The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 05.28.94

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 05.28.94

Taped from Albany, NY, 04.27.94

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

LAST WEEK:  Lex Luger chokes again and manages to lose a King of the Ring qualifier to the guy who thinks he’s a country music star.

Jerry Lawler interviews Dr. Harvey backstage, and he’s pretty confident that Adam Bomb can take out the 1-2-3 Kid.  I find it interesting that by this point, Harvey has gone from looking and acting like Downtown Bruno to just being a guy in a suit.

Diesel v. PJ Walker

Diesel beats on future Kliq-adjacent Walker with elbows in the corner, although he doesn’t stop to frame them so they lose a little bit of effectiveness.  Walker fights back and tries to throw punches on Diesel, but a big boot puts him down again and the short arm clothesline and Emerald City Slam set up the powerbomb to finish at 1:55.  Interestingly, they still hadn’t coined the Big Daddy Cool nickname for Diesel quite yet.  I kind of thought it happened right after he got the title.  Diesel still wasn’t particularly over at this point.  0 for 1.

The PPV commercial hyping up Roddy Piper having “one final battle” is pretty hilarious given all the “retirements” he went through after that final battle.

The Smoking Gunns v. Iron Mike Sharpe & Tony DeVito

Sharpe immediately hits his partner by mistake and Billy dropkicks him out of the ring while Vince makes the ludicrous claim that Roddy Piper was only pinned once in his entire WWF career, by Bret Hart.  Well that’s a lie.  I’ve seen him get pinned numerous times, by Jimmy Snuka and Ric Flair just off the top of my head.  I mean, if we want to narrow it down to specifically PPV matches, then whatever, but that’s not what Vince said. DeVito comes in and the Gunns double-team him in their corner for a bit, and Bart drops an elbow and follows with a suplex.  Bart with a powerslam and the Sidewinder finishes at 3:00.  The Gunns looked fine here.  1 for 2.

LIVE EVENT NEWS!  WITH STAN LANE!  The WWF attended some kind of jazz celebration for Quincy Jones in Harlem, and they sent Men on a Mission because they’re urban, I guess.

King of the Ring Qualifier:  Adam Bomb v. 1-2-3 Kid

Bomb beats on the Kid in the corner and tosses him across the ring for a clothesline before dropping elbows on him for two.  Kid tries a crossbody and Bomb catches him for a backbreaker. Bomb charges and misses, however, landing on the floor, and Kid tries a dive and gets caught and slammed out there.  Back in the ring, Bomb goes to a chinlock and Kid quickly fights up, so Bomb puts him down with a knee and follows with the choke on the ropes.  But then he charges and crotches himself, allowing Kid to make the comeback with a leg lariat RIGHT IN THE KISSER for two.  Wippleman takes the ref and Kid hits a bodypress for a visual pinfall, but then Kwang comes out to spew green mist.  But alas, it misses and hits Adam Bomb by mistake, and Kid rolls him up for the banana peel win at 5:20. And then Harvey leaves with Kwang and I guess that was Adam Bomb’s babyface turn.  Standard “big v. small” match here with Kid taking big bumps for Bomb.  2 for 3.

Yokozuna v. Corey Student

Yoko beats Student down and drops the leg on him while Vince notes that we’re celebrating the 50th anniversary of D-Day by having the Headshrinkers, Men on a Mission and Bam Bam doing a tug of war against the Marines on the USS Intrepid.  Yeah that makes sense, I guess!  Belly to belly finishes at 2:05.  2 for 4.

Next week:  Lex Luger is the special guest on the Heartbreak Hotel.  I bet he slips and falls on the way to the ring and has to miss it.

King of the Ring Report!  With Todd Pettengill! 

Bret Hart promises to put Diesel in the Sharpshooter!  And did we mention that Roddy Piper is having his last match ever?

IRS v. Mike Maraldo

Irwin’s pre-match trash talk is actually pretty funny, as he chastises the poor for “burdening the wealthy” by forcing the rich to pay most of the taxes out of their hard-earned money.  Elon Musk probably feels that way.  IRS quickly finishes with the STF at 1:33.  2 for 5.

Meanwhile, a tow truck driver claims to have seen the Undertaker jumping on cars on the freeway and then disappearing.  Huge if true.

Meanwhile, Ted Dibiase is in a funeral parlor, because he’s made contact with the Undertaker and will soon purchase his services again.  “Can you imagine?” asks Vince, “That would be dreadful!”  I love shoot comments that aren’t supposed to be shoot comments.

The Heavenly Bodies v. Mike Davis & Phil Apollo

Del Ray accepts a handshake from Apollo and then turns on him, before choking him out in the corner.  Double suplex follows and Dr. Tom beats on Apollo and chokes him out on the ropes.  Del Ray with a superkick and he stops to dance, allowing Apollo to bring Mike Davis in.  And he quickly gets punked out and finished with a double team powerbomb at 3:08.  The Bodies just kind of continue existing in midcard limbo. 2 for 6.

Next week: Kwang v. Adam Bomb! 

Man are these shows dull.  And we’ve still got three weeks until King of the Ring!