Monday Night Raw
Date: December 4, 2006
Location: North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
We’re officially on the way to New Year’s Revolution, which should be its usual riveting self. Odds are we’ll be seeing John Cena vs. Umaga for the title at that show, but first Cena is heading over the Smackdown to guest star in the Armageddon main event. Throw in Ric Flair being attacked (again) and DX has another reason to want to fight Rated-RKO. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of DX getting rid of the Spirit Squad last week with the help of Rick Flair, followed by Rated-RKO destroying Flair later in the night.
Here is John Cena to get things going. Cena talks about how sometimes you are not going to be the biggest or the strongest, but last week he marched to the ring to accept a challenge from an undefeated monster. Last week Umaga said something to him (with Cena mocking what he calls gibberish), which Cena thinks was Umaga promising to stand there and stare while letting his manager do everything else.
Cena has a message for Armando Alejandro Estrada: he’s ready to fight right now, and if Umaga isn’t, he’s full of Samoan….and here’s Melina to interrupt. Cena: “Umaga, you look very, very different.” Melina says she isn’t feeling very good tonight but she wanted to remind Cena of his match with Kevin Federline on January 1. Federline is being trained by Johnny Nitro and is Melina’s friend. Cena: “Boys and girls, that is the reason right there you have to practice safe sex.” Cena laughs at the idea of Nitro telling Federline to be a man and wonders if Melina is responsible for Brittney Spears being….well what she is right now.
Melina slaps him so Cena loads up the FU but Chris Masters runs in for the save. Cue Coach to say he sent Masters out here to teach Cena a lesson. Cena: “HE DID SUCH A GREAT JOB!” Coach says we’ll save Cena vs. Umaga for New Year’s Revolution because tonight, Cena is taking the Masterlock Challenge. If Masters wins tonight, he gets……and Cena cuts him off, mocking the boring plan for Masters getting a shot next week. That’s cool with Coach, so let’s have the Masterlock Challenge for the title TONIGHT.
The former Spirit Squad’s Kenny, in regular clothes, comes in to see Rated-RKO. He says the Spirit Squad is dead so he wants to be on their side against DX. Kenny points out that they have security waiting down the hall, but Edge asks why Kenny thinks they’re in their league. Unlike the Spirit Squad, who was put in a crate and shipped off last week, they’ve actually beaten DX.
Lilian Garcia announces that Roddy Piper has undergone surgery for Hodgkin’s lymphoma but he promises to be back fighting soon.
Highlanders vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch
The Highlanders are in Piper shirts. Rory ducks a double clothesline to start and it’s a flapjack to Murdoch. Cade gets sent into Murdoch to knock him outside and the Highlanders clear the ring in a hurry. A cheap shot from behind lets Murdoch nail a big boot to put Rory down, leaving Cade to rip open the Piper shirt. Rory gets slapped in the face but Murdoch dives into the raised boot. It’s off to Robbie as everything breaks down until Robbie grabs an O’Connor roll to pin Cade.
Rating: D+. Another short match here, though I was getting worried that they would have the Highlanders lose in their Piper tribute match. Thankfully WWE actually thought it through for a change here and that is a bit of a relief. Neither team is going anywhere at the moment and the Highlanders aren’t going to be a challenge to Rated-RKO but at least they had a one off win here.
Video on Kevin Federline vs. John Cena, which is still certainly a thing.
Victoria vs. Maria
Victoria has a hit list, containing Candice Michelle (check), Maria, Torrie Wilson and Mickie James. Victoria kicks her down to start and finishes with the fireman’s carry spun into the side slam for the pin in less than a minute.
Post match Victoria checks Maria off the list and goes after her again. Cue Mickie James for the save but Victoria kicks her in the head and hits the Widow’s Peak to leave her laying.
Earlier today, Cryme Tyme went to a retirement community and sang a holiday medley (Reggie the Red-Faced Crackhead, their version of Silent Night (pimps are mentioned) and Give Us Gold (to the tune of Let It Snow)). Then they try to steal a woman named Mrs. Johnson, but the guy in charge (as played by Kerwin Silfies) says not so fast. Johnson threatens to bust a cap in him.
Jim Duggan and Super Crazy thought that was funny but Shelton Benjamin isn’t impressed. Shelton doesn’t like the reinforcement of stereotypes and that set back race relations 20 years. Super Crazy’s lack of a grasp of English sets up a match next. Shelton says that Crazy can go back to selling fruit after he loses, so Crazy swears at him.
Shelton Benjamin vs. Super Crazy
Before the match, Shelton complains about the racial stereotypes again and promises to send Crazy back to Mexico with a Spanish to English dictionary. Crazy snaps off a headscissors to start but Shelton kicks him in the face. Back up and Crazy avoids the Stinger Splash but misses the moonsault (Locomotion according to JR for a great line). Shelton grabs the exploder for the pin.
Post match here’s Charlie Haas to celebrate with Shelton, who looks rather confused.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Chris Masters
Cena is defending but it’s a Masterlock Challenge instead of a title match. They take their time getting started and Masters gets the hold on so the flailing can begin. Then Cena accidentally crushes the referee in the corner and reverses into one of his own to make Masters tap. Did he even need to tap?
Post challenge, here is Umaga for the brawl and they fight outside and then back inside until security finally keeps them apart. Hot brawl here.
Post break, here’s what you saw pre break.
Viscera hits on Torrie Wilson, who says she should drop Carlito for him. Carlito cuts off the offer of oils and spits the apple in his face, drawing in Ron Simmons for the catchphrase.
DX insists that Ric Flair will be back because what Rated-RKO did last week was unacceptable. They knew what Flair meant to DX because Flair is their personal friend. Rated-RKO took Flair out because they can’t take DX out, so now it is time for them to suffer worse than Flair ever did. HHH didn’t say anything here. It’s a good angle, but I’m trying hard to make myself care about Flair being attacked again.
This Week In Wrestling History: Chris Jericho beats the Rock and Steve Austin in one night to become Undisputed Champion. Oddly enough, not on Peacock.
Carlito vs. Viscera
Torrie is here too as Viscera shoves Carlito down to start. Viscera hammers away to start and adds a running clothesline to break up a springboard. Back up and another springboard is swatted out of the air, only to have Viscera miss a legdrop. Carlito gets knocked down again so Viscera loads up the Visagra. Torrie grabs his lead and, while trying to hold back her broken up, crawls into the corner. That’s enough of a distraction for Carlito to hit a missile dropkick (or close enough as the camera cuts can’t hide how little of it connects), followed by a Lionsault (with the leg barely grazing Viscera’s face) for the pin.
Rating: F. The problem with Viscera continues to be that there is so little that can be done with him. Carlito isn’t the one you pick to put in there with him to make something work either, and the match was pretty much a disaster as a result. It doesn’t help that it was designed to move Carlito and Torrie forward, which shouldn’t need that much effort in the first place.
Post match Torrie kisses Carlito and stays close to him due to the clothes issue (which Lawler LOVES).
Kane is still in See No Evil.
Armando Alejandro Estrada tells Cena that he (Cena) and Umaga can’t touch each other for the rest of the year. Cena grabs him by the neck as Coach comes in and says Alejandro has been talking about how he runs Raw and Coach is nothing. That is too much for Coach (even if Estrada didn’t say any of it) so he makes Cena vs. Estrada next week.
Val Venis is here with the Kiss Cam and brings two girls into the ring for the final kiss of the night. Their first kiss is a peck so the fans boo, followed by a more well received version. Cue Eugene to say he wants a kiss, though he gets a bit too aggressive in his attempts. Val gets taken down for trying to break it up, with Eugene shouting I’M SPECIAL over and over.
DX/Hardys vs. Rated-RKO/MNM
It’s a brawl to start with the villains being sent outside so HHH sends Orton onto the announcers’ table a few times. Back in and HHH chokes Orton in the corner, setting up the tag to Shawn for the chops. HHH comes back in for the right hands, including a big one to the legal Nitro. It’s off to Matt to hammer away on Nitro, followed by Jeff coming in with a top rope ax handle. Nitro gets knocked down in the corner as the fans are all over Edge.
Back from a break with Orton coming in to hammer on Jeff, followed by MNM catapulting him throat first into the rope. Nitro’s breakdancing legdrop lets Edge come in for the chinlock, setting up Orton’s knee drop for two. Jeff fights up and, despite slipping, hits the Whisper in the Wind to take out MNM. Everything breaks down and it’s a triple dive from Shawn and the Hardys. The spinebuster hits Orton but here is Kenny with a chair to Shawn’s head. HHH takes Kenny into the crowd, leaving Edge to spear Matt for the pin.
Rating: C+. They flew through this but it did what it was supposed to do by getting everyone in there at once. Kenny at least did something, though he does not exactly scream being the next big thing. It was a fine way out of something like though, as DX isn’t going to do a job in a fairly meaningless eight man tag.
Post match Kenny gets superkicked into the Pedigree to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. The main event helped a bit but another Ric Flair Is Broken story and some rather awful/worthless matches in the middle of the show hurt it a lot. Cena vs. Umaga has a lot of potential though and that should be enough to carry us through the next pay per view. We are already at the point where you can guess the pay per card, but there are enough issues to possible result in one final shakeup.
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