The SmarK Rant for WWF Wrestling Challenge – 01.24.87

The SmarK Rant for WWF Wrestling Challenge – 01.24.87

Oh man BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP.  And I’ve only got 3 episodes left on the Network!

Taped from Hershey, PA

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan

Junkyard Dog v. Al Navarro

Dog fights for a lockup on the ropes and Danny Davis immediately gives the Dog s--- about it, accusing him of pulling the jobber’s hair.  So Dog slugs him down and gets two, with Davis giving him a very deliberate count, and then the jobber knocks Dog down and gets two with a VERY fast count.  Dog comes back with a headbutt and Davis gets in his face about that, so the jobber attacks Dog from behind and Dog pokes him in the eye in retribution.  Thump finishes at 2:12.  We’re JUST at the point where they need to do something with the Danny Davis storyline or else drop it, and thankfully this weekend on Superstars was exactly that, and I assume this show will recap it next week.  0 for 1.

Wrestler’s Rebuttal with Adrian Adonis.  He’s disgusted with Roddy Piper’s WWF magazine cover and has Jimmy Hart spray it.

DEMOLITION v. Sivi Afi & Jerry Allen

No music for the debuting Demolition, and of course Johnny V was the manager of record to start out.  And yes, this marks the one and only Wrestling Challenge appearance of Randy “Moondog Rex” Colley in the role of Smash, with another appearance on Superstars, before he was immediately turfed and replaced by Barry Darsow.  Ax, with bright red hair and Smurf blue face paint, beats on Allen to start, and it’s over to Smash, who has hair dyed green like the Joker and he beats on Afi with forearms and tosses him.  Ax whips Afi into the railing, so it’s back to Allen, who misses a charge.  And the Demolition Elbow finishes at 2:45.  To say this was a work in progress would be the understatement of the year, as the makeup looked ridiculous and they had no chemistry as a team.  Plus the crowd was dead silent, basically rolling their eyes at the entire concept.  0 for 2.

The US Express joins Killer Ken, and Rotundo thinks that Spivey’s knee injury was a blessing in disguise because it lit a fire under him, and now they’re gonna be MEAN in 1987 and hurt people.  Unfortunately they were gone before that could be explored any further.

Kamala v. Nick Foley

Just to rub it into poor “Nick”, Mel Philips pronounces it “Nick Faily” and you see Foley laughing about it.  Also, he’s now from Boston, for those keeping track.  Kamala immediately chops him down, hits the splash, and pins him at 0:28.  And then Kamala decides to punish this Foley kid by coming off the top rope with another splash.  I think we can say without fear of contradiction that this is the most painful and dangerous thing that will ever happen to this Nick Foley guy.  0 for 3.

Hillbilly Jim joins Killer Ken, talking about how he’s had a hard time coming back from his knee injury, but’s the people who give him the push!  And if there’s anything he can do for any of us, just let him know!

Meanwhile, on Superstars, Hercules destroys some geek with a full nelson and challenges anyone to escape, so Billy Jack Haynes comes out to try and mess with HIM, and Herc jumps him from behind and puts him in the full nelson, just like he asked for.

The Killer Bees v. David Vance & Barry O

Blair works on Barry’s arm to start and runs him into the turnbuckle, and Brunzell comes in for a double elbow that gets two.  For some reason, Blair is working with a mask on and Brunzell is working without one.  Meanwhile we get an inset promo from Danny Davis, who explains that he DQ’d the Bees recently for “illegal masks”.  Oh great, he’s an anti-mask nutcase, too.  The Bees work on the legs of Vance, but Barry comes in with a forearm off the top and misses.  We go back to Vance again for some reason and Blair gives him the hip attack for the pin at 3:23.  In this case the B stood for BORING.  0 for 4.

Meanwhile, on Piper’s Pit, Roddy Piper is back with another special trophy, this one for Andre the Giant and his 15 year undefeated streak.  So Piper puts him over and asks for some thoughts from Andre, but then Hulk Hogan bursts in and steals his thunder, cutting off his promo and not letting him talk.  What a DICK.  So Hogan talks about what an inspiration that Andre was to HIM, and Andre leaves the trophy and walks off while Hulk is still talking.  HULK HOGAN WAS THE WORST FRIEND.  And next week S--- IS GOING TO GO DOWN and he’s gonna get what’s coming to him.

Meanwhile, Honky Tonk Man and Jimmy Hart hang out at the airport and insult someone’s private jet.

Magnificent Muraco v. Jacques Rougeau

Bobby Heenan rightly points out that the trophy given to Andre was smaller than Hogan’s, even though Andre was supposed to be Hogan’s inspiration, and then Hulk came out and stole his moment.  Bobby is 100% correct.  Jacques gets a bodypress out of the corner and takes Muraco down with a headlock while Bobby goes on his amazing rant against Hogan and Gorilla questions why Bobby is taking Andre’s side.  WE WILL SOON FIND OUT.  Muraco cuts off Jacques with a spinebuster that’s pretty half-assed even by Muraco’s standards at this point, and they head to the floor as Fuji interferes, and everyone fights to a double countout at 3:20.  This was a mess with a terrible finish where you could barely tell what was going on.  0 for 5.

WRESTLEMANIA III IS COMING.  We don’t know anything about it, but I bet the attendance will be a non-zero number not exceeding 100,000 people.

Ricky Steamboat v. Tiger Chung Lee

Yes, it’s the return of Ricky Steamboat from his throat injury, and he quickly dropkicks Lee to the apron and then slingshots him back into the ring.  Steamboat takes him down with armdrags, but Lee slams him a few times as Gorilla and Bobby get all worked up over Andre and accuse each other of being liars.  And again, Bobby was proven to be RIGHT ALL ALONG about Hulk.  Tiger stomps Ricky down and then wisely uses his Korean Karate to chop Ricky in the throat and get some offense, mostly chops.  Gorilla claims that in fact the WWF gave Andre private awards, all the time, because Andre didn’t want public accolades.  HIGHLY UNLIKELY.  That’s exactly the kind of un-provable horseshit excuse that they used to deny Andre his title shot for all those years and hold him down!  JUSTICE FOR ANDRE!  Steamboat finishes with the flying bodypress at 3:14.

MACHO MAN joins Killer Ken, pacing around like a caged animal while Ken eggs him on by bringing up George Steele trying to steal his woman.  Savage tells him to ZIP IT, YEAH, and he clarifies that HE’S BEEN HIGH BEFORE, YEAH, and he was gonna drop the elbow on Steele but Steamboat interfered.  So now he’s gone from the Danger Zone to the DEATH ZONE and now Dragon will burn in his own fire.  But Savage did the thing and put out Steamboat and he can do it again because Steamboat is full of vindictive emotion and can’t handle the Macho Man.  To be fair, who can?

Next week:  the Islanders v. Sheik & Volkoff!  Billy Jack Haynes!  Jake Roberts!  Koko B. Ware v. Harley Race!  Also I bet we find out more about this whole trophy thing.

This was not what I’d call a good show, but you can literally feel the momentum building towards Wrestlemania and they peaked all this stuff at EXACTLY the right time.