The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents The Macho Man & Elizabeth

The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents The Macho Man Randy Savage & Elizabeth

I know that “Macho Madness” is the one more in demand as a redo, since I originally watched this one a mere 15 years ago on WWE 24/7, but it’s my blog.  So there.

Released 08.20.86

This one has a “Presented in the most complete form possible” disclaimer on the WWE Network, but the runtime matches the original tape, so I dunno. Maybe they’re referring to the fact that the video tape cover lists it as “The Macho Man Randy Savage & Elizabeth” but the graphics on the tape say “Randy The Macho Man Savage & Elizabeth”.  I SURE HOPE SOMEONE GOT FIRED OVER THAT BLUNDER.

Hosted by Mean Gene

Hulk Hogan v. Rusty Brooks

This is from Championship Wrestling, a rare squash appearance for Hulk, and Randy Savage decides to interject himself at ringside.  And then he sends Elizabeth in to politely ask on behalf of Savage why Hogan “doesn’t wrestle anyone with any credentials”.  SOLID POINT.  So Rusty tries to attack and Hulk quickly slams him and pins him with the legdrop at 0:36.  Still the biggest match of his life, I bet.  Savage tries to politely ask his question again, but Hulk attacks him like a coward and Elizabeth is thankfully there to pull Savage away so that he doesn’t kill the World champion on national TV and leave Vince McMahon without a champion.  Thank god for her.  1 for 1.

WWF title: Hulk Hogan v. Randy Savage

We’re in MSG, joined in progress with Savage bleeding all over the place, no doubt from Hogan using an illegal weapon on him behind the ref’s back.  Hulk tries to run Savage into the post, but then he trips like a big clumsy ape and runs into it himself, staying outside of the ring to avoid further confrontation with the Macho Man, as Savage wins by countout at 1:00 shown.  Sore loser Hogan, terrified of Savage getting another title shot after that win, continues beating on the Macho Man afterwards.

WWF title, Lumberjack match:  Hulk Hogan v. Randy Savage

So this is the MSG rematch after Hogan’s cowardly countout loss, and of course he attacks Savage before the bell like a true sportsman.  He beats on Savage with the title belt and then hits a backdrop suplex before throwing Savage to the floor.  And he can’t even let the lumberjacks do their job, as he goes out and throws Savage back in himself!  What a controlling glory hound.  Back in the ring, Hulk chokes him out and goes to a bearhug before hitting Savage with a back elbow in the corner, but he tries the legdrop and trips on his own feet.  And then he blames it on King Kong Bundy!  What a liar!  Savage comes back with a double axehandle to the “taped” ribs, although Hulk is probably lying about that injury too like everything else, and Savage tosses him to the floor where all his previous victims get some revenge.  Bundy gives him a pair of Avalanches into the post to teach him a lesson about telling the truth, and back in for another double axehandle from Savage to the ribs, which gets two.  I bet his ribs really ARE injured now, which serves him right for crying wolf.  Rib injuries can be very serious and painful and Hogan is a real piece of work for making light of it.  Savage undoes the tape and then goes up, while holding the tape to keep Hogan in place mind you, and drops another axehandle on the ribs for two.  Kneedrop to the ribs gets two.  Elbowdrop gets two despite the referee’s blatant slow count, obviously on the take from Hogan.  He probably hid the ref’s payoff in the phony rib tape.  Savage with another double axehandle to the ribs for two.  Savage keeps working the count, hoping for a fair call from the biased ref, but Hulk suddenly forgets about his supposed rib injury and makes the comeback.  I TOLD YOU HE WAS A BIG FAT LIAR!  Hulk with the big boot, and George Steele trips up Savage from the outside because he’s also in on the conspiracy against the Macho Man, and Hulk gets the legdrop for the pin at 7:30 to retain.  Referee counted so fast that he could get out and spend his ill-gotten payoff money on hookers and blow, I bet.  2 for 2.

Meanwhile, on TNT, Savage rips a picture of Elizabeth out of the WWF Magazine and tosses it her, because there’s no picture of him.  That’s fair.  Also Savage is wearing his “Hulk Who?  Macho Man #1” t-shirt that I would have killed to get as a kid.  In fact I still never see that one on any of the retro shirt sites, probably because Hulk Hogan is still too threatened by the potential flood of people wearing it on national TV and embarrassing him all over again, and had it buried.  I KNOW THE REAL TRUTH.  I’VE DONE MY RESEARCH ON YOUTUBE.  But then someone delivers flowers for Liz and Savage freaks out on him and yells “I’LL SHOW YOU OUT BOY, YEAH!” and then threatens Vince for good measure.  Liz claims that there’s no card in the flowers while Savage demands to know who is in the danger zone for daring to send flowers to his woman, but Vince notices that the flowers are packed with turnbuckle stuffing, so it can only be one person:  You guessed it, Frank Stallone.

Intercontinental title:  Randy Savage v. George Steele

From Saturday Night’s Main Event #4, of course, in their very first meeting.  Complete with young Dean Malenko as referee!  Steele chases Savage around and throws him over the top, but then makes the error of putting the moves on Elizabeth, thus earning himself an enemy for life.  Also kudos to Malenko for making sure to roll up the sleeves on his referee shirt to highlight his guns.  They fight outside the ring and Elizabeth jumps in front of Savage to protect him, so Animal tears up a turnbuckle and throws the stuffing in Savage’s face.  So Savage goes up and finishes him with the double axehandle at 4:05.   2 for 3.

Meanwhile, Mean Gene stops by Savage’s palatial estate, where he’s cloistered behind the walls.  So Gene meets a newlywed couple outside the gates, and the wife desperately wanted to meet the Macho Man as a condition of their marriage.  Next up, Elizabeth takes Gene to the pool in the backyard, where Savage is working out on the lawn.  “SIT IN ONE THOSE CHAIRS, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHICH ONE!”  Savage clarifies that he’s very great at wrestling.  YES HE IS.  Also, he’s got no trouble at all with money because he was rich long before winning the Intercontinental title.  He’s got possessions! And power.  But he still needs to be the World champion.  “THERE’S AN AIRPLANE GOING BY AND I’M NOT ON IT!”  You know why?  NO TITLE DEFENSE TO GO TO.  I have no idea why people would accuse him of doing drugs.  He’s only got one more door to knock on, and the door says “Hulk Who?” because MACHO MADNESS IS MORE SEDUCTIVE THAN SEX, YEAH.  So Gene quickly deflects the interview to Elizabeth, asking her insane questions about tennis and golf, at which point Savage declares that Gene is “hurting his elbow stretching the microphone in front of the Macho Man”.  It’s true, Gene was being very rude.  But then a national women’s publication calls, offering Savage half a million dollars to pose for a centerfold.  That’s more then they offered Burt Reynolds!  Savage hangs up on them.  And then a promoter from Japan calls to offer $400,000 to wrestle three men, but Savage hangs up on them as well because they should just bring the men over from Japan and he’ll beat them up right here in the backyard on his day off, YEAH!  And then finally the bride from earlier pays off the gag by crashing the interview, swimming in his pool and trying to get a piece of the Macho Man. Well, he IS more seductive than sex.  3 for 4.

Intercontinental title:  Tito Santana v. Randy Savage

Of course, we get the famous finish in the Boston Garden, as Macho Man answers the call from destiny and cleanly pins Tito with no help to win his only IC title.  The eruption from the crowd at the title change is still awesome to hear. I’ll give it a point for Danny Davis and his tan chinos.  4 for 5.

The Body Shop with special guest Randy Savage, as he now has the Intercontinental title and that’s real bad news for Hulk Hogan.  Jesse reveals that they had a plan, and if Savage hadn’t won the title, then Jesse would have.  DIABOLICAL.  He offers to let Elizabeth hold the title, but then changes his mind.  CHAMPION’S PREROGATIVE, YEAH.

Intercontinental title:  Randy Savage v. Tito Santana

This is the rematch from MSG, joined in progress with Tito hitting Savage with knees and backdropping him, but he goes for the figure-four and Savage shoves him off and bails to the floor.  Tito foolishly chases him out, but Savage clobbers him on the floor.  Back in, Tito comes back and hits him with a bodypress and then gets the figure-four, but Savage takes out the ref for the DQ at 2:05 shown.  I’ll still give it a point.  Champion’s prerogative.  5 for 6.

Intercontinental title:  Randy Savage v. Tito Santana

Another rematch from MSG, with no disqualifications this time, so Tito has no technicalities to hide behind.  Joined in progress with them fighting on the floor, but Tito fights back with a neckbreaker in the ring, although Savage lands on top for two.  They head to the floor again and Randy charges with a chair and misses, but hits Tito in the throat instead and then goes up for a double axehandle.  Tito blocks that with the chair on the way down and they fight back into the ring again, where Tito puts him down with an elbow and slugs away on the mat.  Savage tries to head back for the locker room, but Tito brawls with him and sends him back into the ring.  And Tito goes AIRBORNE with a flying elbow of his own, but he tries the figure-four and Savage thumbs him in the eye to break.  They head to the floor again, and Tito rams him into the post and busts him open for some gory self-mutilation.  Back in, Tito keeps throwing punches, so Savage fires back as they throw bombs on each other, until Savage finally just knocks out the referee for getting all up in his area.  Tito with the flying forearm, but the ref is out, so Tito gets another slam and the ref is still laying down on the job.  Finally Tito gets a rollup after reviving the ref, but Savage reverses for the pin to retain at 7:35 shown.  Gorilla can’t understand how the ref didn’t disqualify Savage for knocking him out!  I dunno, maybe because it was NO DISQUALIFICATIONS?!?   Just a guess.  6 for 7.

Intercontinental title:  Randy Savage v. Tito Santana

Another MSG rematch, with Bruno as special referee this time.  Tito chases Macho to the floor and Bruno tells him to stop screwing around and get back into the ring.  So Savage comes back in and Tito takes him down with armdrags.  Savage tries to rake the eyes, but Bruno steps in and separates them, which Savage doesn’t appreciate.  So he gets a cheapshot on Tito and goes up with the double axehandle, and then puts Tito down with a knee to the back.  That gets two.  Savage with a headlock on the mat and he puts the boots to Tito for one, with a ridiculously slow count from Bruno.  Oh great, now he’s conspiring against the Macho Man as well.  Tito fights out of another headlock and Savage tosses him and follows with the double axehandle, and Bruno gives him s--- about THAT too.  Randy just can’t do anything right in this guy’s eyes.  No wonder his son left the promotion to get away from him.  Tito fights back and they collide for the double down.  Savage is up first and tries the double axehandle, but Tito nails him on the way down and makes the comeback.  Tito goes for the figure-four, but Savage grabs the ropes and hits him with a boot out of the corner for two.  Tito with a small package for two.  He slugs back and tries the figure-four, but Savage rakes the face to escape.  Savage with a gut wrench for two, but he tries an atomic drop and Tito grabs the leg and gets the figure-four.  At that point, Adrian Adonis runs in dressed as a stunt granny and attacks for the DQ at 10:34.  Bruno isn’t taking this s--- and tries to slam Adrian, but Savage clobbers Bruno from behind and the heels leave the faces lying.  So Bruno is pretty pissed and they’re gonna need a badass cage match to settle things, I bet.  Also this was a pretty awesome match.  7 for 8.

Randy Savage & Adrian Adonis v. Bruno Sammartino & Tito Santana

Gorilla casually contradicting Savage’s exaggerations in the pre-match interview is great (“I had him pinned 42 times!”  “You’re lying.”)  Sadly, this isn’t the cage match but should still be great.  They all slug it out and Bruno chases the heels to the floor, where Savage tosses chairs into the ring in frustration.  Bruno chases him outside while Tito beats on Adonis and sends him bumping to the floor via the announce table.  The heels keep stalling for time outside while Bruno demands blood, and finally he gets his hands on Savage and runs him into Adonis.  Bruno with a boot to the gut for two and Tito comes in and beats on Macho.  Savage retreats to the ropes, so Bruno grabs his head from the apron and runs it into the turnbuckle, then comes in and puts the boots to him until Savage runs away and tags Adonis.  So Bruno gives him armdrags and the faces pinfall Adrian in the corner, until Tito hits a bodpress for two.  Adonis gets a suplex, but Bruno comes in and kicks his ass a bit more, sending the heels running away again.  So Tito hits Savage with a chair from the floor and Bruno gets two, with Adonis making the save.  Adonis comes in again and slugs away on Tito to finally get some offense, but he goes up and misses a splash. So Savage clobbers Tito from behind to put them back in control.  Back to Macho, and everyone brawls on the floor as PANDEMONIUM IS BREAKING LOOSE and Savage drops the axehandle on Bruno for the countout at 9:43.  Match didn’t really have a finish but it was pretty great while they were getting to that point.  8 for 9.

Oh man, Macho Madness is gonna have a high bar to clear next week!  This is one is definitely more seductive than sex, YEAH!