The SmarK Rant for Extreme Championship Wrestling – 02.13.96

The SmarK Rant for Extreme Championship Wrestling – 02.13.96

The Eliminators start the show by finishing the job of shaving Saturn’s head, which the Pitbulls started last time.

Taped from Queens, NY

Your host is Joey Styles, who is immediately joined by Fonzie and Taz, as Fonzie rants about how 911 has been run out of ECW by them.  He wasn’t wrong.  So this brings out young Rey Mysterio Jr., who isn’t afraid of Taz and then hits Bill with a Pele kick and goes after Taz.  And yeah, that goes pretty badly for him, as Taz throws Rey around with suplexes.  But then he tries a chokeslam and Rey turns it into a rana for a hope spot, so Taz suplexes him on his head again, which draws referees and jobbers out o the dressing room to save him.  This includes JT Smith, who claims to be “practically paisans” with Joey, because they’re both Italian you see, and notes that this is how things are settled where he comes from.  So then he puts the boots to Rey and gets into a brawl with Hack Myers, and Joey decides to start the show over again.

Your host is Joey Styles, who is joined this time by Woman to a chorus of “You sold out” chants.  So she tells everyone to tune into Nitro every Monday night and tries to woo Joey into signing with WCW as well.  This brings out Sandman, and Woman is hopeful that he’s changed his mind and will be joining her in WCW.  But then Scorpio hits the ring, throws Woman over his shoulder, and hauls her to the parking lot where he tells a driver to “send that bitch to Atlanta”.  And that’s the end of Woman in ECW.

Back in the ring, Stevie and Meanie now join Joey, offering Sandman a chance to back out of the rematch with Raven, which Sandman of course doesn’t accept.  So Stevie tells him that he’s going to Steviekick him, but Meanie wants to do the Steviekick instead.  And of course he does a big buildup and then Sandman hits him with the cane and lays him out.  So Stevie freaks out about what Raven is going to say now, and Raven hits the ring with Kimona.  Apparently Stevie’s job was to give Beulah her pills “one per day”, which he couldn’t even do right, so Raven slaps him around and Stevie hides behind Joey.  Meanwhile Meanie is just laying there flayed out and playing dead from the cane shot while all this wackiness goes on.  But don’t worry because Stevie has a big announcement and they’re gonna be on Hard Copy, A Current Affair, AND 20/20!  So Stevie digs through Meanie’s jean pockets and finds a copy of his lawsuit against Missy Hyatt, as he’s suing her for sexual harassment and touching him in places that made him feel funny.  This was playing off Missy’s real life lawsuit with WCW at the time, which was probably too inside baseball even for this crowd.  Raven offers her a spot in his harem (“It’s not like you’ve never been there before”) but Missy laughs at his “low sperm count” and Sandman hits the ring to lay out Raven with the cane.

Missy:  “Joey, are you 18?”

Joey:  “I think I was when this show started.”

OK, I laughed pretty hard at that line, I’ll give him that.

And with that we FINALLY wrap up the opening segment, 22 minutes into a 44 minute episode.

We take a break and Joey throws it to some highlights from the Big Apple Blizzard Blast that won’t be shown on TV.  This includes the Headhunters winning a squash, Stevie strutting, Bubba dancing, Sabu v. Mr. Hughes, and the Gangstas v. Sandman & Scorpio.

Raven & Stevie Richards v. Tommy Dreamer & Shane Douglas

I wonder how long until Tommy gets edited out of these shows like Benoit?  It’d be super-weird because Stevie Richards is already in the match.  Maybe they’ll edit him out digitally and put Benoit INTO the match!  We pick it up with the babyfaces double-teaming Stevie on the floor, as Dreamer baseball slides a chair into Stevie and then Douglas gets some cheapshots out there himself.  Back in, Stevie means business, so he takes off his shirt and then changes into a classic Razor Ramon t-shirt, playing Ramon to really annoy Douglas.  Many layers of irony there to unpack based on what happened later on in the wrestling world and what Stevie’s gimmick eventually became.  So we’re clipped to Douglas making a comeback later on, as Stevie has switched back to his usual half-shirt and Douglas gets a piledriver for two.  Raven and Dreamer brawl on the floor while Douglas gets the belly to belly on Stevie, but Cactus Jack and Meanie both distract the ref, allowing Raven to tape up his fist and put Douglas down for two.  And then we’re clipped to Sandman running in and beating everyone up, including the ref.  Raven revives first and piledrives Douglas for two, but they collide for a double down.  Stevie comes in and beats on Douglas before hitting a neckbreaker for two.  Douglas fights back with a DDT on Raven while the “too cool for old school wrestling” crowd claps and cheers for the babyface getting the heat and fighting for the comeback.  I SEE YOU NEW YORK.  Finally Dreamer gets the hot tag and uses a frying pan, hanging Richards in the Tree of Woe and hitting him in the nuts.  Powerslam gets two, but Raven hits him with a chair.  So Meanie comes in and tries the Meaniesault, but takes so long getting to the top that he doesn’t notice Dreamer taking out Stevie and putting him into place to take the move instead.  That’s a cute spot. Everyone fights to the floor while Beulah tapes the frying pan to Tommy’s boot, and Tommy kicks Stevie in the head with the frying pan-augmented kick for the pin.  This was a lot of a lot as usual but ended up a pretty good match.  1 for 1.

Taz v. The Shark Attack Kid

Taz throws him around with a million suplexes as usual and puts him away with the Tazmission at 1:34.  Shark Attack Kid of course should not be confused with Shark Boy, who came later and was much better.  So Taz calls out 911, but Tod Gordon comes out and says that 911 has left the building and he doesn’t know why.  So instead Tod comes in and gets into a brawl with Fonzie himself, but Taz nails Gordon from behind and Bam Bam Bigelow makes a surprise appearance to save.  Unfortunately he wasn’t able to stick around and didn’t really appear again on a regular basis until 1997, I’m assuming due to his WWF contract.

As usual I don’t really know what to do with these shows and they’re all over the place, but certainly aren’t boring.