The SmarK Rant for TNT – 05.17.85

The SmarK Rant for TNT – 05.17.85

“Salvatore Bellomo cooks up Italian cuisine”

Hey why not.  Been a while since I’ve done this show and variety is the spice of life.  That, and Everything Bagel Seasoning, which I bought on a whim the last time I was at Costco.

Your host is Vince McMahon

BROUGHT TO YOU BY CASTROL!

Rocky Johnson is our first guest tonight, and we immediately cut to the ring…

Rocky Johnson v. Steve Lombardi

This match immediately made me run to Cagematch, but it turns out that Lombardi never worked with Peter Maivia, which would make him someone who jobbed to all three generations of this family.  Rocky slingshots Lombardi into the corner and puts him down with the shuffle punches before going to a facelock. Steve slugs him down in the corner, but Rocky comes back and backdrops him before hitting a dropkick and a sunset flip for the pin.

Back at the studio, Vince discusses Rocky’s travels to Japan and the Middle East, including Saudi Arabia.  Apparently he got his gaudy jewelry from there.  Well, Vince is an expert on Middle Eastern blood money these days.  Anyway, Rocky loves to win as they wrap up this boring interview.

THATSA’ MY KITCHEN!  So yes, Sal Bellomo takes Vince and Lord Alfred on a tour of Mama Bellomo’s kitchen, as she prepares an eggplant lasagna.

Salvatore Bellomo v. Frank Williams

We’re joined in progress for this classic in MSG, as they do a test of strength and Sal escapes that with a dropkick.  Williams gets a cheapshot and beats on him with elbows to the neck, but Sal gets a bodypress for the pin.

Back in the kitchen, Sal demonstrates how to prepare an artichoke and Vince compares Alfred’s brain to a cauliflower.  Well that wasn’t much of a segment.

Brutus Beefcake and Johnny V join us next, as Johnny thinks that it smells like something died in the studio after Bellomo stunk it up.  Vince notes that they had some problems with the Sammartinos at Wrestlemania and then tries to poke holes in the relationship by insulting whatever sequined crap that Brutus is wearing on his arms.  He’s saying what we’re all thinking.  “Quit asking pertinent questions” snaps Johnny.  Also, apparently Bruno was so ugly that when he was born, “they spiked his mother”.  I think he mixed up about three different jokes there.

Brutus Beefcake & Greg Valentine v. SD Jones & Paul Roma

This has Jack Armstrong & Jesse Ventura on commentary so I’m guessing this was from the early form of Prime Time Wrestling.  At this point Valentine was still managed by Jimmy Hart as they were doing an “odd couple” pairing in advance of making them a permanent team.  Especially when Valentine was still Intercontinental champion at this point.  Interestingly, this was their very first appearance on TV as a team, as far as I can tell.  It was taped in April and they’d end up winning the tag titles at the end of August.  They take turns working on SD with headlocks in the corner, but SD goes to the arm on Beefcake and Roma comes in and gets nowhere.  Valentine quickly drops an elbow on him and Beefcake slugs him down, before Hammer finishes him off with the figure-four.

Back at the studio, Johnny notes that he couldn’t personally be Beefcake’s tag team partner, so that’s why they went out and got Greg as a tag team partner.

Wendi Richter (with GIANT 80s hair) is the next guest, as she puts over Cyndi Lauper’s managerial prowess.

Wendi Richter v. Peggy Lee

Wendi beats on Peggy in the corner and takes her down with a half crab, but Peggy chokes her out on the ropes.  Wendi fights back with a hiptoss and slams her for two.  Peggy gets some forearms, but Wendi rolls her up for two.  Peggy puts the boots to her again, so Wendi gets fired up with hairtosses and that gets two.  They do a weird missed spot where Wendi tries a clothesline and Peggy kind of walks away from it and hits Wendi with a shot to the gut instead, and then continues cutting off Wendi’s comeback and rams her into the mat.  Big splash hits knees and Wendi gets two.  Sunset flip finishes, however.  Kind of a weird and sloppy match.

Back at the studio, Wendi kind of likes that Peggy Lee was so aggressive, because it keeps her on her toes.  Vince wants to know if Wendi is ready to “settle down one of these days and having a family type of situation”.  Wendi’s not into that idea, so Vince presses on and wants to know what she’s looking for in a man, offering up Lord Alfred Hayes.  She diplomatically gets out of that one to wrap up the segment.

THATSA’ MY KITCHEN PART 2!  So we’re back at the kitchen, as Alfred decides to cut up the eggplant while Vince is aghast at his technique.  Sal gets Vince to try Orange Salad.  “That’s different” he notes with Vince-like understatement.  Sadly, Johnny V crashes the segment.  “What is that, garlic?  That’s what Italians use for birth control.”  He insults Sal’s mama and then storms off again.  So Sal offers up the stuffed artichoke to Vince, who passes it off to Alfred, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else in the world.

And we take a break and return with all the guests in the kitchen toasting Mama Bellomo, as Alfred notes that there was no napkins anywhere, as the Italians eat with their fingers and wipe them on their shirts.

Well this episode was a bit of a trainwreck, and not in the fun way.  Just a bunch of dull segments that went nowhere this time around.