Monday Night Raw – January 8, 2007

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 8, 2007
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after New Year’s Revolution and things have changed a bit. That bit would be HHH tearing his quadricep again during the DX vs. Rated-RKO tag match. Odds are that is going to shake up a good amount of the show as we head towards Wrestlemania. Other than that, John Cena retained the World Title over Umaga with a quick rollup. We’re less than a month away from the Royal Rumble too so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the DX vs. Rated-RKO tag match, with HHH blowing out his leg but managing to beat up Rated-RKO after the match anyway.

Opening sequence.

Tonight: Donald Trump vs. Rosie O’Donnell. The sighing is going to be strong with this one.

Here is John Cena to get thing going. After taking a few moments, Cena quietly says the champ is here. Cena: “You know what really yanks my noodle?” Before Cena left the building last night, Armando Alejandro Estrada was on WWE.com saying Umaga lost in a fluke. Last night, Cena took a beating for thirty minutes (17:20 by my notes) but he doesn’t know what Estrada means by a fluke. Cena is thinking about giving Umaga a rematch tonight but that might be the concussion talking.

Since this is where Cena made his Raw debut, he polls the fans on said rematch taking place. Cue Coach instead, and tonight Umaga is getting the night off. Cena doesn’t buy that and is expecting to be jumped on he way to the car or in the….Cena: “Never mind.”. Coach doesn’t like Cena’s attitude but he has an idea for tonight. See, contracts expire, so Cena can face Raw’s newest acquisition. Cue the Great Khali for the staredown but Coach backs the monster off.

Video on Rosie O’Donnell vs. Donald Trump, as they have been feuding in the media for a good while. Sounds like wrestling time to me.

Vince McMahon talks about how there are matches which reshape the wrestling world, such as Sammartino vs. Graham, Hogan vs. Andre and Austin vs. The Rock. Tonight, it’s “the Brash Billionaire vs. the Left Leaning Lesbian!”. Vince has a cake and here is “Rosie” (played by indy wrestler Kiley McLean, who ever did anything) to be rather annoying. She’s happy with the cake (Rosie: “It’s my fudgey!”), which she thinks could have been colder. Vince: “You are what you eat.” She’ll devour Trump tonight too. This is dumber than it sounds, though I’m sure those TNA chants are just a figment of Vince’s imagination.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Kenny Dykstra

Jeff is defending and banged up from the cage match last night. Dykstra hammers him in the back but Jeff is right back with the slingshot dropkick in the corner. That’s enough to send Dykstra to the floor for a dive off the apron and we take a break. Back with Dykstra hitting a neckbreaker and a pair of clotheslines for one. A jumping back elbow gets two and we hit the chinlock. Jeff fights up for the Whisper in the Wind and a kick to the chest takes Dykstra out of the air. Cue Johnny Nitro to yell at Jeff but Ric Flair comes in to low blow Dykstra. The Twist of Fate and Swanton retain the title.

Rating: C-. That should set up a tag match as Flair vs. Dykstra continues. The match wasn’t much to see but for a pretty quick TV title defense, it worked out well. Dykstra continues to be a mostly average heel but Hardy getting a win should be fine. I’m not sure how much Hardy vs. Nitro needs to continue, but the matches, both singles and tags, should be good.

Rosie, with a muffin, likes the idea of going into the Divas locker room.

Earlier today, HHH went to see Dr. James Andrews and the surgery is tomorrow. He’s going to be out 4-6 months.

Rosie shows Maria and Candice Michelle vacation photos while looking at various parts of them. After Rosie leaves, Maria thinks Rosie liked her outfit. Candice agrees, though at least she seems to get it. This is the beat you over the head with the joke portion of the show.

Video on Great Khali being a monster.

Great Khali says….I’m assuming something about John Cena.

More on Rosie vs. Trump.

Victoria/Melina vs. Maria/Mickie James

Mickie takes Melina down by the arm to start and it’s off to Maria for the Bronco Buster. Maria gets taken into the corner so Victoria can beat her up a bit. Melina grabs a headscissors on the mat and a double hair takedown drops Maria again. Mickie dives onto Victoria but Melina runs the corner with a bulldog (the Extreme Makeover) to finish Maria.

“Trump”, played by Ace Steel, gets his hair ready.

Wrestlemania Recall: Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar. This is missing from Peacock for some reason.

Vince McMahon comes out to introduce the real main event, including Rosie O’Donnell with “all her lesbianic fury.”

Rosie O’Donnell vs. Donald Trump

Let’s get this over with. They talk trash to each other, mainly about food, and the referee actually gives instructions. The bell rings and Rosie has to go outside for some more fudge cake. The booing starts in a hurry and Trump gets shoved down into the corner. Trump takes his jacket off as the fans think this match sucks. Rosie shoulders him down and then does it again, followed by a Thesz press.

The fans find it boring and Rosie does the Hogan hand to the ear, drawing some TNA chants. Trump gets sent head first into the buckle but the hair blocks the impact. A headbutt sets up a failed slam attempt and Rosie falls on top for two. Trump goes outside to pick up the cake (Trump: “Come on fatty!”) and pushes it into Rosie’s face. The middle rope hairbutt (yes hairbutt) gives Trump the pin.

Rating: F. I’m not going to waste your time explaining why this wasn’t funny or how badly the fat/lesbian jokes come off because those things are obvious. This was WAY before Trump gained the reputation he has today and was still just little more than a punchline in wrestling, making this one of the more goofy topical things that Raw did. That’s not why this is an F though.

The F is for Federline, who did the celebrity deal SO much better last week. Federline was a punchline at this point and it made sense that people wanted to see him get beaten up. After Federline messed with Cena a few times, Cena destroyed him and stood tall with Federline (mostly) never being seen again. Federline was a fine heel and the whole thing wound up working.

This wasn’t funny, it wasn’t entertaining, it wasn’t smart and it wasn’t anything original. This was “hey these two don’t like each other so here’s a long segment saying that this is a thing that exists”. What’s the joke here? Trump has hair and Rosie likes cake? Those are the most tired, worn out punchlines for these two as you could ask for and they aren’t clever. This was going for the easiest joke in the world with no effort put in and two celebrities who couldn’t shut up about each other being a thing in the news. Terrible stuff and one of the biggest wastes of time Raw has ever seen.

Carlito vs. Chris Masters

Rematch from last night where Masters won. Carlito starts fast with a crossbody but Masters takes him into the corner and stomps away. Cue Torrie Wilson with the dog as Masters whips Carlito into various corners to set up a clothesline. The bearhug is broken up with some elbows so Masters grabs a powerslam for two. That means the bearhug can go on again but Carlito breaks it up again. This time it’s broken up with Masters being sent to the apron, where Torrie hits him with the bell. The Backstabber gives Carlito the pin.

Rating: D+. Just a quick match here with nothing going on that we haven’t seen a bunch of times before. Carlito vs. Masters isn’t exactly a thrilling feud but it keeps going on time after time. Torrie interfering to cost Masters the win makes sense here, though unfortunately it is probably going to set up another match between them. The fact that the previous ones weren’t all that great doesn’t make it any better but that’s Raw for you.

More from DX vs. Rated-RKO.

Here is Rated-RKO, with Edge limping and Randy Orton in a neck brace. We see a clip of HHH promising to destroy Rated-RKO, with Orton saying DX kept their word. Last night though, Edge promised to end DX, which Orton says was like losing a battle to win a war. They spilled a lot of blood, but HHH tore his quadricep. Last night, they took out DX, like no one else could.

Edge talks about the people who tried and failed to take out DX (Edge:” Spirit Squad? Please.”) but they did it. Well half of it, because next week, they are facing Shawn Michaels in a handicap match. Next week, they pull the plug, and DX is finally dead. Cue Shawn to say this might be the end of DX because his best friend is undergoing surgery tomorrow. Shawn is going to be there, and then he’ll deal with Rated-RKO. Kind of a weak segment, but they had to throw everything out on a day’s notice.

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Cryme Tyme

Shad headlocks Cade to start but gets double teamed down as we hear about how Rosie wore a watch in their match. The beatdown is on until Shad powers his way over to the corner for the hot tag to JTG. That means house can be cleaned, including a dropkick into a backdrop into a missile dropkick. The turnbuckle pad gets pulled off somewhere in there and Shad sends Murdoch into the steel to give JTG the pin.

Rating: D+. Another not too great match here with Cryme Tyme establishing pretty much the same thing that they did last night. It can help to have them get another win, but at some point they need to have a match that actually matters. Not the worst match, but it felt like a way to fill five minutes.

This Week In WWE History: Raw debuts. That’s worth a mention.

More Rosie vs. Trump clips. We’ve suffered enough, though hearing the TNA chants again helps. JR: “A man covering Rosie! Imagine that!” Screw off with that Vince line straight into JR’s ear.

Rosie is crying so Ron Simmons comes up for the catchphrase. She cries more.

Jerry Lawler interviews Vladimir Kozlov, who thinks Rosie vs. Trump was funny. Oh and he can beat John Cena and Great Khali.

Eugene is excited for the main event but gets scared of Khali.

John Cena vs. Great Khali

Non-title and Armando Alejandro Estrada is on commentary. Cena circles around and gets in a right hand but is knocked outside in a hurry. Back in and Cena’s running forearm to the chest has no effect. Instead, Khali hits an elbow in the corner as Estrada grabs a chair. Cena takes said chair and blasts Khali for the fast DQ.

Post match, Khali chops Cena down without a problem. Khali leaves and here is Umaga to destroy Cena again to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Yeah this was pretty horrible, with the show being centered around one of the dumber ideas that the company has done in a good while. The main idea was just horrible and the rest of the show wasn’t much better, leaving the show as quite the mess. The only important thing set up was Umaga vs. Cena II, with the Royal Rumble not being mentioned. This was all about Rosie vs. Trump though, and that is all but a guaranteed way to waste a week.

 

 

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