Peacemaker – A Whole New Whirled

The Suicide Squad was a shockingly good movie. A big part of that was how much fun Big Match John was as peace-through-violence supervillain Peacemaker, who was the model for the Comedian in Watchmen. However, as good as he was in that I was a bit tense about how good a spin-off series was as he’d be surrounded by office nerds rather than Bloodsport or Ratcatcher. Did I have good reason to be? Find out below.

So, previously, in The Suicide Squad, Amanda Waller recruited Christopher Smith, AKA Peacemaker, to her team, where he ended up betraying them and killing commander Rick Flag, but took a bullet from Bloodsport through the throat and was underneath a falling building. Despite this, all he has to have replaced is a clavicle and is instructed to avoid lifting his right arm too high, which has to play in somewhere later. He’s discharged by his doctor and tells his weed buddy, the cleaner, that Aquaman fucks fish before Pink Panthering out of the hospital as he thinks they’ll be dragging him back to prison. All done in a blood-spattered outfit with his toilet bowl helmet in a plastic bag. Cue the awesome intro with Wig Wam song, which they must’ve rehearsed for weeks.

Out of that, the introduction of one of the main supporting characters, Adebayo, along with her wife and a discussion of whether Octopussy had eight pussies. Peacemaker makes it back to his shitty, dirty trailer, where the only thing awaiting him is multiple messages from his self-proclaimed BFF Vigilante, who leaves messages asking him if he wants to go out on a team-up like a kid asking if you want to go out and play or ride on your bikes together. He’s the V to his P, but that’s not V for vagina and P for penis. Surrounding the trailer are handlers from Waller, led by stoic Clemson Murn and including tough beauty Harcourt, greying, overweight, sickly John Economos, and the aforementioned Adebayo, who launches into an unnecessary and unfunny introductory speech. So that he can work off the time he still has remaining he has to agree to be the main man for the mysterious Project Butterfly, which he reluctantly goes with.

Before that, a trip to see his dad, who live in a suburban house with an inverted flag outside as well as pickup truck and painted American flag car. Dad is a really nasty piece of work, played by Robert Patrick, looking like Christopher Walken. He describes his neighbour as fruity, drops any racial epithet he has the chance to, and doesn’t have much pity for his son, but has been looking after his mascot Eagly, who you’ll probably guess the breed of. Dad, who thinks his son is a “nancy boy” and a “simp”, is an armourer who has a series of specially modified helmets for him. Peacemaker takes the car out for an Italian meal with the team, with him going for zoodles. There, he’s spotted by a fanboy who’ll become more obvious later.

After the meal, to a bar to try and bag Harcourt. She gives him the cold shoulder, so it’s onto a blonde girl with an eighties mullet for some pretty energetic sex at her apartment. While they shake the room up, Adebayo reports into her real leader, her mom, Amanda Waller. Adebayo reveals empathy for Peacemaker, which her mom says will get her killed. After the sex, with Peacemaker back in his tighty whities, he goes through the girl’s record collection, which leads to putting on I Don’t Love You Anymore by the Quireboys. At this point, I notice just how veiny Cena’s right arm and pec are, but it’s quickly interrupted by Mulletta pulling out a steak knife to slice him up with and roaring like a T. Rex at him as she attacks.

Cue a hardcore and funny fight around the apartment, with a little bit of The Naked Gun about it as he throws unlikely weapons at her and tries the perfume in the eye trick before being dragged off screen and returning via a throw through the wall. Only way to escape is to dive through the window, multiple stories, with only a canopy breaking his fall. The girl follows, fembot-like with unnatural neck movements and squats, before being turned into crimson liquid via a blast from the sonic boom helmet dad equipped him with earlier. Plus Eagly finds his own trophy from the local vermin population, offering it up to his master. Hit the credits, with the hair metal music playing as the cops arrive ready for the next episode. Stay to the end of them, as there’s a bonus scene each episode.

Melting it down: As I said, I had reservations due to the increased focus on the supporting cast, but luckily Harcourt and Murn are good enough to make up for Adebayo and Economos when they get annoying, plus Chris’ dad and Vigilante are respectively deserving of some scorn and love. I ended up watching the other two episodes released the same day and last week’s episode too. I recommend you do too. As has been said elsewhere, it’s the heel turn that Cena never really had.