The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground – S01E28
“Shoots and Ladders”
Last week: Marty the Moth shows up and somehow gets a job! Daivari tries to impress Dario and gets his ass kicked by Texano! Johnny Mundo snaps and throws Alberto El Patron through a damn window! And the Crew disappoints Dario and will have to apologize to his brother if they can’t get it done tonight!
Prince Puma v. MARTY THE MOTH MARTINEZ
Take a drink for Vampiro taking shots at Konnan before the first match even starts. So Marty’s deal is that he’s a grinning fanboy who is just happy to be there, and he tries for a selfie with the champ and then turns on him and lays him out with a clothesline. I like this guy already. Marty pounds away in the corner and adds a dropkick, doing his goofy moth poses while grinning like an idiot. Puma fires back with a disaster kick and dropkicks the neck, and Marty’s got a pretty big neck. Marty fights back with an elbow and a running knee for two. Naturally the Moth tries to fly, but he misses a moonsault and Puma gets the spinning kick and a Blue Thunder Bomb. Puma goes up with the 630 and that’s enough to squash the moth at 3:54. This was pretty fun. 1 for 1. Afterwards, Hernandez saunters down and Konnan tells him that “you make lambs look dangerous”, but Hernandez declines the invitation to engage in lucha before his title shot.
Meanwhile, Vampiro (ANNOUNCER/LEGEND according to the dramatic graphic) sits down with Johnny Mundo and wants to know about the whole window smashing deal. Johnny says he did it to make a statement, but Vampiro isn’t happy with that answer and presses further, wanting to know if Mundo is jealous of Alberto. Johnny is pretty sure Alberto is done (“I dunno, maybe he thought I was just some dude in catering he could slap around.” That was a pretty sick burn in 2015!).
Dario Cueto chats with the Crew in his office, calling the ladder match a “sacrifice”, and if they can’t do it, they’ll anger the gods, and more importantly, anger his unseen monster brother.
Delavar Daivari v. Texano
Trying this one again I guess. Daivari tries a weak attack at the bell, but Texano whoops him in the corner while Striker tells the story of Daivari getting everything handed to him by his family. Daivari takes him down with an armbar and goes to work on it, but Texano fights out of that and goes up. Missile dropkick misses and Daivari tries to go to the top, but Texano brings him down with a superplex and they slug it out. Texano wins that one and gets a Roughrider for two, but Daivari fires back with a rolling german and Texano reverses to a codebreaker for two. And then Big Ryck returns, runs in, and beats up Texano for the DQ at 3:56. So the idea is that Ryck only works for money and Daivari paid him off. They were having a pretty enjoyable match before the lame finish. 2 for 2. And then they beat down Texano and Ryck forces the ref to count while Daivari “pins” Texano while enjoying his drink. The crowd chants “Apple Juice” in a funny bit and then tells Ryck that he sold out, which Ryck agrees with.
Meanwhile, Katrina appears in Dario’s office, warning that Mil Muertes returns from the dead…NEXT WEEK. Dario is intrigued at the promotional possibilities there and books him against Fenix. I love that his mind immediately goes to how he can cash in on any situation.
Meanwhile, Black Lotus is finished her training with Dragon Azteca, and she’s ready to kill Dario Cueto’s brother. But then Chavo Guerrero dramatically bursts in and offers his help in protecting her in exchange for having his debt cleared by Dragon Azteca. I dunno that Chavo Guerrero is who I’d want in my corner if I was facing an ancient evil monster, if we’re being honest here.
Trios title, ladder match: Angelico, Son of Havoc & Ivelisse v. The Crew (Mr. Cisco, Cortez Castro & Bael)
The Crew charges up and attacks before they even make it off the balcony, while Ivelisse hobbles down the stairs in her cast. The men brawl in the ring, and then Bael just goes over and slugs Ivelisse down. Not only punching a woman, but punching a woman with a broken leg who doesn’t have her crutches, puts that one pretty far down on the cheap heat scale. You wanna kick a puppy dog while you’re at it? Havoc and Angelico trade dives with the Crew guys and Angelico gets a ladder in the ring and makes the first climb, but the heels triple-team him in the corner and then ram a ladder into his crotch. Havoc then has to fight off the Crew by himself, backdropping Cisco onto a ladder and then making the climb, but the Crew pulls him down and hit him with a double stomp/DDT combo. Cisco makes a climb and Angelico saves, but they toss him and Cisco runs him into Dario’s newly repaired plywood window covering. They put him on a table and Cisco climbs a ladder, but Angelico tips the ladder and dumps him into the office through the open window in an extremely clever spot. Angelico then climbs the ladder, uses it to climb onto the roof of the office again, and sets up another crazy dive. But then Castro comes up from behind like a movie villain and canes him to death. Meanwhile, Havoc tries a comeback, but Cisco dives out of Dario’s office window and that’s so awesome that the crowd cheers him for it! In the ring, Castro makes the climb and Havoc saves and climbs himself, and then decides to moonsault Bael instead and then beat on everyone with chairs. Bael gets put on a table for a shooting star press, but Cisco breaks that up, so Havoc tosses him through a table on the floor and then does his shooting star press. And that goes HORRIBLY wrong, as the table doesn’t break and he smashes his own head into the table. The crowd went silent at that one. Castro recovers and makes the climb, but then Angelico recovers, DIVES OFF THE ROOF again, and hits him with a missile dropkick this time to knock him off the ladder in one of the most insane spots I’ve ever seen. Cisco tries to climb now, but Ivelisse hobbles up the ladder after all this, bites his hand, and pulls a belt off to win at 13:32. This was an absolutely incredible spotfest and committed fully to being as crazy as possible with no apology. 3 for 3 and ****1/2 for the match. Just an awesome car wreck start to finish. Of course losing the match probably isn’t going to bode well for the Crew.
Another tremendous show as they head into the home stretch of the first season.