The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.03.22
Back from vacation in Calgary! Hopefully you got through the past few days with only Tommy’s reviews to get you through. We actually don’t have Hot Topic in Saskatoon, so it was kind of cool to be able to walk into a store and pick up AEW shirts without having to order online.
Live from Columbus, OH
Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz
Orange Cassidy v. Jay Lethal
Orange goes for the pockets and gets a rollup for one to start, and then grabs a headlock and demands that the ref ask him. And then he dodges an armdrag and gets the pockets, dropkicking Lethal to the floor to block the Lethal Injection and then following with a tope. He delivers such a hellacious ass-kicking that Lethal has to run away and hide behind Satnam, but this brings out the Best Friends as WORLD’S MOST GIANTEST DOCTOR to even it up. Back in the ring, Lethal takes out the knee and goes to work on the leg with the stairs, and we take a break. Back with Jay continuing on the leg, but Orange goes up and Lethal brings him down for a figure-four. Orange quickly rolls to the ropes, but Jay goes to the top and Orange rolls away from that as well. Orange goes up and Lethal brings him down, so Orange counters into a pair of tornado DDTs for two. Unfortunately the knee gives out on the Orange Punch, but he still counters a powerbomb into a Beach Break for two. He tries another punch, but Lethal clips the knee and goes for the figure-four, which Orange reverses to a cradle for two. Lethal Injection finishes at 12:50, setting up Jay for the TNT title shot. Another quality Orange match on Dynamite. ***1/4 So Lethal decides to put another figure-four on Orange to send a message to Wardlow, but Wardlow makes the save. And this sets up the title match at Battle of the Belts III, which is apparently this Saturday. Well at least that one has a real main event now.
The Undisputed Elite join us, and Adam Cole still isn’t medically cleared, sadly. But he does want to talk about loyalty, which is everything to him. Which is why he forbids the Young Bucks from entering the Trios tournament, and then we get another turn, as Fish & O’Reilly turn on the Bucks, and Hangman Page saves to reunite the Elite. Well, mostly. There’s still one guy missing. Man, after months of people complaining that the booking was on a treadmill, we’ve definitely been shaking up the status quo for the past few weeks.
Meanwhile, Jon Moxley clarifies that he doesn’t care who his opponent is in the ring, and he’ll beat them until they’re injured and bloodied up, which is why he doesn’t care if Yuta wins tonight because he’ll happily beat him up as well.
Meanwhile, Christian chats with Tony, but Jungle Boy tries to run him over, which seems a bit extreme.
Jamie Hayter & Dr. Britt Baker DMD v. Toni Storm & Thunder Rosa
Big brawl to start and Britt immediately goes for the Lockjaw on Rosa, but she reverses for two and then suplexes out. Over to Hayter, but Thunder dropkicks her on the ropes for two. Toni comes in for the double-team with elbows in the corner, and a double suplex gets two. Britt gets a cheapshot on Rosa from the apron and the heels take over as we take a break. Back with Rosa hitting a stunner on Hayter, and Toni comes in with a flying bodypress for two. She follows with another one and a powerbomb for two, but they try a double suplex on Hayter and she reverses and suplexes both of them. Britt comes in and fights off both ThunderStormers, then takes Toni off the top with an Air Raid Crash. Curb stomp gets two for Hayter, but Rosa makes the save. Rosa and Britt slug it out and Britt wins that one, but Storm gets a tornado DDT and Hayter lays out Storm with a backbreaker as everyone is down. The faces come back with stereo suplexes and Storm gets the HIP ATTACK OF DEATH on both, but then hits Rosa by accident and Hayter finishes Toni with a lariat at 12:12. So this continues on and Britt wins, again. Took them a while to work out the sloppiness but it ended up OK. **3/4
Meanwhile, Sammy and Tay are busy getting married in Europe, but Eddie Kingston interrupts the video package because NO ONE CARES. So they’re having a match at All Out.
Meanwhile, Taz officially dissolves Team Taz and wishes the best to everyone involved.
Powerhouse Hobbs v. Ren Jones
Hobbs lays out the guy with a corner splash and follows with an Oklahoma Stampede, and then blasts him with a clothesline to finish at 0:48. And before he can even celebrate, Ricky Starks charges in and attacks, which goes badly for him. That was just dumb on his part. Did he not see what Hobbs just did to that poor bastard?
Meanwhile, Miro continues conversing with his god.
Meanwhile, Darby Allin apparently tattoos “the coffin drops on Brody King” on his own hand. Man I hope that was gimmicked. But I mean, kudos on the penmanship.
Matt Hardy v. Christian Cage
Matt attacks to start, but Christian slugs him down in the corner. They head to the floor and Matt runs him into the railing and then beats on him in the corner. Powerbomb gets two. Back to the floor, where Christian hits him with a knee into the stairs but I think hurts himself? Not really sure what they were going for with that one. We take a break and return with Matt getting a superplex before going up with a yodelling elbow, but Christian escapes the Twist of Fate. They fight to the top and Matt backdrops him off the top and follows with an elbow for two. Cage necks him on the top rope and comes in with a diving headbutt for two. Matt catches him with the Side Effect for two. Christian bails to the apron and Matt hits him with another out on the HARDEST PART OF THE RING, and then brings the table over, but misses an elbow and puts himself through. Back in, some guy at ringside has a savage sign saying “I played this match on No Mercy” while Christian finishes with the Killswitch at 11:20. Snarky sign aside, obviously they’ve had a million matches together and know how to work together in their sleep, so this was really good and well-worked. ***1/4 Christian goes for the conchairto, but Luchasaurus provides distraction and Jungle Boy makes the save and chases Christian back into the crowd again.
Meanwhile, Daniel Garcia declares last week’s win the biggest in AEW history, thus making him the DRAGON SLAYER. That could work!
Meanwhile, Pac defends his All Atlantic title again on Dark, and has words with Kip Sabian.
Ethan Page joins us to continue complaining about his mistreatment and lack of action figure. We’re leaving money on the table! You know how I hate that. So Stokely Hathaway interrupts his rant and gives him a business card, which is probably an upgrade over Dan Lambert.
Meanwhile, 2.0 and Anna Jay continue lacking appreciation from the AEW Galaxy, and then Anna snaps and chokes out some random guy. Ok this gimmick kind of rules.
Dumpster Match: The Acclaimed v. The Gunn Clubb
We don’t even get a rap from Max before the Acclaimed lays them out with trashcans, and then Max promises to make them retire like Vince McMahon, which draws gasps from the crowd. But then the Gunns attack Bowens outside and he nearly falls into the dumpster, but hangs on while Austin hits him with the lid. Interesting bit of nerdiness as Bowens is wearing the same green and pink color scheme that Billy wore back at the time of the original dumpster match. Both Acclaimed get dumped into the trash, but they fight out and we take a break. Back with Bowens taking a bump onto some cans, but Caster fights back on the Gunns before getting suplexed on the ramp. Bowens comes back to save, but takes a Colt 45 on the ramp. The Gunns put him on a table and Austin tries an elbow off the tunnel, but Caster sneaks up on him and tosses him into the dumpster of packing peanuts. Oh man, that would be LGR’s worst nightmare. And Caster follows with his own flying elbow on Colton, throws him into the dumpster, and they close the lid to win at 8:34. But since they need to fully pay tribute to 1997, they tie the lid shut and shove them off the stage for good measure. Just kind of a goofy 90s tribute, and not much to it otherwise. **
Meanwhile, Mance Warner wins a battle royale to earn a chance at facing Jon Moxley on Rampage. Also Madison Rayne?
Wheeler Yuta v. Chris Jericho
Yuta uses a decidedly im-Pure eyepoke on Jericho, taught to him personally by William Regal, and then goes after the nose in the corner as Jericho runs away. They fight on the floor and Yuta runs him into the railing, but 2.0 get involved and Aubrey tosses them. Jericho uses the distraction and gets a rollup, but Yuta slugs away in the corner, only for Jericho to crotch him on the top rope as we take a break. Back with Yuta making a comeback with an enzuigiri and a flying clothesline, but they both try a bodypress and collide. They slug it out and Yuta hits him with german suplexes, which gets two. Jericho rolls him into the Walls to counter another one, but Yuta makes the ropes. Yuta backdrops him to the floor and follows with a tope, and back in with a flying bodypress for two. Jericho cuts him off with a backbreaker, but Yuta blocks the Lionsault and goes up, landing in the codebreaker for two. Yuta goes for the nose again and takes Jericho down into a Regal stretch, but Jericho grabs the bat to distract the ref and then kicks Yuta in the nuts. Yuta ducks the Judas Effect and rolls up Jericho for two, but Jericho rolls him into the Walls again and it’s the Liontamer this time to finish at 12:33. Jericho gave him a ton of offense before putting him away. ***1/2 Jon Moxley prevents any further beatdowns, but Jericho promises to “stretch the s--- out of Moxley” and win the title next week.
Well, I still have no idea where they’re going with the main event of All Out, but you can’t say there’s not lots of stuff happening right now, that’s for sure. Another very entertaining two hours, although nothing approaching the level of matches we got last week.