes us back to Tokyo as Bull Nakano wins the Women’s title from Alundra Blayze.  I think it was something like a ****1/2 match, so of course we only get the finish.

WWF World title:  Bret Hart v. Mr. Bob Backlund.  This is submission rules, with the winner being decided when their second throws in the towel.  Bob has Owen Hart, Bret has the Bulldog.  Stu and Helen Hart are also at ringside, which becomes important later.  Backlund is drawing BIG heel heat here, by the way.  The story is that he’s still bitter at his manager throwing in the towel and costing him the title 11 years prior, and he snapped and took out Bret Hart a few months prior to this, along with nearly everyone else in the promotion.  Bret quickly dominates Bob on the mat, something you don’t see too often.  Bob suddenly tries the Crossface-Chickenwing out of nowhere, but Bret wiggles free.  Again, and Bret reverses to a belly-to-belly.  Bret tries building to the Sharpshooter, but misses an elbow and Bob works the arm.  Shots of Bret’s then-wife Julie are shown, and she looks way less horrible and shrewish than she did on Wrestling With Shadows.  Bob does a great job of holding an armbar despite all of Bret’s attempts to break the hold.  Surprisingly, the crowd remains into the match during all the matwork, which is a testiment to how over Bret was.  Bret finally manages a figure-four, which has Backlund screaming at Owen to throw in the towel, but he refuses.  So Backlund sucks it up and reverses.  Bret breaks the works the knee.  Bob comes back with a piledriver and tries the chickenwing, but Bret makes the ropes.  Backlund tries a sleeper, which is pretty pointless for this match.  Double-KO, but Bret is fresher and recovers first with a piledriver and the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM.  Sharpshooter in the center of the ring, but now Owen and Bulldog get into a foot-race, allowing Owen to sneak in and break the hold.  Bulldog lunges and misses, slamming his own head into the stairs.  Great bump there.  Bulldog is out cold, and now Backlund takes advantage and hooks the CFCW.  Bulldog can’t throw in the towel, so Bret fights the move, doing an awesome selling job.  There’s nowhere to go, however.  So Owen, in true weasel fashion, heads over to his parents and starts pleading with his mother to throw in the towel on Bret’s behalf.  Not with Stu, of course, because the old man obviously sees right through the act.  He’s literally in tears as the announcers speculate on a possible face turn.  Owen continues hounding his mother, pulling her out of the audience, but Stu keeps pulling her back.  Finally, she gives in and throws in the towel at 35:12, giving Mr. Backlund his third WWF title.  The crowd is REALLY displeased with that one.  Owen breaks into maniacal laughter and sprints back to the dressing room.  Backlund’s celebration is priceless.  Great old school match — Steve Corino would be proud.  ****

Backstage, Owen confirms that the whole thing was a setup.  Back at ringside, Vince laments the feeling of betrayal he has.  BRET SCREWED…oh, never mind.

Tatanka, Bam Bam Bigelow, King Kong Bundy, Tom Prichard & Jimmy Del Ray v. Lex Luger, Adam Bomb, Mabel, Billy & Bart Gunn.  Lex & Tatanka start, with nothing of note happening.  Mabel comes in and flattens Tom Prichard in short order to get rid of him.  We get the Mabel-Bundy showdown next.  It goes nowhere, so we try Mabel-Bam Bam.  Mabel heads to the top, but gets slammed off.  Bigelow tries a sunset flip, but Mabel is…you know what’s coming…JUST TOO FAT.  He sits down.  Ouch.  They both tumble out, but Mabel is like a beached whale and can’t beat the count back in.  Some random matchups for a bit, then Adam Bomb gets moonsaulted and pinned by Bigelow.  Luger kills Del Ray with the STAINLESS STEEL FOREARM OF DEATH and pins him.  The Smoking Gunns double-team Tatanka, looking good in the process.  Billy looks totally different with a moustache and a non-roided physique.  Sidewinder gets two, then Bart tries a crucifix and gets hit with the Papoose to Go and pinned.  Billy & Luger keep Tatanka in their corner, but he finally fights free and tags in Bundy, who squashes Mr. Ass in about three seconds.  So it’s 3-on-1 for Luger.  He manages to dominate Tatanka, but the Bundy-Bigelow tandem proves to be too much.  They spend an eternity beating him down.  Finally, Tatanka is sacrificed as a resurgant Luger gets a small package to eliminate him, but Bundy uses that window to splash and pin him at 23:18 in a smart ending.  Surprisingly good, but too long at the end.  **3/4  Survivors:  Bigelow & Bundy.

Mr. Backlund calls an impromptu press conference to announce his future plans for the WWF title.  He doesn’t mention getting squashed by Diesel in 9 seconds 6 days later, of course.

Casket match:  The Undertaker v. Yokozuna.  Chuck Norris is YOUR special trouble-shooting referee, in order to prevent a repeat of Royal Rumble 94.  They both go through their usual slow-motion-even-on-fast-forward offense, until UT takes out the managers and gets jumped, giving Yoko the advantage.  He dominates for a while, then Taker comes back with a flying clothesline and tries to roll Yoko into the casket.  Bundy and Bigelow come out and yell stuff at Chuck Norris.  Ooooo, that’s scary.  IRS sneaks in and nails Undertaker, however, setting off the epic Undertaker v. Corporation feud that spanned most of 1995.  Yoko almost gets the win, but UT escapes and comes back to give Yoko a big boot that sends him crashing into the casket.  He slams the lid and gets the win for the good ol’ USA.  I’m so verklempt.  Yoko would not be seen again until Wrestlemania XI, so we can thank Undertaker for that much, at least.  Much was Big Show v. Kane level of bad, of course.  -*

The Bottom Line:  Pretty polarized show, with some exceptionally crappy stuff and some pretty good stuff.  The Backlund-Hart match is DEFINITELY not for everyone, and I doubt today’s “sports entertainment” fan would get through the first 10 minutes without taking a bathroom break, but to each their own.  The show had no real long-lasting effect on the world or anything, so I’ll say very mildly recommended.

 

Survivor Series Countdown: 1994

The Netcop Retro Rant for Survivor Series 1994

(2011 Scott sez:  If only we had known back then what Chuck Norris would become today…)

Live from San Antonio, Texas.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Gorilla Monsoon.

Opening match:  Shawn Michaels, Diesel, Owen Hart, Jim Neidhart & Jeff Jarrett v. The British Bulldog, Razor Ramon, Fatu & Sionne.  Sionne is of course Barbarian repackaged as a Headshrinker following the departure of Samu.  Kid & Anvil start, and it turns into a heat segment on the Kid PDQ.  An Owen-Bulldog confrontation follows, and it’s a goody.  Anvil comes in and almost gets finished by the faces, but Fatu is having problems adjusting to wearing boots (don’t ask) and Anvil thus escapes certain doom.  Razor & JJ try to resolve their issue, doing a lengthy sequence.  Diesel tags in and casually disposes of Fatu with the powerbomb.  Kid tries next, second verse, same as the first.  Sionne comes in, same thing.  Bulldog tries, gets pasted with a big boot, and is counted out.  That leaves Ramon 5-on-1.  Diesel has a pretty easy time of things, but Razor comes back and tries the Razor’s Edge.  Diesel escapes and powerbombs him — and NOW Shawn wants to tag in after sitting on the apron for 20 minutes.  He calls a tired Diesel over to try the double-team, but of course Razor ducks and Big Kev takes one for the team.  Diesel snaps and goes after his partner, and eventually chases him back to the dressing room, with the rest of the team following to calm things down.  The others are counted out one-by-one, until finally Ramon wins an improbable countout victory at 20:43.  WAY cheap ending, but the match was rockin’ while it lasted.  ***  Survivor:  Razor Ramon.

Meanwhile, Shawn runs all the way back to the car, leaving his half of the tag titles with Toad Pettingzoo, thus vacating them.

Jerry Lawler, Cheezy, Sleezy & Queezy v. Doink, Dink, Wink & Pink.  MIDGET MADNESS!  Those of you who followed the Coliseum Video Rants I did are well aware of my feelings on the whole midget genre, but if you’re new to the Netcop World, we’ll just say that I HATE THEM and leave it at that.  Basic comedy match here, with Doink dominating Lawler and the little guys working in their stuff between the hideous amounts of stalling.  Lawler pins Doink with a handful of tights, and then the evil midgets run through the good midgets in short order one-by-one, ending with Dink’s demise at 16:03.  A DUD if there ever was one.  Survivors:  Lawler, Cheezy, Sleezy & Queezy.  The King berates his team, so all 6 midgets team up and chase him to the back, where Doink hits him in the face with a pie.  Such divine comedy.  It’s not wrestling, it’s sports entertainment, you know.

Toad takes us back to Tokyo as Bull Nakano wins the Women’s title from Alundra Blayze.  I think it was something like a ****1/2 match, so of course we only get the finish.

WWF World title:  Bret Hart v. Mr. Bob Backlund.  This is submission rules, with the winner being decided when their second throws in the towel.  Bob has Owen Hart, Bret has the Bulldog.  Stu and Helen Hart are also at ringside, which becomes important later.  Backlund is drawing BIG heel heat here, by the way.  The story is that he’s still bitter at his manager throwing in the towel and costing him the title 11 years prior, and he snapped and took out Bret Hart a few months prior to this, along with nearly everyone else in the promotion.  Bret quickly dominates Bob on the mat, something you don’t see too often.  Bob suddenly tries the Crossface-Chickenwing out of nowhere, but Bret wiggles free.  Again, and Bret reverses to a belly-to-belly.  Bret tries building to the Sharpshooter, but misses an elbow and Bob works the arm.  Shots of Bret’s then-wife Julie are shown, and she looks way less horrible and shrewish than she did on Wrestling With Shadows.  Bob does a great job of holding an armbar despite all of Bret’s attempts to break the hold.  Surprisingly, the crowd remains into the match during all the matwork, which is a testiment to how over Bret was.  Bret finally manages a figure-four, which has Backlund screaming at Owen to throw in the towel, but he refuses.  So Backlund sucks it up and reverses.  Bret breaks the works the knee.  Bob comes back with a piledriver and tries the chickenwing, but Bret makes the ropes.  Backlund tries a sleeper, which is pretty pointless for this match.  Double-KO, but Bret is fresher and recovers first with a piledriver and the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM.  Sharpshooter in the center of the ring, but now Owen and Bulldog get into a foot-race, allowing Owen to sneak in and break the hold.  Bulldog lunges and misses, slamming his own head into the stairs.  Great bump there.  Bulldog is out cold, and now Backlund takes advantage and hooks the CFCW.  Bulldog can’t throw in the towel, so Bret fights the move, doing an awesome selling job.  There’s nowhere to go, however.  So Owen, in true weasel fashion, heads over to his parents and starts pleading with his mother to throw in the towel on Bret’s behalf.  Not with Stu, of course, because the old man obviously sees right through the act.  He’s literally in tears as the announcers speculate on a possible face turn.  Owen continues hounding his mother, pulling her out of the audience, but Stu keeps pulling her back.  Finally, she gives in and throws in the towel at 35:12, giving Mr. Backlund his third WWF title.  The crowd is REALLY displeased with that one.  Owen breaks into maniacal laughter and sprints back to the dressing room.  Backlund’s celebration is priceless.  Great old school match — Steve Corino would be proud.  ****

Backstage, Owen confirms that the whole thing was a setup.  Back at ringside, Vince laments the feeling of betrayal he has.  BRET SCREWED…oh, never mind.

Tatanka, Bam Bam Bigelow, King Kong Bundy, Tom Prichard & Jimmy Del Ray v. Lex Luger, Adam Bomb, Mabel, Billy & Bart Gunn.  Lex & Tatanka start, with nothing of note happening.  Mabel comes in and flattens Tom Prichard in short order to get rid of him.  We get the Mabel-Bundy showdown next.  It goes nowhere, so we try Mabel-Bam Bam.  Mabel heads to the top, but gets slammed off.  Bigelow tries a sunset flip, but Mabel is…you know what’s coming…JUST TOO FAT.  He sits down.  Ouch.  They both tumble out, but Mabel is like a beached whale and can’t beat the count back in.  Some random matchups for a bit, then Adam Bomb gets moonsaulted and pinned by Bigelow.  Luger kills Del Ray with the STAINLESS STEEL FOREARM OF DEATH and pins him.  The Smoking Gunns double-team Tatanka, looking good in the process.  Billy looks totally different with a moustache and a non-roided physique.  Sidewinder gets two, then Bart tries a crucifix and gets hit with the Papoose to Go and pinned.  Billy & Luger keep Tatanka in their corner, but he finally fights free and tags in Bundy, who squashes Mr. Ass in about three seconds.  So it’s 3-on-1 for Luger.  He manages to dominate Tatanka, but the Bundy-Bigelow tandem proves to be too much.  They spend an eternity beating him down.  Finally, Tatanka is sacrificed as a resurgant Luger gets a small package to eliminate him, but Bundy uses that window to splash and pin him at 23:18 in a smart ending.  Surprisingly good, but too long at the end.  **3/4  Survivors:  Bigelow & Bundy.

Mr. Backlund calls an impromptu press conference to announce his future plans for the WWF title.  He doesn’t mention getting squashed by Diesel in 9 seconds 6 days later, of course.

Casket match:  The Undertaker v. Yokozuna.  Chuck Norris is YOUR special trouble-shooting referee, in order to prevent a repeat of Royal Rumble 94.  They both go through their usual slow-motion-even-on-fast-forward offense, until UT takes out the managers and gets jumped, giving Yoko the advantage.  He dominates for a while, then Taker comes back with a flying clothesline and tries to roll Yoko into the casket.  Bundy and Bigelow come out and yell stuff at Chuck Norris.  Ooooo, that’s scary.  IRS sneaks in and nails Undertaker, however, setting off the epic Undertaker v. Corporation feud that spanned most of 1995.  Yoko almost gets the win, but UT escapes and comes back to give Yoko a big boot that sends him crashing into the casket.  He slams the lid and gets the win for the good ol’ USA.  I’m so verklempt.  Yoko would not be seen again until Wrestlemania XI, so we can thank Undertaker for that much, at least.  Much was Big Show v. Kane level of bad, of course.  -*

The Bottom Line:  Pretty polarized show, with some exceptionally crappy stuff and some pretty good stuff.  The Backlund-Hart match is DEFINITELY not for everyone, and I doubt today’s “sports entertainment” fan would get through the first 10 minutes without taking a bathroom break, but to each their own.  The show had no real long-lasting effect on the world or anything, so I’ll say very mildly recommended.

 

Survivor Series Countdown: 1994

The Netcop Retro Rant for Survivor Series 1994

(2011 Scott sez:  If only we had known back then what Chuck Norris would become today…)

Live from San Antonio, Texas.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Gorilla Monsoon.

Opening match:  Shawn Michaels, Diesel, Owen Hart, Jim Neidhart & Jeff Jarrett v. The British Bulldog, Razor Ramon, Fatu & Sionne.  Sionne is of course Barbarian repackaged as a Headshrinker following the departure of Samu.  Kid & Anvil start, and it turns into a heat segment on the Kid PDQ.  An Owen-Bulldog confrontation follows, and it’s a goody.  Anvil comes in and almost gets finished by the faces, but Fatu is having problems adjusting to wearing boots (don’t ask) and Anvil thus escapes certain doom.  Razor & JJ try to resolve their issue, doing a lengthy sequence.  Diesel tags in and casually disposes of Fatu with the powerbomb.  Kid tries next, second verse, same as the first.  Sionne comes in, same thing.  Bulldog tries, gets pasted with a big boot, and is counted out.  That leaves Ramon 5-on-1.  Diesel has a pretty easy time of things, but Razor comes back and tries the Razor’s Edge.  Diesel escapes and powerbombs him — and NOW Shawn wants to tag in after sitting on the apron for 20 minutes.  He calls a tired Diesel over to try the double-team, but of course Razor ducks and Big Kev takes one for the team.  Diesel snaps and goes after his partner, and eventually chases him back to the dressing room, with the rest of the team following to calm things down.  The others are counted out one-by-one, until finally Ramon wins an improbable countout victory at 20:43.  WAY cheap ending, but the match was rockin’ while it lasted.  ***  Survivor:  Razor Ramon.

Meanwhile, Shawn runs all the way back to the car, leaving his half of the tag titles with Toad Pettingzoo, thus vacating them.

Jerry Lawler, Cheezy, Sleezy & Queezy v. Doink, Dink, Wink & Pink.  MIDGET MADNESS!  Those of you who followed the Coliseum Video Rants I did are well aware of my feelings on the whole midget genre, but if you’re new to the Netcop World, we’ll just say that I HATE THEM and leave it at that.  Basic comedy match here, with Doink dominating Lawler and the little guys working in their stuff between the hideous amounts of stalling.  Lawler pins Doink with a handful of tights, and then the evil midgets run through the good midgets in short order one-by-one, ending with Dink’s demise at 16:03.  A DUD if there ever was one.  Survivors:  Lawler, Cheezy, Sleezy & Queezy.  The King berates his team, so all 6 midgets team up and chase him to the back, where Doink hits him in the face with a pie.  Such divine comedy.  It’s not wrestling, it’s sports entertainment, you know.

Toad takes us back to Tokyo as Bull Nakano wins the Women’s title from Alundra Blayze.  I think it was something like a ****1/2 match, so of course we only get the finish.

WWF World title:  Bret Hart v. Mr. Bob Backlund.  This is submission rules, with the winner being decided when their second throws in the towel.  Bob has Owen Hart, Bret has the Bulldog.  Stu and Helen Hart are also at ringside, which becomes important later.  Backlund is drawing BIG heel heat here, by the way.  The story is that he’s still bitter at his manager throwing in the towel and costing him the title 11 years prior, and he snapped and took out Bret Hart a few months prior to this, along with nearly everyone else in the promotion.  Bret quickly dominates Bob on the mat, something you don’t see too often.  Bob suddenly tries the Crossface-Chickenwing out of nowhere, but Bret wiggles free.  Again, and Bret reverses to a belly-to-belly.  Bret tries building to the Sharpshooter, but misses an elbow and Bob works the arm.  Shots of Bret’s then-wife Julie are shown, and she looks way less horrible and shrewish than she did on Wrestling With Shadows.  Bob does a great job of holding an armbar despite all of Bret’s attempts to break the hold.  Surprisingly, the crowd remains into the match during all the matwork, which is a testiment to how over Bret was.  Bret finally manages a figure-four, which has Backlund screaming at Owen to throw in the towel, but he refuses.  So Backlund sucks it up and reverses.  Bret breaks the works the knee.  Bob comes back with a piledriver and tries the chickenwing, but Bret makes the ropes.  Backlund tries a sleeper, which is pretty pointless for this match.  Double-KO, but Bret is fresher and recovers first with a piledriver and the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM.  Sharpshooter in the center of the ring, but now Owen and Bulldog get into a foot-race, allowing Owen to sneak in and break the hold.  Bulldog lunges and misses, slamming his own head into the stairs.  Great bump there.  Bulldog is out cold, and now Backlund takes advantage and hooks the CFCW.  Bulldog can’t throw in the towel, so Bret fights the move, doing an awesome selling job.  There’s nowhere to go, however.  So Owen, in true weasel fashion, heads over to his parents and starts pleading with his mother to throw in the towel on Bret’s behalf.  Not with Stu, of course, because the old man obviously sees right through the act.  He’s literally in tears as the announcers speculate on a possible face turn.  Owen continues hounding his mother, pulling her out of the audience, but Stu keeps pulling her back.  Finally, she gives in and throws in the towel at 35:12, giving Mr. Backlund his third WWF title.  The crowd is REALLY displeased with that one.  Owen breaks into maniacal laughter and sprints back to the dressing room.  Backlund’s celebration is priceless.  Great old school match — Steve Corino would be proud.  ****

Backstage, Owen confirms that the whole thing was a setup.  Back at ringside, Vince laments the feeling of betrayal he has.  BRET SCREWED…oh, never mind.

Tatanka, Bam Bam Bigelow, King Kong Bundy, Tom Prichard & Jimmy Del Ray v. Lex Luger, Adam Bomb, Mabel, Billy & Bart Gunn.  Lex & Tatanka start, with nothing of note happening.  Mabel comes in and flattens Tom Prichard in short order to get rid of him.  We get the Mabel-Bundy showdown next.  It goes nowhere, so we try Mabel-Bam Bam.  Mabel heads to the top, but gets slammed off.  Bigelow tries a sunset flip, but Mabel is…you know what’s coming…JUST TOO FAT.  He sits down.  Ouch.  They both tumble out, but Mabel is like a beached whale and can’t beat the count back in.  Some random matchups for a bit, then Adam Bomb gets moonsaulted and pinned by Bigelow.  Luger kills Del Ray with the STAINLESS STEEL FOREARM OF DEATH and pins him.  The Smoking Gunns double-team Tatanka, looking good in the process.  Billy looks totally different with a moustache and a non-roided physique.  Sidewinder gets two, then Bart tries a crucifix and gets hit with the Papoose to Go and pinned.  Billy & Luger keep Tatanka in their corner, but he finally fights free and tags in Bundy, who squashes Mr. Ass in about three seconds.  So it’s 3-on-1 for Luger.  He manages to dominate Tatanka, but the Bundy-Bigelow tandem proves to be too much.  They spend an eternity beating him down.  Finally, Tatanka is sacrificed as a resurgant Luger gets a small package to eliminate him, but Bundy uses that window to splash and pin him at 23:18 in a smart ending.  Surprisingly good, but too long at the end.  **3/4  Survivors:  Bigelow & Bundy.

Mr. Backlund calls an impromptu press conference to announce his future plans for the WWF title.  He doesn’t mention getting squashed by Diesel in 9 seconds 6 days later, of course.

Casket match:  The Undertaker v. Yokozuna.  Chuck Norris is YOUR special trouble-shooting referee, in order to prevent a repeat of Royal Rumble 94.  They both go through their usual slow-motion-even-on-fast-forward offense, until UT takes out the managers and gets jumped, giving Yoko the advantage.  He dominates for a while, then Taker comes back with a flying clothesline and tries to roll Yoko into the casket.  Bundy and Bigelow come out and yell stuff at Chuck Norris.  Ooooo, that’s scary.  IRS sneaks in and nails Undertaker, however, setting off the epic Undertaker v. Corporation feud that spanned most of 1995.  Yoko almost gets the win, but UT escapes and comes back to give Yoko a big boot that sends him crashing into the casket.  He slams the lid and gets the win for the good ol’ USA.  I’m so verklempt.  Yoko would not be seen again until Wrestlemania XI, so we can thank Undertaker for that much, at least.  Much was Big Show v. Kane level of bad, of course.  -*

The Bottom Line:  Pretty polarized show, with some exceptionally crappy stuff and some pretty good stuff.  The Backlund-Hart match is DEFINITELY not for everyone, and I doubt today’s “sports entertainment” fan would get through the first 10 minutes without taking a bathroom break, but to each their own.  The show had no real long-lasting effect on the world or anything, so I’ll say very mildly recommended.

 

Survivor Series Countdown: 1993

The SmarK Retro Rant for WWF Survivor Series 1993

(2011 Scott sez:  This was from a couple of years ago, so no snarky comments needed.)

– Live from Boston, MA.

– Your hosts are Vince and for the last time on a WWF PPV, Bobby Heenan.

Adam Bomb, IRS, Diesel and Rick Martel v. Randy Savage, Marty Jannetty, 1-2-3 Kid and Razor Ramon. 

Can you IMAGINE the drug bills on the babyface side?  They’re gonna make some coke dealer VERY happy.  So anyway, Mr. Perfect was supposed to be captaining the babyfaces, but he disappeared from the WWF, leaving us with Savage.  Interesting how Vince still didn’t think enough of Savage to put him in the main event instead of the opener.  Ramon starts with Martel to continue that heated rivalry and they trade wristlocks, but Martel elbows out.  He gets a bodypress, but Razor rolls through for two and hits him with the blockbuster slam for two.  Ramon gives him a series of atomic drops and Martel tags out to Adam Bomb.  Bomb overpowers Ramon (nuclear power > cocaine + alchohol) and wants a test of strength to really hammer the point home.  See, now Ramon’s character is all about machismo, so it makes sense that he’d be easy to sucker into that kind of thing.  Ramon suplexes out of it, triggering a miscue between the heels and a total meltdown.  Luckily IRS calms things down, and Bomb starts taking it out on the Kid instead.  Great bumps from Kid as Bomb and Diesel tee off on him.  He knew EXACTLY how to make them look like monsters.  Diesel gets a gutwrench suplex (Crowd: OOOOOH!) and the big boot (Crowd:  OOOOOH!), but Kid comes back with a flying headscissors, and Savage gets the hot tag.  He runs wild and destroys everyone, gets rid of everyone but Diesel, and then finishes Big Kev with the big elbow at 10:18.  Great stuff.

Martel tries attacking Macho and gets nowhere, so he lets IRS have a go.  Savage gets a bodypress and a pair of clotheslines and brings in Razor, but Martel gets a cheapshot from the apron to take over.  He drops elbows on the back and Bomb comes in for the double-team.  IRS drops an elbow and gets a legdrop for two, and we hit the chinlock.  Ramon fights out and brings Savage in, and he goes up to finish, but Crush distracts him and he’s pinned at 16:46.  Glad they didn’t go with the wussy countout finish.  In the Coliseum Video EXCLUSIVE version, Savage heads back, past the Gorilla Position, and searches for Crush.  Riveting.  Back to the ring, Adam Bomb beats on Marty and Martel goes to an abdominal stretch, but misses a blind charge.  Back to Razor, and he chokeslams IRS and finishes with the Razor’s Edge at 19:32.  Martel attacks from behind and it triggers a huge brawl, allowing IRS to nail Razor with the briefcase, giving us the countout at 20:41.

Martel goes after the Kid and they do a nice stalemate sequence before Kid goes to the arm.  Over to Bomb, and this time Kid counters with speed and puts him on the floor, then tries a tope suicida…and gets caught.  Whoops.  Nice spot.  Back in, Bomb levels him with the slingshot clothesline, but misses a blind charge and gets rolled up for two.  Kid fires away with kicks, but can’t get the tag to Marty.  Martel hits Kid with a gutwrench for two.  Martel goes up and gets caught, and finally it’s hot tag Marty.  Into the turnbuckles for two.  Kid & Jannetty get the double elbow on Martel and Kid finishes with a sunset flip at 25:49.  Marty with another one on Bomb to end it at 26:02.  Survivors:  1-2-3 Kid and Marty Jannetty.  Boring middle portion, but the rest was great stuff.  ***1/2  Kid & Jannetty would of course have one last upset in them a few weeks later on RAW.

Meanwhile, Ray Combs interviews the Hart family.  It’s so sad having to shoehorn Shawn Michaels into this feud.  As if anyone would ever care about a Bret v. Shawn match at Survivor Series.

Bret, Keith, Owen and Bruce Hart v. The Blue Knight (Greg Valentine), The Black Knight (Jeff Gaylord), The Red Knight (Barry Horowitz) and Shawn Michaels

The Hart women are at ringside and Georgia has a crying baby with a soother.  I know it can’t be Teddy at this point, but MAN the resemblance is astounding.  All he would need to do is get fired by the WWF multiple times and it would be uncanny.  Shawn starts with Bruce and gets run into the Red Knight as a result.  Bruce controls Shawn with an armbar and it’s over to Keith, who reverses a suplex into a small package for two.  Keith works on the arm, but Shawn brings in Red.  Owen quickly dominates and hiptosses him, so it’s over to Black.  He gets triple-teamed by the Harts, so Blue comes in.  Bret clotheslines him for two and the Harts work him over.  Bruce gets caught with a cheapshot and Red gets a butterfly suplex for two.  Black pounds Bruce down, but falls victim to a backslide for two.  Shawn dumps Bruce and drags him back in, but Bruce hits his finisher (a clothesline, no really) and makes the tag to Bret.  Bret rolls up Black for two and gets a small package for two.  Middle rope elbow gets two.  Owen hits him with the leg lariat and a brawl erupts, as all the heels collide and Owen finishes Black with a missile dropkick at 10:48.

Bret works on Red’s legs, and Keith continues on with that.  Yes, this match CAN get more boring, why?  Here’s the problem with it, besides the obvious one of replacing Jerry Lawler at the last minute with Shawn Michaels:  Clearly the dynamic of the original match was supposed to be the Hart Family being forced to eliminate all the Knights before they could even touch Lawler, but here Shawn actually started the match, so there’s no payoff.  Anyway, Blue works on Keith’s arm, not even trying to hide his identity.  Ray Combs, on commentary, gets the unintentional shoot comment of the show when he notes “This is painful to watch.”  Word.  The beating of Keith just drags on and on until Bret gets the hot tag and finishes Red with the Sharpshooter at 18:00.  Blue attacks Bret and tosses him, and back in Shawn takes over on Bret.  Back elbow gets two.  And it’s time for the chinlock.  Over to Blue, who gets two. Owen comes in and hammers away in the corner, and Shawn bumps out and takes a punch from Stu.  Owen follows with a pescado, and finishes Blue back in the ring with a Sharpshooter at 23:44.  So it’s Shawn by himself, and he superkicks Bruce for two.  Bret comes in and whips Shawn around the ring, and gets the legsweep for two.  Shawn goes to the eyes, so Bret tags Owen in, and Owen accidentally collides with the blinded Bret and Shawn rolls him up for the pin at 27:25.  And so begins Owen’s heel turn.  Bruce clotheslines Shawn for two and goes to a sleeper, and then Bret comes in and tries to finish, but Shawn runs away to end it at 30:55.  THANKFULLY.  *1/2

SMW Tag titles:  The Rock N Roll Express v. The Heavenly Bodies

Still weird, even in the age of WWE owning everything.  The Bodies toss Ricky and get dragged out of the ring themselves as a result, and Ricky hits them with a tope.  Back in, Robert controls Del Ray with a flying headscissors and Ricky comes in for the double elbow.  Pritchard comes in and hammers away in the corner, but Ricky hits the Bodies with hiptosses.  The RNR do double monkey-flips out of the corner and the row-boat spot, which was just looking archaic even in 1993.  The Express were never really able to reinvent themselves for the 90s and it shows.  Ricky controls Del Ray with armdrags, and heel miscommunication results in the Express clearing the ring.  Back in, Pritchard catches Ricky with a powerbomb (“Kind of like Adam Bomb’s Atom Smasher” notes JR, neutered by Corporate even back then).  Over to Del Ray for some tasteful grinding, and Ricky gets tossed and moonsaulted by Del Ray.  Back in, that gets two.  Powerslam gets two, as Pritchard cuts off a comeback attempt.  Del Ray with a snap suplex.  A side slam into a Pritchard bulldog gets two.  See, now fans GET this stuff.  The subtle 80s offense and goofy spots fade away after a while, but take Ricky Morton and beat the everloving f--- out of him and people will POP.  Del Ray tries a powerbomb and Morton reverses to a rana for two.  He gets a small package on Pritchard for two.  Del Ray comes in with a moonsault press for two, but Ricky DDTs both Bodies, and it’s hot tag Robert.  Ricky rolls up Del Ray, but Pritchard tosses him for a nice bump.  Robert calls for the DQ, but that’s not illegal in the WWF and I bet no one watching in the arena got that whole sequence.  RNR with a double dropkick on Pritchard, but Del Ray hits Robert with the racket and the Bodies regain the titles at 13:40.   Crowd didn’t get it, but as an SMW fan I was digging it.  ***1/4  Now, if Ricky and Robert had really wanted to go national again, there was a way.  A couple of years after this Jerry Lawler brought them into Memphis against PG-13, and they wrestled as pretty much carbon copies of Tully & Arn, managed by a manic Mark Curtis, and THAT was the reinvention that could have made them stars again.  If you’ve never seen that match, I’d highly recommend checking it out because it’s the craziest s--- ever.

Bam Bam Bigelow, The Headshrinkers & Bastion Booger v. The Doinkwhackers & Doinks on a Mission. 

Truly high concept comedy here.  Doink himself is not even involved in the match, so this must be near the point when Matt Borne left.  Seems to be a running theme tonight.  I don’t think anyone’s ever actually nailed his departure date down.  The crowd chants “We want Doink”, clearly annoyed by bait-and-switch once they realize that Doink is not actually in the match, but the babyfaces just kind of act like they’re cheering for them.  So onto the alleged comedy, as Butch hits Samu with a water balloon and pins him at 3:00.  Just accept it.  Over to Booger, who drops a leg on Butch, and Bigelow chokes away on the ropes.  Booger sits on him for the pin attempt, but gets distracted by a banana and gets pinned by Mabel at 5:58.  Over to Fatu, who is armed with Afa’s turkey dinner, and hammers on Luke with it.  Mo comes in on a scooter, however, and Bam Bam’s had it.  Fatu goes up with the flying splash, but slips on a banana peel and gets pinned at 8:53.  Yes, THEY LITERALLY did the “slip on a banana peel” finish.  Bam Bam is alone and slugs it out with Mabel, then puts him down with a shoulderblock.  The Doinks all dogpile on him and pin him at 10:55, however.  Probably one of the worst matches in the history of the Survivor Series.  -***  The “real” Doink appears on the video screen to taunt Bigelow afterwards, but I don’t think it’s Borne.

Lex Luger, Undertaker, Rick Steiner and Scott Steiner v. Ludvig Borga, Yokozuna, Jacques and Crush

C’mon, where’s Undertaker’s flag outfit to go along with the rest of the team?  What a prima donna.  Scott starts with Jacques and hits him with an overhead suplex for two, and we’re over to Rick.  Jacques wisely brings in Yokozuna, but Rick overpowers him and puts him on the floor.  Back in, the Fanatics pound on Rick in their corner, but he goes up and hits Borga with a flying forearm for two.  He goes up again with a flying bodypress, but Borga rolls through for the pin at 5:08.  That looked REALLY bad.  I think they had to go home early there because of an injury to Rick.  So Scott comes in and presses Jacques into Crush’s arms.  Jacques playing the coward who hides behind the bigger teammates is pretty funny stuff.  Wrong match for it, but funny.  Crush hammers on Scott, but walks into a butterfly bomb and Scott clotheslines him down for two.  And here’s Macho Man, but Crush doesn’t bite.  He works on Scott’s leg, but now Savage fights his way through the Usual Gang of Idiots again, and the brawl is on.  Crush is counted out at 11:39.

Back in the ring, Jacques holds a rear chinlock on Scott and puts him down with an elbow for two.  Piledriver gets two.  Hot tag to Luger and he goes to the middle rope with an elbow for the pin at 14:06.  Really?   Well I guess this IS the event where people traditionally get pinned by clotheslines.  So now we just need to get rid of the last of the deadwood in the form of Scott Steiner, and here’s Borga to do that.  Borga puts him down with a clothesline and hits a corner splash, then clotheslines him again on the way down.  Borga to the top for AIR FINLAND (I don’t even know what that might have been, but it needs to exist), but Scott superplexes him for two.  Yokozuna has had enough of this b------- and no-sells a Frankensteiner attempt, then finishes Scott with the Hulkbuster at 17:00.

So finally the actual main event, with Luger & Undertaker v. Yokozuna & Borga.  Yoko chokes away on the ropes, but misses the big fat splash and Luger slugs away.  Yoko clotheslines him down, however, and Borga comes in for a punt to the ribs.  Bobby’s line about Undertaker coming up with a basketball team “for guys six feet and under” actually makes Vince stop and think for a second.  He will be missed on RAW so I’ll enjoy him while I can.  Yoko whips Luger around and then misses the corner splash, and finally Undertaker comes into the match 21:00 in.  DDT for Yokozuna, but he walks into a belly to belly suplex.  He keeps sitting up and Yoko keeps putting him down, finally getting the butt splash.  A second one misses, however, and they fight to the floor for the double countout at 23:24.  LAAAAAAAME.  I know why and where they were going with it, but still, LAAAAAME.  So that leaves Borga and Luger and you’d think Luger can’t possibly f--- THIS one up.  Borga with a sideslam for two.  Delayed suplex gets two.  Powerslam gets two.  Clotheslines get two.  Luger comes back for a double clothesline that puts both guys down, but now Fuji gives Borga the salt bucket to take over.  That gets two.  Luger makes the ALL AMERICAN COMEBACK with a powerslam for two, and the STAINLESS STEEL FOREARM OF DEATH finishes at 27:58.  And then the giant WTF ending sees Santa Claus coming out to celebrate with Luger.  Yeah, OK.  **1/2

The Pulse:

1993 was a BAD year for PPV.  Recommendation to avoid.

Survivor Series Countdown: 1993

The SmarK Retro Rant for WWF Survivor Series 1993

(2011 Scott sez:  This was from a couple of years ago, so no snarky comments needed.)

– Live from Boston, MA.

– Your hosts are Vince and for the last time on a WWF PPV, Bobby Heenan.

Adam Bomb, IRS, Diesel and Rick Martel v. Randy Savage, Marty Jannetty, 1-2-3 Kid and Razor Ramon. 

Can you IMAGINE the drug bills on the babyface side?  They’re gonna make some coke dealer VERY happy.  So anyway, Mr. Perfect was supposed to be captaining the babyfaces, but he disappeared from the WWF, leaving us with Savage.  Interesting how Vince still didn’t think enough of Savage to put him in the main event instead of the opener.  Ramon starts with Martel to continue that heated rivalry and they trade wristlocks, but Martel elbows out.  He gets a bodypress, but Razor rolls through for two and hits him with the blockbuster slam for two.  Ramon gives him a series of atomic drops and Martel tags out to Adam Bomb.  Bomb overpowers Ramon (nuclear power > cocaine + alchohol) and wants a test of strength to really hammer the point home.  See, now Ramon’s character is all about machismo, so it makes sense that he’d be easy to sucker into that kind of thing.  Ramon suplexes out of it, triggering a miscue between the heels and a total meltdown.  Luckily IRS calms things down, and Bomb starts taking it out on the Kid instead.  Great bumps from Kid as Bomb and Diesel tee off on him.  He knew EXACTLY how to make them look like monsters.  Diesel gets a gutwrench suplex (Crowd: OOOOOH!) and the big boot (Crowd:  OOOOOH!), but Kid comes back with a flying headscissors, and Savage gets the hot tag.  He runs wild and destroys everyone, gets rid of everyone but Diesel, and then finishes Big Kev with the big elbow at 10:18.  Great stuff.

Martel tries attacking Macho and gets nowhere, so he lets IRS have a go.  Savage gets a bodypress and a pair of clotheslines and brings in Razor, but Martel gets a cheapshot from the apron to take over.  He drops elbows on the back and Bomb comes in for the double-team.  IRS drops an elbow and gets a legdrop for two, and we hit the chinlock.  Ramon fights out and brings Savage in, and he goes up to finish, but Crush distracts him and he’s pinned at 16:46.  Glad they didn’t go with the wussy countout finish.  In the Coliseum Video EXCLUSIVE version, Savage heads back, past the Gorilla Position, and searches for Crush.  Riveting.  Back to the ring, Adam Bomb beats on Marty and Martel goes to an abdominal stretch, but misses a blind charge.  Back to Razor, and he chokeslams IRS and finishes with the Razor’s Edge at 19:32.  Martel attacks from behind and it triggers a huge brawl, allowing IRS to nail Razor with the briefcase, giving us the countout at 20:41.

Martel goes after the Kid and they do a nice stalemate sequence before Kid goes to the arm.  Over to Bomb, and this time Kid counters with speed and puts him on the floor, then tries a tope suicida…and gets caught.  Whoops.  Nice spot.  Back in, Bomb levels him with the slingshot clothesline, but misses a blind charge and gets rolled up for two.  Kid fires away with kicks, but can’t get the tag to Marty.  Martel hits Kid with a gutwrench for two.  Martel goes up and gets caught, and finally it’s hot tag Marty.  Into the turnbuckles for two.  Kid & Jannetty get the double elbow on Martel and Kid finishes with a sunset flip at 25:49.  Marty with another one on Bomb to end it at 26:02.  Survivors:  1-2-3 Kid and Marty Jannetty.  Boring middle portion, but the rest was great stuff.  ***1/2  Kid & Jannetty would of course have one last upset in them a few weeks later on RAW.

Meanwhile, Ray Combs interviews the Hart family.  It’s so sad having to shoehorn Shawn Michaels into this feud.  As if anyone would ever care about a Bret v. Shawn match at Survivor Series.

Bret, Keith, Owen and Bruce Hart v. The Blue Knight (Greg Valentine), The Black Knight (Jeff Gaylord), The Red Knight (Barry Horowitz) and Shawn Michaels

The Hart women are at ringside and Georgia has a crying baby with a soother.  I know it can’t be Teddy at this point, but MAN the resemblance is astounding.  All he would need to do is get fired by the WWF multiple times and it would be uncanny.  Shawn starts with Bruce and gets run into the Red Knight as a result.  Bruce controls Shawn with an armbar and it’s over to Keith, who reverses a suplex into a small package for two.  Keith works on the arm, but Shawn brings in Red.  Owen quickly dominates and hiptosses him, so it’s over to Black.  He gets triple-teamed by the Harts, so Blue comes in.  Bret clotheslines him for two and the Harts work him over.  Bruce gets caught with a cheapshot and Red gets a butterfly suplex for two.  Black pounds Bruce down, but falls victim to a backslide for two.  Shawn dumps Bruce and drags him back in, but Bruce hits his finisher (a clothesline, no really) and makes the tag to Bret.  Bret rolls up Black for two and gets a small package for two.  Middle rope elbow gets two.  Owen hits him with the leg lariat and a brawl erupts, as all the heels collide and Owen finishes Black with a missile dropkick at 10:48.

Bret works on Red’s legs, and Keith continues on with that.  Yes, this match CAN get more boring, why?  Here’s the problem with it, besides the obvious one of replacing Jerry Lawler at the last minute with Shawn Michaels:  Clearly the dynamic of the original match was supposed to be the Hart Family being forced to eliminate all the Knights before they could even touch Lawler, but here Shawn actually started the match, so there’s no payoff.  Anyway, Blue works on Keith’s arm, not even trying to hide his identity.  Ray Combs, on commentary, gets the unintentional shoot comment of the show when he notes “This is painful to watch.”  Word.  The beating of Keith just drags on and on until Bret gets the hot tag and finishes Red with the Sharpshooter at 18:00.  Blue attacks Bret and tosses him, and back in Shawn takes over on Bret.  Back elbow gets two.  And it’s time for the chinlock.  Over to Blue, who gets two. Owen comes in and hammers away in the corner, and Shawn bumps out and takes a punch from Stu.  Owen follows with a pescado, and finishes Blue back in the ring with a Sharpshooter at 23:44.  So it’s Shawn by himself, and he superkicks Bruce for two.  Bret comes in and whips Shawn around the ring, and gets the legsweep for two.  Shawn goes to the eyes, so Bret tags Owen in, and Owen accidentally collides with the blinded Bret and Shawn rolls him up for the pin at 27:25.  And so begins Owen’s heel turn.  Bruce clotheslines Shawn for two and goes to a sleeper, and then Bret comes in and tries to finish, but Shawn runs away to end it at 30:55.  THANKFULLY.  *1/2

SMW Tag titles:  The Rock N Roll Express v. The Heavenly Bodies

Still weird, even in the age of WWE owning everything.  The Bodies toss Ricky and get dragged out of the ring themselves as a result, and Ricky hits them with a tope.  Back in, Robert controls Del Ray with a flying headscissors and Ricky comes in for the double elbow.  Pritchard comes in and hammers away in the corner, but Ricky hits the Bodies with hiptosses.  The RNR do double monkey-flips out of the corner and the row-boat spot, which was just looking archaic even in 1993.  The Express were never really able to reinvent themselves for the 90s and it shows.  Ricky controls Del Ray with armdrags, and heel miscommunication results in the Express clearing the ring.  Back in, Pritchard catches Ricky with a powerbomb (“Kind of like Adam Bomb’s Atom Smasher” notes JR, neutered by Corporate even back then).  Over to Del Ray for some tasteful grinding, and Ricky gets tossed and moonsaulted by Del Ray.  Back in, that gets two.  Powerslam gets two, as Pritchard cuts off a comeback attempt.  Del Ray with a snap suplex.  A side slam into a Pritchard bulldog gets two.  See, now fans GET this stuff.  The subtle 80s offense and goofy spots fade away after a while, but take Ricky Morton and beat the everloving f--- out of him and people will POP.  Del Ray tries a powerbomb and Morton reverses to a rana for two.  He gets a small package on Pritchard for two.  Del Ray comes in with a moonsault press for two, but Ricky DDTs both Bodies, and it’s hot tag Robert.  Ricky rolls up Del Ray, but Pritchard tosses him for a nice bump.  Robert calls for the DQ, but that’s not illegal in the WWF and I bet no one watching in the arena got that whole sequence.  RNR with a double dropkick on Pritchard, but Del Ray hits Robert with the racket and the Bodies regain the titles at 13:40.   Crowd didn’t get it, but as an SMW fan I was digging it.  ***1/4  Now, if Ricky and Robert had really wanted to go national again, there was a way.  A couple of years after this Jerry Lawler brought them into Memphis against PG-13, and they wrestled as pretty much carbon copies of Tully & Arn, managed by a manic Mark Curtis, and THAT was the reinvention that could have made them stars again.  If you’ve never seen that match, I’d highly recommend checking it out because it’s the craziest s--- ever.

Bam Bam Bigelow, The Headshrinkers & Bastion Booger v. The Doinkwhackers & Doinks on a Mission. 

Truly high concept comedy here.  Doink himself is not even involved in the match, so this must be near the point when Matt Borne left.  Seems to be a running theme tonight.  I don’t think anyone’s ever actually nailed his departure date down.  The crowd chants “We want Doink”, clearly annoyed by bait-and-switch once they realize that Doink is not actually in the match, but the babyfaces just kind of act like they’re cheering for them.  So onto the alleged comedy, as Butch hits Samu with a water balloon and pins him at 3:00.  Just accept it.  Over to Booger, who drops a leg on Butch, and Bigelow chokes away on the ropes.  Booger sits on him for the pin attempt, but gets distracted by a banana and gets pinned by Mabel at 5:58.  Over to Fatu, who is armed with Afa’s turkey dinner, and hammers on Luke with it.  Mo comes in on a scooter, however, and Bam Bam’s had it.  Fatu goes up with the flying splash, but slips on a banana peel and gets pinned at 8:53.  Yes, THEY LITERALLY did the “slip on a banana peel” finish.  Bam Bam is alone and slugs it out with Mabel, then puts him down with a shoulderblock.  The Doinks all dogpile on him and pin him at 10:55, however.  Probably one of the worst matches in the history of the Survivor Series.  -***  The “real” Doink appears on the video screen to taunt Bigelow afterwards, but I don’t think it’s Borne.

Lex Luger, Undertaker, Rick Steiner and Scott Steiner v. Ludvig Borga, Yokozuna, Jacques and Crush

C’mon, where’s Undertaker’s flag outfit to go along with the rest of the team?  What a prima donna.  Scott starts with Jacques and hits him with an overhead suplex for two, and we’re over to Rick.  Jacques wisely brings in Yokozuna, but Rick overpowers him and puts him on the floor.  Back in, the Fanatics pound on Rick in their corner, but he goes up and hits Borga with a flying forearm for two.  He goes up again with a flying bodypress, but Borga rolls through for the pin at 5:08.  That looked REALLY bad.  I think they had to go home early there because of an injury to Rick.  So Scott comes in and presses Jacques into Crush’s arms.  Jacques playing the coward who hides behind the bigger teammates is pretty funny stuff.  Wrong match for it, but funny.  Crush hammers on Scott, but walks into a butterfly bomb and Scott clotheslines him down for two.  And here’s Macho Man, but Crush doesn’t bite.  He works on Scott’s leg, but now Savage fights his way through the Usual Gang of Idiots again, and the brawl is on.  Crush is counted out at 11:39.

Back in the ring, Jacques holds a rear chinlock on Scott and puts him down with an elbow for two.  Piledriver gets two.  Hot tag to Luger and he goes to the middle rope with an elbow for the pin at 14:06.  Really?   Well I guess this IS the event where people traditionally get pinned by clotheslines.  So now we just need to get rid of the last of the deadwood in the form of Scott Steiner, and here’s Borga to do that.  Borga puts him down with a clothesline and hits a corner splash, then clotheslines him again on the way down.  Borga to the top for AIR FINLAND (I don’t even know what that might have been, but it needs to exist), but Scott superplexes him for two.  Yokozuna has had enough of this b------- and no-sells a Frankensteiner attempt, then finishes Scott with the Hulkbuster at 17:00.

So finally the actual main event, with Luger & Undertaker v. Yokozuna & Borga.  Yoko chokes away on the ropes, but misses the big fat splash and Luger slugs away.  Yoko clotheslines him down, however, and Borga comes in for a punt to the ribs.  Bobby’s line about Undertaker coming up with a basketball team “for guys six feet and under” actually makes Vince stop and think for a second.  He will be missed on RAW so I’ll enjoy him while I can.  Yoko whips Luger around and then misses the corner splash, and finally Undertaker comes into the match 21:00 in.  DDT for Yokozuna, but he walks into a belly to belly suplex.  He keeps sitting up and Yoko keeps putting him down, finally getting the butt splash.  A second one misses, however, and they fight to the floor for the double countout at 23:24.  LAAAAAAAME.  I know why and where they were going with it, but still, LAAAAAME.  So that leaves Borga and Luger and you’d think Luger can’t possibly f--- THIS one up.  Borga with a sideslam for two.  Delayed suplex gets two.  Powerslam gets two.  Clotheslines get two.  Luger comes back for a double clothesline that puts both guys down, but now Fuji gives Borga the salt bucket to take over.  That gets two.  Luger makes the ALL AMERICAN COMEBACK with a powerslam for two, and the STAINLESS STEEL FOREARM OF DEATH finishes at 27:58.  And then the giant WTF ending sees Santa Claus coming out to celebrate with Luger.  Yeah, OK.  **1/2

The Pulse:

1993 was a BAD year for PPV.  Recommendation to avoid.

Survivor Series Countdown: 1993

The SmarK Retro Rant for WWF Survivor Series 1993

(2011 Scott sez:  This was from a couple of years ago, so no snarky comments needed.)

– Live from Boston, MA.

– Your hosts are Vince and for the last time on a WWF PPV, Bobby Heenan.

Adam Bomb, IRS, Diesel and Rick Martel v. Randy Savage, Marty Jannetty, 1-2-3 Kid and Razor Ramon. 

Can you IMAGINE the drug bills on the babyface side?  They’re gonna make some coke dealer VERY happy.  So anyway, Mr. Perfect was supposed to be captaining the babyfaces, but he disappeared from the WWF, leaving us with Savage.  Interesting how Vince still didn’t think enough of Savage to put him in the main event instead of the opener.  Ramon starts with Martel to continue that heated rivalry and they trade wristlocks, but Martel elbows out.  He gets a bodypress, but Razor rolls through for two and hits him with the blockbuster slam for two.  Ramon gives him a series of atomic drops and Martel tags out to Adam Bomb.  Bomb overpowers Ramon (nuclear power > cocaine + alchohol) and wants a test of strength to really hammer the point home.  See, now Ramon’s character is all about machismo, so it makes sense that he’d be easy to sucker into that kind of thing.  Ramon suplexes out of it, triggering a miscue between the heels and a total meltdown.  Luckily IRS calms things down, and Bomb starts taking it out on the Kid instead.  Great bumps from Kid as Bomb and Diesel tee off on him.  He knew EXACTLY how to make them look like monsters.  Diesel gets a gutwrench suplex (Crowd: OOOOOH!) and the big boot (Crowd:  OOOOOH!), but Kid comes back with a flying headscissors, and Savage gets the hot tag.  He runs wild and destroys everyone, gets rid of everyone but Diesel, and then finishes Big Kev with the big elbow at 10:18.  Great stuff.

Martel tries attacking Macho and gets nowhere, so he lets IRS have a go.  Savage gets a bodypress and a pair of clotheslines and brings in Razor, but Martel gets a cheapshot from the apron to take over.  He drops elbows on the back and Bomb comes in for the double-team.  IRS drops an elbow and gets a legdrop for two, and we hit the chinlock.  Ramon fights out and brings Savage in, and he goes up to finish, but Crush distracts him and he’s pinned at 16:46.  Glad they didn’t go with the wussy countout finish.  In the Coliseum Video EXCLUSIVE version, Savage heads back, past the Gorilla Position, and searches for Crush.  Riveting.  Back to the ring, Adam Bomb beats on Marty and Martel goes to an abdominal stretch, but misses a blind charge.  Back to Razor, and he chokeslams IRS and finishes with the Razor’s Edge at 19:32.  Martel attacks from behind and it triggers a huge brawl, allowing IRS to nail Razor with the briefcase, giving us the countout at 20:41.

Martel goes after the Kid and they do a nice stalemate sequence before Kid goes to the arm.  Over to Bomb, and this time Kid counters with speed and puts him on the floor, then tries a tope suicida…and gets caught.  Whoops.  Nice spot.  Back in, Bomb levels him with the slingshot clothesline, but misses a blind charge and gets rolled up for two.  Kid fires away with kicks, but can’t get the tag to Marty.  Martel hits Kid with a gutwrench for two.  Martel goes up and gets caught, and finally it’s hot tag Marty.  Into the turnbuckles for two.  Kid & Jannetty get the double elbow on Martel and Kid finishes with a sunset flip at 25:49.  Marty with another one on Bomb to end it at 26:02.  Survivors:  1-2-3 Kid and Marty Jannetty.  Boring middle portion, but the rest was great stuff.  ***1/2  Kid & Jannetty would of course have one last upset in them a few weeks later on RAW.

Meanwhile, Ray Combs interviews the Hart family.  It’s so sad having to shoehorn Shawn Michaels into this feud.  As if anyone would ever care about a Bret v. Shawn match at Survivor Series.

Bret, Keith, Owen and Bruce Hart v. The Blue Knight (Greg Valentine), The Black Knight (Jeff Gaylord), The Red Knight (Barry Horowitz) and Shawn Michaels

The Hart women are at ringside and Georgia has a crying baby with a soother.  I know it can’t be Teddy at this point, but MAN the resemblance is astounding.  All he would need to do is get fired by the WWF multiple times and it would be uncanny.  Shawn starts with Bruce and gets run into the Red Knight as a result.  Bruce controls Shawn with an armbar and it’s over to Keith, who reverses a suplex into a small package for two.  Keith works on the arm, but Shawn brings in Red.  Owen quickly dominates and hiptosses him, so it’s over to Black.  He gets triple-teamed by the Harts, so Blue comes in.  Bret clotheslines him for two and the Harts work him over.  Bruce gets caught with a cheapshot and Red gets a butterfly suplex for two.  Black pounds Bruce down, but falls victim to a backslide for two.  Shawn dumps Bruce and drags him back in, but Bruce hits his finisher (a clothesline, no really) and makes the tag to Bret.  Bret rolls up Black for two and gets a small package for two.  Middle rope elbow gets two.  Owen hits him with the leg lariat and a brawl erupts, as all the heels collide and Owen finishes Black with a missile dropkick at 10:48.

Bret works on Red’s legs, and Keith continues on with that.  Yes, this match CAN get more boring, why?  Here’s the problem with it, besides the obvious one of replacing Jerry Lawler at the last minute with Shawn Michaels:  Clearly the dynamic of the original match was supposed to be the Hart Family being forced to eliminate all the Knights before they could even touch Lawler, but here Shawn actually started the match, so there’s no payoff.  Anyway, Blue works on Keith’s arm, not even trying to hide his identity.  Ray Combs, on commentary, gets the unintentional shoot comment of the show when he notes “This is painful to watch.”  Word.  The beating of Keith just drags on and on until Bret gets the hot tag and finishes Red with the Sharpshooter at 18:00.  Blue attacks Bret and tosses him, and back in Shawn takes over on Bret.  Back elbow gets two.  And it’s time for the chinlock.  Over to Blue, who gets two. Owen comes in and hammers away in the corner, and Shawn bumps out and takes a punch from Stu.  Owen follows with a pescado, and finishes Blue back in the ring with a Sharpshooter at 23:44.  So it’s Shawn by himself, and he superkicks Bruce for two.  Bret comes in and whips Shawn around the ring, and gets the legsweep for two.  Shawn goes to the eyes, so Bret tags Owen in, and Owen accidentally collides with the blinded Bret and Shawn rolls him up for the pin at 27:25.  And so begins Owen’s heel turn.  Bruce clotheslines Shawn for two and goes to a sleeper, and then Bret comes in and tries to finish, but Shawn runs away to end it at 30:55.  THANKFULLY.  *1/2

SMW Tag titles:  The Rock N Roll Express v. The Heavenly Bodies

Still weird, even in the age of WWE owning everything.  The Bodies toss Ricky and get dragged out of the ring themselves as a result, and Ricky hits them with a tope.  Back in, Robert controls Del Ray with a flying headscissors and Ricky comes in for the double elbow.  Pritchard comes in and hammers away in the corner, but Ricky hits the Bodies with hiptosses.  The RNR do double monkey-flips out of the corner and the row-boat spot, which was just looking archaic even in 1993.  The Express were never really able to reinvent themselves for the 90s and it shows.  Ricky controls Del Ray with armdrags, and heel miscommunication results in the Express clearing the ring.  Back in, Pritchard catches Ricky with a powerbomb (“Kind of like Adam Bomb’s Atom Smasher” notes JR, neutered by Corporate even back then).  Over to Del Ray for some tasteful grinding, and Ricky gets tossed and moonsaulted by Del Ray.  Back in, that gets two.  Powerslam gets two, as Pritchard cuts off a comeback attempt.  Del Ray with a snap suplex.  A side slam into a Pritchard bulldog gets two.  See, now fans GET this stuff.  The subtle 80s offense and goofy spots fade away after a while, but take Ricky Morton and beat the everloving f--- out of him and people will POP.  Del Ray tries a powerbomb and Morton reverses to a rana for two.  He gets a small package on Pritchard for two.  Del Ray comes in with a moonsault press for two, but Ricky DDTs both Bodies, and it’s hot tag Robert.  Ricky rolls up Del Ray, but Pritchard tosses him for a nice bump.  Robert calls for the DQ, but that’s not illegal in the WWF and I bet no one watching in the arena got that whole sequence.  RNR with a double dropkick on Pritchard, but Del Ray hits Robert with the racket and the Bodies regain the titles at 13:40.   Crowd didn’t get it, but as an SMW fan I was digging it.  ***1/4  Now, if Ricky and Robert had really wanted to go national again, there was a way.  A couple of years after this Jerry Lawler brought them into Memphis against PG-13, and they wrestled as pretty much carbon copies of Tully & Arn, managed by a manic Mark Curtis, and THAT was the reinvention that could have made them stars again.  If you’ve never seen that match, I’d highly recommend checking it out because it’s the craziest s--- ever.

Bam Bam Bigelow, The Headshrinkers & Bastion Booger v. The Doinkwhackers & Doinks on a Mission. 

Truly high concept comedy here.  Doink himself is not even involved in the match, so this must be near the point when Matt Borne left.  Seems to be a running theme tonight.  I don’t think anyone’s ever actually nailed his departure date down.  The crowd chants “We want Doink”, clearly annoyed by bait-and-switch once they realize that Doink is not actually in the match, but the babyfaces just kind of act like they’re cheering for them.  So onto the alleged comedy, as Butch hits Samu with a water balloon and pins him at 3:00.  Just accept it.  Over to Booger, who drops a leg on Butch, and Bigelow chokes away on the ropes.  Booger sits on him for the pin attempt, but gets distracted by a banana and gets pinned by Mabel at 5:58.  Over to Fatu, who is armed with Afa’s turkey dinner, and hammers on Luke with it.  Mo comes in on a scooter, however, and Bam Bam’s had it.  Fatu goes up with the flying splash, but slips on a banana peel and gets pinned at 8:53.  Yes, THEY LITERALLY did the “slip on a banana peel” finish.  Bam Bam is alone and slugs it out with Mabel, then puts him down with a shoulderblock.  The Doinks all dogpile on him and pin him at 10:55, however.  Probably one of the worst matches in the history of the Survivor Series.  -***  The “real” Doink appears on the video screen to taunt Bigelow afterwards, but I don’t think it’s Borne.

Lex Luger, Undertaker, Rick Steiner and Scott Steiner v. Ludvig Borga, Yokozuna, Jacques and Crush

C’mon, where’s Undertaker’s flag outfit to go along with the rest of the team?  What a prima donna.  Scott starts with Jacques and hits him with an overhead suplex for two, and we’re over to Rick.  Jacques wisely brings in Yokozuna, but Rick overpowers him and puts him on the floor.  Back in, the Fanatics pound on Rick in their corner, but he goes up and hits Borga with a flying forearm for two.  He goes up again with a flying bodypress, but Borga rolls through for the pin at 5:08.  That looked REALLY bad.  I think they had to go home early there because of an injury to Rick.  So Scott comes in and presses Jacques into Crush’s arms.  Jacques playing the coward who hides behind the bigger teammates is pretty funny stuff.  Wrong match for it, but funny.  Crush hammers on Scott, but walks into a butterfly bomb and Scott clotheslines him down for two.  And here’s Macho Man, but Crush doesn’t bite.  He works on Scott’s leg, but now Savage fights his way through the Usual Gang of Idiots again, and the brawl is on.  Crush is counted out at 11:39.

Back in the ring, Jacques holds a rear chinlock on Scott and puts him down with an elbow for two.  Piledriver gets two.  Hot tag to Luger and he goes to the middle rope with an elbow for the pin at 14:06.  Really?   Well I guess this IS the event where people traditionally get pinned by clotheslines.  So now we just need to get rid of the last of the deadwood in the form of Scott Steiner, and here’s Borga to do that.  Borga puts him down with a clothesline and hits a corner splash, then clotheslines him again on the way down.  Borga to the top for AIR FINLAND (I don’t even know what that might have been, but it needs to exist), but Scott superplexes him for two.  Yokozuna has had enough of this b------- and no-sells a Frankensteiner attempt, then finishes Scott with the Hulkbuster at 17:00.

So finally the actual main event, with Luger & Undertaker v. Yokozuna & Borga.  Yoko chokes away on the ropes, but misses the big fat splash and Luger slugs away.  Yoko clotheslines him down, however, and Borga comes in for a punt to the ribs.  Bobby’s line about Undertaker coming up with a basketball team “for guys six feet and under” actually makes Vince stop and think for a second.  He will be missed on RAW so I’ll enjoy him while I can.  Yoko whips Luger around and then misses the corner splash, and finally Undertaker comes into the match 21:00 in.  DDT for Yokozuna, but he walks into a belly to belly suplex.  He keeps sitting up and Yoko keeps putting him down, finally getting the butt splash.  A second one misses, however, and they fight to the floor for the double countout at 23:24.  LAAAAAAAME.  I know why and where they were going with it, but still, LAAAAAME.  So that leaves Borga and Luger and you’d think Luger can’t possibly f--- THIS one up.  Borga with a sideslam for two.  Delayed suplex gets two.  Powerslam gets two.  Clotheslines get two.  Luger comes back for a double clothesline that puts both guys down, but now Fuji gives Borga the salt bucket to take over.  That gets two.  Luger makes the ALL AMERICAN COMEBACK with a powerslam for two, and the STAINLESS STEEL FOREARM OF DEATH finishes at 27:58.  And then the giant WTF ending sees Santa Claus coming out to celebrate with Luger.  Yeah, OK.  **1/2

The Pulse:

1993 was a BAD year for PPV.  Recommendation to avoid.

Wrestling Press

Hi Scott, we have another issue out! Would you mind plugging the following???


Former WWE Superstar Chris Masters speaks to The Wrestling Press
Former WWE Superstar Chris Masters has been speaking to free online magazine ‘The Wrestling Press’ about his recent release, the reasons behind his first departure with WWE and his experience of drugs in wrestling, plus various other subjects. Here’s what he had to say: On the subject of being released for the first time by WWE: “I really kind of brought it on myself and I accepted it. I was very young at the time and I was thrust into success at such a quick rate that I was irresponsible and I didn’t really appreciate the opportunities given.” On his experience of drugs in wrestling: “I was in Europe, Spain, working a tour and I looked in the mirror and it felt like I just reached a point where I thought enough of this. I had to get my life back on track, I had to get my health back on track and I wanted to be with WWE again. I looked back to the things I had lost in the last four years and it was like I just kept losing, losing and losing that eventually I wouldn’t have anything” On his recent release from WWE: “I was a million times better in my second run with the company; I was one of the better all-round guys in that place. You got a lot of guys who are really green and I am at the peak of my career. For me it’s a controversial release, they dropped the ball.” TWP#19 also includes interviews with TNA’s Jeremy Borash who talks about the company’s upcoming UK tour, and an interview with former WWE developmental star Rampage Brown, who talks about learning his craft at Florida Championship Wrestling. As well as many other original features, such as; Welcome back, Triple H – Does the Hell in a Cell gimmick still have legs? – Heels too cool, they become faces – Mike Bennett and his effect on ROH fans – I know wrestling’s great when… – The Rock at Survivor Series – and much, much more. You can read the flash version directly at http://tinyurl.com/5t6xflj OR download the PDF at http://tinyurl.com/5tkju5j

Wrestling Press

Hi Scott, we have another issue out! Would you mind plugging the following???


Former WWE Superstar Chris Masters speaks to The Wrestling Press
Former WWE Superstar Chris Masters has been speaking to free online magazine ‘The Wrestling Press’ about his recent release, the reasons behind his first departure with WWE and his experience of drugs in wrestling, plus various other subjects. Here’s what he had to say: On the subject of being released for the first time by WWE: “I really kind of brought it on myself and I accepted it. I was very young at the time and I was thrust into success at such a quick rate that I was irresponsible and I didn’t really appreciate the opportunities given.” On his experience of drugs in wrestling: “I was in Europe, Spain, working a tour and I looked in the mirror and it felt like I just reached a point where I thought enough of this. I had to get my life back on track, I had to get my health back on track and I wanted to be with WWE again. I looked back to the things I had lost in the last four years and it was like I just kept losing, losing and losing that eventually I wouldn’t have anything” On his recent release from WWE: “I was a million times better in my second run with the company; I was one of the better all-round guys in that place. You got a lot of guys who are really green and I am at the peak of my career. For me it’s a controversial release, they dropped the ball.” TWP#19 also includes interviews with TNA’s Jeremy Borash who talks about the company’s upcoming UK tour, and an interview with former WWE developmental star Rampage Brown, who talks about learning his craft at Florida Championship Wrestling. As well as many other original features, such as; Welcome back, Triple H – Does the Hell in a Cell gimmick still have legs? – Heels too cool, they become faces – Mike Bennett and his effect on ROH fans – I know wrestling’s great when… – The Rock at Survivor Series – and much, much more. You can read the flash version directly at http://tinyurl.com/5t6xflj OR download the PDF at http://tinyurl.com/5tkju5j

Wrestling Press

Hi Scott, we have another issue out! Would you mind plugging the following???


Former WWE Superstar Chris Masters speaks to The Wrestling Press
Former WWE Superstar Chris Masters has been speaking to free online magazine ‘The Wrestling Press’ about his recent release, the reasons behind his first departure with WWE and his experience of drugs in wrestling, plus various other subjects. Here’s what he had to say: On the subject of being released for the first time by WWE: “I really kind of brought it on myself and I accepted it. I was very young at the time and I was thrust into success at such a quick rate that I was irresponsible and I didn’t really appreciate the opportunities given.” On his experience of drugs in wrestling: “I was in Europe, Spain, working a tour and I looked in the mirror and it felt like I just reached a point where I thought enough of this. I had to get my life back on track, I had to get my health back on track and I wanted to be with WWE again. I looked back to the things I had lost in the last four years and it was like I just kept losing, losing and losing that eventually I wouldn’t have anything” On his recent release from WWE: “I was a million times better in my second run with the company; I was one of the better all-round guys in that place. You got a lot of guys who are really green and I am at the peak of my career. For me it’s a controversial release, they dropped the ball.” TWP#19 also includes interviews with TNA’s Jeremy Borash who talks about the company’s upcoming UK tour, and an interview with former WWE developmental star Rampage Brown, who talks about learning his craft at Florida Championship Wrestling. As well as many other original features, such as; Welcome back, Triple H – Does the Hell in a Cell gimmick still have legs? – Heels too cool, they become faces – Mike Bennett and his effect on ROH fans – I know wrestling’s great when… – The Rock at Survivor Series – and much, much more. You can read the flash version directly at http://tinyurl.com/5t6xflj OR download the PDF at http://tinyurl.com/5tkju5j

UFC Preview

He

y man! I did a preview for UFC on FOX 1: Velasquez vs. dos Santos.

http://www.ultimatesportstalk.com/ theultimatefightshow/2011/11/11/ufc-on-fox-1-velasquez-vs-dos-santos/

Also, if you could plug The Ultimate Fight Show, airing LIVE at Noon ET.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ theultimatefightshow/2011/11/12/the-ultimate-fight-show

We have a HUGE preview for the Heavyweight Title Fight, including interviews with Frank Shamrock, FrankTrigg, and Don Frye (you DO NOT WANT TO MISS THAT ONE!). Thanks for all the support!

Chris Bragg

The Ultimate Fight Show

UFC Preview

He

y man! I did a preview for UFC on FOX 1: Velasquez vs. dos Santos.

http://www.ultimatesportstalk.com/ theultimatefightshow/2011/11/11/ufc-on-fox-1-velasquez-vs-dos-santos/

Also, if you could plug The Ultimate Fight Show, airing LIVE at Noon ET.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ theultimatefightshow/2011/11/12/the-ultimate-fight-show

We have a HUGE preview for the Heavyweight Title Fight, including interviews with Frank Shamrock, FrankTrigg, and Don Frye (you DO NOT WANT TO MISS THAT ONE!). Thanks for all the support!

Chris Bragg

The Ultimate Fight Show

UFC Preview

He

y man! I did a preview for UFC on FOX 1: Velasquez vs. dos Santos.

http://www.ultimatesportstalk.com/ theultimatefightshow/2011/11/11/ufc-on-fox-1-velasquez-vs-dos-santos/

Also, if you could plug The Ultimate Fight Show, airing LIVE at Noon ET.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ theultimatefightshow/2011/11/12/the-ultimate-fight-show

We have a HUGE preview for the Heavyweight Title Fight, including interviews with Frank Shamrock, FrankTrigg, and Don Frye (you DO NOT WANT TO MISS THAT ONE!). Thanks for all the support!

Chris Bragg

The Ultimate Fight Show

2011 Scott sez…

Hey Scott,
I enjoyed your "future Scott" reactions to your Survivor Series
re-rants. But it got me to thinking about the reverse situation.
Specifically, if 2011 Scott could talk to 2010 Scott and tell him
that:
1. R-Truth would be main eventing against The Rock.
2. Mark Henry would become the most over heel on the roster.
3. Zack Ryder would be elevated to within spitting distance  of the
main event picture.
What do you suppose 2010 Scott’s reaction would be?

“The plane carrying all the talented people crashed into a mountain?”

2011 Scott sez…

Hey Scott,
I enjoyed your "future Scott" reactions to your Survivor Series
re-rants. But it got me to thinking about the reverse situation.
Specifically, if 2011 Scott could talk to 2010 Scott and tell him
that:
1. R-Truth would be main eventing against The Rock.
2. Mark Henry would become the most over heel on the roster.
3. Zack Ryder would be elevated to within spitting distance  of the
main event picture.
What do you suppose 2010 Scott’s reaction would be?

“The plane carrying all the talented people crashed into a mountain?”

2011 Scott sez…

Hey Scott,
I enjoyed your "future Scott" reactions to your Survivor Series
re-rants. But it got me to thinking about the reverse situation.
Specifically, if 2011 Scott could talk to 2010 Scott and tell him
that:
1. R-Truth would be main eventing against The Rock.
2. Mark Henry would become the most over heel on the roster.
3. Zack Ryder would be elevated to within spitting distance  of the
main event picture.
What do you suppose 2010 Scott’s reaction would be?

“The plane carrying all the talented people crashed into a mountain?”

Survivor Series Countdown: 1992

The Netcop Retro Rant for Survivor Series 1992

Live from Richfield, OH, where we started all those years ago.

Your hosts are Mr. McMahon and Bobby Heenan.

Opening match: The Headshrinkers v. High Energy (Koko B Ware & Owen Hart).

High Energy with double-teams to control initially, and then Koko gets in and you can guess what happens next. Total squash, and a long one at that. Hot tag to Owen who cleans house and gets a few moves in (probably as a token offering to Bret) before falling prey to the FLYING FAT-ASSED SAMOAN OF DOOM splash. ¼*

Sean Mooney offers a parental guidance warning because the nightstick match between Bossman and Nailz might be too violent. How come they didn’t do that before matches where one guy hurtles 20 feet off the top of a cage and then dumps a bag of tacks in the ring? You’d think that sort of match would deserve a warning. Go fig. Nailz isn’t bad on the mic, oddly enough.

Nailz v. Big Bossman, nightstick match. Kick, punch, kick, punch, Bossman gets the nightstick and does stuff, Nailz gets the nightstick and does stuff, Bossman slam out of nowhere, see ya. DUD.

AWESOME interview/recap segment that makes the Perfect Team v. Flair/Ramon match seem just that much more important. I’ll go over the recap myself later. Flair gives a breathtakingly great interview to set up the match.

Tatanka v. Rick Martel.

And back down the wrestling food chain we go. You see, the Model stole, uh, some feathers or something, yeah. This was pretty whatever. The-not-yet-named clown who would come to be called Doink wanders down to ringside and makes balloon animals to keep the kiddies from nodding off during all the chinlocks. Finally, T-t-t-tanka makes the “pissed off racial stereotype” comeback, chops Martel about a million times, and hits the Papoose-to-go (whatever happened to that Bobby Heenan guy, anyway?) for the pin. ½*

(2011 Scott sez:  Am I ever going to review any of the matches for this show?  Quit being a smarmy jackass, 1998 Scott, and just review the damn match!)

Hennig and Savage see if they can’t go Flair one better, delivering another awesome interview build. Savage plays D-Lo Brown, yelling “Yeah!” and “Right on!” at random intervals.

– Ric Flair & Razor Ramon v. Randy Savage & Curt Hennig. Heenan’s shameless ass-kissing is a thing of beauty. Okay, while I’m watching the ring intros, here’s the reason for this match: Ultimate Warrior and Randy Savage were feuding over the World title leading up to Summerslam, and the antagonist in the situation was Ric Flair, who had both guys convinced that the other was working for Flair, when in fact neither was. Warrior beat Savage by countout at Summerslam, and injured him enough that Flair was able to cash in on the situation and win the World title himself a few days later. So Savage & Warrior decided to team up and challenge Flair and his crony Razor Ramon, but Warrior f----- it up by leaving the WWF ten days before Survivor Series. So Savage decided to play mind games with Flair in retaliation, asking his manager Curt Hennig to be his new partner. Hennig actually accepted, causing Bobby Heenan to flip out and fire Hennig. So Hennig turned face and we had this match. Lots of posturing to start, and the crowd goes nuts when Flair gets in. Great sequence with Flair and Hennig early on. Ramon is worthless at this point and this match would have been spectacular without him in there to f--- it up. As it is, it’s only very good. Flair is hilarious on the apron as he struts back and forth, milking the crowd. Ramon gets Savage in a submission hold and Hennig walks. But then he changes his mind and comes back. Hot tag to Hennig, and the crowd is absolutely gonzo. Hennig destroys Ramon, and Earl Hebner gets bumped. Razor’s Edge is reversed to a backdrop and Hennig hooks the Perfectplex. Joey “As dead as Jerry Garcia but nearly as grateful” Marella runs in for a two count, then Hennig hooks Flair and Hebner wakes up for another two count. All hell breaks loose and the heels are DQ’s for double-teaming as Savage lies dead on the outside. Flair destroys Hennig until Savage makes the save with a chair, and this description doesn’t do the mind-blowing amounts of heat being drawn here justice. It was just incredible. Savage and Hennig start a mutual admiration society after the match. ***1/4

– Flair rants and tells Mean Gene to shut up numerous times.

– Yokozuna v. Virgil. Weighing in at a slim, trim, ripped, buff, cut, chiselled, hammered and JAAAAAAAAAACKED 505 pounds, Yoko was at least looking human at this point. Virgil was looking flattened and splattered in 19 different places about 5 minutes later, however. DUD.

– Sean Mooney interviews Savage and Hennig, and it’s TURKEYS FOR EVERYONE! Whoo-hoo!

– The Beverlys & Money Inc. v. The Nasty Boys & The Natural Disasters. Elimination rules. Blake (Mike Enos) gets creamed by the faces for quite a while. Dibiase looks way awesome in white. It becomes a heat segment on Sags. Of the bunch, he sucks the least, so that’s a good thing. The heels do manage to carry the match remarkably well, given the constraints of talent (Nasty Boys) and evolution (Typhoon). Hot tag to Earthquake and Beau gets sat on for the first pin. The Beverlys are eliminated. Heat segment on Earthquake, then hot tag to SHOCKMASTER, who luckily doesn’t trip on the way in. Poor guy will never that down but it’s Fred Ottman so who gives a s---. Typhoon tosses Dibiase and wipes out IRS, but that sneaky Ted hooks the leg from his position on his ass on the floor and IRS gets a cheap pin to eliminate the Disasters. He stands up to celebrate and Sags rolls him up for the fast pin to win the match. Que? I thought the point was to build the Nasty Boys – Money Inc. issue. Well, whatever, it was actually quite watchable up to the goofy ending. **

– Virgil gives a dire warning: Yokozuna is a menace not just to the WWF, but to society in general. He warns Bret Hart to beware. Hmm, he missed his calling as a bootlick—he should have been a booker…

– Casket match: The Undertaker v. Kamala. Ah, how UT must yearn for the simpler days of yore, when the worst he had to worry about was a fat cannibal and the occasional voodoo master. Kamala is terrified of the Undertaker, as if you couldn’t tell from his horrible over-acting. Blah blah blah, Kamala with three FAT CANNIBAL SPLASHES OF DEATH but UT does the zombie situp, whacks him with the urn and rolls him into the casket. Call it, oh, -**. UT nails the coffin shut for good measure.

– Sean Mooney with the SHOW STOPPER, THE SCENE STEALER, THE MAIN EVENT, THE ICON, THE HEARTBREAK KID, Shawn Michaels! Okay, none of those nicknames actually applied in 1992, but he was the Intercontinental champion. He gives a lousy interview, proving that he wasn’t a god…yet.

– WWF World title match: Bret Hart v. Shawn Michaels. Slow start. Shawn and Bret have a little side-bet or something where the winner is the person who can melodramatically sell the weakest move with the most pained expression on his face. Not a criticism, mind you. Bret works on the arm. Shawn comes back, but keeps it mat-based. Oodles of psychology here. Shawn misses a charge and Bret misses the elbow. Shawn retakes control but it’s the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM! And of course Shawn gets crotched on the top rope, because otherwise it’d be like Christmas without Xanta Claus. Weak ref bump leads to nada. Odd moment: At the point where Bret is weakened and Shawn would normally “cue up the band”, he kind of meanders around a bit, as if looking for something to do, because he doesn’t start doing that for another 3 years. But he seems to know that there’s something he should be doing there, ya know? Anyway, they trade some normal sequences and then BANG! out of nowhere, the superkick. Bret is out but since the lame-o teardrop suplex is Shawn’s finisher, he tries that instead. Bret blocks but Shawn hits on the second try, but only gets two. Shawn to the top rope, Bret catches him coming off, Sharpshooter, see ya. Excellent match. ****1/4

The Bottom Line:

1992 was the transition year from Hulkamania to “maybe this wrestling stuff can work on top after all”. Yokozuna spent a year or so dragging down the main event further, but by 1994 Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels ruled the upper card and the workers didn’t get knocked off until 1995.  Survivor Series and to a lesser extent Summerslam showed that a so-so undercard with a kick-ass main event could produce good results without The Orangle Goblin or the Babbling Maniac.

A pretty good card overall, by pre-Clique standards.  Mildly recommended card, if only for the tag match and the main event.

 

Survivor Series Countdown: 1992

The Netcop Retro Rant for Survivor Series 1992

Live from Richfield, OH, where we started all those years ago.

Your hosts are Mr. McMahon and Bobby Heenan.

Opening match: The Headshrinkers v. High Energy (Koko B Ware & Owen Hart).

High Energy with double-teams to control initially, and then Koko gets in and you can guess what happens next. Total squash, and a long one at that. Hot tag to Owen who cleans house and gets a few moves in (probably as a token offering to Bret) before falling prey to the FLYING FAT-ASSED SAMOAN OF DOOM splash. ¼*

Sean Mooney offers a parental guidance warning because the nightstick match between Bossman and Nailz might be too violent. How come they didn’t do that before matches where one guy hurtles 20 feet off the top of a cage and then dumps a bag of tacks in the ring? You’d think that sort of match would deserve a warning. Go fig. Nailz isn’t bad on the mic, oddly enough.

Nailz v. Big Bossman, nightstick match. Kick, punch, kick, punch, Bossman gets the nightstick and does stuff, Nailz gets the nightstick and does stuff, Bossman slam out of nowhere, see ya. DUD.

AWESOME interview/recap segment that makes the Perfect Team v. Flair/Ramon match seem just that much more important. I’ll go over the recap myself later. Flair gives a breathtakingly great interview to set up the match.

Tatanka v. Rick Martel.

And back down the wrestling food chain we go. You see, the Model stole, uh, some feathers or something, yeah. This was pretty whatever. The-not-yet-named clown who would come to be called Doink wanders down to ringside and makes balloon animals to keep the kiddies from nodding off during all the chinlocks. Finally, T-t-t-tanka makes the “pissed off racial stereotype” comeback, chops Martel about a million times, and hits the Papoose-to-go (whatever happened to that Bobby Heenan guy, anyway?) for the pin. ½*

(2011 Scott sez:  Am I ever going to review any of the matches for this show?  Quit being a smarmy jackass, 1998 Scott, and just review the damn match!)

Hennig and Savage see if they can’t go Flair one better, delivering another awesome interview build. Savage plays D-Lo Brown, yelling “Yeah!” and “Right on!” at random intervals.

– Ric Flair & Razor Ramon v. Randy Savage & Curt Hennig. Heenan’s shameless ass-kissing is a thing of beauty. Okay, while I’m watching the ring intros, here’s the reason for this match: Ultimate Warrior and Randy Savage were feuding over the World title leading up to Summerslam, and the antagonist in the situation was Ric Flair, who had both guys convinced that the other was working for Flair, when in fact neither was. Warrior beat Savage by countout at Summerslam, and injured him enough that Flair was able to cash in on the situation and win the World title himself a few days later. So Savage & Warrior decided to team up and challenge Flair and his crony Razor Ramon, but Warrior f----- it up by leaving the WWF ten days before Survivor Series. So Savage decided to play mind games with Flair in retaliation, asking his manager Curt Hennig to be his new partner. Hennig actually accepted, causing Bobby Heenan to flip out and fire Hennig. So Hennig turned face and we had this match. Lots of posturing to start, and the crowd goes nuts when Flair gets in. Great sequence with Flair and Hennig early on. Ramon is worthless at this point and this match would have been spectacular without him in there to f--- it up. As it is, it’s only very good. Flair is hilarious on the apron as he struts back and forth, milking the crowd. Ramon gets Savage in a submission hold and Hennig walks. But then he changes his mind and comes back. Hot tag to Hennig, and the crowd is absolutely gonzo. Hennig destroys Ramon, and Earl Hebner gets bumped. Razor’s Edge is reversed to a backdrop and Hennig hooks the Perfectplex. Joey “As dead as Jerry Garcia but nearly as grateful” Marella runs in for a two count, then Hennig hooks Flair and Hebner wakes up for another two count. All hell breaks loose and the heels are DQ’s for double-teaming as Savage lies dead on the outside. Flair destroys Hennig until Savage makes the save with a chair, and this description doesn’t do the mind-blowing amounts of heat being drawn here justice. It was just incredible. Savage and Hennig start a mutual admiration society after the match. ***1/4

– Flair rants and tells Mean Gene to shut up numerous times.

– Yokozuna v. Virgil. Weighing in at a slim, trim, ripped, buff, cut, chiselled, hammered and JAAAAAAAAAACKED 505 pounds, Yoko was at least looking human at this point. Virgil was looking flattened and splattered in 19 different places about 5 minutes later, however. DUD.

– Sean Mooney interviews Savage and Hennig, and it’s TURKEYS FOR EVERYONE! Whoo-hoo!

– The Beverlys & Money Inc. v. The Nasty Boys & The Natural Disasters. Elimination rules. Blake (Mike Enos) gets creamed by the faces for quite a while. Dibiase looks way awesome in white. It becomes a heat segment on Sags. Of the bunch, he sucks the least, so that’s a good thing. The heels do manage to carry the match remarkably well, given the constraints of talent (Nasty Boys) and evolution (Typhoon). Hot tag to Earthquake and Beau gets sat on for the first pin. The Beverlys are eliminated. Heat segment on Earthquake, then hot tag to SHOCKMASTER, who luckily doesn’t trip on the way in. Poor guy will never that down but it’s Fred Ottman so who gives a s---. Typhoon tosses Dibiase and wipes out IRS, but that sneaky Ted hooks the leg from his position on his ass on the floor and IRS gets a cheap pin to eliminate the Disasters. He stands up to celebrate and Sags rolls him up for the fast pin to win the match. Que? I thought the point was to build the Nasty Boys – Money Inc. issue. Well, whatever, it was actually quite watchable up to the goofy ending. **

– Virgil gives a dire warning: Yokozuna is a menace not just to the WWF, but to society in general. He warns Bret Hart to beware. Hmm, he missed his calling as a bootlick—he should have been a booker…

– Casket match: The Undertaker v. Kamala. Ah, how UT must yearn for the simpler days of yore, when the worst he had to worry about was a fat cannibal and the occasional voodoo master. Kamala is terrified of the Undertaker, as if you couldn’t tell from his horrible over-acting. Blah blah blah, Kamala with three FAT CANNIBAL SPLASHES OF DEATH but UT does the zombie situp, whacks him with the urn and rolls him into the casket. Call it, oh, -**. UT nails the coffin shut for good measure.

– Sean Mooney with the SHOW STOPPER, THE SCENE STEALER, THE MAIN EVENT, THE ICON, THE HEARTBREAK KID, Shawn Michaels! Okay, none of those nicknames actually applied in 1992, but he was the Intercontinental champion. He gives a lousy interview, proving that he wasn’t a god…yet.

– WWF World title match: Bret Hart v. Shawn Michaels. Slow start. Shawn and Bret have a little side-bet or something where the winner is the person who can melodramatically sell the weakest move with the most pained expression on his face. Not a criticism, mind you. Bret works on the arm. Shawn comes back, but keeps it mat-based. Oodles of psychology here. Shawn misses a charge and Bret misses the elbow. Shawn retakes control but it’s the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM! And of course Shawn gets crotched on the top rope, because otherwise it’d be like Christmas without Xanta Claus. Weak ref bump leads to nada. Odd moment: At the point where Bret is weakened and Shawn would normally “cue up the band”, he kind of meanders around a bit, as if looking for something to do, because he doesn’t start doing that for another 3 years. But he seems to know that there’s something he should be doing there, ya know? Anyway, they trade some normal sequences and then BANG! out of nowhere, the superkick. Bret is out but since the lame-o teardrop suplex is Shawn’s finisher, he tries that instead. Bret blocks but Shawn hits on the second try, but only gets two. Shawn to the top rope, Bret catches him coming off, Sharpshooter, see ya. Excellent match. ****1/4

The Bottom Line:

1992 was the transition year from Hulkamania to “maybe this wrestling stuff can work on top after all”. Yokozuna spent a year or so dragging down the main event further, but by 1994 Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels ruled the upper card and the workers didn’t get knocked off until 1995.  Survivor Series and to a lesser extent Summerslam showed that a so-so undercard with a kick-ass main event could produce good results without The Orangle Goblin or the Babbling Maniac.

A pretty good card overall, by pre-Clique standards.  Mildly recommended card, if only for the tag match and the main event.

 

Survivor Series Countdown: 1992

The Netcop Retro Rant for Survivor Series 1992

Live from Richfield, OH, where we started all those years ago.

Your hosts are Mr. McMahon and Bobby Heenan.

Opening match: The Headshrinkers v. High Energy (Koko B Ware & Owen Hart).

High Energy with double-teams to control initially, and then Koko gets in and you can guess what happens next. Total squash, and a long one at that. Hot tag to Owen who cleans house and gets a few moves in (probably as a token offering to Bret) before falling prey to the FLYING FAT-ASSED SAMOAN OF DOOM splash. ¼*

Sean Mooney offers a parental guidance warning because the nightstick match between Bossman and Nailz might be too violent. How come they didn’t do that before matches where one guy hurtles 20 feet off the top of a cage and then dumps a bag of tacks in the ring? You’d think that sort of match would deserve a warning. Go fig. Nailz isn’t bad on the mic, oddly enough.

Nailz v. Big Bossman, nightstick match. Kick, punch, kick, punch, Bossman gets the nightstick and does stuff, Nailz gets the nightstick and does stuff, Bossman slam out of nowhere, see ya. DUD.

AWESOME interview/recap segment that makes the Perfect Team v. Flair/Ramon match seem just that much more important. I’ll go over the recap myself later. Flair gives a breathtakingly great interview to set up the match.

Tatanka v. Rick Martel.

And back down the wrestling food chain we go. You see, the Model stole, uh, some feathers or something, yeah. This was pretty whatever. The-not-yet-named clown who would come to be called Doink wanders down to ringside and makes balloon animals to keep the kiddies from nodding off during all the chinlocks. Finally, T-t-t-tanka makes the “pissed off racial stereotype” comeback, chops Martel about a million times, and hits the Papoose-to-go (whatever happened to that Bobby Heenan guy, anyway?) for the pin. ½*

(2011 Scott sez:  Am I ever going to review any of the matches for this show?  Quit being a smarmy jackass, 1998 Scott, and just review the damn match!)

Hennig and Savage see if they can’t go Flair one better, delivering another awesome interview build. Savage plays D-Lo Brown, yelling “Yeah!” and “Right on!” at random intervals.

– Ric Flair & Razor Ramon v. Randy Savage & Curt Hennig. Heenan’s shameless ass-kissing is a thing of beauty. Okay, while I’m watching the ring intros, here’s the reason for this match: Ultimate Warrior and Randy Savage were feuding over the World title leading up to Summerslam, and the antagonist in the situation was Ric Flair, who had both guys convinced that the other was working for Flair, when in fact neither was. Warrior beat Savage by countout at Summerslam, and injured him enough that Flair was able to cash in on the situation and win the World title himself a few days later. So Savage & Warrior decided to team up and challenge Flair and his crony Razor Ramon, but Warrior f----- it up by leaving the WWF ten days before Survivor Series. So Savage decided to play mind games with Flair in retaliation, asking his manager Curt Hennig to be his new partner. Hennig actually accepted, causing Bobby Heenan to flip out and fire Hennig. So Hennig turned face and we had this match. Lots of posturing to start, and the crowd goes nuts when Flair gets in. Great sequence with Flair and Hennig early on. Ramon is worthless at this point and this match would have been spectacular without him in there to f--- it up. As it is, it’s only very good. Flair is hilarious on the apron as he struts back and forth, milking the crowd. Ramon gets Savage in a submission hold and Hennig walks. But then he changes his mind and comes back. Hot tag to Hennig, and the crowd is absolutely gonzo. Hennig destroys Ramon, and Earl Hebner gets bumped. Razor’s Edge is reversed to a backdrop and Hennig hooks the Perfectplex. Joey “As dead as Jerry Garcia but nearly as grateful” Marella runs in for a two count, then Hennig hooks Flair and Hebner wakes up for another two count. All hell breaks loose and the heels are DQ’s for double-teaming as Savage lies dead on the outside. Flair destroys Hennig until Savage makes the save with a chair, and this description doesn’t do the mind-blowing amounts of heat being drawn here justice. It was just incredible. Savage and Hennig start a mutual admiration society after the match. ***1/4

– Flair rants and tells Mean Gene to shut up numerous times.

– Yokozuna v. Virgil. Weighing in at a slim, trim, ripped, buff, cut, chiselled, hammered and JAAAAAAAAAACKED 505 pounds, Yoko was at least looking human at this point. Virgil was looking flattened and splattered in 19 different places about 5 minutes later, however. DUD.

– Sean Mooney interviews Savage and Hennig, and it’s TURKEYS FOR EVERYONE! Whoo-hoo!

– The Beverlys & Money Inc. v. The Nasty Boys & The Natural Disasters. Elimination rules. Blake (Mike Enos) gets creamed by the faces for quite a while. Dibiase looks way awesome in white. It becomes a heat segment on Sags. Of the bunch, he sucks the least, so that’s a good thing. The heels do manage to carry the match remarkably well, given the constraints of talent (Nasty Boys) and evolution (Typhoon). Hot tag to Earthquake and Beau gets sat on for the first pin. The Beverlys are eliminated. Heat segment on Earthquake, then hot tag to SHOCKMASTER, who luckily doesn’t trip on the way in. Poor guy will never that down but it’s Fred Ottman so who gives a s---. Typhoon tosses Dibiase and wipes out IRS, but that sneaky Ted hooks the leg from his position on his ass on the floor and IRS gets a cheap pin to eliminate the Disasters. He stands up to celebrate and Sags rolls him up for the fast pin to win the match. Que? I thought the point was to build the Nasty Boys – Money Inc. issue. Well, whatever, it was actually quite watchable up to the goofy ending. **

– Virgil gives a dire warning: Yokozuna is a menace not just to the WWF, but to society in general. He warns Bret Hart to beware. Hmm, he missed his calling as a bootlick—he should have been a booker…

– Casket match: The Undertaker v. Kamala. Ah, how UT must yearn for the simpler days of yore, when the worst he had to worry about was a fat cannibal and the occasional voodoo master. Kamala is terrified of the Undertaker, as if you couldn’t tell from his horrible over-acting. Blah blah blah, Kamala with three FAT CANNIBAL SPLASHES OF DEATH but UT does the zombie situp, whacks him with the urn and rolls him into the casket. Call it, oh, -**. UT nails the coffin shut for good measure.

– Sean Mooney with the SHOW STOPPER, THE SCENE STEALER, THE MAIN EVENT, THE ICON, THE HEARTBREAK KID, Shawn Michaels! Okay, none of those nicknames actually applied in 1992, but he was the Intercontinental champion. He gives a lousy interview, proving that he wasn’t a god…yet.

– WWF World title match: Bret Hart v. Shawn Michaels. Slow start. Shawn and Bret have a little side-bet or something where the winner is the person who can melodramatically sell the weakest move with the most pained expression on his face. Not a criticism, mind you. Bret works on the arm. Shawn comes back, but keeps it mat-based. Oodles of psychology here. Shawn misses a charge and Bret misses the elbow. Shawn retakes control but it’s the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM! And of course Shawn gets crotched on the top rope, because otherwise it’d be like Christmas without Xanta Claus. Weak ref bump leads to nada. Odd moment: At the point where Bret is weakened and Shawn would normally “cue up the band”, he kind of meanders around a bit, as if looking for something to do, because he doesn’t start doing that for another 3 years. But he seems to know that there’s something he should be doing there, ya know? Anyway, they trade some normal sequences and then BANG! out of nowhere, the superkick. Bret is out but since the lame-o teardrop suplex is Shawn’s finisher, he tries that instead. Bret blocks but Shawn hits on the second try, but only gets two. Shawn to the top rope, Bret catches him coming off, Sharpshooter, see ya. Excellent match. ****1/4

The Bottom Line:

1992 was the transition year from Hulkamania to “maybe this wrestling stuff can work on top after all”. Yokozuna spent a year or so dragging down the main event further, but by 1994 Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels ruled the upper card and the workers didn’t get knocked off until 1995.  Survivor Series and to a lesser extent Summerslam showed that a so-so undercard with a kick-ass main event could produce good results without The Orangle Goblin or the Babbling Maniac.

A pretty good card overall, by pre-Clique standards.  Mildly recommended card, if only for the tag match and the main event.

 

Survivor Series Countdown: 1991

The Netcop Rant for Survivor Series 1991.

Live from Detroit, MI.

Your hosts are Gorilla & The Weasel.

Opening match:  Ted Dibiase, The Mountie, The Warlord & Ric Flair v. Bret Hart, Roddy Piper, The British Bulldog & Virgil.

Flair’s video-distorted belt of choice tonight is the WWF tag title.  Dibiase has his Million $ Belt back, after he and Repo Man beat the Miracle Jobber Connection (Virgil & Santana) on a countdown show leading up to this PPV.  I should point out that the STR (Suck-To-Rule) Ratio for the team members here is .750, which is pretty amazing.  Piper & Dibiase go first and tear it up, to enormous heat.  Wow, hot crowd.  Dibiase and Bret go next, and here is where the famous “Reverse, charge” spot call occurs.  There was also one in the 90 show, but it wasn’t nearly as loud or obvious as this one.  My bad.  Anyway, great sequence follows, then Bret & Flair go at it.  Flair ends up getting beat down by everyone, and then Piper MURDERS him.  Flair bails and brings in the Warlord.  Mountie gets destroyed next, and Bulldog is about to finish him, when Flair hits a cheapshot from the top rope and pins him.  Piper commences kicking ass, but gets quadruple-teamed.  He manages to escape a Boston Crab by tagging Virgil.  We get the inevitable Virgil-Dibiase showdown, and it ends badly for Virgil…in a Warlord full-nelson.  However, Bret repays Flair’s earlier cheating by hitting his own shot from behind, and Piper pins Warlord.  Good booking there.  Virgil gets the Dream on Dibiase, but he escapes.  Heels work Virgil over for a while as Heenan plays armchair quarterback and nearly cracks Monsoon up on a few occasions.  Piper gets the hot tag, and shrugs off Flair’s offense.  Big brawl erupts, with Flair doing the Flip to the floor, and the ref DQ’s everyone…who was in the ring.  Oops, that leaves Flair, who is thus the Survivor.  Great match, bad ending.  ***1/2

Randy Savage cuts a promo.  It’s This Tuesday in Texas, ya know.  Order now.

 Col. Mustafa, The Berzerker, Skinner & Hercules v. Texas Tornado, Tito Santana, Hacksaw Duggan & Sgt. Slaughter.

I never bought Slaughter’s face turn, and neither did the fans.  And it’s time to play my favorite game again!  Let’s see…jobber, jobber, jobber, jobber, suicidal drug addict, jobber, jobber, traitor.  Close call, but I’ll have to say that the heels have the advantage because none of them are liable to kill themselves mid-match.  And while I’m ranting, is this like the biggest collection of loser gimmicks in the history of wrestling or what?  It’s like the bottom of the Pat Patterson Idea Barrel or something.  Skinner takes a quick flying jalapeno and bails, and a stall session results.  Oh, man, it’s gonna be one of THOSE matches, I can just feel it.  The match drags on, and it’s like watching Heroes of Wrestling all over again.  Mustafa loads up the POINTY-TOED BOOT OF DEATH and gets two on Duggan, and then Slaughter comes in and hits a clothesline on him for the pin.  Berzerker bumps around a bit for Duggan.  Santana hits El Pace With Extra Picante on Hercules and gets rid of him.  Slaughter gets a blind tag and cradles Skinner for the pin.  Duggan finishes Berzerker with the three-point stance to put me (and the crowd) out of our misery at 14:15.  This was well and truly awful, but at least it was reasonably quick.  -*

 Jake Roberts offers his rebuttal to Randy Savage.  The hidden message:  Sure, we know you’ve just blown $30 on THIS crappy PPV, but since you’re in a spending mood, why not blow ANOTHER $20 on ANOTHER crappy PPV?  (2011 Scott sez:  Nowadays we’d kill for a $30 PPV and be like “Only $20 for the followup next week?  I’m in!”)

 WWF title match:  Hulk Hogan v. The Undertaker.

Taker was “undefeated” at this point, which translated from WWF-ese means that the Ultimate Warrior’s victories over him were erased from history.  UT no-sells Hogan’s initial offense and runs through some of his stuff, then Hogan starts no-selling, but Undertaker no-sells that no-selling.  UT wins that particular war of wills and chokes Hogan out with a cable.  UT methodically chokes him down with a face claw, giving Gorilla a chance to run through some of his usual cliches about fans on the edge of their seats and such.  After a LONG resthold, UT hits the flying clothesline and tombstone, which Hogan of course no-sells.  Hulk gets the dramatic bodyslam, and HEEEEEEEEEERE’S Flair.  He tries the steal the title belt, but Hogan stops him and then goes back to hit the big boot on Undertaker.  Legdrop, but Paul Bearer grabs Hogan’s leg.  The ref goes to deal with *him*, and that allows Flair the chance to toss a chair in the ring, which Undertaker tombstones Hulk on, and we have a new champion.  Hey, is that a FACE pop I hear for Undertaker?  Nah, couldn’t be, Hogan made the business and drew all the money from 1984 on, right?  Match was an abortion, of course.  DUD

Interview-O-Rama kills some time.

The Beverly Brothers & The Nasty Boys v. The Rockers & The Bushwhackers. 

Strangely, the Rockers were probably at the height of their popularity and credibility at this point, just before they self-destructed.  Bushwhackers control the flow to start and clear the ring.  Knobbs hits a quick clothesline on Luke, however, and pins him.  The Rockers double-team Sags for a bit, and then a painfully boring sequence with Marty playing cokehead-in-peril follows.  Butch gets the hot tag, but falls victim to the Beverly Bounce about 3 seconds later and is gone.  Marty pulls out a rana for two on Beau.  Shawn comes in and gets beat up.  Crowd is just gone.  Shawn catches Beau with a backslide and pins him.  Gorilla starts reading heelishness into Marty’s actions, then later Shawn’s.  See, at that point the WWF was still undecided about which Rocker would get the sacred heel push.  In my opinion, it wouldn’t have mattered either way, because Shawn didn’t truly get over until 1994 anyway and by then Marty had long since become a pathetic shell of his former self.  But I digress.  Shawn hits a running clothesline off the apron on Sags, then reluctantly tags in Marty, who is a house of fire for 3 seconds before getting pounded again.  The announcers fill downtime by talking about…you guessed it….THIS TUESDAY IN TEXAS.  And man, there’s a LOT of downtime to fill here.  Pier-six brawl erupts, and Marty slams Sags, who ends up kicking Shawn in the face on the way down.  Knobbs quickly cradles the stunned Michaels and pins him.  This prompts Shawn to tease a heel turn, but he just leaves.  So it’s Marty 3-on-1.  Massive heel beatdown is punctuated by a couple of highspots from Jannetty, but in the end Knobbs rolls Jannetty over as he’s small-packaging Sags, and the heels get the win at 23:04.  Yes, they actually gave this  half an hour with entrances, I’m just as shocked as you.  3/4* for a couple of highspots.  Survivors:  Blake Beverly, Jerry Sags, Brian Knobbs, and ME, for staying awake through it all.

 The Natural Disasters & IRS v. Big Bossman & The Legion of Doom.

Interesting thing I heard on the Meltzer radio show:  IRS was dreamed up by Vince McMahon as a shot at the real IRS, who audited him the year before.  I dunno why this is just a six-man, but it’s still elimination rules.  (2011 Scott sez:  Because Randy Savage got bit by a snake, duh!) LOD dominates Typhoon in sloppy fashion.  Bossman gets bopped with the briefcase and pinned by IRS.  Animal takes some big fat punishment.  Man, this is too exciting for words.  Hawk gets the hot tag.  They try the briefcase trick again, but the same trick can’t work twice according to the rules of wrestling, so it misses and Typhoon takes it instead, and gets pinned.  Earthquake bitches at IRS about that miscue, and ends up walking out with Typhoon, leaving IRS 2-on-1 against the tag champs.  RIP, IRS.  (2011 Scott sez:  Actually, RIP Earthquake, Big Bossman and Hawk.  These are some depressing percentages of dead wrestlers.)  Animal gets the pin after the usual at 15:21.  Survivors:  The Legion of Doom.  1/2*

Hulk Hogan and Undertaker offer their final thoughts and hype THIS TUESDAY IN TEXAS.

The Bottom Line:

Well, the first match was great, and Hulk Hogan jobbed, which is always good for a laugh, but the rest is strictly sadomasochist territory.  Perhaps Vince knew that too, because in 92 he scrapped the tag match format entirely for a year, and gave us a pretty awesome main event to boot.

But that’s another rant.  Anyway, this show is definitely not recommended.