The SmarK Rant for WWF Wrestling Challenge – 12.27.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Wrestling Challenge – 12.27.86

THE RECOGNIZED SYMBOL OF EXCELLENCE IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT

Taped from Tucson, AZ

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan

Another tweak of the opening graphics as they now have fake “signatures” of the wrestlers on the still photos. Who would believe Kamala could sign his own name?  Come on, man.

Koko B. Ware v. Frenchie Martin

I’m surprised they actually left Koko’s entrance in here, instead of just cutting to the ring like they did for Honky Tonk Man last week.  Frenchie attacks Koko and gets a gut wrench suplex for two and beats on him with the clubbing forearms.  Koko comes back with a bodypress for two and slugs away to set up a backdrop.  Koko goes up as Bobby Heenan confuses referee Joey Marella with Danny Davis, thus annoying Gorilla for some reason.  What, is he related to the guy or something?  Koko gets a missile dropkick and brainbuster to finish at 2:34.  0 for 1.

Wrestler’s Rebuttal as Roddy Piper pretends to read the WWF Magazine.

Blackjack Mulligan is still on the ranch, bragging that he paid $1000 for his prize bull Sancho.  I really hope the poor cattle dealer checked those bills before he gave Blackjack the bull.

The Hart Foundation & Adrian Adonis v. SD Jones & The US Express

You know, I was avoiding the next episode of Superstars in 1993 because IRS was in the main event, but I STILL can’t escape Mike Rotundo!  The Express cleans house on the Harts and Adonis while SD Jones stands on the apron watching, and then he finally gets involved and headbutts Adonis.  So the babyfaces work on Bret Hart in the corner, but he comes back with a knee as Gorilla apparently likes to call him “The Excellence of Execution”.  That is totally new information.  Adonis powerslams Rotundo, but misses a splash and Mike comes back with a flying forearm on Bret.  It’s “hot” tag SD Jones and I know this will shock you, but he does something stupid and Adonis puts him away with the sleeper at 3:25.  Once again, the complete change in philosophy from then to now shows up here again, as just, what, two years before Adonis was a completely different character, losing the tag team titles to Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham.  And then guys came and went and everything changed and they crossed paths again in different circumstances with different partners.  And now you have guys playing the same character in the same spot on the same show week after week for a DECADE.  Sometimes more.  Not saying either is better necessarily, but certainly it was easier to freshen guys up back then.  0 for 2.

The Rougeau Brothers have words with Killer Ken about their 1986 and upcoming 1987.

Kamala v. Billy Anderson

We get a word from President Tunney, as he’s taking under advisement a motion to bar Kamala’s top rope splash.  Is he gonna ban the pretty blue mats from the floors while he’s at it?  Kamala immediately chops Anderson down and finishes with the dreaded flying splash at 0:34.

Jake Roberts joins Killer Ken, and he’s throwing down a challenge to Macho Man for the Intercontinental title even though they’re supposed to be friends.

Back from the break, Kamala is finally finished beating up the jobber, but he bumps into King Kong Bundy in the aisle, which the announcers compare to “Godzilla vs. King Kong”.  Wait, who would be who in that scenario?

King Kong Bundy v. Pedro Gonzalez

Pedro appears to be a real estate agent or school janitor moonlighting as a wrestler.  Bundy beats on him and hits a clothesline, then finishes with the avalanche at 0:55, complete with five count.  0 for 3.

The Snake Pit with special guest Andre the Giant.  Jake puts over his own white Miami Vice jacket and then brings out Andre, who mocks Jake’s tiny little snake.  Jake is the latest person to ask Andre how he got reinstated, but Andre cheerfully blows him off and Jake is like “OK, not pushing the Giant, message received.”

Dino Bravo v. Alex Knight

Bravo beats on Knight while Gorilla declares him to be “a disgrace to the Canadian flag”.  Finally I can agree with something Gorilla says.  He gets a gut wrench and we actually get an inset promo from Dave Hebner, who declares Danny Davis to be UNFIT to be a referee in the WWF.  Why, is he selling bootleg merchandise out of his car?  Maybe Hebner shouldn’t be so quick to judge.  The jobber goes for a monkey flip and Bravo blocks it, and then finishes with a suplex at 3:14.  Yes, a suplex.  Because Dino Bravo is the WORST.  0 for 4.

Meanwhile, Bobby Heenan chats with Macho Man, and asks if Savage feels any remorse for doing what he did to Steamboat.  Savage clarifies that he felt sorry for the Dragon every time he beat him and dropped elbows on him, YEAH.  I don’t think that’s quite the same, but points for effort.

The Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff & Butch Reed v. The Islanders & Jose Luis Rivera

“The jungle drums come out and that can only mean one thing!” notes Gorilla.  I mean, that’s pretty racist no matter who he’s supposed to be referring to.  Like why would the ISLANDERS have jungle drums?  They’re ISLANDERS!  IT’S LITERALLY RIGHT THERE IN THEIR NAME!  And how did Rivera wander into this main event?  He gets some shine for about 2 seconds and then Sheik backdrops him and hocks a loogie on him, perhaps to emphasize that Iran is #1.  Reed comes in and beats on Rivera while the bored crowd chants something that gets mixed down.  Reed finishes with a press slam at 3:30 and the poor Islanders didn’t even get to tag in.  0 for 5.

Jimmy Hart joins Killer Ken, claiming that the voting against Honky Tonk Man was RIGGED and Honky actually won by 700,000 votes.  Well, they’re in Arizona this week, maybe they should hire the Cyber Ninjas and look for bamboo fibers in the ballots.  So in fact the true count was 699,997 in Honky’s favor and only THREE votes against him, and most hurtfully one of the votes was cast by Hulk Hogan, the man who invited Honky in the first place!

Next week:  The 1986 year in review!  That should be interesting.  This show was not.