The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 08.27.21
Still not a fan of the opening.
Taped from Milwaukee, WI
Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz, Mark Henry & Chris Jericho
Jurassic Express v. The Lucha Bros
Fenix and Jungle Boy trade kick attempts on the apron and JB comes in with the armdrag into a dropkick for two. At this point there’s an obvious edit while they cut to a sportsball player in the crowd, not sure why. Fenix walks the ropes and kicks both JB and Luchasaurus up there before landing on his feet, but Jungle Boy goes for the STF and Fenix escapes that. Over to Luchasaurus and Penta tosses his glove to Alex outside before going to work with kicks, and Luchasaurus is merely annoyed, but everyone throws superkicks and it’s a quadruple down as we take a break. Back with Jungle Boy rolling up Fenix for two and they slug it out but then both fly off with dives onto the other guys outside in a great spot. Back in, both guys are out, and it’s back to Penta and the dinosaur and Luchasaurus clotheslines both guys and hits Penta with the spinkick. Standing moonsault gets two. Penta goes to work with chops and Fenix adds his own and then adds a spinkick in the corner before going up with a frog splash for two. Back to Jungle Boy, who catches Fenix with a rebound lariat and reverse rana for two. Tiger Driver sets up the Snare Trap, but Penta breaks it up with a kick to the head and follows with the lungblower into the package powerbomb for two. The Lucha Bros try the double team piledriver but Jungle Boy escapes and sends Penta to the floor, but he goes up and Rey Fenix walks the ropes to follow him up and hits him with a rana, sending Jungle Boy onto the guys outside. Back in, Penta gets two from that. JB fights back with a superkick on Fenix and the Jurassics try to finish him, but he escapes and fights to the apron with Jungle Boy. And then Penta charges in with a destroyer on the apron, and then Fenix comes into the ring with a destroyer on Luchasaurus, and he kicks out at one. The Luchas hit him with superkicks back and forth and Penta slams Fenix onto Luchasaurus for two, and the double package piledriver finishes at 13:00 to send them to All Out. A couple of super-contrived spots, like that rana onto the floor, but this was a crazy opener. ****1/4 I don’t doubt it’ll be a great match with the Bucks, but wouldn’t the Jurassics make more sense in a cage match after getting screwed repeatedly by the Elite?
Meanwhile, UFC loser and ice cream bar salesman returns last week and people are crying.
Miro joins us and brings Fuego del Sol with him as a prize, like a fresh kill, and then calls him out for accepting a contract that he didn’t win rightfully before ripping off the mask and superkicking him out of the ring. This brings Eddie Kingston out, and he hits Miro with an exploder before the refs run out to split them up, because this wrestling ring on a wrestling show is neither the time nor the place for this kind of thing.
Tay Conti v. The Bunny
The Bunny attacks before the bell, breaking up the infectious dancing of Tay while Jericho compares her to “Baby from House of 1000 Corpses, some kind of crazy chick”. Bunny with a kneelift for two. Bunny with chops in the corner, but Tay fires back with her own adorable ones until Bunny rakes the eyes and boots her down. Bunny chokes her out on the ropes, but Tay fights back with a Bossman slam and follows with a pump kick in the corner, not one, not twice, but THRICE. This sets up the Tay KO, but Penelope Ford comes out for the distraction, allowing Bunny to load up the brass knuckles via The Blade, and she knocks out Tay for the pin at 4:41. That was a RAW-style finish and not much as a match either. *
Meanwhile, Christian and Kenny Omega have a split screen interview, as Kenny completely buries his partner but adds “no offense”. Christian and Kaz demand that Kenny actually wrestles tonight and “not just their bitch-ass man-baby stooge.”
Christian Cage & Frankie Kazarian v. Kenny Omega & Brandon Cutler
Once again the crowd graces Don Callis with a “Piece of Shit” chant. Kaz beats on Cutler to start, and he’s working in his “Kiss Animalize outfit” as Jericho justifies his payday this week. Kazarian with a lariat and he tosses Cutler into the corner, hoping for a tag, and Omega finally obliges. “Junior stooge” Nakazawa runs interference and Omega chokes Kazarian out in the corner, but Kazarian fights back with chops and it’s over to Christian. So Omega runs away and brings Cutler back in for a beating from Christian and a springboard legdrop from Kazarian. Kaz suplexes him onto the top rope and kicks him right to the floor, where Nakazawa attacks with the laptop and he gets beat up as well. This all allows Omega to jump Kazarian with a clothesline, and he demands a replay because it was awesome. The announcers all deny that he’s in charge, but we do in fact get the replay. Back in, and You Can’t Escape gets two. Omega tears at the face and Cutler gets a cheapshot from the apron and Kenny adds a sling blade. Cutler comes in and does an elaborate strut and dance to show he’s control, but then he misses an elbow and Christian comes in and destroys him with chops. Kenny comes in and tries the One Winged Angel from behind, but Christian escapes and slugs away on both of them in the corner. Reverse DDT on Cutler, but Kenny trips him up and posts him while Callis takes the ref. But then Kenny hits Cutler with the V-Trigger by mistake and runs away from Christian’s Killswitch, leaving Cutler to die alone at 8:34. This was mostly a comedy match with Cutler flopping all over the ring like a ragdoll, and it never really went anywhere. **1/4
This is an easy show to watch, but it does NOT feel like an A-show in this current form. This one is definitely not doing 1.2 million viewers. But hey, the show goes by fast and the opener was great, so that’s enough for a thumbs up from me.