The SmarK Rant for WWF Wrestling Challenge – 12.06.86
Hey, finally more new episodes to review! How I’ve missed those melodious saxophones!
Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan
BUT FIRST! Let us take you to England, where the controversial suspension of Andre the Giant has been suspended! Andre is very happy to not be suspended now, and the interviewer is very British, but Andre has been watching the WWF even in London.
Tito Santana, Pedro Morales & Hillbilly Jim v. Iron Mike Sharpe, Brian Costello & Barry O
Poor Barry gets triple teamed in the babyface corner and Pedro gets a suplex, but Barry goes to the eyes and it’s over to Iron Mike for some punishment in the heel corner. But then Costello comes in and Tito backdrops him and runs him into Jim’s boot. Bearhug from the Hillbilly finishes at 2:04. A fine squash. 1 for 1.
Wrestler’s Rebuttal, with Harley Race, as Bobby Heenan is bitching that Race isn’t on the cover of WWF Magazine.
Honky Tonk Man is also salty, as he went to Jack Tunney’s office and counted all the votes, multiple times, and he still lost! Maybe he should have hired the Cyber Ninjas. Regardless, he spent a lot of time kissing babies with puke all over their mouths, and he’s still got some moves to make, including a BIG SURPRISE that he’ll reveal next week. And there’s no more kissing babies, and in fact from now on he’s only going to be SLAPPING babies! How can you not love this man?
Kamala v. Jack Foley
Poor Jack Foley only weighs 147 pounds at this point, according to the ring announcer. He should gain some weight, he might be able to take better bumps. Kamala splashes him immediately and then goes up to the top with another flying splash, like coming off the top of a hypothetical giant cage and landing on a table, and that puts Foley away at 0:38. So, even though he was announced as “Jack Foley”, Gorilla spent the entire match calling him “Kurt Hoffman”, which is another layer of dirt shoveled onto the young career of Foley. 1 for 2.
Meanwhile, Killer Ken Resnick asks Bobby Heenan the question we’ve actually been wondering about: How much money DID he pay for Hercules? The answer: It’s none of our damn business because he doesn’t ask the fans how much like they make pushing a shovel of dirt in the street.
Meanwhile, Scheme Gene sits down with Bonnie Steamboat about how difficult things are for Ricky at the moment. Sadly, he might never compete again. What kind of a monster would make her sit down for an interview like this just weeks after her husband’s larynx was smashed by a ringbell? Gene Okerlund is worse than 18 Hitlers.
Magnificent Muraco & Bob Orton v. Mario Mancini & Max Blue
They quickly beat on Mancini in the corner and then Muraco throws Mancini to the corner and powerslams Blue into the ring. Orton gets a delayed suplex and Muraco finishes the geek with a tombstone piledriver at 1:41. Apparently no one survives that style of piledriver according to Gorilla. Oh man, they’re gonna have to call some kind of professional who specializes in preparing dead bodies for burial! 1 for 3.
Billy Jack Haynes joins Killer Ken, putting out a CRAZY conspiracy theory about Danny Davis costing him the Intercontinental title against Randy Savage. Crazy Billy Jack and his conspiracies, what a nut.
Blackjack Mulligan is sitting on a wagon somewhere, so I guess we should be worried? Apparently we’re going to get run over by it, despite the lack of horse to pull it. I’m not so sure about his math on that one.
The Hart Foundation v. Sal Bellomo & Bob Boyer
Bob Boyer literally looks older than Joe Biden. I think he was on the undercard of Gotch-Hackenschmidt. So we get an inset promo from the British Bulldogs, as they promise that Matilda is their secret weapon. Maybe they should pay off a referee as well, that seemed to work well for the Harts. Not so much for Bret a decade later, of course. Hart Attack finishes Boyer at 1:20. 1 for 4.
Koko B. Ware v. Rick Renslow
So now they’re just omitting Koko’s entrance completely in order to avoid troubles with the music rights. Probably wise. Koko gets a hiptoss and slugs on Renslow in the corner, then backdrops him into a dropkick and goes up with the missile dropkick and Ghostbuster to finish at 1:25. 1 for 5.
Danny Davis chats with Scheme Gene, as Gene questions why Davis felt the need to stick his nose into the Savage-Steamboat match. And could he even be RESPONSIBLE for what happened to Steamboat? Davis: “Nah”.
The British Bulldogs & Billy Jerk Haynes v. The Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff & Butch Reed
Davey trades some holds with the Sheik to start and gets the delayed suplex, and Kid comes in with a sunset flip on Volkoff but can’t hold him down. So Haynes comes in and trades hiptosses with Reed, but Davey comes in and gets backdropped. Haynes goes for the full nelson and the heels all run in to break it up, but Slick hits Billy Jack with the cane in the chaos and Reed gets the pin at 3:38. This was a lot of nothing that led nowhere. 1 for 6.
Slick and his team join Killer Ken, and Sheik is tired of all the jealousy from the people saying “USA USA”. Also what’s up with the English Bulldogs?
Next week: Randy Savage! The US Express! Roddy Piper! Adrian Adonis returns, which is weird because no one even knew he was gone!
Good to be back.