The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 05.21.94

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 05.21.94

Taped from Albany, NY on 04.27.94, as we start falling further behind on the taping schedule again.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

Razor Ramon v. Derek Domino

Razor beats on Domino with chops and tosses him across the ring, and then hits the fallaway slam while Lawler notes that Roddy Piper is such a coward that he needs anesthetic just to sit in the waiting room.  That’s pretty cowardly.  Razor ties the geek up on the mat and slaps him around before chokeslamming him and then choking him out on the ropes as this squash drags on.  Finally the backdrop suplex and Razor’s Edge finish at 4:15.  This was pretty lethargic.  0 for 1.

Meanwhile, on RAW, Earthquake faces Yokozuna in a sumo match that ended up being Quake’s exit from the promotion.

Crush v. Mike Terrance

Crush does a promo on Luger before the match, although Vince notes that it’s unlikely Lex heard him because “he can only concentrate on one thing at a time” and he’s busy training for Jeff Jarrett.  Even Lawler has to call that bit of nonsense out.  Crush finishes with a tilt a whirl backbreaker at 0:58.  They still can’t decide on a finisher for heel Crush.  He’s used the head vice, heart punch, press slam, and a couple of others.  0 for 2.

Duke The Dumpster Droese v. Mike Bell

Duke dumps a can full of trash on Jerry Lawler on the way to the ring to establish him as a babyface.  He hits Bell with a spinebuster and puts him down with a back elbow before finishing with a tilt a whirl slam at 2:14.  That would of course later be dubbed the TRASH COMPACTOR as this match kind of encapsulates all the worst aspects of the “wrestling clowns and garbagemen” era of the promotion that everyone hated and dunked on years later.  0 for 3.

KING OF THE RING UPDATE!  WITH TODD!

Newly announced:  The Headshrinkers defend the tag titles against Crush and Yokozuna in a match with zero buildup, featuring two guys who we just saw feuding with other people earlier in this very show.  They couldn’t even have the Quebecers challenge for the belts or something?  Also we get another promo from Roddy Piper, as he works out and solicits donations for the hospital.  Also Art Donovan will be at the show doing something.

The Headshrinkers v. Raymond Roy & Jim Massanger

The goobers attack in the corner and the Shrinkers ignore them and then put Massenger down with a double headbutt.  Over to Roy, who gets slammed by Samu as Lawler and Vince do a whole bit about Lawler is still covered in smelly garbage from earlier.  Fatu finishes with the flying splash at 2:00.  0 for 4

Meanwhile, some guy claims that Undertaker came into his deli and orders six dozen eclairs and a Thermos full of coffee and then disappears.

Meanwhile, Ted Dibiase is in a cemetery and he’s going to find the Undertaker before Paul Bearer.   1994 ladies and gentlemen.

King of the Ring Qualifier:  Lex Luger v. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett has Fuj the Stooge with him this week to telegraph the screwjob coming.  JJ hides in the corner and Lex brings him out for a headlock, so JJ goes back to the ropes again.  Jarrett works him over in the corner, but Luger comes back with a hiptoss and bodypress for two.  Jarrett works the arm, but Lex escapes with a press slam and a bunch of clotheslines, only to walk into a flag shot from Fuji as we take a break.  Back with Luger getting a rollup for two, but Jarrett works the back while Luger does his grunt-selling.  Jarrett tosses him and now Crush runs out and sends Luger into the stairs, and Luger chases after him while Jarrett wins by countout at 7:00.  That was literally his own fault, he could have just gotten back into the ring.  And again, this wasn’t even leading to anything, Crush was challenging for the tag titles at the PPV!  0 for 5.

Next week:  1-2-3 Kid v. Adam Bomb in a King of the Ring Qualifier.

A PUTRID episode as we stumble onwards to King of the Ring.