It’s the second episode of NXT Season 3 and we’re in Detroit, MI. Vickie Guerrero “The Billy Jean King of NXT” introduces Dolph Ziggler (with the I AM PERFECTION theme) who is her boyfriend and current IC Champion. Anyway, AJ Lee shoved Kaitlyn into Vickie last week to end last week so Vickie demands revenge.
Primo Colon & AJ Lee vs. Dolph Ziggler & Kaitlyn
Dolph takes one dropkick and immediately tags out. AJ Lee and Kaitlyn get some smooth exchanges while Cole brings up AJ’s history of homelessness and says she might end up back on the streets if she loses this match. He continues to mock AJ’s desire to donate to a homeless cat shelter as we’ve officially drove into the wall known as Heel Michael Cole. Season 2 was the perfect blend between cynicism and ribs, two episodes into Season 3 and I’m reaching for the mute button. Ziggler tags in and knocks Primo off the apron so he can have his way with AJ, so AJ slaps the shit out of him to a Monster Munch-sized pop. Colon tags in and is able to keep some offence until Ziggler realises it’s only Primo and pins him after a Zig Zag.
Winners: Dolph Ziggler & Kaitlyn (More angle than match but the crowd loved AJ slapping Ziggler.)
There’s various video packages on the Divas throughout the show but they’re all “I may be hot but that doesn’t mean I can’t kick ass” so I’m skipping them.
“The most important part of a Diva is her personality…so up next is the Joke Challenge!”
AJ Lee attempts a blonde joke but the crowd isn’t in the mood for this and boos her DURING the joke. Oof. Striker sarcastically (the only language he speaks) calls her “Don Rickles” which prompts much mocking from Cole & Mathews.
Aksana sees what’s happening and reads her joke in Lithuanian, then when the crowd quiets down and she reads it in English: “What’s the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? About forty-five pounds!”
Jamie tries crowd work with a Knock Knock Joke. “Who’s there? AJ. AJ who? EXACTLY!” Crowd likes that.
Naomi shuts the crowd up with “What do you call a dog with no legs? It don’t matter, it ain’t coming to you!” Cole says he hopes Naomi wins every competition so the show ends earlier.
Maxine’s joke is “AJ Lee” and them’s fighting words. Then Kaitlyn tries another Knock Knock Joke with AJ’s help but she can’t even get the punch-line out as AJ slaps her as the commentators reach for the Advil.
Jamie wins but Cole bangs a gong because what this show needs is more Heel Cole. He rants about how bad everything is and bangs the gong until we break for commercials.
Jamie vs. Aksana
Mathews talks about how Jamie loves homeless animals. Cole laments that they switched Jamie for Chimel. Starts off as basic as humanly possible so they can’t mess anything up. It’s all lock-ups and shoves and nothing happens until Aksana misses a charge into the corner and gets rolled-up.
Winner: Jamie (I think describing this as a match is against the Trade Description Act.)
Night Of Champions 2010 is this Sunday. Scott Keith said “A totally forgettable, throwaway show, with a couple of good matches and a whole bunch of bad ones. Recommendation to avoid.”
Vickie tells Ziggler to not celebrate too hard with Kaitlyn or else she’ll lose all of THIS and shakes her money-maker. No, not her surname. Vickie then shows up again and decides she’s doing the Obstacle Challenge first to show everyone how it’s done. She drags out her warm-up like Zybysko in 1991 and it works because the crowd go from booing because they’re bored to booing because they hate. She’s actually decent until she Flair Flops and cries her way backstage for the DQ.
Nothing to report until sure-fire winner Naomi somehow messes up repeatedly leaving Kaitlyn to win. Putting my tin-foil hat on, I reckon they politely asked her to take a dive so someone else could win.
Kaitlyn celebrates and then Cole declares he’s done with the show and he won’t be returning next week to end things on a high note.
Overall: I’m all for mocking bad wrestling but when the commentators are spending the entire show looking for excuses to crap on everything then the milk turns sour quickly. Especially on the show where you’re supposed to root for somebody, which is impossible when Cole & Matthews won’t shut the fuck up for a single second.
A must-avoid unless you want to watch something worse than WWF Mania. CM Punk is replacing Cole next week so that’ll be something.
I’ve been Maffew.