The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.11.21

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.11.21

RIP to Bobby Eaton

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Your hosts are Jim Ross, Excalibur & Tony Schiavone

Meanwhile, MJF reminds Jericho that Jericho’s never won against him, and then reminds Wardlow of his failure against Cody Rhodes in the cage match last year in a deep cut sick burn, reminding him to get the job done this time.

Kenny Omega & The Young Bucks v. Dante Martin, Matt Sydal & Mike Sydal

So during the entrances, the announcers off-handedly mention that Christian Cage is getting the title shot at Omega at All Out.  Unless they have some other wicked swerve up their sleeves, that is going to backfire on them in a big way.  The faces work Matt in the corner to start and hit a double-team flying stomp from Mike and he rolls up Matt for two.  Nick comes in with a vicious headlock on Dante, but he fires back with a dropkick and then a flying headscissor takedown on Matt Jackson to put him on the floor before Omega clobbers Dante from behind.  So the faces do a triple baseball slide on the Elite and then the Sydals launch Dante onto them, and back in for a crossbody on Matt that gets two.  Mike with a standing moonsault for two.  Over to Omega, who swats Mike Sydal down to block a dropkick and then lays him out with a clothesline to take over.  Kenny drops the power elbow for two and gets some spray from Cutler while Callis goes nuts on commentary (“Are you taking shots at the Steelers and the Penguins, Don?”  “I don’t know who any of those teams are but the people are going crazy for Omega!”) Mike escapes the Young Bucks and makes the hot tag to Matt Sydal, who runs wild on the Bucks with a brainbuster on Matt Jackson for two.  Double rana puts Nick on the floor and he gets a crossface on Matt, while Mike adds a bridging Guardian deathlock.  Omega makes the save and lays out the Sydals with snapdragons, but Dante lands on his feet and does a standing flip over Omega before putting him down with an enzuigiri, and Dante then gets the hot tag and the crowd goes NUTS.  He dropkicks the Bucks into each other and dives onto Omega, then jumps onto the top rope and dives to the floor with a rana on Omega, before jumping BACK into the ring and hitting the Bucks with a moonsault press for two.  UNBELIEVEABLE.  Finally the Bucks double-team him to take him out and chase off the Sydals, and Omega hits Dante with an ushigoroshi.  V-Trigger and One Winged Angel look to finish, but Dante flips out of it and hits one more enzuigiri and then rolls up Kenny for two.  Backslide follows, but Kenny hits him with another V-Trigger and finishes with the One Winged Angel and then a triple BTE Trigger at 12:08.  They just made Dante Martin look like a STAR.  Hopefully Darius comes back soon so they can win the tag titles.  The last 5:00 of this were absolutely incredible an almost had the arena thinking Dante was going to beat the champion.   ****1/4

Christian Cage interrupts the Elite’s celebration and he’s outnumbered, but the Jurassic Express joins him and we take a break.  Back with everyone in the ring, and as soon as Callis announces the main event, the crowd chants for CM Punk and Daniel Bryan.  Callis is still pretty funny as he powers through it, noting that Kenny “can’t wait to kick out of Christian’s finisher” and that Christian “will finally get that five star match he’s always wanted”.  But Christian announces that they’re doing a title match at Rampage first…for the Impact World title.  And also, the Jurassic Express gets a tag title shot next week on Dynamite.  And then Kenny gets another funny line as he stops Jungle Boy’s theme and asks the crowd if they’re singing “Whoa oh oh” or “No no no!” to the tag title match.  I bet they were saying “No no no” to Cage getting the title match at All Out.

Meanwhile, Malakai Black still has Cody’s boot as a trophy and he does a badass promo.

Sadly, we do not get the special look at “Rhodes to the Top” here in Canada and instead we just get a commercial for Koodo Mobile.  I actually got a monthly Koodo plan for my kid, $50 for unlimited talk and text and 10 GB of data.  About as good of a deal as you’re gonna get in Canada, where the phone companies RAISE their rates to be “competitive” with each other.

Daniel Garcia v. Darby Allin

Garcia takes Allin to the corner on a lockup and gives him a little condescending pat, but Darby takes him down for two and grabs a headlock.  Garcia reverses to an armbar, but Darby rolls him up for two and Garcia gets a backslide for two.  Darby tries for an armbar and Garcia makes the ropes right away and then 2.0 takes the ref while Danny rakes the nose and tosses Darby into the corner upside down as we take a break.  Back with Garcia missing a blind charge and Darby goes up, but 2.0 distracts him and Garcia crotches him to bring him down again.  Hammerlock slam gets two.  Garcia takes him down with a double wristlock on the mat, but Darby makes the ropes and makes the comeback, only to land in a choke.  Darby rolls into a cradle for two and hits Garcia with a stunner, and then finishes with the coffin drop at 9:41.  2.0 tries to attack, so Sting whoops their asses and they run away.  The match never really clicked for me and felt like a bit of a style clash, but Darby remains a big star.  **3/4

Meanwhile, Death Triangle is finally back together and they all want Andrade, but Pac wants them to focus on the tag team titles.

Orange Cassidy, Chuck Taylor & Wheeler Yuta v. Matt Hardy & Private Party

Orange tries to put his hands in his pockets, but Matt slaps them away and DELETES him, so Orange puts Matt’s hands in his pockets.  Matt hits him with a Side Effect to escape that and gets two, but he misses a charge and Orange goes all the way to the bottom rope and gets a splash for two.  Matt and Orange could probably have a hilarious match on PPV.  Over to Wheeler Yuta, who double-teams Kassidy with Chuck and gets two, but Private Party gets the Silly String and we take a break.  Back with Nyla Rose running out to clobber Kris Statlander and Jack Evans takes out Orange, but Chuck gets a hot tag and dives onto the goofs outside.  Back in, Chuck powerbombs the Party onto each other and powerbombs Quen for two.  Orange dives onto Matt Hardy and Yuta splashes Quen off the top for two.  At this point I would like to throw out a shout-out to the guy with the sign referencing Coffin Flop as his favorite TV show.  Hopefully he’s concealing a giant hot dog up his sleeve so as not to miss lunch.  Gin and Juice on Yuta gets two, but Orange saves and clears the ring with the Orange Punch, and Matt finishes Yuta with the Twist of Fate at 9:51.  There were a million things going on here and all the Matt Hardy goofs running around and it was way too hard to follow what was going on, and that wasn’t any good.  *1/2

Meanwhile, Andrade gets talked by Chavo into challenging Pac at All Out.  If he can’t have a blowaway match with Pac, he’s a lost cause for them.

Meanwhile, Santana & Ortiz are pretty disgusted with FTR for pussying out on their match last week, because where they come from you WRAP THAT S--- UP and finish the match.  That’s some weird meta stuff, because in storyline FTR did finish the match and won!

Nyla Rose v. Kris Statlander

Statlander beats on her with kicks right away, but Nyla spears her and chokes away on the ropes.  They slug it out, but Nyla hits her with a german suplex and they fight to the floor.  Statlander gets a nice standing moonsault off the apron and Vickie shrieks at Orange Cassidy to nullify him while Nyla chokeslams Statlander for two.  Statlander shows off with a handstand walk to escape the guillotine legdrop, but Nyla spears her and goes up.  So Kris powerbombs her and follows with a 450 for the pin at 3:05.  Didn’t really work but they kept it short and gave Statlander an impressively definitive win.  **

Meanwhile, the Young Bucks wave bye-bye to the Hangman and do their basketball gimmick, but Jurassic Express breaks it up and Jungle Boy dunks on them.  Was that sports?  Can I talk basketball now?

Meanwhile, we hear from Red Velvet in advance of Rampage, where hopefully Britt will destroy her and move onto something better.

Dr. Britt Baker DMD joins Tony and does a total babyface interview for Pittsburgh, but Red Velvet runs in and attacks her for the pullapart brawl.

Impact World tag team title:  Karl Anderson & Doc Gallows v. Evil Uno & Stu Grayson

So now we’ve got Scott D’Amore on commentary as the Forbidden Door continues opening.  Grayson attacks on the floor before the bell and the Dark Order works on Karl in their corner, but Brandon Cutler yanks Uno off the apron and Colt chases him off so that Kazarian can drag him away to the back while we take a break.  Back with Grayson getting a two count on Anderson, but Gallows saves.  Stu hits them with a double Pele and Uno comes in for the cannonball/450 combo that gets two.  The Good Brothers cut them off and try the Magic Killer, but Uno breaks it up and launches Grayson at Gallows on the floor.  Back in, Dark Order goes to finish, but Gallows takes the ref and Karl hits the Gunstun and the Magic Killer finishes at 7:40.  This was OK, but this promotion is SO heel-heavy right now that they really need to put a babyface over for a title soon.  **1/4

Meanwhile, Kamille and Leyla Hirsch continue opening the FORBIDDEN DOOR.

QT Marshall joins Tony for his apology, but QT clarifies that he’s waiting for Tony to apologize to him.  And then they pull Tony’s son Chris out of the audience and QT’s guys beat on him and deliver a diamond cutter, which leads to Paul Wight heading out and chokeslamming Aaron Solow to help out his friend.  I’m not really down with Paul Wight un-retiring again but it’s something for QT’s geeks to do, I guess.  Frankly I’m surprised they didn’t have him turn heel for old times’ sake.

This Friday!  Rampage!  Not exactly a can’t miss lineup with the three announced matches, gotta say, and they’re gonna need to hit a home run in that timeslot.  Not that I can figure out how to watch the damn show on TSN’s website yet anyway.  Plus next week’s Dynamite sees Sting & Darby v. 2.0 and Sammy Guevara v. Shawn Spears.

Meanwhile, on Elevation, Joey Janela turns on Sonny Kiss.  Are they still around?

Chris Jericho v. Wardlow

No wacky stip for this one.  Wardlow beats on him in the corner to start, but Jericho hits the codebreaker for one.  Wardlow throws him around the ring and clotheslines him to the floor for a beating out there.  Back in after a trip to the post for Jericho, and Wardlow hits him with the powerbomb and then tries again, nearly loses Jericho, and recovers with another powerbomb as we take a break.  That nearly went very badly.  Back with Wardlow hitting a third powerbomb (that we’ve seen outside the commercial breaks, although apparently there were more) but Jericho fights back with chops.  Wardlow cuts him off with the F10 but MJF wants more punishment delivered.  He tries the knee in the corner, but Jericho takes him down with the Walls and MJF rakes the eyes to break it up.  MJF tries to pass the ring, but Aubrey catches him and sends him back to the dressing room while Jericho finds the baseball bat, knocks out Wardlow, and finishes with the Judas Effect at 10:05.  Shawn Spears comes in for the attack and Sammy Guevara saves, but then MJF puts Jericho in the armbar and Hager saves.  So MJF sets up the stipulation for the fifth labour next week:  Jericho isn’t allowed to use “Judas” for his entrance music, or the Judas Effect elbow.  After all that it feels like it needed something bigger, like Jericho putting his career on the line.  Maybe he’ll lose and they’ll do that on the PPV.  **

This one really felt like a pretty major whiff after weeks of hot crowds and big shows.  There wasn’t really much notable going on here and Rampage just doesn’t feel like a big deal to me despite how much they say it’s another “A Show”.  Nothing outright bad and it flew by as usual, but this was definitely one you can skip outside of the awesome opener and Dante Martin redefining “Getting his s--- in” against Omega.