The SmarK Rant for Extreme Championship Wrestling – 02.06.96

The SmarK Rant for Extreme Championship Wrestling – 02.06.96

Taped from Queens, NY

Your host is Joey Styles

Raven, who is cuddling Kimona Wanalaya, wants to introduce everyone to his most cherished possession…the World championship belt.  OK, I laughed.

Juventud Guerrera v. Rey Misterio Jr.

Keep in mind that no one had any damn idea who either guy was in the US at this point.  Rey’s music is overdubbed with his WCW theme for those keeping track.  Juvy’s mask is overdubbed with a totally different one in some impressive work by the WWE Network.  Oh I guess he was just wearing a different mask at that point, never mind.  They trade wristlocks to start and reverse each other’s armdrags, fighting to a stalemate.  Juvy beats on him with chops and follows with a spinebuster for two, wrapping up Rey in a wacky lucha submission, but Rey rolls over and bridges out in a unique reversal.  They trade slaps and Rey blocks a rollup, leading to a tumbling exhibition before Juvy goes to the apron to celebrate and Rey gives him a rana from the top rope to the floor.  Back in, ducks down after a leapfrog and Juvy hits him with a somersault legdrop on the back of the neck, and then Rey comes back with a lariat.  That’s working snug by luchador standards.  Rey takes him to the floor with a rana and follows with a somersault plancha, somehow hitting the mark given the 2 feet of space they have between the apron and the railing.  Rey wraps a chair around Juvy’s head and runs him into the post a few times, but Juvy gets a light bulb from a fan and sadly that never gets used.  Given ECW’s fanbase, it probably wasn’t the brightest bulb in the package anyway.  Back in, Juvy gets a german suplex and springboard into a spinkick for two.  Juvy with a Liger bomb for two and a legdrop, and he gets a press slam (!) on Rey and drops him into a Goldberg-style fallaway slam for two.  Juvy misses a blind charge and Rey gets a rana for two off that.  Another rana and a powerslam follow, and Rey goes up to finish, but Juvy cuts him off and tries a Splash mountain off the top, which Rey turns into a rana in mid-air to finish at 8:47.  This was actually toned way down from what they’d do in WCW later on, but it was pretty great for 1996 in this shithole arena.  1 for 1.

Meanwhile, Cactus Jack relives his ear loss via Mr. Potato Head (“Look Mikey, he’s so hardcore that he can’t wear glasses anymore!”) and wants to know if Mikey would kill someone for him if he asked nicely enough.  Mikey:  “Um, I guess so?”  Cactus offers to bring Mikey to MSG for a match with the Smoking Gunns.  Vince will love them!  Mikey’s not into the idea.  Cactus: “But what will I tell Vince?”

ECW World tag team titles:  Cactus Jack & Mikey Whipwreck v. The Eliminators

Mikey, still not into this whole idea, keeps throwing the tag title away and Cactus patiently picks it up and gives it back to him so they don’t look bad in front of Raven.  And then Jack unveils his “WW F’N F” shirt and the heat is NUCLEAR.  Kronus overpowers Mikey to start and tries a wristlock, so Mikey reverses to a headlock and takes him down with that.  Kronus bails to the floor and Mikey doesn’t follow so Cactus gives Mikey a refresher of the game plan and wants more action.  Mikey tries another headlock (with Cactus disgustedly mocking him from the apron) and then takes Saturn down with the same thing.  This results in Cactus pulling Mikey off so he can show him how to do it himself, and he stops to a cut a promo and tells Mikey to get the hell out of here so that he can win the match all by himself.  Like he originally did.  So Jack mixes it up rough-house style with Kronus, as Vince would no doubt say, but Mikey tags himself back in and goes to an armbar on Saturn just to be a dick.  The Eliminators cut him off immediately and double-team him, with Kronus hitting the handspring elbow for two and going to a chinlock.  Kronus powerbombs Mikey into a flying knee from Saturn, and that gets two before Cactus breaks it up.  Saturn with a clothesline for two.  Ironically, the Eliminators use the Sidewinder on Mikey for two, so maybe there’s a bit of Smoking Gunns in them after all.  Kronus with a belly to belly on Mikey, who crawls pathetically for a tag from Cactus and gets it this time.  Jack cleans house but gets double-teamed from behind before regrouping with a Cactus clothesline to take them to the floor.  Jack actually goes up one of the ropes and drops an elbow to the floor on Kronus, and then brings Saturn in for a piledriver.  So for an encore, he pulls a bottle from the under ring and breaks it off on the post, actually threatening to carve up Saturn with a broken bottle, and that finally is enough for Mikey, who dropkicks his partner to stop him before making his own comeback on the Eliminators.  He hits a flying rana on Kronus, but Cactus trips him up and TOTAL ELIMINATION finishes to give the Eliminators their first tag team titles of many at 12:20.  This was a really good tag team match with an interesting psychology that was totally unlike anything they were doing at the time.  2 for 2.  And then Cactus turns on Mikey once and for all afterwards, and beats on him with the help of Raven.  But then Raven goes to beat on Mikey himself and Jack shoves Raven off, because he’s Mikey’s friend and only he’s allowed to beat him up.

We take a break and Joey interviews the new champions in the ring, which brings Francine out, as he pretends to make nice and allows the Pitbulls to attack from behind and destroy the Eliminators.  And she pulls out scissors and cuts off Saturn’s rat tail to get some revenge.  Man good thing they didn’t shave his head, he’d look ridiculous!

Meanwhile, the Gangstas issue the first challenge to the Eliminators because they don’t like nobody and New Jack doesn’t even like Mustafa that much.

Meanwhile, Tommy melts candle wax onto his hand because reasons.

And we finish with 10 minutes of Pulp Fiction promos.  Jack is hilarious going on a bizarre unhinged rant about Doritos, and they cut to Mikey going “Doritos?  What?” in the exact same reaction I was having.  And we finish with Saturn shaving his own head to show that he doesn’t give a shit about his hair.  All that really matters is that they’ve got the gold, because that means you make more money!  Well, in theory, assuming the cheque clears.

Excellent show this week.  Much better than the usual hyper-edited arena shows.