The SmarK Rant for AEW Dark Elevation – 05.16.22

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dark Elevation – 05.16.22

Taped from Long Island, NY

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Anthony Ogogo, Paul Wight & Mark Henry

Brandon Cutler v. Bear Bronson

Bear overpowers Cutler and chases him out of the ring to start, and we get a wacky chase before Bronson hits him with sort of a dive to win that.  Back in the ring, Bear with a running splash in the corner, but he misses a charge and Cutler uses some Rancho Cucamonga Karate to take over.  Mark Henry still isn’t convinced that Rancho Cucamonga is a real place anyway.  You can say that about most of California, if we’re being honest.  Bear counters the punches in the corner with a spinebuster and finishes with the Bossman Slam at 2:30.  The Bears are still not particularly over or, you know, good.  0 for 1.

Oh yay now AEW is on this Draft Kings nonsense.

Brody King v. Alex Reynolds

King immediately wallops Reynolds in the corner and chops him, but misses a blind charge.  Alex fights back with elbows, but King just levels him with a lariat and finishes with a damn Ganso Bomb at 1:45.  Ouch.  I’ll give that a point.  1 for 2.

Yuka Sakazaki & Anna Jay v. Nyla Rose & Emi Sakura

Mark goes through a couple of different prospective names for the heel team, first “The Dangerous Duo” and then “The Dirty No Good Heels” after they attack before the bell.  Well keep working on it, Mark.  The faces double-team Nyla with kicks in the corner and Yuka goes up with a missile dropkick for two.  But then she tries a springboard and somehow gets knocked down after interference from Vickie and Sakura, and Nyla hits the guillotine knee for two.  Emi comes in with the corner splash and follows with the double arm backbreaker for two, but she picks Yuka up.  But then Nyla comes in and hits Sakura by mistake, and Yuka hits a spinning faceplant for the pin at 3:25.  This was disappointingly short, actually.  Usually they throw some combination of these women out there for 10:00 and it’s pretty good.  Anna Jay wasn’t even in the match.  1 for 3.

Meanwhile, Team Taz is on the Hey (Ew) show.

Zack Clayton, Bryce Donovan, GKM & Lucas Chase v. The Gunn Clubb & The Acclaimed

Caster does a total babyface rap here because he’s from the area, although the crowd won’t pay proper respect to the Gunns.  The Gunns tag themselves in and take out the jobbers on the apron, and Caster hits the Mic Drop elbow on GKM to set up Bowens for the pin at 1:45.  And we get the four-way scissoring to celebrate.  Nothing to this one.  1 for 4.

Evil Uno & 10 v. Eric James & VSK

So are they 11 as a team?  They quickly take James to the corner and 10 gets a long delayed suplex, so long delayed it should be called the Cyberpunk 2077, but VSK comes in with a slingshot senton on Uno.  But 10 cuts him off and hits the spinebuster on James to set up a double team powerbomb to finish at 2:30.  As a replacement for Stu Grayson, he’s got a ways to go.  1 for 5.

ROH Women’s title:  Mercedes Martinez v. Trish Adora

See, this is fine.  Stick the ROH titles on the YouTube shows, no problem.  Mercedes rolls out of a wristlock and takes her down, but Adora reverses to a headscissors on the mat.  Rollup gets two, but Mercedes gives her some elbows in the corner and pus her down with an exploder.  Shotgun dropkick in the corner gets two.  Trish fights back with forearms and a german suplex for two.  And then Mercedes gets the rolling suplexes and finishes with the dragon sleeper at 5:32.  They did the big ring announcement deal to make it seem like a big deal, but it really wasn’t.  1 for 6.

Man this was a complete zero of a show this week.  At least none of their top stars walked out before the main event, I guess.