The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 10.06.21
Hot take I know, but holy crap is Squid Game great.
Live from Philly, and because it was on a different channel tonight here in Canada, my DVR missed it and thus I must make my fall residence in Zurich, Switzerland and watch it on Fite. Shout out to Justin, my favorite Philly mutant in the audience tonight!
Your hosts are Jim Ross, Excalibur & Tony Schiavone
Kenny Omega, The Young Bucks & Adam Cole v. Christian Cage, Jungle Boy, Luchasaurus & Bryan Danielson
Well this is quite the opener. Everyone is in the ring without entrance so we’re right to action tonight. JB counters Nick and takes him down with an armdrag, but Adam Cole (Bay Bay) comes in and puts the boots to JB. He gets caught in the babyface corner and Christian takes turns with Jungle Boy working on the arm, but Cage goes for the Killswitch and Cole slips out of that. The Bucks try to interfere and JR goes all ANGRY GRAMPA SIMPSON at them wearing wacky masks, but Jungle Boy gets stuck in the Elite corner and worked over. And of course the crowd accuses Kenny of being testicularly challenged, which he already denied last week. FAKE NEWS. Nick Jackson tries a ropewalk and Jungle Boy crotches him and then bounces on the top rope while wristlocking Matt and that’s a pretty funny spot. Over to Bryan and he beats the shit out of Matt with kicks. Over to Luchasaurus, who slugs away on Matt in the corner and gets a big reaction from the mutants. The faces clean house and then take turns beating on Matt, but Christian goes to the floor and Nakazawa hits him with the computer. That sets up an Indietaker on the ramp to take out Christian, although they didn’t get great hangtime on that one. And then Matt superkicks the doctor who checks on Christian just to be a dick.
Back in the ring, the Elite go to work on Jungle Boy, which of course sets up the SuperKliq kiss spot and that gets over huge as well, drawing a “Holy shit” chant. JB fights back with a brainbuster on Kenny, but he tries an enzuigiri and Kenny ducks it. However, he makes the fatal error of pointing to his head to indicate intelligence, and Jungle Boy fights back with a lariat. JB flips away from both Bucks and makes the hottest of tags to Bryan Danielson. So everyone else just clears out and lets them hit each other for an epic “boo/yay” sequence until Kenny goes with a cheapshot and Bryan takes him down with a clothesline in retaliation. Bryan with the kicks in the corner and a top rope rana to set up a diving headbutt for two. And then we get the rapid fire finishers and Bryan hits Kenny with a tiger suplex for two and into the CATTLE MUTILATION, only for Nick Jackson to break it up with a swanton. Luchasaurus runs wild and puts them in all four corners for running splashes, but he walks into a superkick from Cole. Panama Sunrise is blocked with a chokeslam, as he slams Cole onto Omega and then kicks the Bucks asses as well. And he finishes with a moonsault to the outside, before JB adds a rana to the floor on Nick. And then everyone piles up on the floor for the Terminator Dive from Omega. And then Cole teases his own but just stops to put himself over instead, at which point Luchasaurus chokeslams him and moonsaults him for two. The Elite all teams up on Luchasaurus after a low blow and hits a terrible powerbomb, but Jungle Boy saves before getting destroyed as well with a Panama Sunrise, and Bryan makes the save from that. But now the Elite all team up on him as he fights them off and puts the kicks to Kenny until the Bucks take him out and then finish Jungle Boy with a four-way BTE Trigger at 18:02. What a crazy awesome opener, business as usual for Bryan Danielson I guess. ****1/2
CM Punk joins us, and he’s pretty popular in Philly. Except for the guys with the “Punk Fears Hook” sign, but that’s just common sense. So Punk takes us back to the old days, when he wrestled every day of the week in Philly and bought himself an iPod because he was RICH. Sadly, he mixes up cheesecake and cheesesteak but the crowd forgives him in exchange for wrestling a match. So he challenges Daniel Garcia to a match on Rampage and then gives his shoes to a kid at ringside.
Meanwhile, Arn Anderson stops by Cody’s palatial estate and burns his fancy outfit in a barrel to make a point to Cody. “Why don’t you just paint a star on your face and then everything will be cool.” LOW BLOW.
Meanwhile, Bobby Fish vows to make Sammy the shortest reigning TNT champ ever.
TNT title: Sammy Guevara v. Bobby Fish
As promised, Sammy bought Fuego a new truck. Fish comes in throwing hands and tries the high kick, but Sammy ducks away from it. Sammy hits him with an enzuigiri in the corner, but goes up and gets kicked down by Fish. Bobby beats on him with kicks and we take a break, although not here in Switzerland. Bobby continues working him over, but Sammy puts him down with an elbow and chases him to the apron, where they fight for a suplex and slug it out. Bobby SWEEPS THE LEG and Sammy bumps onto the apron and hits the floor, where Fish beats on him and sends him back in for two. Back with Fish hitting a backdrop suplex before Sammy comes back with a Spanish fly and they fight to the top rope, where Fish brings him down with a falcon arrow for two. Fish with an exploder into the corner and that gets two. Fish misses a high kick, however, and Sammy hits the GTH to retain at 9:14. Solid match. *** This brings out American Top Team to mess with him and Paige Van Zant is right into this now and totally adorable as a thug. The MMA guys take out Sammy and beat him down before Fuego tries to save and he gets mugged as well. And then Jericho and Hager make the save for them. Lambert hates the song, so the crowd sings it for him. And then Lambert does an amazing heel promo challenging Jericho to a six-man match in Miami while the crowd just SHOWERS him with boos and you can’t even hear him talk.
Meanwhile, The Acclaimed throws down a hot rhyme to challenge the Lucha Bros to a tag title match on Rampage.
Tony Schiavone is joined by Aubrey to announce the move to TBS in January and introduce the new TBS championship for the Women’s division.
Meanwhile, JR sits down with Darby Allin and he’s still dark and stuff.
Darby Allin v. Nick Comorodo
Darby attacks him on the floor and sends him into the post, and into the ring where Nick takes him down with a powerslam and the non-Fite watchers take a break. Nick puts the boots to him in the corner and throws him around before choking him out. Comorodo misses a blind charge and hits the corner, and Darby comes back and slugs away in the corner. Back with Darby hitting the stunner before going up with a coffin drop for the pin at 3:52. This was a style clash to say the least. *1/2 QT comes in with a diamond cutter on Sting, who calmly no-sells it and destroys him with the Death Drop.
Meanwhile, Evil Uno steps down as leader of the Dark Order, and they decide to go with democracy as their new leader. First order of business: Putting the mask back on Alan Angels because he’s so ugly.
Dante Martin joins us in the ring with Tony and he’s got an open challenge to anyone, but that goes sideways on him when Malakai Black answers via mystic transportation and mists him before laying him out with the Black Mass. So challenge accepted, I guess.
Ricky Starks joins us to show off the FTW title, and he wanted a match tonight but Brian Cage didn’t show up. But then of course Cage does show up and lays him out, before Team Taz saves. Still not into this feud.
Meanwhile, the TBS title contenders talk about how important the TBS title tournament is to them.
Hikaru Shida v. Serena Deeb
Shida is going for her 50th win here and they’ve already got the trophy made up and everything. They trade wristlocks and Deeb gets offended by Shida’s takedown defense and slaps her. So Shida slugs away in the corner and takes her to the apron for the running knee. She sets up the chair, so Deeb grabs it and sends back under the ring from whence it came. Back in the ring, Deeb hits a neckbreaker onto the apron and take a break. Deeb with a neckbreaker for two and she pounds on Shida with forearms before going to an abdominal stretch. Deeb switches to a cravat while JR waxes nostalgic about Johnny Eagles from England, but Shida fights back with a backbreaker and spinning facelock, and a missile dropkick gets two. Deeb gets the Octopus, but Shida escapes, so Deeb gets the Gedo clutch for two. Shida puts her down with a running knee and Deeb bails to the floor, so Shida hits her with a dive. Back in, Deeb clips the knee on the way in and hits a neckbreaker for two. Shida fights back with a knee in the corner and hits a facebuster for two. Falcon arrow gets two. Deeb catches a kick and rakes the eyes, then takes her down with a dragon screw and hits the Deeb-Tox for two. Finally she pounds the knee and puts her in the Serenity Lock, and Shida has to tap at 10:28. And then she smashes the 50 win trophy over Shida’s head for good measure. I mean, it WAS kind of a dick move from the company to have it out there before she even earned it! ***1/4
Meanwhile, Darby Allin accepts MJF’s challenge for next week, but a limo filled with mysterious black-clad thugs pulls up and they all destroy him while Tony accuses them of being the Pinnacle. The evidence is certainly piling up. Huge if true.
On Rampage: Ricky Starks v. Brian Cage in a street fight! The Acclaimed v. The Lucha Bros!
Meanwhile, Lio Rush offers Dante Martin some financial guidance leading into his challenge of Malakai.
Meanwhile, Dr. Britt Baker DMD is unconcerned with the little people fighting for their little title.
Casino ladder match:
This is basically a ladder match with Royal Rumble rules, winner gets a World title shot. Orange Cassidy is the first guy in, followed by Pac. Pac prevents him from putting his hands in the pockets and takes him down, but Orange goes limp and annoys him with offbeat shenanigans. Pac throws in the ladder and Orange throws it out again, but Pac hits a brainbuster as Andrade el Idolo is #3. I’m amused at the graphic listing “Jose the Assistant” for some reason. Pac immediately dropkicks a ladder in his face and then sets it up for the first climb attempt, but Andrade pops onto the ladder and takes Pac down with a sunset flip powerbomb. Orange decides to step in with the kicks on Andrade, but he won’t play along, so Orange takes him down with a rana and dropkicks Pac into the ladder. Matt Hardy is #4 and he cleans house with the ladder and climbs for the poker chip, but Orange saves as we take a break. Pac lays out Matt with a superkick, but Orange takes out Andrade with a spinning DDT and they all end up on the floor for a moonsault from Pac. Lance Archer is #5 and he hurls a geek at Andrade and chokeslams Orange on the apron. Into the ring for a Blackout on Pac, but he escapes. So Archer pounces him instead and then hits a spinning slam on big Money Matt. We get a ladder bridge and poor Orange gets splashed on a ladder as a result. Jon Moxley is #6 and he attacks Archer in the crowd and tosses a chair at his face. Down to the ring and Moxley throws more chairs, but so does Archer. Archer tries to set up the ladder, but Orange hits the Orange Punch and tries to climb up the ladder that’s attached to Archer. Moxley saves there, but HANGMAN PAGE IS #7! He slugs it out with Moxley and dumps Archer, then slams Orange onto the ladder and takes Matt with a dive. Pac finally lays him out and stomps him down, then brings in the table and puts Page on that to set up a Black Arrow off the ladder. Andrade saves, but Pac sends him crashing onto a ladder on the floor with a crazy sick bump, and Page fights back with a Deadeye off the ladder and through the table in an insane spot. So Moxley lays out Page with the Paradigm Shift and climbs, but Orange saves and then Matt pushes the ladder over to take them both out. To the floor for a yodelling legdrop off the ladder and through a table, and Matt and Orange are done. Back in the ring, Archer takes out Moxley, but Hangman comes out of nowhere with the Buckshot lariat and climbs, only for Moxley to break it up with a chair. So they fight on top of the ladder and slug it out, but Moxley falls off and Hangman grabs the chip to win the title shot at 17:08. A very fun car wreck match and I’m confident that Page will now build a time machine and challenge Omega at All Out two months ago. ****
Started great, ended great, and had an incredibly hot crowd throughout. No better way to celebrate two years of Dynamite!