The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT 2.0 – 11.02.21

The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT 2.0 – 11.02.21

I can’t believe they don’t have wine gums in the US.  You don’t know what you’re missing.

Live from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are Vic Joseph, Beth Phoenix & Wade Barrett

Mandy Rose joins us, and I think she’s smiling after winning the NXT title, but then her face keeps shifting to her resting pose face.  It’s literally one of the most unnatural-looking series of facial expressions possible.  Anyway she poses at the entrance and then poses in the ring a bunch and talks about how she beat the “unbeatable” Raquel and how she’s very hot.  So we cut to the back, where the other two are attacking Zoey Stark.  But then Io Shirai interrupts and she wants a match right now, so Mandy attacks her and runs her into the post outside.  But then Mandy talks more shit and Io gets the advantage, at which point Jayne and Dolan also attack and the KCs make the save.  I could really do without Mandy Rose talking ever again and we’re literally years past Io Shirai needing to be in NXT and going round and round for the same title.

Meanwhile, Toxic Attraction bumps into Dakota Kai, who denies helping Mandy win the title.

Meanwhile, in Duke’s Poker Room, Cameron Grimes shows up flashing cash, and he’s got 22!  Unfortunately it’s poker.

Dakota Kai v. Cora Jade

Kai chases Cora to the floor and then slugs away in the ring before putting her in a straitjacket hold while telling her an involved story right on camera.  Do you want to just draw a diagram for her?  Cora escapes and gets a couple of rollups, but Kai slams her, I think?  Another one, I think, but Jade kind of gets a sunset flip, but the shoulders aren’t down so the ref won’t count.  And then Jade tries something else but I think Kai gets the upkick thing and gets the pin at 2:27.  A true classic.  But hey, if YOU know a better way to train new wrestlers than putting them on live TV at 20 years old, I’m all ears!   DUD  Kai drags Cora to the floor and puts a table on her, but doesn’t do anything, and stands there plotting, and then grabs the skateboard and doesn’t do anything with that either.  WHAT EVEN WAS THIS SEGMENT?

Meanwhile, MEAN TWEETS.

Meanwhile, Robert Stone challenges Xyon Quinn after getting chokeslammed through a table last week.

Meanwhile, MSK finally explain the origin of their name, but then a bus pulls up and we don’t hear.

Xyon Quinn joins us to confront Robert Stone, who ironically is probably a better worker than 95% of the geeks they’re training for the main roster here.  So in order to prove his superiority, Robert does what I assume is supposed to be a terrible dance.  Looks like all those other TikTok and Fortnite dances to me, but we know I’m old.  Quinn threatens to kick his ass, but then they play HBK’s music and he sings and dances to that instead.  And that offends Stone, so we have a match.

Robert Stone v. Xyon Quinn

Quinn throws him across the ring and finishes with a jackhammer at 0:38.  So, like, was Quinn’s singing and dancing supposed to be better than Stone’s?  Stone was clearly the star of this segment.

Meanwhile, more stupid bullshit from Joe Gacy.

Meanwhile, Xyon bumps into Elektra Lopez and they have a totally natural and not at all scripted “conversation”, just like other real human beings do.

Legado del Fantasma v. Kool Kyle O’Reilly & Von Wagner

Apparently there’s a personal vendetta to this match “as we learned on social media”.  God I hate this show and I hate you all for making me tons of money by reading it every week and thus forcing me to continue against my will.  I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that recently.  The babyfaces do some sweet double-teams on Mendoza, real Rock N Roll Express shit, although Wagner is no Robert Gibson in the looks department.  Well maybe he’s Robert Gibson today.  No, he’s still uglier, let’s be honest.  Wagner fights off LDF by himself for a bit and we take a break.  Back with Kool Kyle getting a hot tag and beating on Mendoza with kicks, but Elektra distracts him by standing on the apron doing nothing, and the heels use the “distraction” to double-team Kyle in the corner.  “The plan was executed perfectly!” notes Vic.  Wow what a plan.  Wonder how long it took them to come up with “You go stand on the apron at some point and we’ll hit him from behind”?  We barely get 30 seconds of heat on Kyle before he makes the hot tag to Wagner and he runs wild with more of his flailing limb offense.  Back to Kyle, who kicks Wilde for two, but Wagner comes in for the big finish and gets rolled up by Mendoza and pinned at 9:53 and the announcers are OUTRAGED.  I don’t really understand what the screwjob was supposed to be there.  They portray it like there was some kind of miscommunication between the faces but it was just Wagner getting rolled up and pinned cleanly.  Well clearly I’m supposed to be mad, so BOO ON YOU, LEGADO DEL FANTASMA!  BOOOOOOO!  **1/4

Meanwhile, Carmelo and Trick aren’t doing any Scooby Doo chase this week, but Andre Chase interrupts and the interviewer brings up the “social media chatter” about how he’s a coward.  Look, I know I’m old and I’m not hip to the TikToks and Instagrams and stuff unless it’s cyberstalking Tay Conti because I’m only human, but I’m on social media and I have a million annoying wrestling nerds on my Twiter timelines, and NOBODY is chattering about NXT.  This show’s audience is apparently 65 year old retirees who need their grandchildren to help them find Gmail on their iPhone, is what I’m saying.  Just because you spend an hour straight talking about THE TWITTERS and the SOCIAL MEDIAS on this show doesn’t suddenly mean anyone actually cares.  Glad we had this talk.

Meanwhile, Cameron Grimes discovers that beginner’s luck is apparently a very real thing.

Andre Chase joins us and gets a bum microphone, and yes, we’re still talking about the social medias.  So he denies being a coward and issues an open challenge, and that brings out Bron Breakker.

Bron Breakker v. Andre Chase

Bron clotheslines him to the floor and hits him with a clothesline out there.  Back in for some shoulderblocks and the belly to belly and finishes with the snap powerslam at 1:42.  Afterwards, Bron puts over Ciampa for beating him fairly last week, but he hates losing and he wants another shot.

Meanwhile, Imperium do their evil European promo, but Toxic Attraction interrupts for some reason.

Lashing Out with Lash Legend.  Our special guest this week is Tony D’Angelo, who continues to deny kidnapping Mark the Producer.  So Mark returns from whatever alleged trunk he was locked in, and Tony tells him to say hello to his beautiful wife and children and testify that NOTHING HAPPENED.  Well I’m convinced.  This was funny but I still don’t know what the point is.

Meanwhile, we learn that Zoey has been taken to the hospital but she’s probably OK.  I had literally forgotten what happened to her by this point in the show anyway.

Solo Sikoa v. Jeet Rama

Solo slugs him down and hits him with an elbow in the corner and Uso butt splash in the corner.  To the top with an Uso splash for the pin at 1:30.  Look, we’ve already had Bron Breakker AND Xyon Quinn on the show doing the same matches, we don’t need a third big jacked up babyface doing the same one minute squash as well.  And we’re likely going to get Harland doing one minute squashes as a FOURTH jacked up guy before too long.

Meanwhile, we hang out at parallel backyard BBQs with Jimmy Bob and Bobby Jim while they talk their daddy issues and grill steaks.  Am I supposed to like them?  Not like them?  Who is the audience for this show?

Boa v. Grayson Waller

Boa gets a pair of kicks to start, but Waller rolls him up for two and gets a backslide for two.  Boa takes him to the corner and hangs him there, but Waller makes the comeback and throws knees.  LA Knight provides distraction, however, and Boa gets a kick to finish at 2:28.  *

Meanwhile, it’s high stakes in the poker room, as Grimes wins with a pair of twos and Duke flips out.  Well at least they didn’t have Grimes lose all his money.

Kay Lee Ray is still really angry and she’s back next week.

Meanwhile, Boa mysteriously gets his face painted by magic.  Sure, why not.

Tommaso Ciampa joins us for just what this show needs, more talking.  He puts over last week’s show, and Carmelo Hayes interrupts.  He’s the A-champion and Ciampa will apparently be taking a backseat to him.  But Ciampa doesn’t believe him and slaps Trick around to show that Hayes is full of crap.  And then on the way out, he bumps into Johnny Gargano, so maybe they’ll team up and then turn on each other and feud for another six months again to freshen things up.

Johnny Gargano & Dexter Lumis v. Carmelo Hayes & Trick Williams

So Johnny has gone from the Psycho Killer to the Serial Killer.  Can’t say he doesn’t have a type.  Trick tries to intimidate Dexter with footwork and that doesn’t work, so Dexter gets a Thesz Press and slugs away on the mat.  Over to Johnny and they double-team Trick in the corner as Dexter doesn’t quite grasp the concept.  Over to Hayes and Dexter continues no-selling him, so it’s back to Johnny and he trades rollups with Hayes before hitting the spear.  And we take a break.  Back with Johnny taking a beating, but Dexter gets yanked down before a tag can be made.  Trick gets a flying clothesline on Johnny and they double-team him with shoulderblocks, which sets up Hayes hitting a springboard legdrop for two.  Finally Johnny escapes and makes the hot tag to Lumis, who hits Hayes with a slingshot suplex for two.  Hayes escapes a suplex and looks like he messed up his knee on the landing, but the babyfaces load up their black gloves and hit a double superkick, and Dexter gets a flying elbow on Trick for two.  Back to Hayes and Gargano and they slug it out, which is won by a lariat from Johnny.  Back to Lumis, who gets the Silence on him, but Trick breaks it up with a shoe and Hayes gets the flying legdrop for the pin at 12:09.  This was pretty good.  ***1/4

I liked the show better last week when the evil doll was booking it.