The SmarK Rant for WWF Wrestling Challenge – 11.29.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Wrestling Challenge – 11.29.86

And so we come to an end of the original 13 episodes on the WWE Network, and who knows if and when more will follow.  I’d assume they will though.

THE RECOGNIZED SYMBOL OF EXCELLENCE IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT

Taped from Rockford, IL.  Oh sure we finally get to a new taping cycle and we’re out of episodes.

Your hosts are Gorilla & Bobby

Slick announces that his arm is BROKEN thanks to Matilda, who attacked him in Tacoma, and now he REALLY hates dogs even moreso than he did before.

Junkyard Dog & George Steele v. Dave Wagner & The Raider

Seriously, what was the endgame for this horrible tag team supposed to be?  Steele and JYD have been on these shows a few times and I can’t recall them ever facing anyone on the house show circuit and they never hype any opponents for them.  Steele tries to steal the Raider’s mask, so it’s over to Wagner, and Steele eats the turnbuckle before Dog finishes Wagner with the Thump at 1:44.  This must have been early on because the crowd was JACKED for it.  0 for 1.  And yeah, I looked it up and they literally never even teamed up again after this taping!

Meanwhile, Jesse Ventura meets up with the Honky Tonk Man to announce the results of the VOTE OF CONFIDENCE from the fans, as apparently 674,000 votes were cast and only 71,000 people liked the Honky Tonk Man, whereas the rest said “take a walk back to Podunk, TN”.  I thought he was from Memphis?

Randy Savage v. Ricky Steamboat

We are joined in progress on Superstars, as Savage drops a knee on Ricky and goes up with the double axehandle for two.  Dragon rolls through a bodypress attempt and gets two, but misses a blind charge in the corner and runs into Macho’s knee.  But he comes back and comes up with the flying chop and a sunset flip, but Savage punches out of it.  He tosses Steamboat out and Ricky skins the cat back in and rolls him up for two, but Macho puts him down again with an elbow and the ref is bumped as a result.  Steamboat goes up with the flying bodypress for two, but DANNY DAVIS comes out and stops the count, which is a detail I completely forgot about!  So Macho lays out Steamboat from behind while the refs argue, and takes him to the floor to drop him on the railing throat-first.  And then we get an all-timer as he drapes Ricky’s throat on the railing and drops the axehandle on him, with Steamboat selling for the cheap seats before getting counted out at 4:15 aired.  So Savage throws him back in, and Steamboat is still clutching his throat, and Macho GRABS THE BELL and comes of the top rope with it, smashing Dragon’s larnyx larynx, and finally Hebner grows a set and stops Macho from doing it again while doctors attend to the Dragon.  And then in another amazing moment, they’re trying to load Steamboat onto the stretcher and he flails off it and won’t stay down because he’s FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE.  THIS. WAS. AWESOME.  They’re not topping it, shut down the show now.  I’m giving it an extra point!  2 for 2.

Koko B. Ware joins Killer Ken, announcing that Frankie has a girlfriend parrot now named Lucille, who Koko suspects might actually be Frankie’s sister.  Dammit, where is Peacock to cut out this blatant bird incest reference?  The Peacock probably has the hots for Frankie.

Superstar Billy Graham is still hanging out in the desert, probably fucked up on LSD and peyote if we’re being honest, and he’s got giant spiders crawling on his arms, which is somehow preparing him for King Kong Bundy.  Cool story bro.

The Dream Team & Dino Bravo v. The Islanders & Sivi Afi

Thankfully this is before Afi’s legendarily stupid decision to tattoo his face for promises of a push that never came.  Bravo gets double-teamed by the Islanders to start, and Hammer slugs it out with Haku before dodging a charge and taking over with chops.  Brutus comes in and gets an atomic drop for two, but Tama reverses a suplex and it’s BONZO GONZO.  So everyone slugs it out in the corners and Bravo hits Afi with a back suplex in the chaos and pins him at 3:42.  Dude, you got pinned with a SUPLEX by DINO BRAVO.  You weren’t ever getting a push.  2 for 3.

The Wizard joins Killer Ken, as apparently Kamala and Sika are in search of Hulk Hogan and Hillbilly Jim, and they might even chase after the British Bulldogs because dog is a delicacy where they come from and Kamala eats half a dozen puppies every Sunday.  I think he’s exaggerating.  Three or four I could buy, but SIX?  That’s just silly.

Meanwhile, Blackjack Mulligan is riding in from his ranch, the rare case where someone gets repackaged WITHOUT a mask.

Kamala v. Moondog Spot

Speaking of repackages, Spot’s partner Rex is due to be repackaged any day now, too.  Spot tries to attack and beats on Kamala with the bone, then slugs away in the corner, but walks into a superkick and gets chopped down.  Spot showing some FIRE here!  Kamala puts him down with a big boot and goes up with AIR UGANDA to finish at 1:20.  Well Spot gave it the old college try.  3 for 4.

The Snake Pit with special guest Hillbily Jim.  Apparently Jake is “hurtling through like Halley’s Comet, taking what I want and destroying the rest”.  The hell does that have to do with Halley’s Comet?  Anyway, Jake disparages Kentucky by noting that “its for people who can’t afford Florida or California”.  And Jim threatens to make a pair of boots out of the snake.  THESE SEGMENTS SUCK.  3 for 5.

The Rougeau Brothers v. Jimmy Jack Funk & Gino Carabello

Raymond uses his martial arts on Jimmy Jack, so Carabello comes in to give it a shot instead and the jobbers double-team Raymond.  Jacques comes in with double knees on Carabello and they double-team him with a double dropkick before finishing with the Rougeau Bomb at 2:25.  3 for 6.

Meanwhile, Mean Gene speaks with chief physician for the WWF, Bob Potovich, who informs us that Ricky has received huge damage to his vocal cords.  Gene:  “OK, in layman’s terms, doctor, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?”

Meanwhile, Outback Jack is WALKING.

Hercules v. Jack Foley

Hailing from Bloomington, IN, no less!  Hercules has an amazing gold chestpiece like a gladiator which sadly didn’t make it past this match as far as I know.  Would have been career-changing for him.  He beats on this Foley jerk and slams him a few times while the announcers bury the kid and call him a loser, and Hercules puts him down with a clothesline and finishes with the torture rack at 1:25.  He just broke him in half like a cactus.  Is that a thing people say?  I’m going with yes.  3 for 7.

SD Jones gets promo time with Killer Ken to close out the show and puts over his team with Paul Roma, as they’ll hopefully be getting a title shot at the Bulldogs soon.  And then George Steele does a run-in on the interview and pulls SD’s face into the camera so he can say “Hi”.  Ken rolls with it and asks George about the camera, so George shoves HIS face into it as well and how can everyone not immediately crack up and completely lose it?  This had to be a rib that they left in.  So I’m giving it a point.  4 for 8.

Next week:  The Hart Foundation!  Kamala!  Koko B Ware!  The Bulldogs & Billy Jerk v. Butch Reed, Sheik & Volkoff!

Well I hope they add more so we can continue into 1987.