Thursday PRIME TIME Thread: May 26, 2021

“Good evening, fans.  I’m Gorilla Monsoon alongside Bobby ‘the Brain’ Heenan…”

“And welcome to Monday Night Raw!”

“What are you talking about?  It’s Thursday!”

“Just getting in practice!  The way they go through announcers on that show it’ll be our turn before you know it.”

“You’re a piece of work, you know that?  Folks, we’re getting ready for a huge Memorial Day weekend of wrestling, and it starts tonight with Impact!  One of the best wrestlers ever from the Land of the Rising Sun, Satoshi Kojima, will be in the building!  What do you think will happen, Brain?”

“…I think he’s gonna make a lot of bread for a one-off appearance!  Oh, and they’ll pay him, too.  It’s Impact — they overpay everyone!”

“In addition, we’ll be hearing from the wildcard, Sami Callihan, as he wants to get his hands on that outsider, Kenny Omega, and get the title back on an Impact roster member.”

“Well, he’s gonna have to wait in line.  Moose gets first chance — but this is Kenny Omega we’re talking about.  He’s the smartest man in wrestling since me.  He’s put the master plan together, and he won’t lose to some lunkhead.”

“Speaking of Omega and the title, Brain… you know what’s coming Sunday.”

“Yeah — a couple of weirdos are looking to win the AEW Title.”

“It could be PAC or Orange Cassidy standing tall when it’s all over.”

“Orange Cassidy?  Standing!?  He won’t expend that much energy!  You’ll see tomorrow.”

“Thanks for the reminder, Brain — tomorrow it’s a wrestling doubleheader!  You begin with SmackDown, and you follow up with Dynamite — two of the hottest shows going nowadays.”

“It’s like a preview for Fridays in the future — all the humanoids hunched down in their parents’ basement, chewing on leftover ramen noodles, and watching so much wrestling their little heads can’t take it.”

“All that and much more this weekend, but right now, let’s go to our feature bout!  An American making big waves in Europe, Alexander James, steps into the ring to face rising star Matt Makowski.  Let’s go to the ring.”

(Bring the insanity.)