Such a dream match that somebody played it in WWE2K19!
Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I find another match adding to the culmination of the break-up of the Rockers, as they take on the WWF Tag Team Champions in their final title shot!
Also up, a super-famous BUNGEE JUMP Match from the GWF in 1992. Also, a request, as the West Texas Rednecks take on… The Public Enemy? Yes, they’re back in WCW after they got chased out of the WWF by the Acolytes! Then it’s an apparently “semi-infamous” squash as Fit Finlay wrestles his normal match against Power Plant jobber Lorenzo, which is indistinguishable from Fit Finlay shooting on Power Plant jobber Lorenzo! Also one more PCO match, as Jean-Pierre Lafitte takes on Man Mountain Rock in one of the only “featured matches” Maxx Payne fought in the WWF.
WWF WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES:
THE LEGION OF DOOM (Hawk & Animal) vs. THE ROCKERS (Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty):
(Dec. 28th, 1991)
* Way, WAY at the end of the Rockers’ run comes their last shot at the World Tag Titles, as we get a rare Face vs. Face match against the unstoppable LOD in what’s truly a Dream Match. The LOD are in the usual, but the Rockers have on some bizarre technicolor shirt & tights combos, with neon stripes going up black middles and paint-splatter and tassels making up the rest of it. Ah, but they soon doff the shirts and look more like themselves. As someone pointed out last week, the Rockers were in a weird zone where they faced nearly everyone- babyface or heel- in the tag division during their time with the WWF. I surmised it was probably because they made everyone look good. The unusual match here is a giveaway that something’s gonna happen.
Shawn gets shoved by the stronger Animal, but secretly tags Marty, who gets Shawn’s help on a victory roll- Animal’s in the ropes, but seems stunned. He comes back with a press-slam and Hawk adds punches, but Shawn comes in- he runs into HAWK’s press-slam, but gets Marty’s help in rolling him over, reflecting the last spot. But again the LOD guy’s in the ropes. Hawk wipes Shawn out with a clothesline, but misses a flying one… but instead of selling it, just comes back and punches Shawn when he tries a sunset flip. Mr. Perfect declares this two minutes of action a “great match” on commentary as Animal hits a good snap powerslam, but a splash hits knees- the Rockers’ superkick/sunset flip combo gets one and Hawk’s tagged in. The Rockers are whipped into each other, but Shawn back-body drops Marty onto his feet and both knock Hawk to the floor with a Double Superkick, then Shawn tosses Marty onto Animal- Animal staggers, so Shawn does their standard “dropkick his partner into a pinning combination” trick, only for Animal to stumble in a 180 so HE takes the dropkick, falling down on Marty for the three (3:29). Ooooohhhhh.
So we get an ending that sets up the famous “Barber Shop” interview, with Shawn furious at Marty for getting pinned- the Rockers argue while girls scream in the audience, Shawn ultimately shoving Marty and even SLAPPING him, nearly setting off a Rockers brawl- Marty ultimately can’t go through with it and bails. Perfect says he “doesn’t have the guts” (a prelude to his “act of cowardice” at the Shop?), but confesses it’s the right thing to do. Kind of an interesting match, as it’s effectively a sprint with the LOD tossing the Rockers around but getting double-teamed by their speed, as it should be, but it’s over so fast that it’s essentially a fluke to write the Rockers out for good.
Rating: *1/4 (a weird kinda bout where it’s super-competitive but extremely short and ends on a fluke)
THE WEST TEXAS REDNECKS (Curt Hennig & Barry Windham, w/ Kendall Windham & Bobby Duncum, Jr.) vs. THE PUBLIC ENEMY (Johnny Grunge & Rocco Rock):
(WCW Nitro, 09.08.1999)
* … wow, okay, I had no idea TPE stuck around in WCW this long. Oh, okay- looks like this was a brief return after their WWF run got Acolyte-d. This was maybe only a couple of months. They’re in white jerseys, while Windham’s in black trunks and a “Fat Guy at the Pool” t-shirt, and Hennig’s in a black & white singlet. They’re coming down to “Good Ol’ Boys” instead of their much better theme, and I think by this point the No Limit Soldiers feud had petered out and they were generic midcarders, WCW having “WCW’d” their shockingly popular stable.
Hennig beats on Rocco to start, but gets taken down with a clothesline. Big fat Johnny stumbles through some stuff, but Hennig comes back and has Barry shoulderblock him down. Barry misses an elbow, but tags out and Hennig just kicks more ass, not doing anything more than simple clobbering. Barry & Johnny do a double-clothesline spot and Rocco runs wild on the hot tag- double flapjack to Hennig and Grunge hits a flopping neckbreaker (I refuse to call that a “swinging” one) to Barry, and TPE puts him on the table- Somersault Tope from Rocco puts him through it! But then the camera friggin’ misses whatever Kendall or Bobby did, and Hennig gets the easy pin off of that, scoring a win off of Grunge at (3:57).
Man, totally a “slumming it” performance from everyone, doing largely Attitude Era “just punching” wrestling with only Rocco having any kind of speed. Barely four minutes of action and TPE were barely above jobbers, getting eaten alive out there.
Rating: * (total nothing match)
STEVEN DANE vs. CHAZ TAYLOR
(Global Wrestling Federation, Dallas- 1992)
* I have no idea what this is, but it’s apparently infamous. Two guys I’ve never heard of fight in a tiny lift with bungee cords attached to their ankles, and the winner is the guy who tosses his opponent out the lift. Benefits: You get a legitimately dangerous stunt and presumably a fantastic, eye-popping finale. Drawbacks: Nobody can see a fucking thing because THERE’S NO CAMERA IN THE LIFT.
haha, we’re joined in progress and you can literally just see a pair of boots hanging off the edge while Dane screams and moans in agony. After two solid minutes of this, and finally the two men stand up in an embrace (cuz, like, they’re probably scared shitless because this could actually kill them), until Chaz falls down and Dane rains boots down on him. Chaz looks about finished, but when Dane puts his hands on the top bar of the lift (obviously to brace himself), Chaz reaches up, grabs the bungee cord, and throws him out, sending Dane swinging (2:58). When they come back from break, Dane grabs a cord (not actually Chaz’s) and yanks on it, sending CHAZ flying down, even though the crane is now super-low. Chaz swings around, and looks to be bawling when his mommy comes out to hug him. And according to WrestleCrap‘s review of this, he’s the BABYFACE! Even Vince would shake his head at such a pussy in his babyface ranks.
Rating: 1/2* (okay the match was literally nothing, but like… it had a stunt finish! It delivered exactly what they promised! Twice!)
I mean, that is pretty impressive hair.
FIT FINLAY vs. LORENZO:
(WCW Saturday Night, 1998)
* This is a “semi-legendary” squash recommended by Manjiimmortal. Lorenzo is a forgotten Power Plant goober (he doesn’t even have a CageMatch profile!) with nice hair and turquoise trunks, up against bleach-blond Finlay. Finlay, with a bizarre asymmetrical Mad Max jacket on, has declared that he’s going to make an example out of this “pretty boy”.
Finlay dominates to start with his usual tight grappling and stiff-ass forearm shots, and so far so good until Lorenzo cocks up, literally, a leapfrog by not getting enough height on it and Finlay runs head-first into Little Lorenzo. Or his leg, I dunno- it’s funnier if it’s his crotch. Finlay recovers easily enough because his style is very simple: Hit The Guy Really Hard, so hard in fact that it’s not really “selling” so much as “Oh fuck he punched me right in the fucking nose!” when it hits you, so even a rookie can’t fuck it up. Lorenzo takes more brutal punishment, including some TORTUROUS arm stuff, Finlay giving him instructions to duck under a clothesline and jump into his rolling fireman’s carry slam. That gets two, and when he tries a Vader Bomb, he just lands on Lorenzo’s knees. Lorenzo throws some light-ass punches, but charges into the post and takes Finlay’s Tombstone at (5:17)- complete domination by the Irishman.
Incredibly one-sided squash, as if Fit knew that this kid had no business in there and wasn’t taking any chances. Lorenzo looked utterly lost at points, and so the vet would just drag him in with a headlock and just start pummeling him, since Fit’s stuff is so stiff it’s, um, easy to sell. There’s a short clothesline in there that Lorenzo takes a stumbling back-bump off of that I think legit stunned him.
Rating: 1/2* (totally one-sided, but Fit’s squashes are always great fun. Lorenzo got almost NOTHING)
A rock & roll-loving guy dressing like it’s the 1960s in 1995 may be the most “Vince McMahon” idea ever.
MAN MOUNTAIN ROCK vs. JEAN PIERRE LAFITTE:
(WWF Superstars, Sept. 9th 1995)
* This is the most “1995 WWF” thing ever- the pirate fighting the tie-dyed rock & roll star. This was from a point in time where Vince’s pop cultural knowledge became extremely apparent- there were two “Music Fan” gimmicks active at the time, and one that made it clear Vince’s idea a “Cool Rock Star” was a big fat guy in tie-dyed shirts and long hair, and the grunge-loving heel was named “Rad Radford” in a bit of antiquated 1980s slang. Never mind that Grunge was fading in popularity big-time at this point. Man Mountain Rock was Maxx Payne, a barely-notable brawler who I mainly remember from reading some interviews where he took credit for the entire Attitude Era (right down to telling Vince what to do to get more popular, and suggesting Steve Austin use skulls as a motif). I’d go into more detail but I can’t find them anymore and it was just text from some shoots, so god knows how accurate it really was. MMR here was a pretty bad failed gimmick that didn’t make PPV at all (save as a Lumberjack) and his only “feud” was against rock-hating old-fashioned Bob Backlund, who was beyond done as a gimmick by this point. This is one of his only “Featured” matches, and it’s against a guy they’re building as a Bret Hart opponent.
MMR suckers Lafitte with an elbow and clotheslines him over the top, looking pretty clumsy and stumbly. Lafitte gets brought in the hard way, but dodges an avalanche and hits a facecrusher. In his signature spot, he ties Rock in “Andre Position” and hits a pair of cross-bodies, but he tries one on a standing MMR and gets caught, eventually struggling over to land on him for a two-count. Chinlock leads to MMR fighting up and using a sunset flip (!!), but Lafitte grabs him for some shots, only for MMR to reverse a whip and hit a BIG overhead belly-to-belly. But in a Roadblock-style Match-Costing Mistake, he goes up for a second-rope splash and biffs it, allowing Lafitte to hit a legdrop and Le Cannonball (flying somersault senton) for the win (4:23). Man Mountain Rock was not long for the company.
Perfectly ordinary “Featured TV Match”, with guys wrestling slowly and using some basic stuff. Using a chinlock and an extended “walk around the outside” spot in a 4-minute match sure showcases THAT style. Decent enough in other parts, at least, with both guys reversing stuff on each other, though it’s funny seeing a dude as big as Man Mountain Rock doing something so light and being utterly helpless against a flying move that took forever.
Rating: *3/4 (basic “TV Match” stuff- fine but short)