Thursday PRIME TIME Thread: April 15, 2021

“Good evening, folks, and welcome to… Brain?  What are you doing under the desk?”

“Hiding, what does it look like?  I switched phones with JTG just to be safe!”

“Will you get up?  I’m not taking you out of here if you do your job!”

“That’s what they said to that big guy Joe a minute ago, and look where he is!”

“Folks, times have been a little tense around the Prime Time office, but I’m pleased to announce that we here have been given the vote of confidence to remain on the Blog of Doom!”

“…really?  We’re safe?”

“Why wouldn’t we be?  The boss just got a huge cash influx.”

“From FLORIDA!  He probably got 500 Monopoly bills and an NFT of Cody Rhodes’ tattoo!”

“Don’t question it, Brain, or you can take a pay cut.  Folks, the road to Impact’s Rebellion event is heating up, and tonight we have a big match as TJP takes on the Walking Weapon, Josh Alexander.  Brain, we saw them in tag team competition at Hardcore Justice.  Who do you think has the edge?”

“Well, I’m going with the guy who wears the weapon on his head.”

“That’s a wrestling helmet!  That doesn’t hurt!”

“Tell that to Rick Steiner!  He’s been wearing one for 30 years and it’s clearly pinching the blood from his brain!”

“Whatever!  In addition, we will be saying goodbye to Jazz as she hangs up her boots for the last time.  Always tough when someone has to call it a career, Brain.”

“Big deal — I’ve seen this before.  She’ll come back as something like the Micro Machine and wear a mask.”

“Just because that happened to YOU doesn’t mean it’s going to happen here.”

“You think she’s retiring for real?  In THIS sport?”

“It’s possible.  Also, folks, if you’re in New England, Limitless Wrestling is putting on a big show tomorrow night live on IWTV.  In the main event, the Independent Heavyweight Champion, Lee Moriarty, goes one-on-one in a submission match against Daniel Garcia.”

“Hey, don’t forget, though — it’s non-title.  But for Garcia, this is as big a deal as getting beaten to a pulp on AEW Dark.  How many people can say they made a champion tap out?”

“I sure can’t.”

“Well, besides me.”

“You?”

“Hey — I had him give up during instructions once!”

“Are you ever a fountain of misinformation.  Folks, it’s time for our feature bout, and this one comes to us from overseas in Ireland as WWE’s Keith Lee takes on the Japanese sensation Minoru Suzuki!”

“What’s with his hair?  It looks like he tried to eat a weed whacker.”

“I’m gonna tell him you said that.”

“Don’t do that; we have a business deal.”

(Bring the insanity.)