Thursday PRIME TIME Thread: May 20, 2021

“Good evening, folks, and what an big day of news in the wrestling world.  As it stands right now, no one owns New Japan’s top prize as Will Ospreay is no longer the champion.”

“I think I know what happened, Gorilla.”

“He had a severe neck injury; it’s pretty straightforward.”

“No, what really happened; Mr. Fuji stole it as a prank!”

“Highly unlikely.  We are still waiting to hear from New Japan as to their strategy going forward, especially since it appears a few doors may only be swinging one way right now.”

“Speaking of swinging, what’s Kenny Omega up to?”

“Well, I’m certain he’ll have something to say tonight on Impact, as he now knows he will have to defend the title against the mighty Moose down the line.  Good news for him is it’ll be one on one — when it comes to Omega, he seems to think two’s company and three’s a crowd.”

“Why is he even trying to remove Orange Cassidy anyway?  Why not start the match early?  It takes Orange like 20 minutes just to get into the ring.”

“It’s not that long, Brain.”

“Seriously, the Iron Sheik will make it to the ring before he does!”

“Always gotta pat yourself on the back, don’t you?  While we don’t know if Kenny will be doing more than just shouting down his next challenger, we do know that the Impact Men’s Tag Team Titles are on the line tonight.  Ace Austin and Madman Fulton won their shot on Saturday, and now they get David Finlay IV and Juice Robinson for the gold.”

“Good thing it’s not a lumberjack match, eh, Monsoon?  The only zombie for this title match is the promotion!”

“The former TNA does seem incredibly hard to kill, as their own Pay-Per-View says.”

“Last time I saw that many people who were the walking dead, it was an AWA show in a pink room!”

“Do we really have to talk about that match, Brain?”

“Why not?  One of the guys ate Miz’s knee ligaments!”

“That’s not quite how it happened, but the Miz will be on the shelf for some time, and we wish him a speedy recovery.”

“So many people incoherently mumbling and walking around, you’d think it was Ahmed Johnson’s family reunion.”

“Are you done?”

“For now.”

“Good.  Folks, it’s time to go to our feature bout for the evening, as Nick Gage steps into the ring in Chicago to take on Matthew Justice.  You can throw the rulebook out the window when the King of Murder Death Kill gets in that ring.”

“Wait!  I got another one!  A priest, a shaman, and a movie star walk into an apocalypse…”

(Bring the insanity.)