The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT – 10.03.12

The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT – 10.03.12

Oh my god this episode sounds DIRE.  Listen to this teaser on the Network site:

“With his status as Number One Contender earning him a shot at the NXT Championship, Michael McGillicutty takes to the ring to call out the current champion, Seth Rollins. Plus, Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel team up to take on The Ascension in the main event, the rivalry between Kassius Ohno and Richie Steamboat continues, and more!”

Oh wow, Michael McGillicutty calls out Seth Rollins?  SOUNDS THRILLING.  Hopefully we get a contract signing and someone puts the locker room on notice!  Well, I suppose “and more!” could be something awesome.  Whatever, let’s do it.

Taped from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are Byron Saxton & William Regal

Meanwhile, Kassius Ohno shows up at the building and interviewer Wish Ziggler gets blown off by him, at which point Richie Steamboat and his man-bun storm in and lay out Ohno. He should probably slap Nemeth for good measure.

Drew McIntyre v. Richie Steamboat

Oh man Drew’s old music was so awesome.  Granted his current stuff is very suitable to his character but I really miss the original.  Drew had fractured his wrist in the NXT title tournament, so he has a cast here on his arm.  Byron:  “He’s cleared to wrestle with the cast as long as he doesn’t use it as a weapon.”  And then Regal gives him a WITHERING response with “Why in blazes would he do that?  He’s a Scottish gentleman!”  Steamboat pounds away in the corner to start and puts Drew down with a chop, but he tries to up-and-over in the corner and Drew boots him out of the air and takes over.  Snap suplex gets two.  Drew goes to a hold on the mat while Regal puts over the European work ethic in the ring and then concedes that neither himself nor Drew would consider themselves European.  Regal is delightful.  Drew with a gorilla slam while Regal educates us on the great Pat Roach, who also appeared in all three Indiana Jones movies apparently.  Drew tries another slam, but Steamboat slips out and comes back with the Developmental Babyface Clotheslines, at which point Ohno runs in for the distraction and Drew hits him with the cast and finishes with the Future Shock DDT at 4:25.  Well I guess he’s not a Scottish gentleman after all.  Well we’ve all learned something today.  1 for 1.

DID YOU KNOW?  WWE’s network of Facebook pages adds 75,000 users every day!  I did not know that.

Big E Langston v. Aiden English

English continues to be the guy In The Ring To My Right at this point, but his day would come.  Sort of.  The crowd is already way into the five count gimmick and chants about it.  Big E immediately throws Aiden around with a slam and follows with a running knee to the head, and then pulls down the straps and ends it with the Big Ending and a FIVE COUNT at 1:12.  And then the crowd wants ONE MORE TIME, so he obliges and takes another five count on top of it.  Awesome squash as the crowd is way into young Big E.  2 for 2.  Oh wait, he wants ONE MORE TIME, and even Regal feels bad for Aiden English as he takes a third Big Ending and a third five count, for a total of a fifteen count.  And then Regal makes the same joke as me.  Regal:  “Does anyone have Aiden’s mother’s number?  Does he have any possessions we can divide up and sell on eBay I wonder?”

Meanwhile, Steamboat is looking for Ohno and won’t take “Oh? No.” for an answer.

Next week:  CM Punk is on NXT.

Michael McGillicutty joins us for our previously advertised callout of Seth Rollins.  Seth is TIRED of the talk and (get this!) he wants to do it RIGHT NOW, but Michael is (are you ready for bombshell?) gonna wait until he’s ready, which is next week.  Lived up to the hype and LESS!  I’m disappointed we didn’t get a contract signing, though.  Brother Bruce must have been off working for TNA at this point.  2 for 3.

Meanwhile, AliExpress Ziggler interviews Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel earlier in the empty arena in advance of their tag team match with the Ascension tonight, but the Ascension are WATCHING from the balcony like the spooky trees in Super Mario Galaxy 2.

Percy Watson v. Kassius Ohno

And now Richie Steamboat attacks Ohno during his entrance and beats on him, finally showing some real fire for once, and Ohno is pretty flustered after Steamboat is hauled off.  “What a bloody KERFLUFFLE this is!” notes Regal.  I think he’s my real dad.  Watson attacks right away and slams Ohno, then stomps the midsection a few times and drops a leg for two.  Ohno goes behind and appears to fish-hook him to take over, then puts the boots to Percy in the corner.  Percy comes back with an atomic drop and dropkick, and the SHOWTIME SPLASH gets two.  Close call for Ohno there.  However, Percy failed to yell SHOWTIME before hitting the move, which we all know reduces the effectiveness of the move by 90% according to leading scienticians in the wrestling industry.  Ohno recovers, and hits him with the OBE elbow (One Behind the Ear) to get the pin at 3:19.  Did this get a point?  Oh…no.  2 for 4.

The Ascension v. Justin Gabriel & Tyson Kidd

I assume this means we’re done with the endless Usos feud?  Regal has the BLOODY COLLYWOBBLES from the Ascension’s entrance.  Man that sounds unpleasant.  Or maybe it’s one of those weird English breakfast slang terms, who even knows.  Gabriel flips around Cameron to start and tries for a german suplex, but Kenneth grabs the top rope to block and returns fire.  And we take a break and return with Gabriel getting worked over in the corner, as Conor O’Brien beats on him.  Tyson Kidd gets the tag and runs wild on Conor with kicks, and a springboard dropkick gets two.  Conor yanks him out to the floor and slams him out there to take over.  So the Ascension cuts off the ring and Kenneth Cameron (who, by the way, is current NWA Powerrr regular, and boyfriend of Kamille, Thomas Latimer) holds a chinlock on the mat.  Cameron elbows him down for two and they work Kidd over in the corner as this early version of the Ascension is REALLY dull.  Kidd finally makes the comeback and rolls into the hot tag to Gabriel, as he kicks Cameron down and goes up for the 450, but there’s no water in the pool and the Fall of Man finishes at 10:48.  Cameron getting fired and replaced with Rick Victor actually improved the team a whole bunch.  This was just a match.  2 for 5.

Oddly enough the “and more!” portion of the show was easily the best part, with the first few segments being a lot of fun before it went into the crapper from there.   Nothing like Showtime Percy Watson to kill a perfectly good show.